by Devney Perry
They’d meet for meals or movies. They’d gone away for a couple of weekends together. Shannon had been complaining because she was too big to fit behind the wheel of her car comfortably, so Isaiah had started driving her places when I couldn’t. I’d thought it was nice of him, but it was just another one of their lies.
“He took her to dinner the night of the crash. Had too much to drink and still got behind the wheel. He wasn’t paying attention and ran a stop sign. They got T-boned by a one-ton truck. There was hardly anything left of her side of the car.”
The person who’d hit them hadn’t been injured either. But the incredible force of the collision had sent her compact car through the intersection and partway down the next block.
“Kaine,” Piper whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“He should have fucking protected them.” My hands fisted and I stood from the chair. “They were mine, and he should have taken more care. He should have told me from the beginning. And he should have just made her drive.”
Putting the blame on Shannon was impossible since she’d lost her life. Isaiah got the blame since he was the one to walk away.
It was his fault I’d lost my daughter.
And it was mine too. I’d been so consumed with work that I’d missed the signs. I’d worn rose-colored glasses where Isaiah was concerned.
His whole life he’d been reckless, and I’d been there to clean up his messes.
When he was eight, he spent an hour tossing a football against a window, sure it wouldn’t break. When it shattered, I boarded it up before Mom got home and told her it was just an accident.
When he was fourteen and got in a fight with one of the neighborhood kids that summer, I let him crash on the couch in my apartment to hide his black eye and busted lip for a week.
When he was seventeen and got busted at a party for drinking, I was the one who took him down to the courthouse and paid for his minor-in-possession ticket. Mom never knew.
I was the man who talked to him about sex. I was the man who taught him how to drive. I was the man who tried to make him a man. A good man.
Instead, he’d taken everything I’d had and then some.
I paced the room as the anger seeped into my veins. “He wasn’t just my brother. He was my friend. He was . . . I trusted him. And he betrayed me. In every possible way, after everything I did for him, he betrayed me.”
“And that’s why you didn’t tell me about him?” Piper asked. “Because you were hurt?”
“No. I don’t talk about him because I can’t talk about him. Not without going into a rage. You saw what I did with the chainsaw. What you didn’t see were the holes I punch in walls whenever I think about him. The countless broken dishes I’ve thrown against the floor. I never want to lose my control in front of you. Talking about him, thinking about him . . . it’s just better that I keep it in. Talking about him only brings out the worst in me.”
“Is that why you didn’t talk to your mom for all those years?”
I nodded. “She defended him. She said it was just an accident. She chose him over me. After that . . . I just couldn’t be around her.”
“So you left.”
“I came here. Did my best to shut out everything from that life. Me and Mom, we’re still trying to figure things out. We talk about neutral topics. Her job. You. The boys. But whenever the rest of it comes up, things turn red.”
“And where is your brother?”
“In prison.” Right where he belonged. Where he couldn’t destroy any other lives. Isaiah had been charged with vehicular manslaughter while under the influence and was currently serving a five-year sentence.
I had no idea how I’d deal with his release. I had no desire to see his face again or listen to his excuses. Mom would undoubtedly take his side, meaning I’d lose her again too. Isaiah would take and take and take, just like he always had.
My heart rate spiked as the rage spread through me cell by cell. I took a few deep breaths, wishing it away, but what I really wanted was to smash something. I needed something to crumble, like my world had crumbled all because of my brother.
“Kaine.” Piper’s soothing voice broke through the haze. “You have a right to be mad.”
“I hate him. He took everything from me.”
“I know.” She stood from the couch and crossed the room. Her arms wrapped around my waist as she pressed her ear to my heart. Her embrace chased the anger away. “But it’s not everything anymore.”
She was right. Now that I had Piper and the babies, everything took on a whole new meaning. I hated my brother. And I was still angry at my mother, though we were working on our relationship.
Except without my past, I wouldn’t have Piper. I wouldn’t have come to this mountain. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with my gorgeous neighbor.
“It almost killed me losing my daughter,” I admitted. “It broke my heart that Mom made excuses for Isaiah and took his side. It crushed me that he’d do something like that to me. And I didn’t love her, but losing Shannon was awful. But somehow, I lived through it. If anything ever happened to you or the boys, I wouldn’t . . . I wouldn’t survive it.”
“They’re going to be okay, Kaine. They’ll be incredible.”
I held her tighter. “Not just them. You. I wouldn’t survive without you.”
She looked up at me, tears welling in her eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. And neither can you.”
“I’m here for good. Promise.”
“Don’t promise,” she whispered. “Prove it.”
Prove it.
I’d spend the rest of my life proving it. Starting today. “I love you.”
Surprise flashed across her face. “You—you do?”
“I want to marry you.”
Her mouth fell open.
“I want to share this life with you, Piper. Raise these boys. Live on this mountain together.” And that would be a hell of a lot easier if we were married. As soon as she agreed, we’d go pick out a ring. We had some work to do and some trust to build, but we’d get there in time.
“Seriously?” Her eyebrows creased. “You want to get married?”
“Is that a yes?”
A slow grin spread across her lips just before she laughed. “No.”
“No?” I jerked back.
“No. I’m not going to marry you.” She cupped my cheek, standing on her toes to brush a kiss across my mouth. Then she patted my stomach and walked to the kitchen. “I’m starving. Want to share some popcorn?”
“Popcorn? I just asked you to marry me.”
“And I said no.” She opened the refrigerator, getting out a carrot stick. She crunched one bite, then smiled. “I love you too, by the way.”
“Gee, thanks,” I muttered.
Piper took her carrot stick with her as she rounded the counter and walked toward the guest room. “Will you help me move all your clothes into my closet?”
“Yes. See how easy that is to say?”
She giggled, smiling at me again before disappearing down the hall. “Are you coming or not?”
“Coming,” I grumbled.
We weren’t done with this conversation. She wanted me to prove it?
I’d prove it.
I’d keep asking her to marry me until I got the answer I wanted.
“We’re heading out!” Kaine’s voice rang down the hallway.
“Wait!” I yelled, hiking up the band of my maternity jeans as I came out of the bathroom.
When you had to go every three minutes, pants like this were a must. My plan was to keep enjoying the abundance of spandex and Lycra for as long as possible post-pregnancy too.
I had the huge band back in place as I came down the hallway.
Kaine was grinning as he stood by the door. He had his winter coat on and a beanie over his hair. He wore knee-high snow boots that laced all the way up his calves. They made his already bulging thighs look even beefier.
A shiver ran down my spine as I walked into hi
s arms. He wrapped me up, kissing my hair before whispering in my ear, “Marry me.”
“No,” I whispered back.
He grunted. I’d decided it was his way of cussing without words.
It had been a month since he’d told me about his brother and asked to marry me the first time. He must have asked at least three hundred times since.
And each time, I’d turned him down.
I stepped out of his arms and looked up at his handsome face. “Please watch out for creatures with big teeth.”
“It’s winter. Most of them are asleep.” He patted the holstered pistol on his hip. “But I have this just in case.”
“Stop worrying, Piper. We’re not going far.” Logan walked over from the kitchen, wearing attire similar to Kaine’s. Though his pants didn’t have a dark stain on the knee from the wood shop, and his coat was rip-free.
I looked back up at Kaine. “Make sure my boss doesn’t get lost in the woods.”
“You say that like you’d actually miss me.” Logan feigned shock. “Does this mean you’ve finally realized how much you need me?”
“Only to sign my paychecks. But I’m this close to perfecting your signature.” I held my thumb and index finger an inch apart. “After that, you’re dispensable.”
Logan laughed and rolled his eyes. “Let’s go, Charlie!”
His daughter came running out of the guest bathroom, zipping up her black snow bibs. Thea followed behind her, carrying a neon-green winter coat that matched her snow boots.
“Happy hunting, guys.” The three of them were heading up toward the ridge to cut down a couple of Christmas trees.
“Logan Kendrick, I’m begging you to get a reasonable tree this year.” Thea tugged a gray stocking cap over Charlie’s head. “Six feet. Seven, tops. I can’t have another ten footer like last year’s.”
“Sure, baby. We’ll get a smaller one.” Logan winked at Charlie, who winked back. He’d be coming back with a nine-and-a-half-foot tree, no doubt.
“Don’t do that winking thing with each other.” Thea crossed her arms. “I won’t decorate anything over the seven-foot mark.”
“I’ll do it,” Charlie chimed in.
“Problem solved.” Logan kissed Thea’s cheek and shuffled Charlie outside into the snow.
“I’m doomed.” Thea laughed, going to check on Collin and Camila, who were playing in the living room.
“Do you have any requirements?” Kaine asked.
“Green.”
“Done.” Kaine brushed another kiss on my lips. “Love you.”
“Love you too. Be safe.”
About three weeks ago, he’d seen signs of a mountain lion around the area during a hike. I liked cats, but cougars were not on my list of animals to see up close and personal. Kaine had called the game warden to come up and see if they could relocate the animal, but their search had turned up empty.
There hadn’t been any signs since and it was unlikely the animal would come anywhere near us, but Kaine wasn’t taking any chances. Which meant any time I went outside, even to check the mailbox, he was my escort. He’d also decided we were getting a dog—one the size of a wolf.
But for now, Kaine carried his pistol with him everywhere and they weren’t wandering far from home.
With axes in hand, Kaine and Logan set out up the trail toward the ridge. Charlie trudged behind them, dragging a blue sled so she could collect her own mini tree for her bedroom. I waved at them all, then closed the door before too much cold air could seep inside.
“How are you doing?” Thea asked as I sat on the couch beside her.
“Good.” I rubbed my obliques. For once in my life, they were rock solid. “Things are starting to get tight though, and I can’t tie my shoes anymore. Kaine’s been sweet and puts them on for me.”
“Has he kept up with the proposals?”
I smiled. “He asks me at least five times a day. He even upped his game last night and produced a ring.”
“What!” Her eyes got wide. “Where is it?”
“I’m not sure. When I said no, he pouted and hid it somewhere. But it is gorgeous.”
He’d bought me an eternity band. The entire thing was made up of diamond halos set in rose gold, and it was truly a piece of art. The stones weren’t enormous and the ring wouldn’t weigh heavily on my finger. I didn’t need a huge jewel to flaunt or dazzle people with its brilliance. It was the perfect ring because it was just so . . . Kaine.
It was understated but powerful, much like his furniture. It was simple and beautiful, much like our relationship.
“So he keeps asking you to marry him,” Thea said. “He loves you. You love him. He bought you a ring. Remind me why you keep saying no?”
“We need time.” I shifted on the couch, trying to get comfortable.
“Just to play devil’s advocate here, is that because you don’t think you’d accept after you got to know him?”
“Logan is rubbing off on you,” I teased. “He thinks playing devil’s advocate is the best job ever.”
“Right?” She laughed.
“But no, to answer your question. I want to marry Kaine. I love him more than I’ve ever loved another person.”
This real love, this deep and profound feeling of being with the one, wasn’t something I’d understood with Adam. We hadn’t had true love, we’d had convenience. It had been easier to stay together than break apart. Adam and I had been content but never truly happy. Never truly in love. We’d never had the passion I had for Kaine.
I wanted to make an everlasting commitment with Kaine.
Just not yet.
“I want time for things to settle.” I blew out a long breath as one of the babies pushed against a rib. “There is no rush. I’m not walking down the aisle pregnant, so we can enjoy this time together and just . . . be.”
I didn’t want any new labels slapped on us right now. Wife. Husband. We’d get to those in time. First, I wanted some time to just accept things as they were. Label-free. Then, we’d tackle being parents. After that, we could decide what was right for our family. Together.
The past month since Kaine had confessed everything about his brother had arguably been the best thirty days of my life. And without secrets looming and me pushing Kaine too hard to reveal them, it was the best month the two of us had ever had together.
Kaine laughed and talked to me while we made dinner. He touched me and kissed my hair while we were watching TV. He held me in his arms at night with one arm under my head and another resting over my belly.
He was proving to me his love, whether he knew it or not. His simple gestures, like taking out the trash or making me bedtime tea or massaging my lower back when it ached, were more meaningful than any of the marriage proposals.
“I know it seems crazy,” I told Thea. “But things between Kaine and I have gone so fast from the beginning. When I was with Adam, we dated for years before we got married. I knew all about him. And that didn’t turn out well, but there’s something to be said for knowing what kind of toothpaste your partner likes best. Or how much cereal they eat in the morning. Or how long it takes them to shower. I just want to know Kaine and settle in together before the boys are born.”
Thea nodded. “That makes sense.”
“We’re getting there. And it’s been nice living together.”
A few days after Kaine’s confession, I’d come home from working the morning at Logan’s to find everything from the cabin here. The coffee table from the cabin was in the living room, the one I’d bought now at the cabin. His clothes were in my closet, his tennis shoes and boots were next to my heels. And he’d declared the garage was now his domain.
He hadn’t asked me to move in, he’d just done it. Because this was our life. Our home.
“Has he told you more about his brother?” Thea asked.
“Some.” I nodded. “It’s hard for him to talk about.”
Though he was talking about Isaiah. To me. It was by far the best of the simple
gestures he’d made over the last month. I trusted him to talk when he was ready. He trusted me to listen. He trusted himself not to go into a rage.
He still got angry whenever he spoke about his brother, but he kept himself in check. There were no porch chairs hacked to pieces. No dishes had been shattered on the floor. Kaine would ball his fists and pace the room as he spoke through gritted teeth, but he wouldn’t shut down.
I didn’t blame him for his anger, and I understood why he’d kept it all from me. The way his muscles would bunch and his normally loving eyes would turn cold, he was a different man when that pain and anger took over.
He didn’t trust himself when he was so mad, but I did. Kaine would sooner cut off his own hand than lift it to me in anger.
“He’s so hurt, Thea. About his brother and all that happened. I wish there was something I could do to help him find some peace.”
Thea knew all about Kaine’s past. He’d shocked me by suggesting I share it all with a friend. He didn’t want me carrying the burden alone, and while his tendency was to keep things bottled up, he knew I wasn’t wired that way. So he’d driven me down to the bar one afternoon and left me there to eat pizza and confide in Thea.
“Logan and his sister went through a rough time right after we got together.”
“I remember that,” I told her.
Thea sighed. “I don’t know if I handled it right or not, but I just tried to be supportive. I let him vent when he needed to get his frustrations off his chest. And when they eventually made amends, I never held anything against her.”
Logan’s younger sister, Sofia, was a spoiled brat. Or at least, she had been. Logan had told me that Sofia had been trying harder lately to become more responsible. She was finally growing up.
But the issues between Kaine and his brother were in an entirely different stratosphere than the squabbles Logan had with Sofia.
“I doubt Kaine will ever forgive Isaiah. Making amends isn’t something I think he’ll be able to do. And I don’t blame him for it. But I do want him to find some peace with it. Not for Isaiah’s sake, just his own.”
