by Maine, Miley
For some reason, this seemed like the most difficult gift of all. Should I give him something that alluded to our relationship? What would he even want? He had plenty of money, so he could buy anything that he could possibly ever need and I didn’t really know what was missing.
At first, I thought that I might just buy him an art piece, but nothing in the stores really spoke to me. Then I thought that I might consider making him something, but my craft skills were pretty terrible.
It wasn’t until I passed by a lingerie store that I had my answer. The displays in the shop windows were cute, expensive, and tasteful, and it looked like there were several sets in a lovely holiday red. I could find something small to give him in front of my family, but this was what I really wanted to give him for Christmas. The promise of a wonderful night with me in a new set of lingerie.
The bell above the doorway rang as I entered, and the shop clerk looked up at me with a smile. “Feel free to look around,” she said. “Let me know if I can help you find anything.”
“Okay, thank you,” I said, then realized I didn’t know how this store worked. “Am I able to try things on?”
“Of course, darling,” she said with a smile. “We just ask that you keep your panties on for sanitary reasons.”
“Okay, thank you.” I began to look around at all the different sets. It was definitely more upscale than a sex shop, with a larger focus on lingerie sets and not as many things that deviated into fetish or costume.
I didn’t know exactly what Grayson’s taste was, but I figured that he would probably like anything on me, so I just went with what I was most attracted to. I picked out several sets, a few in red, a few in black, one in white, and a beautiful fluffy white robe with feather trim. I knew that that would make any sort of entrance dramatic, though the price tag almost made me reconsider my decision.
“Can I try these on?” I asked, turning to the clerk.
“Of course.” She came around the desk and led me to the back of the store where there was a changing room. This one had a door that could be locked, and was just as nice and spacious inside as the one at the other little boutique. There was even an extra chair inside and the center was raised almost as if it was a pedestal.
“We usually have couples come in here together,” she explained. “There’s a strict no sex rule, but they like to see each other in the sets before they buy them. I’m guessing you don’t have anyone with you today?”
I shook my head. She smiled. “Well, I’m sure it will be a lovely surprise for whoever it is. You’ve picked out some beautiful pieces.”
I blushed and ducked into the changing room, closing the door behind me.
I took my time examining each of the sets on myself. There were some where the bralette tied in the back with a large silk ribbon, as if I was a present waiting to be opened. A few had lacy garters that sat on my mid thighs, creating a line that made me feel like a sex goddess. A few of them had carefully-placed cut-outs, and one of the sets of panties had no crotch at all. I decided that would be too bold for the moment as I wasn’t necessarily that comfortable with things yet.
Finally, I settled on the sheer white robe, one white lacy set with garters, and one silk red set with a bow that tied in the back. “Ooooh, you’ve made some very good choices,” the clerk said as I brought my items for her to ring up. “Your lover must be very lucky.”
“I don’t know if I would call him that yet,” I said, looking down at my hands.
The clerk raised her eyebrows. “No sense in wearing these beautiful things for him if he’s not your lover, my dear. Whoever he is, he’s definitely missing out if he hasn’t made things official yet; you’re quite the catch.”
“Thank you for saying so.”
“Of course. Just look at you, a young beauty with so much ahead of her. He would be blind not to appreciate how lovely you are.”
“Thank you,” I said, paying her and grabbing my bag. Her words did make me think. Were things between Grayson and me official enough for him to be called my lover? From the way that he had been treating me and the feelings that I had for him, it certainly seemed that way. I needed to talk to him, though; I didn’t want to get my heart broken again.
With the way I was feeling, things could no longer just be a fling. Tonight, I would make it a point to ask him about it. No more questioning, I needed hard answers now, before I got in too deep and ended up getting hurt once more.
14
Grayson
It pained me to have to leave Serenity alone for the day, especially since we’d made plans, but I knew that she would be fine on her own. I had been so looking forward to spending Sunday with her, and had even been considering the possibility of making things official regarding our relationship status that evening. Hopefully I would still get to do that, but now I had a bunch of work to get through before I could even think about leaving.
And, to make matters better, just before dinner I received a call from Sebastian. “Hello?” I said, picking up, weirdly nervous. I wondered if this was just a regular check-in call or something different altogether.
“Hey, Grayson! How’s work going?”
I sighed. “It’s going. They called me in again today, but we’re making some progress at least.”
“That’s good to hear, but I’m assuming that means you won’t be back until Christmas?”
“Probably. With the way things are going right now, I need the extra time to get things settled before I can take another few days of vacation. I’m doing my best to get it wrapped up as quickly as possible, though.”
“I have no doubt about that. I was actually thinking that I might be able to come down. I know you’re busy with work right now, but I am still hoping to spend some more time with you. And besides, I’m worried about Serenity. I’m not used to being away from her for this long, and with you working, I don’t want her to be lonely.”
“Ahhh, so you’re just using me as an excuse to see your sister again, is that it?” I teased, but I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. This could be bad, very bad. Sebastian had explicitly warned me that he didn’t want me trying anything with Serenity, and the two of us had just gotten to a point where I was feeling comfortable enough to try to make things official. What was I supposed to do if Sebastian came now?
“You know I love you. Besides, it’s been a bit since I’ve seen LA.”
I sighed. “Alright, alright, I give in, you can come down. But don’t expect me to sit around entertaining you. I’ve got a lot of work to do, and your sister is actually doing her job as an intern.”
“That’s good to hear,” Sebastian said cheerily. “And don’t worry about me, I’m sure that I can manage to entertain myself.” He let out a laugh.
Oh, I had no doubt that he could manage it. And while I was definitely excited to spend some more time with him, I was worried about how it would affect the budding relationship between Serenity and me.
“When were you thinking of coming down?” I asked. Perhaps there would be enough time for me to figure out how to break things to him.
“I was thinking Wednesday night at the latest, though I was hoping for Tuesday. Would that be alright with you?”
“That’s fine,” I said. So not much time at all it seemed. “How are you planning on getting down here?”
“Oh, I was just going to drive. It’s only what, six hours? I think I should be fine.”
“No, don’t worry about that. Let me buy you a plane ticket,” I said. “The roads can be dangerous up north this time of year.”
“I know that.” I could practically hear him rolling his eyes.
“I know you do. But I’d rather you fly than drive six hours all by yourself. Let me do this for you.”
Sebastian sighed. “Alright, alright. I’ll let you get me a plane ticket. Just send me the info tonight.”
“Will do. I’ll see you Tuesday then.”
“Yep.” I could tell from Sebastian’s tone of voice that he was smili
ng on the other end. “I’m looking forward to seeing you. Both of you.”
“Me, too. I’ll see what I can do about taking some time off Tuesday afternoon or evening to spend with you. Who knows, maybe Serenity can man the helm.”
“That would be great. Ahhh, it’ll be like old times again. You and me, Serenity tagging along as usual. I’ve missed that.”
“I have, too,” I admitted. I enjoyed those old days, and I wondered what would have happened if my parents hadn’t decided to move to New York. Would the two of us be even closer? Would I have never had the distance to view Serenity the way I did now?
I felt like if I had watched her mature, then I would still see her as more of a sister, and less as the miraculous woman that she was now. Maybe that would have been better for all of us. But there was no point in dwelling on that now. I would have to figure out how to break the news to Serenity.
“Well, I’ll see you Tuesday then. I’m going to start packing now.”
“See you then,” I said. Sebastian hung up and I set the phone down with a sigh. I still hadn’t told Serenity that her brother didn’t want the two of us together, but hopefully it was something that she had already anticipated. There was still a way to make this work, I knew there was, I just didn’t know quite yet.
* * *
I texted Serenity quickly to let her know that I would be coming back to the house for dinner and to ask her if there was any place in particular she wanted to order from. We decided to get Chinese, so I called in an order and then wrapped things up at the office as best I could before heading out to my car and driving back home.
She was waiting for me at the door with a large smile on her face. “I didn’t expect you to be coming back for dinner,” she said, pulling me into an embrace.
I laughed. “I figured I couldn’t leave you to fend for yourself. Who knows what you would end up eating?”
“Hey! I can make good dinner decisions.”
“Yes, I remember when you decided bananas and ketchup were all you needed.”
“For your information, I was seven then and it was fairly tasty. But that’s beside the point. I know now what actually constitutes a good meal.”
“Sure you do.” I ruffled her hair, and then closed the front door behind me. “Chinese food should be coming soon. I’m gonna shower quickly. I already paid over the phone, so just tip the driver when he comes.” I handed her some cash and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be out soon.”
“Okay!” she said brightly.
I headed back up to my bedroom suite and into the bathroom, turning the water up to a scorching high heat. I sighed, undressed myself, and then tried to let all of my worries dissolve down the drain in the shower. I knew it wasn’t going to be that simple. This was a more complicated problem than just a soak could solve, but I could at least relieve some of the tension that was holding itself in my shoulders.
Once I had finished showering and gotten dressed in some loungewear, I headed downstairs to see that Serenity was setting the takeout on the table.
“The delivery man came already,” she said. “Why don’t you come sit down?”
“Thank you,” I said, pressing a kiss to her forehead and taking a seat across from her. I couldn’t bring myself to jump directly into things, so I took a few minutes to satisfy my growling stomach. Then, when the mushu pork was gone, I knew that I had to start sometime.
“Serenity—” I started, but she was speaking as well.
“Grayson, there was actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”
I tilted my head to the side. “What is it?”
“I want to know if you want to make things official. It feels like we’ve gotten to a point for both of us where...we’re past just being a holiday fling. I need to know what you’re feeling so that I don’t end up getting hurt.”
She definitely had that right. My feelings for her had progressed beyond the point of any fling, but that was the problem.
“Serenity, I’d love to, but—” I hesitated. This was such bad timing for her to bring this up, especially since I was just about to tell her that we would have to lay off things for a while. I didn’t want her to take things the wrong way because I wanted to be with her, I really did. I just also needed to figure out how I was going to manage to break it properly to Sebastian. With the way things currently were, it was unlikely that he would be very understanding at all.
“But what?” Her brows came together, drawing creases in her pretty face.
“Your brother is coming down on Tuesday and I don’t want him to know, not yet. So we can’t be in a relationship right now, definitely not outwardly.”
Tears began to fill her eyes. “But why? Why would that be a problem?”
“Serenity, you know how protective your brother is of you—”
“That’s no excuse!” She stood, anger in her eyes. “You can’t just go around making me feel special, calling me your girlfriend to people, letting me sleep in your bed, making me feel so safe and loved, and then tell me we can’t be together in front of my family! He’s my brother, Grayson. He’d want what’s best for me. And you should, too.” She wiped her arm across her face, and it was clear to me then that she was holding back more tears.
How could I be so cruel? How could I have done something that made her feel this way? I wanted to take everything back right then and there. I wanted to draw her into my arms and ease her pain and kiss her until she forgot all about it.
But fear was controlling me now. Fear that Sebastian wouldn’t understand. Fear that our friendship would be ruined. Fear that I had been wrong to even initiate this kind of thing.
And by the time that I had mustered the courage to reach for Serenity, she was flinching away. “No, don’t touch me,” she said, repressing another sob. “You’re just going to tell me more pretty lies. I can’t take it anymore.”
“No, Serenity, you don’t understand.”
“I think I understand pretty well.” Her eyes were all red now, and I wanted to hit myself for causing her to feel this way. How was I even meant to fix this?
“Serenity, just let me explain, please.”
My please fell on deaf ears, for she was already running away, back upstairs to her own room, I would imagine.
I didn’t know if I should go after her or just leave her to sit with her emotions for a few minutes. I wanted to explain things to her. I wanted to make her understand why things were the way they were, and the fact that I would never want to intentionally hurt her. I needed to make her understand that I did want to be with her, I just didn’t know how to do so yet. And more than anything, I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to assure her in words and actions that everything would be alright and tell her whatever she needed to know with my lips. Surely that was a language that both of us could speak, the one of touch, of physical affection.
But was that even more cruel of me? Should we end things now, go on as if they had never happened?
I wasn’t used to being so indecisive. All my life I had been sure of myself, of my authority. And yet there was something about Serenity that made me afraid I would mess everything up.
I don’t want to mess this up.
15
Serenity
I hadn’t expected that to happen like that at all.
From my perspective, things between Grayson and me had been going pretty well and I had really been expecting him to confirm that. But based on his response and on the things that he said, it was obvious that I was wrong.
I clutched the pillow to my chest as I curled up on the guest bed, trying to hold back my tears. This wasn’t something to cry over. After all, I had known from the start that things were destined to end; I just hadn’t expected them to end like this.
I still didn’t understand why it was such a big deal that Sebastian was coming down to visit. Sure, maybe he would be a little skeptical at first, but what I had said still held true for me. He was my brother, and he should want what’s best for me. Whatev
er his first reaction, I knew it wouldn’t take him long to understand things.
So was Grayson just using him as an excuse, then? A way to break things off without shifting the blame onto himself?
It was a cowardly move, that I could say for sure. I just didn’t understand why he would do something like that.
It took me several more minutes to calm myself down enough to the point where I wasn’t crying anymore. Then I got up and tried to decide what I should do next. Obviously I would eventually need to talk to Grayson about it all, but I didn’t know if I could handle that yet. The emotions were still too fresh for me.
So then the best thing for me in that situation was to work to distract myself.
I didn’t feel much like reading at the moment, which was odd. I almost always felt up to reading, but this time it made me think of the other night when we were reading in bed together. I did, however, feel like it was a good time to play my harp.
Ever since I was young, the harp has always been a good way for me to process my emotions. I got bullied when I was little, and when Sebastian went away for college it got worse. I found a great deal of solace in two things: books and music.
With books, I could escape to another world, but with music, I could create my own.
I could express myself however I wanted to, let my emotions flow freely from my fingertips. I used to spend hours each day after school playing, just closing my eyes and letting my fingers go.
