by Maine, Miley
“Hey, do you want to invite Cameron and Oliver over? I could cook dinner for all of us tonight. Or we could do it tomorrow.”
The plane banked to the left suddenly. I looked over at Logan to see his brows drawn together. “Why?”
“Because they’re all alone for Christmas?”
He thought for a minute. “But you don’t know them.”
I had to look away from him for a minute to stare at the green expanse of the National Forest. “I met them yesterday. You seem close to Cameron.”
He sighed. “I forgot how observant you are. You’re right. He’s like a brother to me.”
“What about Oliver?”
“Not so much.”
“So maybe not then.” I squeezed his hand. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for me to jump into their business. “There’s plenty for just the two of us to do.”
Being alone with Logan for Christmas was hardly a hardship. But if I could help him maintain his other friendships, then I’d be happy to do that as well.
“It’s nice of you to think of my friends.” He rubbed his hand over his mouth. “But if they’re coming over for Christmas, then here’s a few things I need to tell you.”
32
Logan
It was not an exaggeration when I told Bethany she was insanely observant. She was.
I put the plane on course to head back to the airfield near my cabin.
She had given me a lot to think about.
I told her there were things she needed to know, and now she was staring at me expectantly.
I never imagined I’d spend Christmas near Cameron again. In fact, I assumed we would avoid each other for the rest of our lives during the holidays.
I didn't want to talk about the past, but Bethany deserved to know, especially if we were going to invite Cameron into the cabin. I loved that guy. I considered him family. But we could be explosive. I didn't want Bethany to be caught off guard.
However, Oliver was a different story. I didn’t relish seeing him. But he was Cameron’s new partner, and Cameron claimed he wanted to make amends. Maybe this time I could be the one to extend the olive branch.
From what she told me, I imagined her family Christmases were a happy occasion. I doubt anyone slammed their fists down on the table or left the table in a fit of anger.
I had to tell her this, and while I was flying it was a good time. The conditions were good, the sky was clear, and I’d flown this route alone a dozen times.
I took a deep breath, and started talking.
“I had a best friend,” I said.
I had not said her name since the day she died, other than the day I was forced to describe what happened to the CIA. How many times have I said her name over the years? Now I couldn’t get it out.
You had a best friend?” Bethany's hand covered mine. “Something happened?”
Of course Bethany, being so observant, picked up on the fact that Isobel was gone.
The cockpit suddenly felt very small.
“Yes, her name was Isobel. We met through work, through the agency. We met on the very first day of training. We ended up working in Madrid together for a while, and we were already best friends, but then we got closer. That’s when I introduced her to Cameron, who was the only partner I ever had at the agency. For them, it was love at first sight.”
“They were together?”
“They got married immediately.” I swallowed to keep my voice from breaking. “We were a family of three. They were more important to me than my parents and siblings. We did everything together.”
“I’m so sorry.”
I appreciated her not asking what happened, but if we were going to attempt to date, then she needed to know.
The plane dipped, and I refocused on the navigational system and controls. “I’ll have to finish this story once we're on the ground. “I hope I didn’t ruin your Christmas plane ride.”
“Oh Logan, getting to know you better can’t ruin anything.”
She was sweet. We landed without incident, and then I got my plane stored in the hangar.
Once we were back in my truck, I blurted out what happened. “Isobel… She was killed on Christmas Day.”
“Oh God, Logan. When? How long ago?”
“Last year.”
Suddenly I had a lap full of Bethany as she launched herself at me.
I didn’t know if I could get this part out. “There’s more.” I choked on the first word but managed to get it out. “Isobel was pregnant. She’d just told me at Thanksgiving. I had already planned what I’d buy for the baby. They were naming him or her after me.”
“Oh Logan.” Bethany sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I cannot imagine losing Mia or Emma,” she said into my chest. “Especially not in those circumstances. And if they were having a baby… I’d love that baby so much, even before it was born. I’m guessing Cameron doesn’t blame you at all.”
“No.” Once again, she had been able to observe something about me I didn’t say aloud. “How did you know?”
Bethany rested her head on my shoulder. She smelled like cinnamon, sugar and nutmeg. Maybe I’d start to associate those Christmas smells with her from now on. “He wouldn’t be here helping you if he did. He might have saved your life, but he wouldn’t stick around for Christmas.”
“You’re right. He wants to talk about her. And I haven’t been able to. I feel bad, because she was his wife. He should be the one who’s more upset.”
“Your loss isn’t bigger than his, but it’s still huge. It’s a huge, gaping loss, and it always will be. We don’t have words or titles that are special enough for our closest friends. I would be devastated if something happened to my little brother or sister. I’d never get over it. But the people who know me best, who I spend the most time with, are Mia and Emma.”
She hugged me again, resting her head on my shoulder. “So that’s why you hate Christmas.”
“Did I ever say that?”
“Not at first. But you didn’t exactly hide it. Then you yelled it when we were arguing.” She sat back and looked into my eyes. Her own eyes were red and swollen, but she’d never looked more beautiful. “Thank you for telling me. If I’d known, I never would have pushed you so much.”
“Maybe it was a good thing. God knows nothing else got through to me.” I picked up my phone. “I’ll invite them right now.”
* * *
I sent Cameron a text.
Bethany says you’re invited to have Christmas dinner with us tonight.
It wasn’t the most eloquent thing I’d ever written, but the sentiment was there. And if I’d been mushy or sentimental, Cameron would assume someone else had my phone and that I was being held hostage.
Oliver is invited too. If he can behave.
As soon as I’d hit send, my phone rang.
“Are you serious?”
I’d expected Cameron to say yes to Bethany’s invitation. But I had definitely not expected Oliver to agree. Especially not after the way I treated him.
“Of course I’m serious.”
“So was this your idea or your lady’s?”
“Of course it was my idea.”
“You’re so full of shit.” He laughed. “This girl has got you whipped, dude.”
I was really okay with that, if I was going to be whipped by anyone, then I wanted it to be Bethany. “You know what Isobel would have said about that phrase.” She had hated the term ‘whipped,’ and said it made them misogynists to use it. Of course, to tease her, they’d used it as often as possible.
Cameron’s voice was hoarse when he spoke. “You just mentioned her name.”
“Yeah.”
I heard his sharp intake of breath. “Do I have Bethany to thank for this too?”
“Nah. I arrived here on my own.”
He snorted. “Right. Just text me the time, and we’ll be there.”
“Oliver’s coming too?”
“I assume the invite was sincere?”
“
Yeah of course it was. I'll do my best to not be a shithead to him.”
“I’ll make sure he does his best too. I think he’s just glad to get out of this hotel.”
“When do you two leave again?” Our old boss at Langley had sent Cameron to warn me, so he was in Utah on official business.
“Monday. We’re headed to Bosnia.”
“Don’t lose touch.”
“You know I won’t.”
And he wouldn't. He’d shown himself to be far more dependable than I was. But I was going to stop being a jackass, starting today.
Bethany must have assumed I was nervous, because she immediately put me to work.
“We are going to make a Traditional Southern Christmas Dinner,” she declared. “We need to go to the store!” After a flurry of activity, Bethany had me mixing the cornmeal.
She wrote everything down on a piece of paper. “We’re going to have baked ham, seven layer salad, pineapple, cornbread, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, and banana pudding for desert.” She looked at me. “How does that sound?”
“These two guys will eat whenever you make a promise. And they'll be glad for it.”
“But they've eaten Cuisine from all over the world.”
“They've also had days where they had to eat a protein bar that was squashed at the bottom of a briefcase. They've had days where they couldn't leave their hotel room, or the alley where they were waiting to meet a contact.” I tugged on a lock of her hair. “I promise the bar for food is very low.”
“I don't know if I want to aim quite that low.”
“If the rest of your cooking is anything like your pies then they’ll be drooling too much to even speak.”
As I helped her pull everything out of the oven, I took a minute to kiss her right on the mouth. “Thank you,” I whispered.
She didn’t ask any questions. She knew what I meant.
* * *
When I opened the door, Cameron was holding a bottle of wine, and Oliver had a case of beer.
When he stepped inside and saw my Christmas wonderland, his eyes nearly popped out of his head. “Wow. Looks a little different in here. Did you do all this decorating?”
Oliver interjected. “Of course he did. He’s going to be a goddamn interior decorator in his second career.”
I breathed in deeply through my nose. Oliver was trying to be friendly. He was trying to make a joke. I was not going to get irritated over our rocky past.
“You’re right. I’m taking online courses right now.”
He actually grinned when I didn’t rip him a new one for the joke.
We spent a few more minutes ribbing each other, and then I took them in to say hi to Bethany.
They’d met before, but that had been a shitty day. I wanted Bethany to get to know Cameron under better circumstances.
During dinner, Oliver managed to not insult all of us, and he only pissed me off a little.
Afterward, the four of us sat by the fire, drank the wine that Cameron brought, and played poker. Bethany was particularly good at Texas Hold ‘Em.
It was a good Christmas Eve. Far better than I’d ever expected to have, after last year.
Every now and then, I could see the shadows in Cameron's eyes, but I didn’t comment. At midnight, they told us goodnight.
“Merry Christmas,” Cameron said to me when we had a second alone.
I held onto his arm. “Hey man. I’m sorry. I’ve been a miserable bastard. I swear I’m going to do better from now on.”
“Isobel would be glad to hear that,” he said.
“Yeah. She would.”
Cameron hugged me one last time. “I'm going to have to thank Bethany. I was starting to think I was going to have to drug you and dump you in an icy lake, or kick the shit out of you.”
Oliver yelled his goodbye from the truck, and then they were gone.
I picked Bethany up and held onto her. “Thank you.” She had given me back my friend.
33
Bethany
“You’d like to spend Christmas with your family, wouldn’t you?” Logan asked me.
“Yes. I would. But I don’t want to leave you yet. I’ve already made my excuses with them, and they’ve accepted it. And there are no flights out of here. And,” I pointed at the map app on my phone. “I cannot handle driving that long. I looked. It takes twenty-one hours to drive from Utah to Little Rock.”
“I think you’re forgetting one big detail.”
“What’s that?”
“I have a plane.”
My jaw dropped. “Can it fly that far?”
Logan feigned shock. “Can it fly that far? It flew from Belize to Utah. You do the math.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to insult your plane.” I tapped my chin. “Are you going home with me?”
“Yes. If you want me to.”
“You will? Really?” This was unexpected. I had never expected that Logan might be willing to come to my home. I figured it would take me a year to convince him to come to Arkansas for Christmas, especially considering his history.
“Yes. We've just decided on a relationship. Unless you'd rather wait. But I'll still fly you there.”
“There is no way I'm going to let you hang out in a hotel while I'm with my family. I would love for you to meet them. But I'm going to have to think how to tell them.”
“Right. Because you told them you were with a friend.”
“I led them to believe it was a female friend.”
“How upset will they be?”
“Not very. They might grumble a little, but they won't be upset.”
“So… I'm going to call them now. Time to face the music.”
“Would you like me to speak to them?”
“No. I'm an adult. I'm the one who lied to them. I can take responsibility.” That was Logan, always wanting to be my white knight.
“What about your family?” I asked.
“What about them?”
“You never mention them.”
“They’re not nice.”
“Abusive?”
“No. Just assholes. They only care about themselves.”
I’d learned enough in college to know that money didn’t make a family happy. And being related didn’t mean there was any love. I had badgered Logan about Christmas, and about seeing Cameron. But I would not be bugging him about seeing his family.
He picked up my hand and kissed my knuckles.
* * *
My stomach swirled. I hit the button to dial my mother’s number.
“Hello sweetheart.”
“Hi Mom. I have something to tell you.”
“Oh no. Honey, is everything okay?”
Everything was okay now that the terrorists had been dealt with. It had not been two days before. But I was not going to tell my parents about that over the phone. “Yes, things are actually great. But I have a confession.”
“I'm listening.”
“You have to promise not to get mad.”
“You've been saying that to me since you were five years old. When have I ever gotten mad at you?”
I laughed. That was true. My mom could be stern. She could even be disappointed. But she rarely got mad at the three of us.
“Okay. Here goes. The person that I met was not just a friend.”
“I'm waiting.”
“My friend is a he, not a she. And he's more of a boyfriend than a friend.”
“So you stayed in Utah with a man you just met.”
“Sort of. But I met him on day one. And I got to know him a little bit.”
“I don't know what to say. I'm a little alarmed that you stayed with a stranger. I know that what happened with Winston must have been a real shock.”
“I know it's probably hard to believe. But I'm over Winston. Meeting Logan showed me that Winston and I really had nothing in common. We did not need to be together. I feel lucky that we never got engaged.”
“Okay. I'm just still processing.”
I couldn't decide if it would be better or worse to tell my mom about Logan rescuing me on the mountain and now he took care of me when I broke my arm. I decided it was better to just save that story until she could see me in person. “The good news is that Logan and I are actually about to come home for Christmas.”
“Now that is wonderful news! So you're bringing this young man with you?”
“Yes. And I'm not really sure if you should call him a young man.”
“How old is he exactly?”
“He’s thirty-four.”
“My mother exhaled. “Okay, eleven years. I can deal with that.”
She was going to have to. I respected my mother but I was done making choices based on what I thought I should want. Not that Winston was her fault. That was all my own doing.
“When will you be here?”
“Around noon on Christmas Day.”
“How in the world did you manage to get a flight?”
“Logan is a pilot. He's got his own plane.”
“Oh my.”
“Maybe I'll finally convince dad to get a plane once he sees how convenient it is.”
“Absolutely not.”
“You don't have to worry about Logan's piloting skills. He didn't get a weekend certificate. He was an Air Force officer, but he's retired now.”
I knew my mother would like that information. I'm not sure there was any one who wouldn't be impressed by an Air Force pilot. “So is it okay if I bring him? Or should we just stay here in Utah?” I had to make it clear that Logan was a part of my life now. And I expected them to accept him just as they had accepted Winston.
“Oh honey! Of course we want you to come.We would love to meet Logan. He's obviously very important to you.”
“Maybe don't bring up his career right away. He's been through some rough situations.”
“Thank you for telling me sweetheart. I'll let your dad know.”
I knew my mother would assume the rough times Logan had suffered had come from his time serving in the Air Force. If he ever wanted to correct that assumption then I would leave that up to him.
