“It, its just messed up. how can they say that to you, how can th-” She sobs.
“Hey, look at me,” I grab her face, “that message means nothing to me. I stop caring about what they say a long time ago. Now stop crying and let’s go get Pizza.” I clean her tears with my hands and hug her one last time.
“How did you guys see the message anyway?”
“We didn’t, we picked up the phone because we thought that they were worry about you and they just said it. we assume the message was the same.” Luke says and glances around the room, avoiding my eyes. I nod and get up from the position I was in.
“Alright just forget what you heard.” Before anyone can say anything else a nurse walks in.
“Alright, you are all set to go, these are your papers, and that is it, just remember to eat and stay hydrated.”
“Thank you.” I reach for the papers and leave the room.
“So where going to go home, Luke your taking Leah for pizza then home right?” Luke nods. We bid our goodbyes and go our separate ways.
Once inside Luke’s car he asks me “Do you mind if we eat at your house?”
“No let’s go.”
Chapter 13
Luke and I are seating me my living room, on top of my couch that I received yesterday. We were both looking out the window and eating pizza quietly.
“Why haven’t you been eating?”
“I just forgot.”
“That’s not the reason.” He puts his pizza down and turn towards me. “Got dam it Leah, you have to eat, and take care of yourself. And I know that you don’t. I see you, every day, I see more than you lead on.”
“You think you see me? No you don’t!’ I slam my pizza down too. “You see what I want you to see, and you don’t get to tell me what to do. I just forgot to eat, and I been working out a lot, it happens.” I get up and go to the kitchen. Putting my hands on the counter I breath out. “I just forgot.” Luke comes behind and me and turns me. He puts his hands on my face and just stares into my eyes.
“Take them off.” Confused I look up. “Take your contact off, it’s the first step, in moving on from everything.” First step. I grab his hand and take him to the bathroom with me. I look in the mirror, seconds pass, Luke squeezes my hand, I look down then back to the mirror. I let go of his hand and take the contacts off. Is unusual for me to see myself like this. I nod to myself. First step. I grab the glasses that are in the cabinet put them on and take Luke’s hand and guide him outside, I grab my bag and head to my car. “Where are we going?” I do not say anything and just head to my car. Twenty minutes later and we are pulling up to a parking lot. “What are you doing?” I look back at him.
“Taking the first step.” I walk in and the lady smiles at me.
“What are you getting?” I tell her exactly what I want, and she sits me down. Luke holds my hand and an hour later I am looking in the mirror.
The letter N with angel wings surrounding it are tattooed right on the side of my rib cage. Looking at it, makes me accepts it, and for me, that is the first step.
Acceptance.
It has been four years, its time I accept it.
I need to visit him. Its time.
As soon as I get home, I grab my school bag and dump the contents on the bed, Luke is right behind me.
“What are you doing?”
“Packing.”
I start to shove some clothes in my bag, I grab the necessary, all the while Luke was staring at me.
“What?”
“Where are you going?”
“To see him.”
An hour later I arrive at the airport, Luke parks the car I thank him for the ride and head inside the airport. When I am a couple of steps away from the door he gets off and follows me.
“Where are you going?”
“With you.”
“No, you are not. Go home Luke.” He grabs my arm and stops me.
“I am coming with you. End of discussion.” He starts to walk and now is my turn to grab his hand. He stops.
“Why? Why do you want to come when I am just some dare, some stupid game to you?” He looks shock. “I overheard you talking to Makenzie so you can stop pretending.” He grabs my face, then looks me in the eyes.
“In the little time that I have known you, you went from being a game, to someone I have feelings for. So, weather you want to or not, I’m coming with you, and I’m going to be with you through it all.” I hold his gaze for as long as I can looking, searching for a flick of emotion that shows that he is just playing around with me. I do not see one. I nod and we head inside.
“Two tickets to California please.”
Six hours and twenty minutes later we are heading to a hotel.
“Hey, let’s stop at a store to get some food.” I tell Luke, he is looking out the window, distracted by how beautiful California is. He nods and does not say anything. I tell the driver to drop us off in the next street and he does. I go to the twenty-four seven convenience store and star grabbing food. I tell Luke to grab a couple of water bottles and he does.
We ask for another uber and head to the cabin. About and hour later we arrived. The private entrance comes to view, and I tell the driver to leave us here. I head to the gate and punch in the code. We start walking till the cabin comes into view. It was a beautiful modern cabin with a lake just behind it. My grandpa liked living in nature, but he liked his luxuries as well. He built the cabin so that the whole first bottom floor would be made from glass, then the top would also have glass, but it would also have privacy. I sighted and walk to the door and open it.
“This house is beautiful. I thought you said we were going to a cabin?”
“This is a cabin, to my grandpa it was anyway. Its out in the nature, away from society, it has a lot of wood architecture. But yea that’s about it.”
I turn the lights on, memories flash behind my eyes, and I welcome them. I breath in, and I swear I can still smell my grandpas scent it warms my heart. I sight in happiness and head to the kitchen. Luke follows me and puts the stuff in the counter top.
“So, I didn’t know you were rich.” I crack a small smile.
“Well, my grandpa he owned a, um big company. When he passed, he left everything to me. So, I guess that makes me rich yea.” I start to put the stuff in the fridge.
“So, you now own this company?” I nod. “All of it?” I nod again.
“That’s part of the reason why my parents hate me so much. I guess.” He stays quiet. I leave some food out so that we could eat something before showering and going to sleep. I hand him a cold sandwich and some chips along with a bottle of some weird drink he picked, and I grab the same with a water bottle. I go and sit in the island and start to eat.
“So, want to play a game?” I arch my eyebrow “What? I want to get to know you let’s play twenty-one questions.” I stare at him
“Okay me first. Who dared you to sleep with me?”
He grunts, “A guy name Tim, he is from the football. He dared me.”
“Why? I don’t even know a guy name Tim.”
“Well, he was there the same day I met you.” I nod still confused. “My turn, do you have siblings?”
“Hmm, yea I do, two older brothers, I had a younger one but.” I go quite and do not answer. “Okay my turn. What is your deal with Makenzie?”
“Are you jealous?”
“Not one bit.” I do not know if I was trying to convince myself or him.
“We have been together since 9th grade. She broke it off with me during the summer, and now she wants me back.”
“Do you want her back?” I finish taking the last bite of my sandwich, and procced to eat my chips. His quiet for a couple of minutes.
“I don’t know. Our relationship stopped being serious last year, she wanted to be together but have an open relationship. When she started being with other people, I did too.” I nod and stay quiet. “My turn, do you have a boyfriend or past boyfriends?”
I swallow the chip I had i
n my mouth and drink some water. “There was one guy, we weren’t serious, then everything went downhill, and we just broke up. I messed around after that, but nothing serious.” He looks to be in thought, so I let him be.
“What’s your favorite color?” He suddenly asks
“Red. Yours?”
“Blue greenish.” I chuckle.
“Blue Greenish?” He nods and I laugh.
“Favorite food?”
“You should know this one already.”
“Pizza with ham and bacon?” I nod and go to the fridge to get another water.
“How about you?”
“My grandmas alfredo shrimp linguine. Do you have feelings for Ethan?” I stop midway and turn around. I stare at him.
“Would you be jealous if I did?”
“Maybe a little.” He grunts, I was going to tease him but decided against it.
“Feeling things for others means I have to feel first. So, to answer your question, no I don’t have feelings for him. I am attractive to him, just like I am attracted to you, but feelings? No.” I turn around and open the fridge. I freeze as his next question comes.
Chapter 14
“Whose Noah?” frozen to my spot I think of how I can avoid the question. I think of how I can just get out of this.
“Pass.” Is all I say before heading out of the living room.
“Leah wait.” He grabs my hand and turns me around. We both stand there looking at each other. Next thing I know my lips are on his. My hands go around his neck pulling him closer to me, he doesn’t respond back at first and when I am going to pull back, he pulls me closer to him. We walk back to the island and he grabs my legs and wraps them around him. he puts me in the corner of the countertop. I lace my hands through his hair, so soft. I move them back to his neck, then his back. He starts kissing down my neck and back up again. When he kisses the area between my ear lobe and my neck I moan. “So sexy.” He does it again and causes the same reaction. He grunts and starts to kiss my lips again. He slips his tongue in and we both fight for dominance. His hands go down to my waist and he squeezes hard, I rock my hips forward and he grunts.
“Let’s go to my room.”
“Where to?”
“Up the-” queue moan “ stairs.” He guides us back to the stairs, if he is struggling with my weight, which I doubt, he does not show it.
“Which door?”
“Second one on the right.” He goes to it and open it. As soon as we walk in, he drops me in my bed, he takes his shirt off, then takes mine off. He stares down at me, his eyes ravish me, when I was going to cover up he stopped me.
“No, your perfect.” That’s all he said before he continues to kiss me. His mouth devoured mine like it was his. His lips then went down to the side of my mouth and continue a trail of kisses down my neck, he takes my bra off and cups my breast. “So perfect.” He murmurs before taking on of them and sucking on it. I arch my back when his blissful tongue goes over my nipple. He continues his teasing and torture throughout my whole body.
“I want you.” He looks me in the eyes and nods. He grabs his wallet and pulls out a condom. He lowers his pants and mine, then goes to my entrance. He pushes himself inside me I let out a moan. He goes slow at the beginning, then speeds off. The whole time we didn’t take our eyes away from each other. I shudder with pleasure when I hit my orgasm. I have had sex before, but this, does not compare to anything I have had before. He keeps going riding out my orgasm, a couple of minutes later he comes. He drops on top of me holding his weight. Gives me a gentle kiss and pulls out of me. He rolls over to the side and stares up to the ceiling. We watch the starts through my skylight.
“Where is the bathroom?” I point to one of my doors. I stay staring up at the stars. For the first time in ages, my heart is beating, is moving at a peaceful pace, my mind is not a jumble of thoughts. For the first time in a while, I feel like myself.
I must have fallen asleep because I never heard Luke come back to bed. That night I did not have nightmares. I did not dream either. My mind was just at peace.
The next morning, I wake up with the sun shinning bright in my face. I look to my side and see Luke sleeping next to me. He looks so peaceful, he looks relaxed, not like when I see him in school, in school he looks like he is holding back, like he was hiding things.
I gently get up from bed and head over to the bathroom to shower. As soon as the water hits me, I rejoice in it. I cannot remember the last time I woke up in a good mood. The last time I did not cry in the shower. A couple of minutes later and the door opens. I look at Luke and he is looking at me.
“Are you going to join me? Or just look at me?” His face breaks into a smile and he comes inside the shower with me. He starts to wash my back and I let him. His hands roam my body and all over my body. Good thing my tattoo was cover with this new plastic they are using because if not it would be dripping ink right now. He starts kissing my neck and I move my head to the side to give him more space. His hands slip to my sex and one finger slips in. I let out a moan and he continue. A couple of minutes pass and he takes me through the back. In a matter of minutes, he has me orgasming, he pulls out and comes over my back. He then proceeds to wash me.
“What do you want for breakfast?” I ask once we get out the shower.
“Umm I don’t know, what is there to make?
“I have to check. We might have to go into town.”
“How are we going to get there?”
“With my car of course.” I glance at him. “I have clothes you can wear, my grandpa always kept clothes here for my brothers, but they barely ever came so, they are brand new. I’ll be right back.” I head down to the other rooms and get clothes for Luke. I head back and give it to him, we both get dress, and head out.
Forty minutes later we are pulling into my favorite breakfast dinner, they make the best Waffles Ala Mode. That’s a fancy name for waffles with ice cream and fruits. We ask for a booth and are seated right away.
“Can I get you anything to drink?”
“Can I have an Oreo shake?” The women nods and looks at Luke.
“I’ll have the same as her.” The women walks away, and I go back to looking at my menu.
“What are you having?”
“Waffle Ala mode, with a side of turkey bacon. How about you?”
“I don’t know. What do you suggest?”
“Well what do you like?”
“Everything, except eggs and home fries.”
“Hmm then you can get what I get, pancakes or French toast, if you want sandwiches the chicken alfredo one is good.”
“hmm Ill see.”
A couple of minutes later and the women brings us our shakes, Luke happens to order the same thing I did, but he ask for regular bacon and chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla.
“So, last night was, wow.” I blush when he makes that comment.
“Yea it was, and so was this morning.” I answer him. I start to take sips of my drink.
‘So no-” before I could finish the waitress brings our food. We dig in, as soon as I get a taste, I let out a small moan.
“I can’t wait to hear that again tonight.” Luke winks at me and takes a bite of his food, then he lets out a grunt.
“And I can’t wait till hear you when you first go in.” I smirk and he smirks back at me. After flirting for a while and eating all our food we leave. I show Luke around a couple of shops and he buys some stuff. I take him to the beach, and we sit in the sand.
“I used to love coming here. Every day after practice, I would come and just sit here and relax, sometimes I would bring my computer to do homework or just read. Other times it was juts to think and to get away from the life of luxury. A lot of people who knew me thought that I didn’t appreciate what I had and use to judge me for it, but out here no one knew me. Don’t get me wrong, having money fixes a lot of problems, but it causes a lot too. Specially between family.” I don’t know what made say all of that, but I just felt comfortab
le with Luke, I felt like I could be myself, despite all of the messed up things he had plan on doing.
“I understand you, sometimes we just want to be normal, we want to be ourselves but because of the group of people we were brought up in we are expected to act a certain way, and if we don’t, we get judge for it.”
“Yea.” We stay silent for the rest of the time we stay at the beach, just letting the sound of the waves be heard. Just letting them gives us courage, just letting them sooth us, until our minds were at peace.
Hours passed as we just stayed there, the sun sets, and the cold night greet us.
“We should go.” I stand up and wait for him to do the same. We walk in silence to the car. Lost in thought I was. Taking slow breaths, trying to prepare for tomorrow. Tomorrow was his birthday; they will all visit him. I do not care if they see me, I don’t care if they yell at me or hurt me, I need to do this. In order to start moving forward, I have to go back.
I drive in silence, were both deep in thought, when we get home, we head to the living room.
“I am going to see him tomorrow.” I quietly say. I wanted him to come, but at the same time, I did not.
“Ill be right there next to you.” He grabs my hand and squeezes. I look up to meet his eyes and see pain behind them. I don’t know if is pain from his own problems, or if he is feeling my pain.
Whichever it his, it makes him grab me and hug me. His warmth wraps me up in a blanket. I feel protect it, I feel like finally there is someone who I know I can count on. It finally feels like someone is standing in my corner. This feeling lulls me to sleep. And again, this night turns to be a peaceful one.
Chapter 15
September 8
One gets so use to pain that when relieve comes, it consumes the soul, but instead of feeling invigorated or repaired, one confuses relive as pain, destroying one further. If one is not strong enough to realize that is not pain, then the soul will never know.
The next day when I wake up, a sense of sadness washes over me. Its not guilt, is not shame, its just sadness. A sadness that consumes me and doesn’t let me go. Realization that he is not here makes me feel like this, makes me feel like I am dying over and over again.
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