“How is she doing? Is she okay?”
“She seems all right. She’s napping now.” He stood and crossed to Alyssa. “I’m glad you came, though. I didn’t like the way we parted last time.” His hands reached out to hers, and after a moment, she accepted, taking a step closer to him.
“I didn’t either. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. There’s been hurt in my past, and I have to admit your past frightens me, but I know you’re trying.”
“I promise to keep trying if you’ll let me. I don’t think I can do this with Peyton all on my own.”
As he took another step closer, Alyssa could feel the heat radiating off him combining with the heat building inside her. Her breath caught as his fingers intertwined with hers and he pulled her closer. Was he going to kiss her? Did she want him to?
His eyes flickered back and forth between her eyes and her mouth before closing. His face began to lean down to hers, but before their lips could touch—
“Aunt Lyssa.” Peyton’s voice caused them both to jump back.
Heat seared across Alyssa’s face. “Hey, Peyton. How are you doing?”
“I’m okay. I’m sad about Mommy, but Daddy said he wouldn’t leave me.”
A small smile crossed Max’s mouth as Alyssa glanced at him. “That’s so good, Peyton, and I’m going to make sure and be around for you too.”
“Are you going to be my new mommy then?”
“Uh,” Alyssa looked to Max for help in answering the question.
A sheepish grin covered his face. “Sorry, I didn’t tell you all of her dream. I guess Jesus told her he’d be sending a new Mommy to her soon.”
“Oh, well, um, I’d never want to replace your mommy, but I’ll always be here for you.” The words stumbled out of Alyssa’s mouth as she tried to find the best way to answer Peyton’s question without promising something she couldn’t.
“Okay.” Peyton shrugged and switched the subject. “Daddy, can I have a snack?”
Alyssa smiled at the shifting thoughts of a nearly four-year-old as Max headed to the pantry to get her some goldfish.
When Peyton was distracted with her snack, Alyssa grabbed Max’s arm and pulled him to the opposite side of the kitchen. “We need to discuss funeral arrangements. They’re shipping Sarah’s body back, but we need to get a casket and a ceremony set up.”
“Right.” Max’s eyes shifted back and forth. This topic was clearly uncomfortable for him. “I have no idea how to go about that, but I’ll cover the costs.”
“Sarah left a list of what she’d like, just in case,” Alyssa said, laying a hand on his arm. “We just need to get together to get it all done.”
“Okay, I’ll leave work early tomorrow. We should probably get it organized soon.”
“Probably.” Alyssa sneaked a glance at Peyton. “I know she seems okay now, but it’s going to be hard for her.”
“Maybe you can stay tonight and teach me how to pray for her?”
Alyssa blinked at him. She didn’t think he prayed.
“I went to Helen’s church this morning,” he said, smiling. “I really liked the preacher and his words have been cycling through my head all day. I’d like to start small, but I figure Peyton will need someone praying with her nightly now. Real prayers and not the half-baked ones I’ve been saying lately.”
Alyssa nodded, tears pricking her eyes, but not from sadness this time. This time, they were tears of joy that Max appeared to be opening up his heart just as Helen had said.
Chapter 20
"Dude, sorry about not returning your call Friday night, but I was a little busy if you get my drift.” Justin sat in the chair across from Max and wiggled his eyebrows for emphasis.
“Yeah, well, that little stunt nearly cost me something real, so I hope you enjoyed it as it’s the last time I’ll be going out.” Max turned on his computer as he sat behind his desk. Though it appeared Alyssa had forgiven him, he was still miffed at Justin’s behavior.
“Whoa, man, what do you mean? I heard you hooked up with Amber.”
Max rolled his eyes. “No, I didn’t hook up with Amber. I tried to take her home since you left her there, but she was so drunk that she passed out before I got her address. I ended up having to take her to my place, which is where Alyssa found her the next morning when she came to apologize. Needless to say, that didn’t go well, and we’d probably still be fighting if it weren’t for Sarah dying.”
“Wait, what? Sarah’s dead?”
“Yes, she passed away yesterday.” Max bit his lip to keep the hurtful words in his mind from spilling out of his mouth. He shouldn’t be judging Justin so harshly. He had been the same a few short weeks ago.
“So, what are you going to do with the girl?”
“The girl?” Max’s head fell forward, his eyes wide. “You mean my daughter?” Hard as he tried, he couldn’t keep the angry edge from creeping into his voice. “I’m going to raise her of course.”
“Dude, that will totally put a cramp in your style.”
Max shook his head sadly. “I don’t think you understand that my style has changed. I don’t want the playboy life anymore. I don’t want a different woman every time. I want just one, and I want to be a good father to my daughter. She needs me, especially with her mom being gone now.”
Justin blinked as if these concepts were completely foreign to him, and maybe they were. They had been foreign to Max before Peyton and Alyssa entered his life.
“Wow, I have no idea who you are anymore, man.” Justin shook his head as his stood.
Max could try to explain, but he saw no need. Suddenly, he had way less in common with Justin, and he didn’t see their friendship lasting anyway.
With a final glance, Justin shook his head one more time and exited the office. Max sighed in relief.
The rest of the day passed uneventfully, and at two p.m., Max shut down his computer for the day. He was picking Alyssa up, so they could pick out a casket for Sarah.
“What do you think?” Alyssa asked, running her hand over a casket a dark mahogany color. “She always said she wanted simple, but I can’t put her in that thing.” She pointed to the bargain basement casket, which was just a step above a pine box.
Max couldn’t imagine putting Sarah in there either. “Look, I have the money. Let’s get a nice one. I want it to be something that doesn’t scare Peyton as well.”
Alyssa’s eyes widened. “Oh, I hadn’t even thought of that. Do you think she’s old enough to go?”
“Whether she is or isn’t, Sarah was her mother, and I think keeping her away would be a big mistake.” Max recalled a childhood friend who lost his father in a motorcycle accident. He hadn’t been allowed to attend the funeral, and he had carried a lot of hurt afterwards causing him to act out in school.
“You’re right. I should have remembered that from my psychology courses.”
“Hey, don’t be hard on yourself. You have a lot you are dealing with right now.”
Alyssa eyes filled with water. “I mean, I expected this. I thought I was prepared for this, but I’m not. Peyton needs a mother.”
Max pulled her to his chest. She did not fight him but curled up under his chin. “Look, didn’t you tell me that God will provide a way? That he’s always there for you?”
She sniffled and looked up at him. “Yeah, but I didn’t think you were listening.”
He took her face in his hands. “I always listen when you speak. You are the most amazing woman I have ever known. You have this inner strength that shines through. This is hard, but God will show us what to do.”
“Us?”
Max could hear the hope in the singular word. He paused for a moment as he reflected on the decision he made last night. After he had put Peyton to bed, the feeling that he needed to have Jesus in his life had pressed strongly on him, and he had sunk to his knees on the floor by his bed and prayed for Jesus to be his guide.
“Yes, us. I wanted that strength that you and Peyton and Helen have. I wa
nted to be the father she needs, and I knew I was going to need help, so I prayed last night.”
Alyssa’s eyes widened. “You prayed? Like 'accepting Christ' prayed?”
A smile pulled at the corner of his lips. “Yes, like 'accepting Christ' prayed.”
“Oh, Max, I’m so happy for you.” She threw her arms around his neck and enveloped him in a hug. “Oh, sorry,” she said, pulling back.
“Don’t be sorry. I could get used to hugs like those. In fact, I hope you are happy for us. I’m hoping that you plan to stick around with Peyton and me.”
Alyssa nodded, a smile on her face, and though he wanted more than anything to kiss her, Maxwell refrained because kissing her in a room full of caskets just seemed wrong. Instead, he squeezed her hand and pointed to the deep red casket.
“I think that is the one.”
“I agree.”
With the casket picked and paid for, Alyssa and Max chose the flowers and then met with Pastor Brown, the pastor who would perform the service.
“Here is what Sarah wrote down that she wanted before she passed.” Alyssa handed over the notebook sheet of paper, which the pastor took and scanned.
“We should be able to do this without a problem. Are you two planning on a Friday service?” He folded his hands together and looked from Alyssa to Max.
Alyssa looked to Max who nodded. “Yes, Friday should be fine with us.”
With those preparations done, Max and Alyssa headed out to his car. She held tight to his arm, drawing strength from him. “Can I spend time with you and Peyton tonight? I don’t think I can handle being alone.”
“Of course you can. You know you are always welcome in my house.”
The ride back was quiet, and Alyssa’s mind wandered as the buildings passed by. It had been hard losing her mother to cancer, but it felt even harder losing Sarah. Maybe it was because of Peyton, but she thought it was more because of Max. Her heart was torn at the contrast of her joy of his acceptance of God and the feelings she knew were developing between them and the guilt that she felt being with him when Sarah couldn’t.
“What are you thinking?” he asked finally, breaking the silence.
She turned to him, a small frown on her face. “I am struggling with my feelings. I am so sad at Sarah passing, but I’m so happy for you, for us, and it feels wrong.”
“I know what you mean. I’m feeling the same thing, but shouldn’t we be happy that Sarah is no longer in pain?”
Alyssa shook her head. “How did you get so knowledgeable all of a sudden?”
“I had good teachers.” He squeezed her hand with his free one. “It will get better.”
Maxwell pulled into the garage and opened the door for Alyssa. Before stepping in the house, they both took a deep breath to try to clear their heads.
Helen, sensing their moods, hugged each of them before she left. “I’ll be praying for all of you.”
After the trio had dinner and Max put Peyton to bed, he joined Alyssa on the couch.
“Can you just hold me?” she asked as she scooted closer.
Max opened his arm and smiled as Alyssa scooted in. Her dark hair spilled across his chest and he couldn’t keep from stroking the soft locks with his free hand. A flowery smell drifted up and tickled his nose. He wondered why he had never enjoyed this with the other women of his past. There was something comforting about having Alyssa’s body curled up to his without expectation of anything else.
Chapter 21
"Where are we going, Daddy?” Peyton asked as he strapped her into the car seat.
“To meet my parents, Peyton. I think it’s about time you met your grandma and grandpa. Would you like that?”
Her eyes lit up as she nodded.
Max laughed and tussled her hair. “Let’s hope you still feel that way after meeting them,” he said under his breath as he climbed into the driver’s seat.
His mind replayed the phone conversation with his mother as he drove. He had called last night, not wanting to show up unannounced and have them not let him in. Though she had been excited to hear from him, there had been a distance in her voice. He hoped it was just cautionary on her part, but as he pulled into their driveway, his stomach clenched into knots. He hadn’t told her about Peyton on the phone, and he had no idea how they would handle the situation.
Their house was a modest rambler on a few acres of land. After coming to Jesus, they had sold their mansion and moved into a smaller house, another thing Max hadn’t understood then, but did now.
Gathering his courage, he sighed and parked the car. After unstrapping Peyton, he held her hand and approached the front door.
His mother opened the door before the doorbell chime had finished sounding. There were a few more strands of grey in her hair, but otherwise she looked as he remembered her. “Max.” Her voice was warm and her smile genuine as she opened her arms. Then her eyes took in Peyton, and her arms dropped. “Well, hello, who’s this?”
“Hi, Mom,” he said. “This is Peyton, my daughter.”
Though her eyes widened slightly, and she shot him a look that said she expected an explanation, her demeanor remained the same with Peyton. “Hello, Peyton. I’m your grandmother. Nancy.”
“Hi.” Though Peyton had a death grip on his pants’ leg, she released one hand and raised it in a wave.
“Well, come in, come in. Peter will be so happy to see you.”
She led them down a carpeted hallway into a spacious living room. His father sat in a brown recliner, reading a newspaper. As they entered the room, he lowered it and his eyebrow rose as he saw Peyton.
“Hi Dad,” Max said as his father stood. “I’d like you to meet my daughter, Peyton.”
Peyton managed another small wave as Peter kneeled to her eye level.
“It is very nice to meet you, Peyton. I’m Peter, but I guess you can call me Grandpa.”
“Okay, Grandpa.”
Though questions remained in their eyes, his parents refrained from asking them and turned to small talk. Peyton climbed on Maxwell’s lap as he took a seat on the couch. His mother perched on the other chair in the room.
After half an hour, Peyton was asleep on his lap as he had hoped.
“So, tell us how you’ve been,” his mother said when she noticed the cadence of Peyton’s chest.
Max took a deep breath. “It’s been a ride, that’s for sure. You know how my life was going, but a month ago, a woman from my past showed up on my door with Peyton. I hadn’t known about her, but I took her in to help her mother, who was sick. Sadly, her mother, Sarah, passed away this last weekend.”
His mother gasped and covered her mouth.
“So, Peyton’s mine for good. I thought you should meet her since she’ll be in my life.”
“Are you sure, Max? Raising a child isn’t something to take on lightly,” his father said, crossing his legs.
“I know, Dad, but Peyton doesn’t have anyone else. Sarah’s parents died in a car wreck when she was in college, and she was an only child. Besides, she’s grown on me, and I can’t imagine my life without her now. There’s more, though.”
His mother's hands bunched together as she waited for him to continue.
“I became a believer. Sarah was one and Peyton is too. So is the nanny I hired and Alyssa. Between all of them, they showed me what my life could be like, and I accepted him a few days ago.”
Tears glistened in his father’s eyes and streamed freely down his mother’s cheeks.
“Oh, Max, we’re so proud and so happy for you,” she said, wiping away her tears.
“It’s an answered prayer, Son. Praise the Lord, but who’s Alyssa?”
Max smiled as he pictured her beautiful face. “Alyssa was Sarah’s best friend. She has helped me the last month with Peyton and stolen my heart. I want you guys to meet her soon, but I wanted to see how it went with Peyton first.”
“We’d be honored to meet her,” his mother said. “She must be a special woman if she managed
to help turn your life around.”
“She is. The funeral is on Friday, but how about we plan for the following week?”
“That would be great, and I hope you’ll come over more often now.”
Max smiled at his mother and the hope that colored her words. “I promise, Mom, but for now, I better get this monkey home and in her own bed.”
He scooped his arm under Peyton and lifted her up. His mother and father stood and wrapped their arms around him. It felt good to have his parents back in his life.
The day of the funeral dawned before Maxwell was ready. The impending ceremony put a damper on the mood he had been feeling the rest of this week.
He reached for a black shirt and slid his arms inside before buttoning it up and tucking it into his black slacks. The monochromatic look matched his somber mood. He walked into the kitchen and started the coffee pot, enjoying the rhythmic dripping. Lord, please help this day go as well as it can and give Peyton peace.
Her tiny feet echoed in the kitchen a moment later. “Morning, Daddy.”
“Morning, Bug. Did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah, but Jesus told me it was going to be a sad day. I have to say goodbye to Mommy. I don’t want to say goodbye.” Her eyes glistened with unshed tears.
Her perception and connection to Jesus still threw Max. Even though he had made the decision to give his life to Christ earlier this week, he couldn’t say that he’d heard Jesus speak to him. “That’s right Bug, but remember what we talked about? Mommy is no longer in pain.”
“I know, but I... I miss her.” The tears broke through the dam and rolled down her cheeks creating shiny iridescent tracks.
“Oh, Peyton.” He enfolded her in a hug and let her cry against his shoulder. His heart broke for the pain she must be feeling. He had never understood women when they talked about hurting with their children and never wanting to see them hurt, but he understood it now. He would give anything to take her pain away.
When her sobs subsided, he grabbed her shoulders and stared into her eyes. “This is going to be a hard day, but I’ll be there with you and so will Alyssa and Helen, okay? And none of us are going anywhere. We will be here with you whenever you need us.”
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