“He’s just glad I’m okay, aren’t you, boy?” Luke smiled, his eyes creased in blissful comfort. “It’s been so long since I’ve had a dog around. Especially such an affectionate one.”
Jesse finally managed to close his mouth and push aside his shock: “He’s never been like this with anyone but me before. He’s a loyal friend, but he’s definitely not a social butterfly.”
“Sounds like his father then,” Luke mocked with a sly smile.
Jesse stood up and looked at the clock. It was after 2 am. He called to Scampers and said to Luke: “We should probably be going. You seem to be feeling a lot better.”
Scampers still had his face tucked in Luke’s neck, and Luke said to Jesse: “Well, you might have a problem there. Looks like someone’s fallen asleep already.” Sure enough, Scampers was snoring lightly in Luke’s ear, completely relaxed as he lay sprawled over Luke’s chest. Luke fixed his gaze on Jesse’s face, his plump lips in a beaming smile. “I’d love a cup of coffee before you leave. Why don’t you have one with me and we can discuss the assignment for a few minutes. I know it’s late, but if you’re not too tired it’ll give me some time to enjoy Scampers’s company for a bit.” The picture of Luke embracing Scampers made Jesse’s face light up. He nodded his head without a word and headed over to the small kitchen area, pouring water into the kettle and catching glimpses of Luke staring at Scampers contentedly as he rubbed the dog’s back.
Jesse searched around for the cutlery and ingredients for coffee, and stumbled upon a small, laminated card on the counter containing the words “Dear Luke” written at the top of a short message. Jesse tried to resist, but impulse overtook him and he read the message quickly, making sure that Luke didn’t notice: “You are strong enough to get through this. You are stronger than you think you are. You don’t have to fall apart.” Jesse noticed that the message was again signed with the name “Luke”, and he pushed it aside, pretending that he had not read any of it. He found the drawer containing spoons and took one, and searched the next drawer to try and find coffee. In the drawer was a framed photograph of a woman who looked to be slightly older than Luke but with very similar features. They were smiling and hugging as they looked towards the camera, and the background showed a sunny beach day. It must’ve been his sister based on the resemblance, Jesse thought. But why was the pictured buried in a drawer instead of being displayed? As Jesse continued to scan the drawer, he noticed a stack of pictures of Luke with a very handsome guy, probably around their age. In one of the pictures, Luke and the guy were sharing a passionate kiss, looking very much in love.
“The coffee is in the cupboard above the sink,” came Luke’s voice then, still warm and mellow as he relaxed with Scampers on the couch. Jesse immediately felt embarrassed for snooping around Luke’s kitchen, closed the drawer and finished preparing their coffee without a word. He was intrigued by the pictures and by the note he had found in the kitchen, but he knew that he was invading Luke’s privacy by going through the drawers. He decided that he couldn’t mention any of what he had seen to Luke. Besides, he couldn’t afford to get too close to Luke in any case, and asking personal questions would only lead to more complications between them.
Jesse finished the coffee and took it over to Luke, placing it on a coaster on the small coffee table. Scampers woke up at the sound of the mug hitting the glass coaster, and turned around to look at Jesse. Jesse smiled at his dog and said, “Too happy with your new friend to care about me, Scamp? I get it. No hard feelings.” Scampers wagged his tail and jumped from Luke’s lap, sitting with smiling eyes in front of Jesse.
“No fair!” Luke said, sitting up and getting his coffee. “I was enjoying that.”
“A bit too much for my liking,” Jesse said. “I was getting jealous.” Luke and Jesse giggled as Luke sipped his coffee.
Luke turned to Jesse with a serious expression: “I want us to work together. You’re one of the best students in the class and both of us want to do well at this assignment. We don’t have much time and I want us to produce something we’re proud of. We’ll probably have to pull a few all-nighters as it is. I’ve been writing down a ton of ideas and I have a stack of books in my room that I think we could use. So, if you’ll have me, I’d love for us to be partners.”
Jesse pursed his lips as he sat in contemplative silence. Finally, he said: “Okay. We don’t really have a choice if we want to apply for graduate school. Ndlovu would never pass us if we don’t stick to our original groups. But I have one condition,” Jesse said, trying to be as firm and direct as he could.
“I’m listening,” said Luke, returning Jesse’s businesslike demeanor.
“No funny business. We’re just study partners, class mates, nothing more. I can put the past behind me if you can too, and we just focus on the work.”
Luke’s expression was indecipherable. His eyes darted from side to side and he bit his lip. What was there to think about? Wasn’t he the one who had made it clear that he didn’t want the type of relationship that Jesse was looking for?
“Deal,” Luke finally said, and forced a weak smile.
“Good,” Jesse smiled back. But his eyes had caught a glimpse of something that he needed to mention to Luke. “There’s one more condition I just thought of, though. You need to hide the Assassin’s Creed game on your TV stand if we work together at your place. I might not be able to resist.”
They both laughed and began discussing the assignment. Scampers crawled up in a corner as they went through Luke’s notes and the textbooks he had found. They were so lost in their conversation that they didn’t even notice the hours ticking by, the sun coming up and the night turning into day.
Jesse stood up as the clock on the wall had its arms showing that it was 6.15 am. He stretched his arms out as Luke took the final sip of his third cup of coffee. “It’s morning! How did that happen?” Jesse said. He called over to Scampers and found his leash. “We’d better get some sleep so that we can work some more later today. I’m excited. I think our topic is great and the research you’ve done is perfect. We can meet up again tonight to go through my notes if you’re free. What do you say?”
Luke stood up as well, looking refreshed despite his ordeal and then spending an entire night working on the assignment, “Perfect! I’m looking forward to it. I think we work well together, Jesse.”
They walked together towards the door to Luke’s apartment, and passed the small kitchen area. Jesse felt a pang of regret hit him, remembering how he had snooped through the drawers and seen the pictures of Luke with the young woman and the guy Luke was kissing. He decided to push the thought from his mind; there was no point in bringing it up with Luke.
“I’ll see you tonight, Luke,” Jesse said as he led Scampers through the open door. He turned and saw that Luke was standing close to him. There was an awkward moment where Jesse reached out his hand to shake Luke’s hand goodbye, and Luke came in for a hug. Jesse felt his cheeks turn red and just waved at Luke before walking out, and he heard Luke giggle as he left. It had been a long, confusing night, but Jesse was glad that he and Luke were on the same page. He was ready to put his feelings for Luke aside and focus on their assignment.
Chapter 12
Luke sat on his couch as the afternoon sunlight streamed in through the window of his flat. He had slept for hours after Jesse and Scampers left that morning, exhausted after the long, sleepless night. He awoke in the early afternoon and took a quick shower before getting back to his notes. He looked at Jesse’s annotations to some of his notes, written in the margins in Jesse’s neat, angular handwriting. He watched the curves of the pen and pictured Jesse writing them. Luke felt a sudden thrill course through him and a longing to be close to Jesse again; he felt like a schoolchild, obsessing over something as miniscule as Jesse’s handwriting and getting flutters in his stomach because of it. What was happening to him?
Luke remembered the night before, how he had seen Jesse going through the drawers in his kitchen where
he knew that pictures of Stephanie and Barend were buried. He ignored it at the time and didn’t want to make a scene by scolding Jesse for finding the pictures, but he knew that Jesse had seen them. What had Jesse thought, seeing those pictures of Luke so happy with the people he was closest to at earlier points in his life? The sister he had trusted so completely until she had betrayed him; the man he had loved more than anyone else, and who was now gone forever. Luke felt his face sink and put down the notes, the spell cast by Jesse’s handwriting suddenly broken. He was back in that moment of despair from a year before. Back to the moment when his world crashed in an instant. How could he ever think that he could move past it, especially with someone who had that same soft, sweet nature that Barend had; someone like Jesse?
Luke thought back to how Jesse had found him the night before lying at the side of the road. It was almost too much to process: had his drink been spiked with something? Was it the guy with the man bun, Aaron, who had slipped something into his drink? Or was something else wrong with him? Luke had spent many late nights working on the Psychology assignment and studying for his term tests which would take place over the next few weeks, so it might have just been exhaustion mixed with stress. But the way his body had suddenly given in was alarming to Luke.
Either way, passing out like that meant that he could be found by Jesse and Scampers. Rescued, in fact. Luke smiled at the thought of Jesse going out of his way to make sure that Luke was okay and helping him safely back to his flat. It was extremely sweet and endearing of Jesse to be so concerned about him. No one had shown Luke that level of concern in a long time.
Luke’s phone buzzed next to him on the couch as he sat daydreaming, and he picked it up to read the text that he had received. His screen showed the name Jesse, and Luke’s smile extended from ear to ear. He felt excitement pulse through his entire body for a second, eager to read the message. Are you doing better? I was really impressed with your ideas last night. Can’t wait to pick up where we left off. A second later, another message came through from Jesse: I feel so silly for my awkward greeting when I left. Sorry. Luke had heard Jesse apologize over tiny things a few times the night before. Luke found it sweet how awkward Jesse was, never seeming fully confident in what he was doing.
Luke responded to Jesse’s text: Don’t worry about it, Jesse. Looking forward to seeing you tonight. He thought for a second before sending a second message: I really appreciate what you did for me yesterday. And I’m happy that we’re working together. He wanted to add: I miss you already, but he knew that it would be cruel to Jesse to do that. No matter how strongly Luke was beginning to feel about Jesse, he could never be close to anyone again the way he had been with Barend. Everyone he had invested in had been lost to him. He couldn’t risk that level of pain again, not even for someone who made him feel the way Jesse made him feel. Even when all Luke wanted to do when he finally said goodbye to Jesse in the early hours of that morning was to grab him and kiss him, to caress that sweet face and to feel Jesse’s body close to his. Luke’s entire body felt a sense of yearning at that moment.
Luke’s phone began to ring and he was eager to answer, thinking that it was Jesse calling him. He checked the incoming number but his screen didn’t show Jesse’s name. Instead, the call was coming from an unknown number. Luke answered: “Hello?” and he heard a gasp on the other end.
The voice that he heard was soft and sounded nervous: “You answered… Luke…”
“Stephanie?” he demanded, his voice harsh and angry.
Luke’s sister sounded very different on the phone. Her voice had a somber quality and she spoke slowly, like she had rehearsed what she would say many times: “Luke, I know you’re angry with me. I just need to talk to you about something very important. I got the message loud and clear that you want nothing to do with me anymore, and I completely understand why. I regret the way I treated you. I regret it every day. I just need to tell you something that can’t wait. I need you to know something important.”
Luke bit back, jumping up from the couch: “You’re unbelievable! Why won’t you just let me move on with my life like I’ve been trying to do for a year now? I’ve done a good job of forgetting about you, finding other things to make me happy. Why can’t you just do the same instead of pestering me every so often with these calls and messages? I can’t make it any clearer: I don’t want to hear from you, Stephanie. At all!” Luke’s voice was breaking and he barely got the words out. He was determined to make sure that Stephanie finally got the message once and for all.
“I know that, Luke. Don’t you think I know that? I don’t want to fight with you. I just want to tell you something that I need to tell you in person. After I’ve said what I need to say, I’ll stay away from you. I promise.” Luke heard the same pain in his sister’s voice that he was feeling. He began to almost feel sorry for her, until he remembered what she had done to him, and the anger was back in his voice.
“Fine. If it means I can finally get you out of my life, let’s get this out of the way.”
Luke heard Stephanie sobbing on the other end of the line, but he was determined not to allow her to manipulate him. She finally spoke again: “I’m on campus right now. Can you meet me at JJ’s Bistro in ten minutes?”
JJ’s was their favorite restaurant when Stephanie was a student at Ridgemont two years before, when Luke was still a freshman and she was in her senior year. Luke ignored the sentimentality of her choice of setting and said: “I’ll be there.” He ended the call without saying goodbye, and sat back down, staring at the wall of his flat. It had been so long since Luke had seen Stephanie. He had to steel himself. Not show any emotion and not give her the pleasure of seeing how deeply she had truly hurt him. He would simply hear her out and then tell her never to call him again, no matter what she had to say.
***
Ten minutes later Luke was arriving at JJ’s Bistro, which was situated on the far side of Donovan Square a few streets away from Percy’s Pub. The restaurant was French themed, with tall French windows and avant garde artwork as decoration. Despite the stylish appearance of the restaurant, the music was often upbeat and JJ’s had a bar inside of the restaurant that was often frequented by rowdy students, an eclectic mix that made it a great place for a good dinner and a fun pre-party destination.
That afternoon, the music was soft and the restaurant was almost empty. Luke immediately spotted Stephanie as he walked through the door, sitting at a booth near the far wall of the restaurant. Luke’s same ice-blue eyes stared back at him; her features were strikingly similar to Luke’s and to any observer it was easy to see that they were siblings. Her hair was cut shorter since Luke had last seen her, into a chic wavy bob style. She didn’t wear any make-up, which was unusual for her, but her natural beauty was apparent.
Luke walked towards the table where Stephanie sat waiting, pulling his shoulders back and maintaining a stern expression. He noticed her eyes get bigger when she spotted him, and she sat upright in her chair. Luke arrived at the table, the air between them thick with tension, and sat down without a word.
“Hi, Luke. It’s… good to see you,” Stephanie said, her entire body vibrating with nervous energy.
Luke weighed his words as he scanned his sister’s face for any clues about her intentions. He noticed that she looked a lot older than she really was; a year seemed to have aged her by half a decade. There were dark lines under her eyes. Even though she was well-dressed and her hair was perfectly in place, she looked haggard compared to how Luke remembered her.
Luke finally spoke in a measured, deep voice: “I can’t stay long. I think we should just get this over with. What was so important that you had to tell me in person?”
The words seemed to visibly hurt Stephanie, and she sat in stunned silence for a second afterwards. Luke felt a tinge of regret for speaking to his sister so coldly, but he had to protect himself. He had to let her know that he would never allow her into his life again after the way she had treated him.
Stephanie’s eyes sank to the table in front of her, and she responded: “I don’t know how to say this. It’s not easy for me being here either. I didn’t just want you to hear about this over the phone. I wanted to get the chance to let you know… to tell you how sorry I am. How much I regret losing what we once had. How stupid I was for pulling away from you when I found out that you were dating a guy. Before I tell you what I came here to say, I just need you to know that I love you and I’ve always loved you. You were my best friend growing up. After mom left, we only had each other to rely on in life. And I was foolish enough to try and change you when you told me you were gay. Even then, after you told me, it wasn’t real to me until you met Barend. When I saw the two of you together, that love that you shared, I knew that you would never change. I don’t know why I couldn’t just accept you at the time. I had so many preconceived ideas of what it meant to be gay, and why it was so wrong, why it would only hurt you. I just couldn’t get past it.”
Luke raised his voice in anger: “You abandoned me! You cut me out of your life because of Barend. And when I lost him, you weren’t there for me. You wouldn’t even console me after I lost the man I loved so much. You wouldn’t get over your pride long enough to see that I was completely lost. You’re the reason I’ve cut people out of my life, and that I can’t get close to anyone. It wasn’t enough that you turned away from me ever since Barend came into my life, but to abandon me when I needed you most… when I lost him…” Luke’s voice was breaking and he barely got the words out. Stephanie looked at Luke with tears silently rolling down her cheeks.
“I know you can never forgive me, Luke. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself. But to see how much I’ve taken away from you… it breaks my heart.” Stephanie sobbed softly as Luke maintained his stony expression.
“Is that what you came here to say to me? Are we done here?” Luke asked.
All-Nighters Page 8
