“I remembered the smashing of a glass. I remember a slap.” Emily could see her mother’s grey eyes turn as cold as a blizzard sky. There was a storm brewing. If she wasn’t careful, Emily would unleash a blizzard the likes of New York had never seen. “In other words, I’ve started to remember abuse. There was alcohol. There was also physical and verbal abuse of you.”
Monica’s eyes left her daughter’s. There was no way she was going down this path. The man who had tormented her for decades was finally dead and gone. It was true she herself only had months or weeks to live. But at least she could have some months of peace left. If her daughter wouldn’t push, she could put it all behind her and simply exist.
If it hadn’t been for the money, Monica would have been long gone. There was the chance she could have inherited half of everything Lucas had. There was a chance her husband could have forged some documents. He was like that. She hadn’t known exactly how manipulative he could be. It wasn’t until it was after they had been married for over a year was it revealed how abusive both physically and mentally he could be.
Partly it was the alcohol that Lucas was constantly consuming. Partly it had been because it was his nature. He had learned from his father. And yet his father was not as coldhearted as her husband. In a way, Monica was lucky that her husband was such an alcoholic. If he had not been, she probably wouldn’t have been able to poison him as easily as she had. And for as long as she had and yet to be discovered.
“You really aren’t going to give me the answers I seek, are you?” Emily could feel the chill emanating from the bed. “You could gain some kind of closer, if only you’d talk to me. If you’d talk to someone.” Monica managed to rollover so that she was giving her daughter even more of a coldshoulder. “Then I guess you’ll just have to listen to me. Unless you want to have your own daughter thrown out of the hospital. And I wouldn’t put it past you. I wouldn’t put anything past you or Dad.”
There was nothing but silence. What had Emily expected? Nothing. But she had hoped for something. For closure of some kind. But she wasn’t anywhere near that. “I guess it wasn’t only Dad that was abusive all these years. I guess in your own way, so were you.” Emily stood once again. She didn’t want to leave, but remaining here was pointless. Remaining here was like beating her head against the wall.
“Emily?” The voice was weak. Emily knew it wasn’t only from the fact her mother was fighting for her life. She knew it was in defeat that she had spoken. How was she so certain? Because it was how she felt sometimes still when it came to her relationship with Tabby.
Monica kept her back to her daughter. There was no way she could admit this while looking her in the eyes. “It was a different time. Things were done differently. Yes, there was some abuse. It was mostly verbal. But it wasn’t limited to it.” The matriarch took a deep breath. How was she to say what she had buried for over three decades. Something she always had someone watching out for?
“Me being abused I could handle.” There was now a rasp to her mother’s voice. Emily wondered what her mother had to tell her. Was it as she feared. Had a line been crossed. Finally, Monica rolled on her back. A groan escaped her. The nurse in Emily came to the surface. She was instantly adjusting the bed and fluffing the pillows. Emily placed the back of her hand on her mother’s forehead, relieved when there wasn’t a fever.
“Stop fussing.” While Monica had spent her entire life living a life of privilege, she hadn’t always been a spoiled, rich lady. No, there was a time when she was part of a poor family. One that had done nearly everything to support one another. That included emotionally. It was years of living a life of leisure that had turned the matriarch into the uncaring bitch that most perceived her as being.
The tone of her mother’s voice suddenly had Emily scared. Instead of returning to the chair she had vacated, she decided she needed to be closer. The therapist was cautious as she sat on the edge of the hospital bed. When her mother actually sought her hand, she was more than surprised. Gently she held it, noticing how weak the grip was. Even though she and her mother had never gotten along, this was more difficult than she had thought it would be.
“I have something I need to tell you.” Monica had debated with herself over whether to tell her daughter or not. She knew by telling Emily, it would mean telling Rick as well. While not close, this affected both siblings. It was something neither would be prepared to deal with and would need the support of their loved ones.
At the thought of loved ones, Monica hesitated in finally confessing her greatest of sins. Was loving another woman the worst thing in the world? It wasn’t that she honestly felt it was wrong. It was her public persona. It was how her parents had raised her. But were those true? Or was it that the matriarch was homophobic? Too many questions to be pondering when the next breath she took could sadly be her very last.
“Your father wasn’t perfect.” When Emily snorted, Monica took a deep breath. She could understand the reaction. Frustration. Not knowing. Fear. Yes, there was fear of not knowing the entire truth. “But he discovered something when you were only two years. He discovered the fact he couldn’t have children. That he was sterile.” The matriarch was staring at their joined hands.
A thumb was playing with the IV that was inserted in the back of her hand. It had just been changed the day before. She wished she had ok’d the portal in her neck so she wouldn’t have to keep having the IV changed. Soon, they would run out of areas to place it. Or would they? As weak as Monica felt, she was certain that it wouldn’t be long before there wasn’t a need for the IV at all.
“You mean…?” Emily trailed off. She released the hand she had been holding. It now made sense. Not only did her father disapprove that she was in a relationship with a woman, he wasn’t even her blood father. Yet, that shouldn’t have made a difference. Look at Walter Walker, Sam’s adopted father. Never had she known, until recently, he wasn’t her father. Look at Sam and Abby. Abby adopting Conrad, her nephew, and Sam’s son. Sam adopting the child Abby had carried. None of them ever allowed it to be known that they weren’t blood related or treat them as if they weren’t.
“I don’t even know who he is.” Monica’s voice was so subdued. Even though Emily was stunned and angry beyond words, there was sympathy she could feel for her mother. It wasn’t the fact her mother was dying. Sadly, we all have our time when we leave this earth. It was the fact her mother had chosen to live the way she had. That, though it was her choice, not one minute of one day had been happy.
“I wasn’t raped. I wasn’t drugged.” Monica finally chanced a glance at her daughter. “It was shortly after I’d started dating your father. We’d had a disagreement over something. Probably over something I wore.” The matriarch cleared her throat. In an instant, there was a glass with water placed in front of her. Their eyes met as Monica took several sips of the water.
While her voice had cracked because she was thirsty, it wasn’t the real reason behind it. Monica hadn’t allowed herself to experience these feelings for literally decades. Emotions in general were not things she allowed herself to feel. After all, she had stayed in the marriage for money and prestige. If she was going to die, what was the point of continuing with the charade?
Monica wasn’t stupid or naïve. She knew that a select few knew the truth. She knew that Mitch would do anything for her daughter. In fact, she was surprised he hadn’t uncovered the fact she wasn’t his brother’s daughter. When he discovered the fact he wasn’t blood related to Emily, what would the man do? He was an honorable man, but still…
“So I did the worst thing you can do when one has an argument.” Monica managed to keep eye contact with her daughter. There was this understanding. It made her proud to be her mother. But it also unnerved her. She wondered where Emily had inherited the capacity to love as unconditionally as it appeared she did. Even to a mother who had turned her back on her and had belittled her relationship.
“I ran. I didn’t even attempt to talk things
through.” Monica maintained her eye contact. Emily swallowed. She wondered if her mother was attempting to convey something. Something more than how the night she had been conceived had come about. Was she attempting to be a mother? Was she attempting to tell her not to ever do the same in her relationship?
“Then I did the stupidest thing I could do.” Monica accepted the water offered once again. Their eyes never left the other’s. “I went to a bar. It was a seedy bar. The kind your father never would have been caught…” She trailed off. Part of her wanted to laugh. Part of her wanted to cry. Her husband wouldn’t have been caught dead and yet he was already six feet under. And still he wouldn’t be in a bar like she had been in.
Emily squeezed her mother’s hand letting her know that she understood. It was one of those things. One says something that under normal circumstances was innocent. But to a particular person could be a painful reminder. Or could be taken a different way and caused them to be angry, sad or different emotion than the one intended. In this case, her father’s death was so recent.
“Anyways, I was young. Only barely of drinking age.” Monica’s eyes glassed over. It was clear she was lost in the memories of a time so long ago. Emily couldn’t help but wonder if these were pleasant or unpleasant memories. Normally very adept at reading people, her mother had been a mystery for years now. There had been an honesty with her mother. She wondered if it was now going to disappear, if only to protect herself.
“It was a place I grew up in.” When a blonde eyebrow rose in question, it broke Monica out of her memories. It also caused her to laugh. “Your grandmother was a single mother. She worked as a cocktail waitress. At least she did until your grandfather returned. They hadn’t divorced, but he had been off doing whatever he had been doing. No one actually told me the story.”
After seeing Emily shake her head, Monica once again laughed. “I think, if you have the time, we need to sit down and discuss a few things. Hopefully Rick will join us.” The matriarch smiled slyly as she noticed her son had his head poking through the opened door. “I hope you’ve heard the rest of the story. I’m about out of energy.”
Rick hastily made his way to stand beside his mother. Monica nodded as if she was now able to finish the tale. “It was a bar like my mother had worked. Growing up in one, I knew the dangers. And yet, I couldn’t stop myself. I drank so much. It wasn’t just beer. I began mixing it with anything anyone would buy. There were two particular gentlemen who were the ones who bought me the most.”
Once again Monica’s eyes were glassed over, lost in another time, another place. “The only thing I remember about them is the fact they were brothers. They were two years apart. And they were on leave. I think they were in the Navy and had traveled to Sacramento to see what it was like before their ship sailed. If I ever was told their names, I have no idea what they were. I’m sorry.”
Emily closed her eyes. Tears were flowing from them. Dare she attempt to find her birth father? Could she find him? She had her Uncle Mitch and Sam who would do just about anything for her and Rick. Sam’s resources were endless, especially since Max was still Deputy Director at the FBI. Still, would it be worth it to know where one came from? After all, Sam knew who her father was. A mobster and rapist. Had it helped her?
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
The funeral. Gods how Tabby wished she could have been with her soulmate. Already she vowed to fly out for the weekend. Bringing Nicky might not be an option. Luckily, Melissa and Desiree had already offered to take care of the young man, if she couldn’t convince him to travel with her. But if she couldn’t be with Emily on the day of the funeral, she was certain to be there as soon as she could.
Working for Samantha Walker allowed her schedule to be more flexible. For the most part, Tabby wasn’t a nurse. Though her job title was that of a nurse, it was more like she was a confidant. Plus, she was helping Jackie, Steve’s wife and the secretary of the agency, to organize the office. There was the familiarizing of Olivia Franks, the newest employee, who could handle the computers and so much more, with the day to day operations. It was something she actually enjoyed doing, especially knowing her particular skills weren’t needed.
It was after dinner. Tabby had asked for time in the lake for the mother and son. Nicky, of course, had become suspicious instantly. He had attempted to talk his way out of it. The fact his birthday had been the day before and Emily had not bothered to return had harmed the chances that he would ever accept her back in their lives. While it wouldn’t be the end of their relationship in her eyes, Tabby knew that her soulmate would end things if she couldn’t convince Nicky of her intentions.
So it was up to Tabby to attempt to explain a few things. One of the things she was never going to explain was what the blood test had been truly for. After having been poked and prodded for so long because of his leukemia, Nicky had easily accepted the fact it had something to do with making certain he wasn’t becoming ill again. And they had actually done some tests that had screened him once again. Tabby wasn’t certain what she was more grateful for. Her son didn’t have HIV or that his leukemia remained in remission.
Tabby was soaking her feet in the cool water. Though it was now the middle of June, the temperatures of the lake had yet to match. Or was it the chill she felt at being alone. She was surrounded by her adopted family and yet she felt even more alone then when Helen had left her to look after Nicky all by herself.
Helen. No one had seen her since the incident. It made Tabby more than nervous. Her ex had proven to be vindictive, regardless if she was truly HIV positive or not. Part of her wanted to confront her. Part of her never wanted another moment with Helen. It would help possibly having the answers she sought. But would it do her any good?
With everything still happening, Tabby was upset about one thing. While Desiree, Steve and Sierra were still around, Sam and Abby had departed on their much needed honeymoon. Why was that upsetting? There was something about the couple. No matter what or who they faced, they always seemed to come out on top. With Helen, Anthony and even Leslie still running free, the nurse felt a little less safe with them an ocean away.
The splash startled her. Nicky hadn’t even made his presence known before the water sprinkled against Tabby. A sad smile was on her face as she watched her son, at least appear to enjoy his swim. While Nicky enjoyed spending time with his friends, there had been little to no alone time with his mother. He partially blamed Emily, of course.
“Nicky!” Tabby attempted to garner her son’s attention. Nicky was intent on swimming to the other side of the lake it seemed. While it wasn’t much for Sam or Abby to swim the distance, a young boy who was in some ways still hampered in his development because of his past illness wasn’t. “You know you aren’t supposed to swim that far!”
After waiting to the count of twenty, Tabby didn’t hesitate any longer in jumping in. She swam as fast as she could to the middle of the lake. Nicky was still a great distance from her. Her heart lurched as she saw his head go under water. Not waiting to see if he had intentionally submerged, Tabby once again was swimming with all the energy she could muster.
Tabby blindly reached out once she had made it to the spot she thought she had last seen her son. It wasn’t long before she had the boy pressed against her. “Mom! I wanna swim all the way! Adam said he does it all the time!” Nicky began to push his mother away. It wasn’t because of his supposed want to do what his older friend had accomplished.
It was a struggle to swim with her son in her arms, but somehow Tabby managed it. Finally, she was able to place her son on the dock. It took her remaining strength to pull herself up next to him. Both were shaking from the coolness of the water. Tabby forced herself to gather the blanket she had brought with her and wrap it around each of them. Even though he was cold, Nicky was still forcing her to hold him firmly in place.
“Nicky Smith, you will listen to me. You will sit still.” Finally, the young man did as he was told. “I want you to tell m
e exactly why you are doing these things. You are disobeying me. You are not respecting your elders.” Tabby took a deep breath. “You aren’t even allowing us to discuss anything that has to do with Emily. Please. Talk to your momma.”
Where the strength came from, Tabby was uncertain. One minute she was holding her son tightly. The next, she was looking up at the sun, Nicky looking down at her. “Since you’ve been with Emily, you aren’t my momma.” Nicky had tears streaming down his cheeks, mixing with the water still dripping from his hair.
“Sit down young man.” Nicky roughly wiped his eyes before taking off. Tabby became entangled with the blanket. Her chin slammed hard onto the deck. For a moment, all the nurse could see was stars. Once she was finally able to stand, she sighed heavily. Deliberately, she gathered the blanket and swim toys she had brought in hopes they could speak to one another while they had fun for once.
Tabby was grateful when Melissa stopped her son. Their eyes met. Part of Tabby wanted to force her son to listen to her. Part of her wanted to force him to tell her what was really upsetting him. His last comment made her think she had changed since meeting Emily. Or was it the time they spent together? Tabby nodded. Melissa understood. The innkeeper gently swatted Nicky on the bottom as he made his way past her.
Melissa took several steps away from the entrance to the bed and breakfast. There was something she had to warn Tabby about. There was something she wished her daughter had been here for. When the nurse attempted to bypass Melissa, she found her path blocked. “Desiree is watching Nicky. She said she’d have a long talk with him about respecting his mother. There’s something you need to know.”
The fact her son was being sent away sent a shockwave up and down her spine. Tabby knew there was something to discuss. But what? Had someone found Helen’s whereabouts? Had Steve or one of the others discovered something about Helen? Or was there word from Emily? Was she all right? She still felt guilty she hadn’t been there for her soulmate for what had to be one of the most difficult things she ever had to do.
Distance of the Heart Page 13
