Distance of the Heart

by Agnes H Hagadus

  Rick blinked. Who was this woman standing before him? They hadn’t known one another growing up. That could be said at nauseam. However, he had, he thought, gotten to know his sister over the past few months. But then again, how much time had they really spent with one another? Still, this woman seemed so different. She was stronger. She was more forceful. And she was telling it like it was. She was not shying away from the truth, as Rick was.

  “I don’t know what I want or need.” Rick’s gaze met with Jasper for a brief moment. It was enough of a tell. Emily knew this wasn’t merely about what had happened at the hospital. This had more to do with his feelings for Jasper. And the fact he was doubting whether or not they could make it. Why was for a later discussion. “I just know I’d love to be at your wedding. I’d love to help with anything involved. And to be a good uncle to Nicky. Everything else…It’s overwhelming at the moment. I hope you understand.”

  “More than you know.” Emily smiled at her brother. The understanding in those azure eyes was nearly too much for Rick. And yet, he had always known Emily was this kind of person. Someone who loved with abandon. Someone who would place others first. He might not have known her favorite color or the fact she was into the ladies, but he knew this much about her. For Emily, it was all about the love.

  Rick knew in that moment how much Emily had been through. It wasn’t realizing she was attracted to women, though for everyone there was that moment. It might be minor as if to say ‘yup, I’m gay’ or years of contemplation. Either way, there was a process. But it wasn’t that for which Emily was speaking. It was what her best friend had been through. It was what his sister had been through the past few months. She’d seen and felt more than most do in several lifetimes.

  “I’m sorry for running out on you, Leon, Tabby and Nicky.” Rick’s head was bowed as if he were completely ashamed. In a way, he was. It was for the example he’d shown for Nicky. It was for not giving their father the chance everyone deserves. Even his mother and stepfather had deserved that much. And had received it many times over. Probably why he was so gun shy. Whether it was with Leon or with Jasper, he was wary of taking chances.

  “Then make it up to all of us. Come back to the hospital with me. At least say hi to Leon. Come to the bed and breakfast as we break the news of the engagement to everyone else.” When Rick hesitated, Emily wasn’t certain if it was because her brother was fearful of everyone’s reaction to his behavior or if he wanted Jasper to accompany him. “Jasper is invited. He is your boyfriend after all.”

  The slightly taller man seemed to relax. Emily couldn’t help but wonder how stressed Rick was. It was mostly his own doing. Not being true to himself. His first serious relationship. All the truths that had been revealed. The fact his sister had been in prison and then rescued her fiancée. All those things added up. It was for Emily as well. But she’d been through similar before and was better equipped to handle it. Would Rick, in time, be able to handle everything?

  “Thank you.” Rick didn’t know what else to say or do. So the pair made their way slowly towards Jasper who watched their approach. There was something about Emily he wasn’t certain of. He’d heard what had happened while she was in prison. And he’d heard about the rescue. While his boss had nothing to do with it, someone with more power and wanted control in Middletown had informed him. After agreeing to join them, Jasper nearly regretted it.

  Why? Because he was facing Leon. The man who had been shot by someone else. But it had been supposed to be Jasper who had shot Leon and setup Emily for it. And yet, it hadn’t worked out that way. Yet, Jasper had been there when he had been shot. It was not something he was looking forward to. What caused him greater trepidation. Facing down Leon or facing down Melissa.

  It wasn’t long until they were back at the hospital. Jasper had insisted on taking separate vehicles. It didn’t matter to Emily. But in the back of her mind she couldn’t help but wonder if Jasper wanted a quick getaway or if it was because they would eventually be going separate ways that was behind the suggestion of separate vehicles. She had Tabby and Nicky to think about but still…

  When the trio walked into the hospital room, Leon’s eyes met with Jasper’s. Once again, years of being able to hide his emotions came in handy. This was one of the reasons Leon was about to call in one of the many favors owed to him. If his son was in a serious relationship with the man who did nothing to save him and had probably been there to kill him, he had to make certain Jasper would not hurt Rick. At least not physically. Emotionally was nearly entirely on his son.

  It was all too much for Jasper. He could barely handle facing the mayor, let alone anyone else with power. Even though Leon was a law abiding citizen, because he was dating his son it was even more terrifying the thought of facing down Leon. “I apologize but I just remembered an appointment the mayor needs me for. I’m sorry to run out on our first family moment but as I told you I have work obligations.” It was lame, but it was also true.

  Before anyone could say anything, Jasper’s phone rang. He hesitated in answering it. But he was on call. If he didn’t answer it, he could be in serious trouble. If he did, he could be caught in a lie. “I should have turned this off being in a hospital. I’ll just make my way downstairs so that I don’t disturb anyone.” The phone was now up to the fourth ring. He knew if he didn’t answer, he’d be in trouble. “Jasper here. I’m at the hospital. I’ll be there as soon as I can and I’ll explain everything.”

  Emily and Leon both understood what Jasper was saying as he closed the door behind him. Their eyes met as soon as the door had closed. Would either say anything? Or would they allow Rick to continue to make his own mistakes. But at what cost? Not just to his soul, but to his personal safety. How long could they allow this charade to go on?

  “Is there any way we can talk?” Rick sounded defeated. Emily read between the lines, as did Tabby. It meant her future brother-in-law wasn’t comfortable speaking in front of a child. For that, she would be eternally grateful. But she didn’t want to be left out, either. “I’ll take everyone to lunch before we go back to the bed and breakfast. Of course, not you…Leon.”

  It was a step. They all knew it. Prior to this, Rick had referred to his father as Mr. Barkley. It was a way of distancing himself from the fact they were father and son. Would he ever be able to refer to him as Father? Only time would tell. “I know. And as soon as I’m up to it, we’ll spend some time together. And perhaps some of the family from out west.”

  “I’ll just take Nicky to the car.” When her son would protest, Tabby gave him ‘the look’. It was the motherly one every child knew wasn’t to be argued with. The young man decided not to argue. But hoped his mother would keep her promise. And that was to treat him as an adult and explain all that was happening later. Nicky gave his grandfather, mother and uncle a hug. With Rick, it was stiff. But then, it was the first time they had hugged so that could explain it.

  They waited until they were certain that Tabby and Nicky were not in earshot. Emily took her usual perch on her father’s bed. Instinctively, father and daughter linked hands. In a way, Rick was jealous of the instant bond the pair shared. And he knew he had only himself to blame for not having a similar type of bond.

  “I guess you two already know about Jasper.” When his sister and father said nothing, Rick knew they knew. But did they know the entire story? “He works for the mayor. And the mayor is bad news. He’s tried getting out from under his thumb only to be pulled deeper in. Now, he’s working for the mayor and someone from Europe. He thinks from Italy.”

  Red lights were flashing in Emily’s eyes. Italy? That could mean several things. But it could mean something specific. It could mean Anthony was behind Jasper. Or one of the associates he dealt with. While the mayor was not a pleasant thought, someone associated with Anthony was even more unpleasant. To the point where Emily was nearly ill.

  “All I know is they have him in deep. And the fact he wasn’t where he was supposed to be could ha
ve meant his death and mine.” Rick finally managed to look Leon in the eyes. He took a deep breath as he realized his father already knew most of this. That it was nothing new. “I just don’t know what to do. I think I’m in love with him. But how can I possibly be with someone who’s known violence? And not protecting others and especially their loved ones.” He’d added the last part knowing Emily had most likely done some things while in prison she wasn’t thrilled with, all to protect her soulmate.

  “And he’s the one who was supposed to shoot me.” Rick and Emily were now staring at their father. Rick hadn’t even thought it was a possibility. Emily had known Leon had told a lie to cover up for the detective. But also covering for Jasper? That was…It was what any parent would do for their child. But now, with all this knowledge, what were they to do? Most importantly, what was Rick to do. Was he to follow his heart or was he to run for the hills.

  Chapter 17

  Everyone had been more than happy when Emily and Tabby had shared the news. It was mostly because everyone wanted to see the couple happy. But there was that part of each person that wanted something to hold onto. Something positive. There was so much negative in the world. Seeing two souls joined for eternity was one of the greatest gifts anyone can receive.

  And yet, there was a black cloud hanging over Middletown. Partly it was the mayor, Jasper, Lena and the unknown elements Jasper had spoken of. Partly it was discovering how far up the ranks the corruption went in the police force and in all the city offices. But the darkest cloud was the fact Sam and Abby still remained off the grid. As did Mitch. There needed to be a celebration. Not just the wedding, but something more than that.

  It had been Emily’s idea. She knew there was so much they had to do coordinating the wedding. There was setting a date. Making certain as many of her family from her father’s side could attend. There was the hope Sierra would be able to come out of her self-imposed undercover mission. The most important thing was waiting for Sam and Abby’s safe return. Along with that uncle of hers.

  “So, when is this wedding I’ve been hearing so much about?” Emily turned, stunned to see her best friend. Abby was worse for wear, that was for certain. There was evidence of being badly abused once again. There was a haunting in those once sparkling emerald eyes. The last time she had looked even remotely like this was after she had done something that had tainted her soul. All to protect her soulmate.

  Emily knew better than to say anything about her appearance. It wasn’t because Abby was vane. It was because asking too many questions before one was ready could cause more damage to a person’s psyche than help. It was a similar reason why she hadn’t pushed her uncle. “What? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”

  Once again, the words were spoken without humor. There was no twinkling in those emerald eyes. Emily wanted to ask. She wanted to push. She wanted to pull her best friend into a tight embrace. It took forever for her to even come up with anything to say, she was that worried about Abby. “First off, still no date. Had to wait for my best friend to come back. And secondly, you were supposed to be back nearly two weeks ago.”

  Emerald eyes darted to the water. As always, Emily had found herself drawn to the lake behind the bed and breakfast. There was something healing in those waters. At least, she hoped there was something healing in those waters. It would take months or years or even several lifetimes for Tabby and Abby to recover from whatever was haunting them both. Emily wondered if either her fiancée or best friend would one day be able to confide in her.

  The haunted eyes remained staring at the water. It was as if Abby hadn’t heard a word that was spoken. Yet Emily knew she had been heard. How? There had been a twitching of an eye when she had commented on how overdue the couple had been. It must have been some vacation. And to be separated from their child for so long…Emily couldn’t even imagine the trauma that alone must have caused both women.

  “Sorry we’re so late.” Abby turned to look in her best friend’s eyes. The eyes were no longer haunted. It was as if a switch had been flipped and there was now light in emerald eyes once again. “I have stories to tell you. But not now. Right now, I want to take my best friend to lunch and celebrate your upcoming nuptials. And then maybe we can spend the rest of the afternoon shopping. We haven’t done that in forever.”

  When her best friend remained silent, Abby’s smile faded slightly. “I’m just not ready to talk about what happened. I even have trouble talking to Miss Kitty about it. And she experienced most of the same things. It’s going to take me a while to be ready. I’m sorry. But on a brighter note, school is starting in a few weeks. That means new clothes for the boys and new nurse uniforms for me.”

  So, this was how it was to be. Emily nodded. She didn’t want to accept the fact her best friend was keeping things bottled up inside. And hopefully Abby would be able to speak to her wife about things. It was a beginning. But it was a fine line the nurse was attempting to walk. It was like a high wire act. Only this one was suspended between two skyscrapers and there was no net below.

  But it was Abby’s high wire act. She wouldn’t be performing it alone. She had a wife, three wonderful children, family and a host of friends to see her through. Emily wondered if all of those things combined would be enough to save her best friend. Or would Abby stumble and fall. Would anyone be able to catch her should she fall? It was a frightening thought indeed.

  “I could use a girl’s day out. I can tell you about my latest adventure. But first, I think one of those mocha thingies you got me addicted to is in order. My treat.” Emily took her best friend by the arm and steered her towards the pink demon. Her car was getting some good use this summer. She would hate to put her in storage for the winter, but there was no way she’d chance the salt and grime rusting out her classic beauty.

  “I got you addicted to?” Abby laughed. It was a wonderful sound. It wasn’t unlike hearing Tabby laugh. Even now four days later, Tabby still hadn’t managed even a soft chuckle. Not even with Nicky attempting to get his momma to laugh. It was heartbreaking. “I think it was you who introduced me to them. I remember our first meeting. I was sat in the library attempting to study. When up comes this tall, voluptuous, blonde. I did notice…”

  No, it didn’t need to be said. While both women were extremely beautiful, they had known almost from the beginning there would be nothing more than friendship. Partly it was because Emily never thought she’d be in a relationship with a woman and partly because Abby had repressed her sexual attraction to women.

  Mostly it was because there were those that were simply better as best friends than lovers. Not that lovers aren’t best friends. Most true relationships are based on friendship first. It grows into something wonderful over time. It becomes more than anyone can ever hope to have. In both their cases, they had found friends first. Though in Emily’s case, they had become nearly instant lovers.

  As Emily listened to the tale her best friend spun as they navigated the streets of Middletown, there was a part of her that was grateful for the tale being spun. Partly it was because of the memories that washed over the therapist. It had been a long time since she had thought of those early days in New York City. She’d left home wanting a fresh start. She had figured New York was as good a place as any. And when she’d met Abby, she knew she’d made the right choice.

  The real reason Emily was so engrossed and thrilled with the fact her best friend was regaling her with the tale of how they had first met and became addicted to the mocha lattes was because the storyteller in Abby was coming through. It was a long, hard road Abby had of recovery. While being with Sam was as required to live as breathing, it had also brought its fair share of heartache. Ones that would have driven a weaker person insane.

  “I’d never even had a latte until that night.” Emily had pulled into the diner parking lot. Instead of either making a move to make their way into the diner, they both sat in silence. “I don’t know how I’m ever going to get over this one.” Abby turned to
ward her best friend. There were the signs of tears. But just as quickly as they appeared, the smile was on her face. As if she hadn’t said anything, Abby gently shoved Emily. “So now poor Sam has to satisfy my cravings you started in me.”

  They stared at one another before bursting into laughter. Abby was the first to open her door. Emily watched her friend stand for a moment. She appeared lost once again. It was as if she didn’t even know she was in Middletown. That she was in a place frequented by everyone in the city. A place that had seen forgiveness. A place that had seen violence. It was a close second to the bed and breakfast as the center of the town. But nothing could replace the bed and breakfast as the true heart of Middletown.

  Emily wondered if Sam knew the condition of her wife. How could she not? Except…Sometimes when you are so close to someone, you don’t realize what they are truly going through. What they are hiding beneath the surface. Even when a couple are soulmates, there are times when they are too close. It can be dangerous when one is hurting as badly as Abby obviously was.

  “Are you coming?” Emerald eyes were twinkling. Emily wondered for how long. Her mind was rushing through all the possibilities her best friend was facing. With all she had been through, even before meeting Sam, there were so many coping mechanisms. What would Abby do? In the past, she had pushed unpleasant experiences to the back of her mind. But that was a younger version. One who wasn’t as capable of fighting as the woman standing before her.