“It never would’ve been enough time,” he told me softly.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d missed my mother this much, but the aching in my heart was almost a comfort now. That I had known that kind of love was more than Bastian had ever had. And there was the love of my sisters’ too—besides his governess, Bastian had been alone all this time.
In the comfortable silence, panic and guilt turned my stomach as I thought about how I was going to tell him that I needed to leave him to check on my sisters.
“I have something to confess,” he said after a moment before I could speak up. “It’s something I’m not proud of, and I would understand if you hated me afterwards.”
I straightened, heart in my throat as I waited for him to explain.
He took a deep, trembling breath. “When I realized I couldn’t change myself back into the man I’d once been,” he began, “I decided to play by the witch’s rules and tried to force women to love me.”
Knowing there had to be more to it, I clenched my jaw to keep from reacting. “I started venturing out towards town, hoping a girl would wander too far into the Black Forest, and when she did, I would bring her here.”
He put his head in his paws, and I found that I was touching his back, comforting him. Even though he’d done a terrible thing, I couldn’t think the worst of him yet. That’s not the Bastian I knew.
“It was wrong—so terribly, awfully wrong—but back then I didn’t care,” he explained further. “I would’ve done almost anything to break the curse. But they always ran away at night, trying to get back home, and the wolves…”
Impulsively, I put both my arms around him, imagining those girls who hadn’t known the kinds of dangers that the Black Forest held at night.
“How many?” I asked softly when he didn’t continue.
Bastian shook his head. “Even one was too many. In the end, the third girl ran off after only a day. That was when I decided I wouldn’t ruin the lives of others just because I could. Just because my own life was ruined.”
My heart ached painfully, for those girls, for Bastian. This Bastian would’ve never done something like that, and I could tell how much his past tore him apart now.
“I understand,” I told him after he was quiet for a moment.
His head snapped towards me so quickly that he only narrowly missed bumping my forehead.
“That was part of who you used to be, Bastian,” I said, lightly touching the fur on his face. “The you I know would never do that.”
Bastian looked at me pleadingly. “But what if I’m still that creature? What if, underneath all of this”—he gestured to himself—“I haven’t changed at all?”
“You’re not that man anymore,” I told him resolutely. “I’ve done things I’m not proud of, especially when I was a child.” I specifically remembered cutting off chunks of Emily’s hair with my mother’s gardening shears because she’d stolen my hair brush. Not that it compared to what Bastian had done, but there wasn’t a person alive that hadn’t done something they regretted.
“But I grew up,” I continued, “and I’m not that person. And neither are you. Our past doesn’t define us; it makes us stronger.”
Bastian let out a long breath, and I could tell he’d been holding that deep in his heart for a long time. Sophie must’ve known, but she was loyal enough to Bastian not to say anything.
Like the loyalty I felt towards my sisters. And now, towards Bastian.
“Belle…” he began again after a moment. But he must’ve seen the distress on my face, and he stopped. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
I sighed; he knew me too well. It was as good a time as any. “I have something I need to tell you, too.”
He looked at me expectantly.
“Do you know why I’ve stayed here this long?”
He laughed once and reached out so that his thumb could stroke my palm, distracting me. “Well I’m sure it’s not on my account.”
“Not exactly,” I said. Turning towards him, my hand slipping out of his. “I went out into the Black Forest that night because I was sent to find you.”
“By whom?” he asked, curiously tilting his head.
“The Regime.”
Bastian pushed his shoulders back. “And why would the Regime have sent you?”
“My father,” I explained. “He gambled all of our money away, and then some. He owes the Regime a large debt that he can’t pay. He offered me up for the Brothel as payment, but I was able to make another deal.” A movement caught my attention, and I noticed Bastian’s paws were balled tightly into fists. When I looked back up, his eyes were ablaze with anger.
“Did I say something wrong?” I asked.
He shook his head, and replied in a strained voice, “No, please continue.”
“I made a deal with Thomas, the town lawman: that I’d bring back something the Emperor desperately wants as long as he lets my sisters go and forgives my father’s debt.”
“And what does the Emperor want so desperately, besides my kingdom?” he growled.
I swallowed. “Your ring. The one that cursed you.”
“Ha!” he laughed humorlessly. “That thing will do him more harm than good. It would be his downfall were he to possess it.” He turned thoughtful. “In fact, I can think of no better punishment for the man trying to steal what’s rightfully mine.”
I looked away. “It does seem that way, doesn’t it?”
He paused before asking, “What aren’t you telling me?”
“The other part of the deal.” I glanced up at him. “When I return to Briar with the ring, I’ll be forced to marry Thomas.”
Bastian grabbed my hands, his anger turned to desperation. “Then don’t go back.”
“But if I don’t, he’ll kill my father and send both my sisters to the Brothel.”
He sat back, dropping my hands from his paws before turning them to fists. “I’ll kill him,” he growled.
I appreciated the offer, but I’d been dreaming about all the ways I could kill Thomas since that night. “I’d like to do that myself, but I’m not sure how much good it’ll do. Bastian, I need to see my sisters. I just need to know that they’re alright, that he hasn’t done something to them in my absence.”
He nodded. “I have a way.”
I cocked my head to the side, waiting.
“More magic,” he clarified, and I nodded, still not sure what he meant.
We stood and started towards the open door that led back to the ballroom. I wish we didn’t have to leave this moment, but we didn’t have a choice. The candlelight inside had dimmed so that shadows plagued the mirrors, and I felt a sudden longing for something I would likely never have.
Once we’d left the ballroom, he led me down the corridor to his chambers. The torches lit as we passed them, and Bastian opened his door without a second’s hesitation. He immediately went past his bed and flung back the curtain beside it. What I thought might’ve been a window when I’d first been here was actually a mirror. The only mirror I’d seen in the castle besides the ones in the ballroom. It was tinted the oddest hue of purple.
I came to stand beside him.
“Say one of your sisters’ names and the mirror will show her to you,” he told me.
I looked at him strangely, but didn’t have the patience to question it, so I nodded anyway and spoke clearly. “Emily Fairfax, please.”
The purple tint began to swirl across the mirror like the curling smoke from the dark figure Bastian had conjured outside the castle, and behind it an image appeared.
It was my room. I felt like I was seeing it through a window: all my things were exactly where I’d left them, even the vase of flowers I’d put by the window at the end of fall that had become wilted and dried-out. I wondered if this was like the tea visions, a glimpse of something that had happened in the past. But there was Emily on my bed, her hands on her face, her whole body quivering. She was...crying. I moved closer to the mirror, wishing I co
uld reach out to comfort her.
“Emmy,” a voice called, and I recognized it as Lila’s. “What’s wrong?”
My little sister walked into my room, covered in mud, dripping it onto the floor in her wake. If I’d been home, I would’ve scolded her. But I wasn’t.
Emily wiped her hand angrily over her eyes and slid off the bed. “Nothing Lila. Why are you all muddy?”
“I was working in the garden one last time.” Her voice was so small… Wait, one last time? What had she meant by one last time?
“Come here,” Emily said, and Lila bounded into her arms, clutching at my other sister’s faded gray tunic.
Tears burned behind my eyes, and I wished more than anything that I could be there with them. I felt Bastian move closer, trying to comfort me.
“Do you think Belle will be back in time?” Lila asked as she buried her face into Emily’s stomach.
“Thomas is coming for us in less than a day,” Emily said in answer, smoothing Lila’s hair down. “I doubt Belle will even know what’s happened.”
“Less than a day?” I wondered aloud. “That’s all they have left is a day?”
“You haven’t been here more than a week,” Bastian observed. “What was your deal with Thomas exactly?”
Without taking my eyes off my sisters, I hurried through a short explanation of the deal, ending with the fact that he’d stipulated the time limit to be a month. He was going against his word; he hadn’t been expecting me to come back at all. I wondered if he’d already killed my father.
“Show me Eric Fairfax,” I commanded the mirror, and smoke enveloped my sisters before it cleared again to reveal a jail cell. Father was huddled in the corner, dressed in the sooty rags I’d last seen him in, teeth chattering. He had a gash along his jawbone and his parchment-pale skin was dotted with beads of sweat. I put my hand over my mouth, because even though my father only ever cared about himself, and it was probably his own fault that he was in there, he was still my father and I knew he loved us. And we still loved him.
I took in a stilted breath and turned from the mirror. I couldn’t look at my father anymore, but I couldn’t meet Bastian’s eyes either. He stepped towards me, wrapping me in his arms. My hands, which had been clenched into fists, reached around him and clutched at the back of his sweater.
“You must go,” Bastian said into my hair.
I pulled back, keeping my arms around his waist. “But what about you?”
He smiled sadly, brushing my cheek with his paw. “Don’t worry about me. This is more important.” Swallowing hard, he looked away. “Let me get you the ring.”
He released me and went over to his desk as emptiness enveloped me. Opening a low drawer, he picked through a few layers of old, crinkled papers before pulling out a wooden box that fit in his palm. It was made of stained dark wood and had strange symbols carved into it. He pulled out a key on a chain hidden beneath his sweater and placed it carefully in the brass lock. There was a click, and he grabbed a pair of black gloves from that same drawer before shutting it, bringing them over to me.
“You must remember never to touch the ring, under any circumstances,” he said sternly as he gave me the gloves. I slipped them on and he handed me the box. “Go to the stable behind the castle that I told you about. The forest wolves won’t attack if you go quickly on horseback without stopping.”
I stopped for a moment, thinking about how I was holding the thing that had cursed Bastian. “I don’t want to take the box from you.” It was some small excuse, but it was all I had.
Bastian touched it as it lay in my hands. “It will be a reason for you to come back.”
I bit my lip, tears stabbing behind my eyes painfully. “I already have a reason.” Quickly, I reached up to kiss him on the side of his snout. “Thank you, for letting me save my family.”
He looked unbearably sad. “I suppose you owe me again.”
Instead of answering, I hurried out the door, forcing myself to focus on getting to my sisters in time, and not how my heart was being torn apart.
I went back through the ballroom and yanked the door open to the outside, the winter air sharpening my senses. I looked over the edge of the stone and saw that I wasn’t far from the ground. There was less snow to land on than there was on the other side of the castle, but I had to take my chances; as far as I could tell, this was the closest I was going to get to where Bastian had told me the stables were.
And I was running out of time.
I stepped up onto the stone railing and jumped, bending my knees as my feet hit the ground hard. Pain shuddered up my bad leg, but I ignored it, limping through the discomfort.
Turning the corner towards the back of the castle, I searched the scattered grounds and found the stables easily, its roof covered in dead leaves and fallen pine needles. Slushing through the melting snow to the open structure, I found only one horse—a chestnut-colored mare—but she was beautiful. I grabbed onto her wild black mane and swung up, wishing I could take the time to saddle her. She grunted at me, her breath billowing up like smoke from the cold. But I leaned down and whispered her name into her ear softly, before I dug my riding boots into her sides and she took off into the night.
As I passed the castle, I heard a loud, low howl pierce the night. I told myself it had only been one of the forest wolves.
Chapter 22
Desert an Unhappy Beast
BASTIAN
I sat on the edge of my bed, my head in my paws, choosing between utter regret and resolve, knowing that I’d done the right thing by letting her go. I liked to think that Belle wanted to come back. But why would she? She’d gotten what she’d come here for and I’d let her leave with it. She would have her sisters and her father to take care of now.
It was over.
My chest felt empty, and I let the sensation consume me. I wondered at the point now, of living, when I’d come so close to something real. Even if it would’ve never broken the curse, I’d begun to see myself through her eyes, and for the first time since becoming the Beast, I didn’t hate what I was.
I wondered, too, if it would’ve changed anything had I told her the curse had to be broken before the fifth of February—at the five-year mark—otherwise I’d remain the Beast forever. I’d tried to put it out of my head, but that was only a day away now, and she had to save her family. I knew that, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.
With her, I wouldn’t have minded staying this way.
But none of that mattered because she wasn’t coming back. At least, not in time to save me. If she loved me like I thought she did, I would lose my magic anyway, and then I would die. I wasn’t sure the story had mentioned that part, but she would’ve left to save her sisters regardless.
A knock at the door sounded—I barely heard it.
“Bastian,” Sophie called. I didn’t have the strength to answer her.
She came in anyway, like she always did. “I heard your howl. What happened?” She looked around. “Where’s Belle?”
“Gone,” I said lifelessly.
“Gone?”
I hung my head. “Her sisters and father were in danger. I had to let her go to them.”
Sophie put her hands on her hips. “But she would’ve broken the curse. And now that she’s left, you’re going to waste away and die! How could you let her go?”
I looked at Sophie. “Because I love her. Because she needed to save her family, and she never would’ve forgiven me for keeping her here while they were in trouble. And I never would’ve forgiven myself for it either, knowing I’d hurt her.”
“Oh, Bastian…” She moved towards me, hands reaching out.
“Please, leave me,” I said softly. She looked at me for a moment, her gaze full of sadness and pity, then she left.
I stayed where I was, waiting to die.
Chapter 23
Let Her Heart Guide Her
BELLE
I reached the cottage in no time at all. The wolves hadn’t attacked
me, as Bastian had said, and for that I was grateful. But now, with a winter storm sweeping down from the mountains, I had to face something much worse.
As I got closer, the horse’s hooves sloshing through the snow and mud, I saw that there was light coming from the inside. I hoped my sisters were there, still sitting on my bed, holding each other close without any hope that I’d make it back in time. It was better than any of the other fates I was imagining for them.
It had started to sleet now, but the cold never reached me. I tied the mare to a nearby oak tree and ran through the mud to the front door. I flung it open without knocking, and breathed a sigh of relief when the first thing I saw was my sisters huddled by a low fire.
But they weren’t alone.
Thomas was there too, along with a few of the Regime soldiers from before, and my heart sank. Everyone except my sisters had their backs turned to me, but the door slammed so loudly against the wall from the wind that six pairs of eyes were quick to find my bedraggled figure.
Emily was the first to speak. “Belle?” she choked out. Lila peeked out from behind one of the officer’s legs and tears welled up in her eyes when she saw me. Every bone in my body wanted to go to my sisters and never let them go. But I stayed where I was—I still had Thomas to deal with.
“My, my, this is a surprise,” the lawman sneered. I could see that he truly was surprised, but it wouldn’t last for long. “I didn’t expect you to make it back alive.”
“I can see that, Thomas,” I shot back, “since you’re going back on our deal.”
“I wouldn’t get snappy with me, Belle.” He nodded to one of his men, and the soldier pointed a gun at my sisters.
“No!” I stepped forward, but Thomas moved towards me purposefully and shoved my shoulder, making me nearly stumble over my own feet.
“You see,” Thomas began, prowling towards me again. “I have all the leverage here, young Belle, and one wrong step could end with the death of the people you love.” I took a step backwards, hitting the wall as he pressed up against me. My throat burned from holding back bile. “We wouldn’t want that, now would we?”
A Curse of Thorns Page 14
