‘Not gutless. You wanted to survive.’ Her heart twisted as she imagined him as a young man, trying to come to terms with losing those team members. Riddled with guilt and panic, turning to his parents for support and receiving nothing. Then finding his own way, making amends the only way he knew how—by fixing broken people. It wasn’t fair that he’d had to deal with all of that on his own. And yet somehow he’d come out so strong and capable and compassionate. He’d survived and gone on to do great things, which was a miracle in itself. ‘No one would ever think badly of you for wanting to survive.’
‘Except me.’ He reached for his glass and gulped some cognac. Shook his head. Then his eyes sought hers and she wanted so much to stop the ache in his heart.
She found him a smile and had an inkling as to how she could help. ‘Hey, you want to be somewhere else? Back in Africa now? Or how about just lazing on a beach in Tahiti with bottomless cocktails again?’
‘No, Claire.’
‘Then where?’
Time strung out. He stroked his thumb over her lip, sending shivers of need through her that arrowed deep in her belly. His eyes sought hers and for a few moments he said nothing. He just stroked her lips and edged closer as the room filled with unmet need and longing.
He was so close now, so close she could feel the hitch in his breath, the heat thrumming from his skin. The palpable desire.
‘Where, then, Ethan?’ Her voice cracked the spell but didn’t break it. She wanted to kiss his pain away, to be the thing that put that half-smile back on his face. The one he turned to when he needed someone. But there was so much at stake now.
He shifted closer, his mouth at her ear. ‘I want to be in a lift in Marseille.’
Her heart rattling with conflicted emotions, she moved away from his hand. ‘Don’t do this, Ethan.’
But he closed the distance and stroked her cheek with his fingers. ‘I know my swapped shifts upset you, but it was the only thing I could do that made any sense. I had to put you out of reach because from the moment I first saw you in the bar I wanted you. Over and over and over. I can’t work side by side with you and not want to touch you, kiss you, hold you. I put you out of reach, but this makes more sense right now, Claire. You. Me. Here. Close.’
She had no doubt he meant it, but things would change once he knew about her late period. The heat would steam out of his eyes, he’d get that trapped look he’d had when he’d first stepped into the lift, when he’d first seen her on the ship, always when he was inside looking out, as if every muscle strained to break free, and now she understood why. He’d been pinned to the floor and looked death in the face and since then he’d fought to be unrestrained.
There’d be no more cheek stroking or stolen kisses, but no matter how much she didn’t want to she had to stop this and tell him. She put her hand to his cheek. ‘Listen, Ethan, I have to tell you something—’
‘No.’ He put his finger to her mouth briefly. Smiled.
‘Ethan—’
‘Enough talking. I have plans for that mouth.’ He slid his lips over hers and her words were caught between her throat and her head, then lost altogether as everything in her brain blurred.
He whispered her name into her mouth then she felt the stroke of his tongue and she was lost in his taste and his scent and the strength of his hands on her face. There was the real world beyond that door and there was here, no space for words, just feeling and touching. No time except for this. No promises or truths. Just his mouth and his hands in her hair, on her breast, removing her clothes.
Her hands on his skin, running over muscles. His kisses. His kisses that made her heart race and her limbs melt and the fire in her belly spark bright and fierce. His kisses that deepened as his tongue danced with hers, that drew a slick trail to her throat. Then to her breast, as he sucked in a nipple, making her buck against him.
She tugged at his boxer shorts, stroked his hardness through the fabric and went to touch him, but his hand stilled hers. ‘The last time was too fast. I want to explore you. We have all night.’
All weekend if they wanted, before they got back on the ship. She wanted more, she realised with a shock. One night wasn’t going to be enough. She wanted everything but, knowing that was impossible, she would take every precious damned second she could get tonight.
He laid her on the bed and slid down next to her, his erection jutting against her thigh.
He stroked between her breasts, his gaze almost reverent. ‘Claire, you are amazing. You blow my mind. Completely. I can’t think straight when you’re around. I just want to do this. All. The. Time.’ He gave her that sweet, sexy smile as he stroked her skin. ‘Makes being around you in polite company pretty damned difficult.’
She squirmed under his touch, desperate for his hand to clamp her nipple. Hand. Mouth. She didn’t care which. Both. Please. But he just smiled some more, knowing he was driving her crazy with need.
Magnifique. ‘Bel homme.’ Beautiful man. She sat up and cupped his face, pressed her mouth to his again as tears threatened. You’ll break my heart.
She knew that already, because his type always did. But there was no going back. She needed his touch, needed his drugging kisses. Needed him inside her. She’d come here to comfort him, but all she craved now was the comfort of his touch.
He smiled and tugged her hair tie, letting her hair fall around her shoulders. He shook his head, eyes light and glittering. ‘Claire, you are beautiful. So damned beautiful it makes my heart hurt. I can’t make sense of it, I can’t stop thinking about you. About the way you feel and the way you make me feel.’
He leaned and slowly sucked her nipple into his mouth. She slid her fingers into his messy hair and moaned as he sucked first one bud then the other. He laughed as she tugged him back to her and kissed him hard.
Laughed again as he made her lie back and kissed down her throat to her belly. She felt the roughness of his jaw against the soft skin on her thigh and then delicious heat on her slick core as he explored her with his tongue.
She had never felt more aroused in her life as he slid his fingers inside her, sweet torture that was both too much and not enough. She writhed against him, wanting him on her, in her. But the pressure and the pleasure built and built as his fingers probed and stroked, until she couldn’t hold on any longer and she shuddered against him, her scream loud and raw.
Overwhelmed by the white-hot intensity, she kept her eyes closed but felt him move, and then he was there, cradling her high against his chest. And she held onto him, afraid of the feeling in her heart, afraid he’d see it in her eyes.
But one orgasm wasn’t enough and she could feel his erection hard and tight against her thigh. She was emboldened by his kisses and wanted to feel that release again. Wanted him to have it too. She sat up and slid his boxers off, straddled his thighs and stroked his length.
He groaned as she kissed the tip, called her name as she took him deep into her mouth again and again. But then his hand covered hers. ‘Stop. I want to be inside you.’
‘Please?’ She laughed.
‘Now,’ he growled, but she refused to move.
‘Please, Mr Knight. Don’t forget your manners.’
‘Claire.’ Another growl and she wondered if it would ever be possible to tame him. To anchor him to a place, or a time, or a promise. But he laughed as he flipped her onto her back in one swift move. Then a few moments drifted as he sheathed himself with a condom.
As she waited, her hand went to her belly and for a second everything came back to her and she wanted to tell him, to just say the words. To tell him a condom wasn’t needed. But all sense was gone when he turned and looked at her with such intense desire. And she nodded.
He kept his eyes locked on hers as he pushed into her.
‘Yes,’ she whispered, as he filled her deep and tight.
‘Yes.’ Holding her hand a
gainst his heart, he rocked into her, a slow sensual rhythm that held her in a state of torment and bliss. His eyes blazed freedom and excitement and adventure. And something more. Something that connected with her on a deeper level, in her heart and in her soul.
Then his rhythm changed and he tilted her hips and his thrust went deeper and faster, and she gripped his arms then his buttocks, pulling him closer and ever deeper. And then there was no more holding on as pleasure overrode everything. He held her steady as she let go, calling his name into the darkness. He anchored her in his arms and against his heart as she shattered around him. Then he was pulsing deep inside her as he succumbed to his own release.
But his eyes never left hers and raw honesty was there. This was perfect and irresistible and crazy and wild and there were no answers and no questions. Just this.
And then he kissed her again, long and slow and with such need it was as if she were his anchor and everything slotted into place in her head and in her heart. Being here with him made complete sense. It made all the sense in the world.
CHAPTER TEN
SLICK WITH THEIR SWEAT, he lay back on the pillow and breathed deeply. ‘Wow, Claire. That was...wow. I didn’t know two people could make each other feel like that. You are really something.’
This is. What we have here. She couldn’t find any words as she slid into his embrace, laying her head on his chest. It had been the most intense, the most meaningful sex of her life and she wasn’t sure her heart was going to recover.
He nuzzled the top of her head. ‘Kristina won’t mind if I borrow you for the next few days, will she? I’m not quite finished with you.’
‘Sounds interesting.’ She sighed, imagining the next two days of nothing but him and room service. Such a wonderful dream, but that was all it was, a dream, because the minute reality hit them everything would come to a grinding halt. Reality was basically everything: her missed period; the ship; geography; plans.
‘I’ll certainly make it interesting,’ he growled into her ear.
‘I know you would.’ The stroking was intoxicating. ‘But we’d planned to do some exploring. I promised to take her to this amazing chocolatier I know, and the best place for bouillabaisse in Place Jean Jaurès. You can come with us if you like.’
‘I have no desire to see any more of Marseille than this room. Preferably with you in it.’
Of course. He hated France. He wouldn’t want to be tied to the place or get to know it better, he just wanted to lock himself in this room until it was time to leave. And why not? He’d suffered badly in this country and being here brought back horrific nightmares. Her heart knotted as she wondered how things might work out and she couldn’t see a positive way through. She dredged up a laugh, which sounded hollow and sad in the darkness. ‘You need to get out more.’
‘I need to be inside you more.’ His fingers drew small circles down her belly, sliding to her thigh.
‘Already?’
‘You drive me crazy. Yes. Already.’ His fathomless eyes drew her in and she wanted to stay there for ever. And she wanted more, oh, she really did, but it wasn’t fair being here without being honest.
She put her hand on his. ‘Ethan, listen. Stop.’
‘You okay?’
‘I think I’m pregnant.’ It was probably cruel to blurt it out like that, but she’d screwed up her courage and there was no going back.
‘What? After five minutes? So soon? Are you psychic or something?’ Laughing, he snaked his arms underneath her and drew her near, spooning his body around her, snuggling against her neck. When she didn’t say anything more his body stilled. Froze, in fact.
‘It’s not a joke.’ She didn’t want to see his reaction and watch that trapped panic slide into his eyes so she spoke to the blackness, the weight of it almost crushing her, because too many lives depended on these next few words and his reaction. ‘My period’s late, Ethan. After the first time, in the lift. I haven’t done a test yet because I think it’s too soon...’ and the truth was she was too damned scared to ‘...but I’m never late. I’m always regular, on the dot. Twenty-eight days. Always.’
Still nothing. Barely a breath. ‘Say something, Ethan.’
‘We used a condom.’ Which wasn’t exactly what she’d wanted to hear.
‘I know.’ She didn’t need to explain that no contraception was one hundred per cent safe; he was a medic, he knew that.
More silence, almost painful to breathe and to feel.
First his leg moved away, then the rest of his body inch by inch, and he lay back on the pillow with his head on his hands. She was left with nothing but an aching heart and cold space where he’d been spooning her. ‘And it’s mine? Are you sure?’
‘Yes. It’s yours, Ethan. Of course it’s yours.’ She squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears from spilling down her face. This was not the adventure she’d been craving. Or the excitement. Definitely not the freedom. ‘You’re the only person I’ve made love with in almost a year.’
‘And...what are you going to do?’ His voice was cold and she imagined him working out how the hell to extricate himself from it all. ‘If...’
‘If I am pregnant I will keep it, of course.’ There were options and she’d considered them all, but she’d made that decision at least. In her family babies were welcomed, even if inconveniently timed.
‘Right.’ He blew out slowly and she felt a wave of relief shudder through him. ‘Of course.’
‘If. If, Ethan. Nothing’s definite.’ Why had she opened her mouth and blurted it out? Why hadn’t she waited?
‘I know you well enough that you wouldn’t have told me if you didn’t think there was a high chance of it being true. You’re not going to play games about something like this.’
‘I told you because I’m confused and I couldn’t stay here and act as if everything was fine when I had this going round in my head. I thought you should know.’ And she was hormonal and had post-sex brain. ‘But now I wish I hadn’t said anything until I was certain one way or the other.’
‘I’m glad you told me.’
‘I don’t think you are.’ He wasn’t a very good liar. Words were all very good but his body belied them, tense and taut and what felt like miles away from her now. She sat up next to him, glancing at his dark expression and confirming her suspicions. ‘But that’s fine. I can manage without your support.’
She made a decision. She was not going to rush out and do anything yet. They had two more days here and she was going to try to relax because stress wasn’t good for anyone, and not for the baby, if it was in there somewhere, trying to survive. She was going to go out with Kristina like they’d planned, she was going to breathe and take some me time. Although she wasn’t sure how long she could keep pretending it wasn’t real; she had to face up to the truth.
‘I was going to go out and buy a test tomorrow but I won’t do one until I’m back on the ship, Ethan. You and I both know about false positives, there’s no point in getting into a spin over nothing.’
He nodded. He hadn’t touched her since she’d told him, he hadn’t smiled, he’d just developed a deep frown and the haunted darkness he’d worn when she’d knocked on his door earlier had taken up residence again. ‘That’s your choice and I can’t do a thing about it, Claire. But if you are pregnant I don’t want you setting foot back on that boat.’
‘And then what? Leave my job and ruin my life just because I may or may not have a baby in nine months’ time? You and I both know there is a chance of miscarriage and all sorts of things that could go wrong. It’s very early days, if any days at all, so let’s just give ourselves some time to get used to the idea and see what happens. All that seasickness might have just messed up my cycle.’
He clicked his fingers as if trying to remember something. ‘Fuaad. That’s why you were concerned about Fuaad’s fever. Because it might harm the baby?’
‘How can I? It’s your body, and your life, I have to respect that. But as soon as we know for sure you have to talk to Chase about it and decide whether you can stay or not.’ His eyes glittered. ‘But if I think for a second that you’re in any danger I’ll be rowing you to shore myself if I have to.’
She registered the way he was already trying to protect her and the baby, and that gave her a little hope that she wouldn’t be on her own through this journey. But, if necessary, she was just as determined as Mariam to protect her child at all costs. ‘I know how to look after myself and anyone else who comes along. We’ll be fine.’
We? We? But no matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise, she was sure there was a tiny little life inside her and it was going to need every ounce of its mother’s strength.
Even though he was trying to protect them his expression was hard set. ‘I’ll make sure you’re both well provided for.’
‘Sure, you’ll wire money from your camp in Darfur or something? You’ll provide for your child from there? This isn’t the nineteenth century, you know, I don’t expect anything from you. I can manage just fine.’ She’d hoped for something more. What, she didn’t know, because she knew any kind of declaration was beyond Ethan right now. He was reeling from the shock while she’d had days to come to terms with it.
He hadn’t had the kind of life where babies were loved and expected and part of every day. He’d been isolated and neglected and a burden. And even though he’d try his best to take care of his child, he would always see it as a burden too. He didn’t know any different. Her heart hurt for them all as she pushed the sheets back and climbed out of bed.
He sat up straighter, his hand outstretched. ‘Where are you going?’
Saved by Their One-Night Baby Page 13
