“Do you want me to bring the Malibu in the cooler?” Tanner walks out carrying the cooler and sets it on the wood deck. “I’ve got water, beer, and Coke in here.” Without waiting for my response, he tosses it in. “Eh, let’s bring it.”
“What about food?”
“Knew I forgot something.” He winks. “Kidding, I packed plenty of food.”
I can barely contain my excitement as we walk down to the dock. My knowledge of boats is basically nonexistent, but this one is nice. Aside from the seat behind the wheel, there’s a bench at the back big enough for three people and at the front there’s two more seats.
Tanner gets everything situated. I offer to help, but it’s clear pretty quickly that it’s going to take him longer to explain to me how to help than to just do it himself.
As we pull away from the dock, my body hums with excitement. The morning sun has already warmed the air, but as we pick up speed, goose bumps dot my arms.
Tanner smiles, looking more at peace than I’ve ever seen him, as he drives the boat. If he’s upset about Amelia, I can’t tell.
I have no idea where we’re going, but I don’t care. I sit back and let the serenity of the lake wash over me.
I’m not sure how much time passes while he takes me across the lake, or maybe around it, I’ve lost all sense of direction. The boat slows and he turns to face me with a big grin on his face. “Beer me.”
I grab two from the cooler and hand him one. He pulls out koozies from a storage area and then life vests.
“Grab one of those and let’s test the water. Probably freezing, but you have to get a little lake water on you your first time out.”
It is cold as we first get in, but we sit on the life jackets and relax with our beer.
“And you said lake time didn’t start until noon. I might be drunk by then.”
He chuckles. “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.”
“So, this is how you spend your summers? Boozing on the lake?”
“Pretty much.” He takes a drink. “Actually, there’s a lot more to do here. There’s a lot of good restaurants and bars along the water. There’s a decent golf course a few miles from the house, running trails, and my buddy Jonah lives right next to The Cove. It’s a bar and restaurant where they have concerts on Friday nights. We can hear the bands perfectly from his deck. He’s got a pool at his place too.”
“Who needs a pool?” I dip my head back and let my hair fall into the water. I want to forget everything that led to my being here, but I have a nagging worry that Tanner might need me to be here for him despite dodging any attempt I’ve made at bringing it up. “Are you okay? Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
It takes him a second to realize I’m talking about the breakup with Amelia. “Yeah, I’m fine. It was for the best.”
I don’t know if that’s true, but he seems like he’s doing all right, so I give him a pass for now.
We swim a little, mostly just float, until both our beers are empty.
“Now what?” I ask as we climb back onto the boat.
“First weekend on the lake… party cove.”
Whatever I expected, party cove is so much more. Rows of boats are lined up and tied together. Boats of all sizes and so many I lose track. Music pumps from a DJ stand at the end of one line.
Tanner pulls up to a huge boat with an upper deck blasting music that competes with that of the DJ. A guy with red hair and black swim trunks comes down to help us tie up.
“Shaw!” he says after the boat’s secure. “It’s good to see you.”
Tanner hops over onto the other boat and they embrace. He holds out his hand and helps me over. “Jonah, this is Sydney.”
Jonah grins, looks from me to Tanner and back at me. “This is the Sydney?”
“Hey.” I wave awkwardly.
He steps forward and crushes me in a hug. He’s a big guy, not quite as tall as Tanner but more muscular.
“Sydney, this is my buddy, Jonah.”
When he finally frees me, he’s still grinning ear to ear. “It’s so rad to meet you. I’ve heard a ton about you. This guy basically never shuts up about you. ‘Sydney this, Sydney that.’” He smacks Tanner on the chest. “Come on up, Ollie and a few of the guys from last summer are here too.”
Jonah goes ahead and Tanner gives me a sheepish smile. “Ready to meet the lake crew?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Good answer. They’re a rowdy group, but harmless.”
After I’m introduced to everyone, we grab drinks and take a seat on the upper deck. In the short time since I glanced around at party cove, a ton more people have shown up, and as far as I can see, people are standing on their boats drinking and having a good time.
Shots flow as easy as water. Tanner passes, sticking to water or soda since he’s driving us back, but I get caught up in the excitement. I’m three shots in, dancing with girls I don’t know, and feeling it way more than I usually do when I realize we didn’t eat breakfast.
As if he can read my thoughts, Tanner appears with a sandwich.
“Oh, you’re a prince.” I snatch it from him, still swaying in place, and take a large bite.
He unscrews a cap on the water in his other hand and holds it out to me next.
“Seriously, I don’t deserve you.”
One of the girls dancing beside me smiles. “Aww, you two are the sweetest.” She sticks out her bottom lip. “I wish I had a boyfriend to take care of me.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I say around another bite. The bread sticks to the roof of my mouth, making the words hard to understand.
“You two aren’t together?” She points from me to Tanner, and we both shake our heads.
A flare of irritation takes over when she steps closer to him and links her arm through his. “Then you have to dance with me.”
He resists at first, but she sticks out that lip again. She has nice lips. Big and full, just like her boobs. I glance down at mine and stick out my chest a little more. Even so, mine are nowhere near as big as hers, and I have serious boob envy right now.
I retreat to take a seat and finish my sandwich while Tanner gets pulled farther into the circle of girls moving to the beat.
The food helps, as does the water, but I shake my head when Jonah comes over and offers me another shot.
He hands them off and then plops down beside me. “You know, we were half-convinced he made you up.”
“What?”
“Shaw made you sound too good to be true, and none of us had ever met you.” He shrugs his big shoulders. “I’m glad you two finally got together.”
“Oh, we’re not together. We’re just friends.”
“Really?”
“Really.” It isn’t anything I haven’t heard before. People always assume there’s something else going on between me and Tanner. “Is it so hard to believe that a guy and girl can be best friends?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. Normally, I’d say it’s totally possible, but the way he talked about you… shit, it was like he’d found his soul mate.”
My insides feel all squishy. “I feel the same about him. He’s the best.”
“But just friends?”
“Yes.”
He looks over to where Tanner’s dancing. “Well, that’ll make all the girls happy, anyway.”
“And what about the guys? They don’t care that I’m single?”
“Oh no.” His expression is serious. “They all know Shaw would kick their ass if they touched you. I’d do it just to get a rise out of him, but I play for the other team, so I doubt he’d care.”
I roll my eyes. “He wouldn’t care regardless. I’ve dated lots of guys and he hasn’t touched any of them.”
Lots is a stretch, but my point stands.
“Well, in that case, do you want to dance?”
I place my hand in his and let him pull me to my feet.
When we get close, Tanner spots me and sm
iles. We all dance for several more songs before taking a break. A bunch of us jump into the water to cool off. I grab on to Tanner’s back to stay afloat while he sits on a noodle.
The number of times people make some offhanded comment assuming we’re together becomes laughable. I guess since everyone at Valley knows, I forgot how interesting people find it that we’re as close as we are but not dating.
“He’s like my brother,” I insist, although as soon as I say the words, that feels weird too.
“I’ve seen Shaw with Tara. He isn’t like that.” Jonah raises his brows and smirks at Tanner.
“You’re telling me that you two have never hooked up?” Ollie asks.
“We kissed once years ago,” I say as if it meant nothing. Another thing on the list of my self-imposed rules around my best friend—don’t mention that kiss. But the truth is, we kissed and we’ve still managed to be friends after.
I think I’ve pacified them until Ollie says. “Show me. Kiss her, Shaw.”
He laughs but soon all twenty or so people in the water are chanting for us to kiss.
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
Tanner glances to me with an apologetic expression.
“Fuck off y’all,” he says. “We don’t have to prove anything.”
They keep chanting.
“Sorry.” His voice is low so that only I can hear. “Ignore them.”
“It’s fine. We’ve done it before. It’s no big deal, right?”
He still looks hesitant, so I make the move. Pulling his head to mine, I press my lips to his.
It’s two long seconds that my mouth is on his before he kisses me back. Slowly at first, but then his tongue is demanding entrance. My heart hammers in my chest and I tighten my hold around his neck and press my body underwater closer to his.
I kiss him to prove that we’re just friends. That just because society has this idea about guys and girls not being able to be friends, we don’t have to fit into that mold. What we are is something so much more. Something that can’t be defined, but definitely doesn’t mean what they think it does.
With the taste of alcohol and lake water on our lips and cheers among the group all around us, I realize the only thing that I’ve proved is that I was so very, very wrong.
9
Tanner
There are some things men do out of pure self-preservation. We pretend we’re as handsome as Henry Cavill and as funny as Trevor Noah, we joke about how our balls are gonna sag one day (so we don’t have to think about it happening for real), and we absolutely don’t allow ourselves to picture having sex with our best friend.
As Sydney finally pulls back from a kiss that’s left me speechless, my self-preservation dies a hard, blue death. At least they’re still hanging where they should and not down at my knees.
My best friend still has one arm wrapped around my neck and holds the other over her head in victory. “See?”
Yeah, see? Uhhh, wait, what?
Jonah shakes his head. “Damn. I got turned on just watching that kiss.”
I steel my expression when Sydney looks back to me.
“Sorry about that. You know me, I can never back down from a dare or competition.” Her voice is tight and brittle. Awkwardness fills the space between us.
“I’m not sure kissing me was the best recourse this time,” I say with tease in my tone. “I’m so good-looking it was bound to look hot to them even if you and I both know it was just a kiss.”
My words do the trick of chasing away the weirdness and Sydney smiles and rolls her eyes. “You made that kiss look hot? Please, it was all me.”
Fuck yeah, it was.
We get back on the boat. The mood is light and everyone else is ready to keep partying. I only had the one beer hours ago because I’m driving the boat back, but even if I could get wasted, I’m not feeling it anymore. I’m staying sober enough to be the responsible one in the friendship.
Maybe a part of me has always known my feelings for Sydney went beyond friends, but I’ve managed with the simple fact that she didn’t feel the same. And I’d do anything to be in her life, even pretend I don’t think she’s the hottest girl on the planet.
But Sydney seems to have lost some of her excitement for partying too. She’s reserved and quiet, two things very un-Sydney like.
“You good? We can go back any time you want.”
“I am a little tired.”
“What?” Jonah butts in. “It’s early. And we’re going to The Cove tonight.”
“It’s been a long day.” I’m already picturing being back at my place with just Sydney and away from people who make me confront or analyze who we are to one another.
“Come on,” Jonah whines.
“I’ll call you later.” I lift my hand and he grabs it and pulls me to him and whispers near my ear, “You’re totally going back to bang, right? That kiss was on fire.”
I step back without a response and wave to the rest of the people on the boat. “See you guys later.”
Sydney waves her goodbye and we head down to my smaller boat. She settles back in on the same seat she sat on during the ride up while I untie us and start toward the house.
“I think I drank too much,” she says on a yawn.
“Being on the water all day will take it out of you. I’m sure the alcohol didn’t help.”
“I just need a nap and then I’ll be ready to go out tonight.” She yawns again.
By the time I get us home, Sydney is passed out. I gather all the stuff before waking her.
“Babe, we’re back.”
Her lids are slow to open. She sits up and stretches, arms out to her sides. The movement pushes out her boobs. I glance down at my feet so I don’t give away my thoughts while I lift the cooler onto the dock and then step off the boat. I help her out and we start back.
Either I’m speed walking or she’s slower than normal. I pause to let her catch up.
“Sorry, I’m so tired. I can barely pick my feet up.”
“Ride?”
She grins and I turn my back to her and wait for her to hop on. I carry her piggyback to the house and up the back stairs while dragging the cooler—next level multi-tasking. I leave the cooler on the deck and Sydney hops down.
The awkwardness is back now that we’re in this big house all alone.
“I’m going to shower. Do you need anything?”
She fidgets and bites at the corner of her lip. “No, I think I’ll shower quick too.”
“Cool.” Holy awkward, Batman.
In the shower, I lean a hand against the wall and drop my head to let out a long, frustrated sigh. I hate conflict and drama. Sydney and I have always been able to talk things out. Maybe I haven’t been one hundred percent honest with her, but I’ve sacrificed to keep our friendship. That’s the most important thing. Still is.
Dripping wet, I pad out of the bathroom running a towel over my chest. I dry off quickly to go find Sydney. I don’t want to go to sleep before we’ve cleared the air. I toss the towel and grab shorts from my bag. I’m about to head to her room when I spot a Sydney-sized lump on my bed. Upon further inspection, she’s passed out cold.
I climb into bed beside her. Her long, wet hair has soaked both pillows. Such a pain in the ass. The smile on my face and the lightness in my chest reminds me I don’t mind her brand of pain. It’s a relief to have her here and to know that despite the weirdness today, she still wants to be near me.
It’s dark out when I wake up. Low music filters from somewhere in the house and Sydney sings along. I find her in the kitchen cooking grilled cheese sandwiches.
“Hey,” she says. “You’re up. Hungry?”
“Yeah, starved actually.”
She points a spatula toward a plate with two sandwiches on it, both cut diagonally.
I take a seat at the counter and watch as she finishes her food and puts it on a plate. I’m working out how to best broach the topic of what I will now forever think of as the greatest kiss of my life. She
gets there first.
“About today,” she starts as she takes a seat next to me. “I’m really sorry. I should not have put you in that position. I’d been drinking, not that it’s an excuse, and I guess I just really wanted to prove to everyone that what we have is real. You’re my best friend, Tanner. I never want to do anything to put that in jeopardy.”
I’m waiting for an opening to speak, but she just keeps going. “You just got out of a relationship and I think I’ve been feeling a little lonely and jumped at any opportunity for a spark with someone, even you. Plus, we had our window years ago. If anything was going to happen, that was the time. Not now when we have this great friendship.”
Finally, she goes quiet and takes a deep breath. She said a lot and I’m still wrapping my brain around some of it, but the most important thing I say without hesitation, “You’re my best friend too. Nothing will ever change that.”
“Promise?” She looks more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen her, and I realize just how much I mean to her, too.
I take her hand in mine and gently squeeze her long, delicate fingers. “I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”
The relief she feels is evident in the relaxing of her shoulders. Conversation is still stilted, though, as we eat and clean up the kitchen together.
I’m scanning texts from Jonah and Ollie about their plans for the night while she starts the dishwasher.
“Do you feel like going out tonight?” I ask.
“Am I totally boring if I say no?”
“Not at all. We’ve got an entire month. Movie night?”
Her eyes light up. “Yes, that sounds perfect.”
I let Sydney run the remote and pick what we watch. That nap earlier only served to make me more tired, and I have a sneaking suspicion I’m going to pass out five minutes in. She picks one of the Mission Impossible films—they’re all basically the same—and we lay together on the couch.
Now that I’ve had time to think about what she said earlier, there’s one piece that keeps bothering me. She said, we had our window. I don’t deny that part, but it’s the way she said it, like it wasn’t what she wanted.
The Pass Page 6
