She shrugs as if it’s no big deal.
“Do you really not see how fucked-up this is?”
“If it’s really over between them than what does it matter? She’ll get closure and Tanner will come crawling back to you like he always does.”
“That is not… he doesn’t…” I stop. “I don’t owe you any explanation.” I turn on my heel to go wait for Tanner in the bedroom before I say something I regret.
“If you care about him, like you claim to, then you’ll give him a chance to be happy,” Tara says to my back.
I face her prepared to tell her to go to hell, but I can’t do that. She’s Tanner’s sister, and even if I want to punch her, I won’t do anything to hurt Tanner.
“Do you really think that’s ever going to be possible with the two of you carrying on?” she asks. “No girl is ever going to accept your relationship with him. I’ve watched helplessly over the past two years while he blew it with every girl that he met.” She walks toward me. “He’d call and tell me about some new girl he was dating, and then slowly he’d ruin each one. They’d get jealous of the time he spent with you and then figure out he was cheating on them with you. And all it took was the slightest hint of conflict and Tanner was all too eager to bail. Why have a girlfriend that makes you work for it when you have a best friend that’s always around? You’ve ruined every relationship he’s had since he met you.”
Her words hurt but I try not to show it. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe not, but tell me, do you really think you and Tanner would be together now if you hadn’t screwed things up with him and Amelia?” She gives me her back before I can respond, and I rush into the bedroom before the tears stinging my eyes have a chance to fall.
She’s wrong. She has no idea what she’s talking about. So why do I feel so awful?
23
Tanner
“Tara asked you to come?”
Amelia rests her clasped hands in her lap and nods tentatively. “Please don’t be mad at her for meddling. The truth is I was looking for any excuse to come.”
“I’m sorry. I’m a little thrown off here.” Understatement of the year. Why the hell would Tara call Amelia and invite her down? We broke up.
Amelia explains how Tara called and voiced her opinion that I wasn’t really over her and I was just avoiding conflict. Opinion because that’s not even close to accurate.
“So, I jumped into the car and here I am.” Her shoulders fall and she lets out a long breath.
“I do hate conflict.” I chuckle. “But the reason I didn’t call is because I realized you were right.”
Her tight smile drops into a line. “You said you were just friends?”
“We were.”
“But now you’re together?” The implication is there even if she doesn’t come right out and ask if I cheated or knowingly dated her while secretly pining for my best friend.
“I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt how much I cared about you. I did. I still do.”
“I should have called. Driving down was a little spontaneous, but I had to know for sure.”
“I could have saved you a trip.”
“It’s really over then? There’s no chance we could try again?”
My aversion to conflict rears its head, and I squirm as I realize I have to break up with this great girl in front of me. Because of course Amelia is great, she’s just not the one for me. If closure is what she came here for, then I can give her that at least.
“You’re amazing, Amelia. I had a lot of fun with you, but you were right. I didn’t even realize how right you were. You knew I was in love with Sydney before I did.” I offer her a sheepish grin.
“I didn’t want to believe it. I know I said it, but I hoped I was wrong, and you’d call. Maybe I didn’t want to admit she was better for you than me.”
“How do you mean?”
“You’re different with her. You smile and laugh a lot more. I hoped it was just friendship, but I guess I always knew. You have all these inside jokes, and you’re always competing over silly things. She gets you in a way no one else does. It’s the reason I could never hate her even when I really wanted to. You two are perfect together.” She lets out an audible sigh and looks up to the sky as the rain starts back up. “I should go.”
“I’m really sorry.” It doesn’t escape me that I’m apologizing for something I couldn’t control, nor would I have even if I’d known, but I am sorry that it hurt Amelia in the process.
We stand and I hug her goodbye and then walk her back into the house and to the front door. The living room and kitchen are mysteriously vacant. I figured my sister would have her ear to the door. I still can’t believe she called Amelia. Tara’s never been shy about voicing her opinions, but she’s never done anything like this before.
The light in her room is on. She looks up from where she lies on her stomach on top of the bed. “Hey.”
“Hey?” I arch a brow and lean against the doorframe. Corinne sits on the floor folding clothes but avoids eye contact. “What the hell was that?”
“Look, Tanner, I love you, but you keep missing what’s right in front of you.”
My thoughts go to Sydney, but I don’t think that’s what she means.
“You’re going to have to break it down for me then because the only thing I can see is how fucked-up it is that you invited my ex-girlfriend down to the same house my current girlfriend is staying.” I glance back out into the living room. “Where is Sydney anyway?”
“She left.”
“What? Why?” I pull out my phone to see if she texted. It isn’t like her to just leave. Yeah, it might be awkward that my ex showed up, but Sydney knows I’d never get back with Amelia. At least I think she does.
Tara meets my gaze and then hers flits away.
“What’s that face?” It hits me slowly. Guilty as hell, that’s what that face is. “Tara, what did you say to her?”
“I was honest. Maybe a little too honest, but she needed to hear it.” Tara gets to her feet. “Sydney seems nice enough and she’s beautiful, of course, but, come on, she’s not the girl for you long-term.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You keep ruining perfectly good relationships. Amelia is just the last in a long line. I thought if you talked to her you could work things out. You seemed to really like this one, and I liked her too. Don’t blow it because you want to live in this casual fun lifestyle forever. I see guys do it at my school all the time. There are all these great girls, but they continually sleep around with whichever girl hangs around the most.”
“I don’t have enough time to tell you all the ways you’re wrong. Sydney isn’t some girl who’s been hanging around for two years happy to fill in the gaps between girlfriends. She’s my best friend and I love her. I’ve been in love with her. So, whatever grand scheme you concocted to parade all my ex-girlfriends in here and try to help me get over my relationship issues and chase Sydney away, know this: I choose Sydney. I’ve chosen her a million times, and I’ll do it a million times more.” I’m so pissed, but I can deal with Tara later. “I need to find my girl.”
I check the bedrooms just in case, but there’s no sign of Sydney. After grabbing my keys from the kitchen, I rush to the door.
“Tanner?” Corinne calls out.
I throw open the door but pause.
“I overheard her on the phone. I think she’s heading back to Valley.”
“Thank you.”
Sprinting through the rain, I make it to my car and hop in before I realize Amelia hasn’t left. She’s sitting in her car watching the rain pelt down.
Shit.
I hop back out and run to her car. Big, cold drops drench my T-shirt.
She rolls the window down an inch. “I’m just waiting for it to let up.”
As dark as the sky is, she might be waiting awhile.
“Wait inside.”
“Oh no, it’s okay.”
“Amelia, it’s fine. I’m going to find Sydney, but we’ll be back.”
She doesn’t make any move to turn off the car and I continue to get soaked while trying to convince her.
“Please? I’ll feel better knowing you’re not trying to drive in this.”
“All right. You’re sure?” she asks.
“Positive.”
Thankfully she turns off the car and I run her back to the house before I can go about my original mission. Find Sydney and kiss her until she realizes she’s the only girl for me.
24
Sydney
“The things she said, Em.” I swipe a hand over both sides of my cheek to collect the tears I can’t seem to stop. “She made what Tanner and I have feel so… wrong. Am I the reason all his relationships end? Is he only with me because I’ve gotten in the way so many times? Have I made myself the only option by chasing them all away?” I could maybe stand his sister’s wrath, but the idea that I might have somehow been responsible for hurting Tanner makes me feel sick.
I close my eyes and avoid meeting the gaze of Allyson, the Uber driver who keeps sending pitying looks into the rearview mirror.
“I swear to God I’m gonna have to pull this car over, I’m shaking with anger.” Emily’s tone is sharp as nails. God, I love her.
“Where are you? Did you turn back? I wouldn’t blame you between the weather and my drama.”
“No freaking way. I’m still coming. I’m going to tell that wench what I think of her and maybe slap Tanner over the head for good measure. I may have to pull over though, the rain’s starting to come down harder again and between that and my rage I’m not seeing that great.”
“He didn’t know,” I tell her. “I could see the shock on his face when Amelia showed up.”
“Then why are you running?”
“I’m not running. Allyson and I are driving around while I figure out what to do.”
“Allyson?”
“My Uber driver.” I briefly meet her gaze in the mirror and smile awkwardly.
“You ran,” she says decisively. “Though I’m not sure I understand why. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Because some part of me wonders if Tara’s right. Maybe Tanner and I had our shot two years ago, and I should have bowed out and let him move on.”
“You don’t really believe that. You can’t. Whether or not you two work as a couple, it doesn’t change what you’ve meant to each other over the years. Don’t let her ugly view of it, tarnish yours.”
I think back on our friendship. The fun times we’ve had are the first to come to mind, but that’s not all it’s been. Tanner and I have seen each other through hard times too. I don’t know why I’m so quick to discredit what I’ve been to him when, if it’s anything like what he’s been to me, means so much more than anyone else could understand.
“Crap,” I mutter under my breath and sit forward.
“Uh-oh. What now?”
“I’ve got to go back.”
“That a girl! Don’t let Tara, or anyone else, speak for Tanner. Keep me posted. I’m stopping at the next exit to eat and wait out the storm. Go get your man.”
I drop my phone and lean forward. “Allyson, I—”
“On it.” She pulls a sharp U-turn that sends me back against my seat. The rain has definitely picked up here and traffic is slow.
My phone buzzes next to me. Tanner’s name lights up my screen with a text, Babe, where are you?
He’s called a half-dozen times, but I needed to clear my head before I talked to him. Can I really tell him why I left? I don’t know what to do, but I can’t believe I was stupid enough to leave. Who’s the one avoiding conflict now? I don’t respond. I’ll know what to say when I see him. Or at least that’s my hope.
“Good luck,” Allyson says as she pulls up in front of the house.
“Thank you.” I hurry out of the car. A heavy sheet of rain makes it nearly impossible to see more than a foot in front of me. I navigate to the front door and shake off under the overhang. I’m positive I look a mess, but I’m back and I’m not leaving until Tanner knows exactly what he means to me.
I’m not sure what scene I expected to walk into, but Tara, Corinne, and Amelia sitting together in the living room was not it. Tara has the gall to look surprised I’m back.
I bypass them completely and hurry to the bedroom.
“Where is Tanner?” I ask as I backtrack to the living room. I’m dripping on the floor and the blast of air conditioning makes me shiver.
“He went after you,” Tara says dryly.
“After me where?”
“We thought you went back to Valley,” Corinne says.
I groan at my own stupidity for sending him on a freaking rat race and pull out my phone. The last time he called, Tanner left a message. I listen as I turn my back to the girls.
“Babe, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what all Tara said to you, but she was wrong. Everyone’s wrong. Amelia and I are over. I’ve been thinking over the past few weeks how no one really understands us. When we were friends, people wanted us to be more, and when we finally gave in, that seemed to confuse people too. It doesn’t confuse me. You’re not one thing. You’re everything. You’re my best friend and you’re my girlfriend. You’re the only person who really sees me for exactly who I am.” There’s a pause and then he adds, “Call me back.”
Tears blur my vision and I laugh out of relief and happiness as I fumble to call him back. He put something to words I’ve never been able to. We’ve never fit into a tidy category and we never will because we’re so much more than that.
He answers on the first ring. “Hey, where are you?”
“I’m at the house. I didn’t go back to Valley. I’m here.” The lights flicker.
“Thank god you’re safe. Stay there. Tell everyone to stay put. It’s getting really nasty out here. My phone is about to die, and I don’t have my charger, but I’m headed back.”
“Okay, I’ll tell them.”
So many things that I want to say, but his tone is distracted and serious as he navigates the storm. “Be careful. I’ll see you when you get here.”
“Yep, I will. See you soon.”
“Bye.” I keep the phone to my ear as I face the three other women in the house. The lights flicker again and then stay off. While it’s cloudy outside, there’s enough light coming in through the windows that I can still see their questioning stares. “He’s on his way back, and he said we should all stay put because of the crappy driving conditions.”
Corinne gets up and tries flipping the light switch a few times before she says, “Looks like the power is out.”
“I’m sure it’ll be back soon,” Tara says. “I’m going to paint my nails.”
Corinne follows Tara, leaving me and Amelia alone.
“I’m just waiting for the storm to pass and then I’m going,” Amelia says, looking as pumped as I am about being trapped together. “I’m sorry that I showed up unannounced. I didn’t know you were here. Though I should have.”
Amelia and I have always gotten along, but we’re not exactly friends. When she was dating Tanner, I went out of my way to make her feel comfortable, but I never really felt like she believed I wasn’t out to steal her man.
I realize it probably seems like that’s exactly what I did, given how things turned out.
“I get it. Tanner’s great. I would have done the same thing if I were in your position.”
“Yeah, I see that. Next time, we should remember to take an umbrella.” Her laugh is brittle.
I glance down at my wet T-shirt and shorts. And that’s the difference between us. I don’t need an umbrella. Probably would have tossed one if I’d had it because it would have slowed me down. Some people are worth running through the rain for.
“I should get changed.” I offer her a small smile.
The master bedroom is darker than the living room with its big windows and sliding door. I strip out of my clothes an
d towel off. After I’m dressed, I sit on the bed to avoid going back out there.
I text Emily to let her know the power is out and the roads are dicey to which she replies that she’s going to head back home. I was really looking forward to seeing her and a distraction would be good about now.
Holding my phone in hand, I stare at the dark screen and will Tanner to get here. I didn’t ask how far away he was, so I don’t know if soon is five minutes or twenty.
At the thirty mark, also known as the brink of insanity, I wander back out. Amelia’s moved to the window and looks out. Tara and Corinne lie on the floor with their phones and half a dozen nail polish bottles.
“You should save your battery in case the power stays out,” I say.
“Eh, I’m sure it’ll be back soon. It went out last summer for like an hour.” Tara doesn’t look up as she blows off my suggestion.
Ignoring her, I move to stand by the counter in the kitchen. I’m too anxious to sit. I feel uneasy and I’m not sure if it’s only because I’m in a room with my boyfriend’s ex and his psycho sister. My fingers curl around my phone. I want to call him and see where he is, make sure he’s safe, but I don’t want him to answer or run his battery down if he’s on his way. I just need to know he’s all right.
After an hour, Tara finally looks concerned. “Maybe he pulled off to wait out the worst of it.” Her brow furrows as she glances out. The rain has slowed, but the wind still blows hard and the thunder continues. “I’m going to call him.”
An unsettled feeling spreads through me and I pace and bring my thumbnail to my mouth while Tara holds the phone to her ear for long enough that I know Tanner isn’t answering.
“Straight to voicemail,” she says, ends the call, and tries again.
“His phone probably died.”
“Should we go try to find him? What if he’s had an accident?”
“Let’s not assume the worst,” I say, even though I’m currently swiping through a mental slideshow of all kinds of horrendous possibilities.
“We can’t just leave him out there,” Tara insists.
The Pass Page 16
