“What’s up, baby? I can sense your funk from here.” Sam flashed a concerned smile.
Lisa wished it wasn’t so cold and they could park in one of their usual private spots to forget about the rest of the world for a while.
“I’m okay,” Lisa said, even though she wasn’t. She squeezed Sam’s hand. With Sam she felt safe. “I love you, baby.”
It was Sam’s turn to pull Lisa’s hand to her lips and kiss it, but she didn’t stop there. She pushed the sleeve of Lisa’s winter coat up with her chin and kissed her way up the wrist, lingering on certain deliciously sensitive spots known only to the two of them.
A spiral of desire flushed through Lisa. “Mmm. That’s nice, but don’t start something you can’t finish, Samantha Rose.” Lisa tapped Sam on the arm with her free hand. “We should probably call Susie. Don’t cha think?”
“You’re right.” Sam pulled out her cell phone. She slowed down for a couple of deer crossing the county road. “I can’t believe Susie’s eighteenth birthday fell on our anniversary.”
“It’s so surreal.”
“What is?”
“You and me,” Lisa said. “We’ve been together seven whole months.”
“And I’ve loved every minute of it.”
“Me, too.” It was Lisa’s turn to flash Sam a smile.
Sam smiled back looking happy. “Call Asswipe,” Sam commanded her phone and then handed it to Lisa.
Lisa suppressed a giggle. Sam and Susie were the best of friends, but you’d never know it by the way they teased each other.
“Happy Birthday, Susie,” Lisa and Sam shouted into Sam’s phone after Susie answered.
After their quick rendition of the birthday song, Susie said, “Aay, thanks, muchachas.” Her voice sounded tinny from the speaker on Sam’s phone. “Happy Anniversary to you guys, too.”
“Two major holidays on one day,” Sam said.
“Where’s our parade, eh?” Lisa added.
Susie chuckled and then was silent for a moment. Lisa thought maybe they’d lost the connection. It wouldn’t be the first time a cell phone call was lost in the rural North Country of upstate New York.
Susie finally said, “Wednesday birthdays suck. I’m celebrating by myself today. Well, I’m sure mi mami made me a cake, but mi papi’s not home again and Marlee’s doing homework...” Susie’s sigh was the most pitiful sigh Lisa had ever heard. Yeah, it would suck to be alone on your birthday.
“Hey, Susie,” Lisa said and then covered her mouth to stifle a laugh, “maybe we can do something this weekend. You and Marlee, me and Sam? Hang out and watch movies at Marlee’s on Friday?”
It was Sam’s turn to hold her laughter in. “Movies?” Sam mouthed to Lisa.
Lisa shrugged. It was the first thing that came to mind.
“Can’t.” Susie still sounding dejected. “Marlee and I are doing a private dinner at Le Bistro on Friday.”
“Oh, God, let us not get in the way of your private time with Marlee,” Sam teased, sing-songing the word private. “Lord knows it’s hard enough for Lisa and me to see each other.”
“Madre de dios, you got that right.” Susie sighed loudly into the phone again. “Okay, well, happy seven months, and have a great night out.” She couldn’t have sounded more dejected.
“We will,” Lisa and Sam chimed together.
They said their goodbyes, and Lisa tucked Sam’s phone in the center console. She leaned her head on Sam’s shoulder as Sam drove. “So where are you taking me?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“I like surprises,” Lisa gushed. Good surprises, not Reverend Rinaldi surprises. “I hope Susie likes surprises, too, because we have a boatload of people coming to her party on Friday.”
“Marlee thinks Susie suspects something,” Sam said.
“Oh, geez. Really?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think Susie knows.”
“You don’t?” Lisa picked her head up.
“No. I mean Susie, Marlee, Alivia, Karl, Ronnie, Jordan and me, we’re all kind of preoccupied with the Snowball Formal on Saturday and—”
“About the dance—”
“Baby, it’s okay,” Sam interrupted and squeezed Lisa’s hand. “I get it. You don’t want to go. It’s okay, really.” Sam flashed a genuine smile. “You have a whole ‘nother year and a half of high school. I know how stupid kids can be when they find out you like girls. Even people you thought were your friends...” Sam trailed off.
The hurt expression on Sam’s face tugged at Lisa’s heart. The thoughts in Lisa’s head raced at lightning speed. Maybe she should go to the dance with Sam after all. Could she risk everyone knowing she was gay? Was it worth more Reverend Rinaldi attitudes?
Sam pulled her Sebring off the county road in a cutout near the railroad crossing. She turned to look at Lisa. “What’s wrong, baby?”
The winter sky was pretty dark at that point, the only light coming from the instruments on the dashboard. Lisa took a deep breath for courage still not sure what was going to come out of her mouth. Sam’s concerned look tugged at her heart.
“About the dance—”
“It’s okay—”
“Stop interrupting,” Lisa said with a laugh. She grabbed both of Sam’s hands in hers. “I like you.”
“I like you, too.”
Lisa grunted. Why did Sam have to keep interrupting? What she wanted to say was really hard.
“Lisa?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t have to go to the dance. I can stay home if you want me to. We can do something else together.”
“Oh, no, no, no, no, no.” Lisa put both hands up as if to push back Sam’s words. “I would never ever ask you to do something you didn’t want to do. I want you to go to the dance with all your friends.”
“Our friends,” Sam amended.
“Yep. Our friends. C’mere.” Lisa pulled Sam closer until their noses met. She leaned in another inch and their lips met, gently at first, but that never lasted long. Lisa let go of Sam’s hands to cradle her face and deepen the kiss. Sam reached underneath Lisa’s long braid and caressed her neck. Lisa’s moan escaped before she could catch it. Who cared? They were alone. She wished they could keep kissing forever, but she had to say what needed saying.
Lisa reluctantly pulled out of the kiss, but kept nose contact. She whispered, “I love you, Samantha Rose Payton. And don’t ever forget that.”
“Never.”
Lisa took a deep breath for strength. She pulled back and looked down at her hands. “I’m just too scared, Sam. Too scared to be so out and open at that dance. And, I will completely understand if you want to ask someone else to go with you. I don’t want to hold you back or make you have a crappy time during your senior year.”
When Sam didn’t answer right away, Lisa’s already pounding heart went into overdrive.
“Baby, look at me,” Sam said softly.
Lisa looked up. Sam’s face was calm and focused.
“You are the only one for me,” Sam said. “From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one I wanted. My soul knew.”
Lisa swallowed hard at the emotion building in her chest. She couldn’t speak.
“Baby, there is no one else I would consider going to the dance with. Who in the world would I ask, anyway?”
Lisa felt the heat rise in her cheeks again. She reached up and stroked Sam’s face. “I’m insecure. I mean, I know I’m a good person—”
“Who said you weren’t a good person?” Sam’s eyes narrowed. She looked ready to take on anybody that hurt Lisa.
Shoot, Lisa hadn’t meant to say anything about Reverend Rinaldi, but with some gentle prodding, Sam got her to spill everything about the reverend’s ill-informed narrow-minded bigotry and the congregation’s general acceptance of his words.
“Baby,” Sam said, “I’m so sorry that happened. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“You’re busy.” Lisa wiped at the tears forming in her eyes.
“Helene’s leaving soon, and I know you want to spend every minute with her and not listen to my stupid problems.”
Instead of answering, Sam pulled her close and held her tight. “Having my nanny of eighteen years leaving my life does have a lot of my attention, but so do you, baby, so do you. Always. And that reverend? He’s an idiot. A throwback from some bygone era of ignorance and fear. Fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar.”
Lisa nodded against Sam’s chest and tried to get her tears under control.
“When he said the word ‘sin,’” Sam asked, “what exactly did he mean? What’s the definition of sin as you understand it?”
“A transgression against God.” Lisa wiped away the last of her tears.
“Phht. You have not transgressed against God. God made you this way. How dare this reverend criticize God’s work.” Sam waved a dismissive hand. If only Lisa could dismiss it as fast. “You are easily the most giving person I know. If anyone transgressed, it’s the not-so-good Reverend Rinaldi. And you know what else?” Sam rubbed Lisa’s shoulder.
“What?”
“You’re a good person. I’m pretty sure God is happy with the person you are and how you conduct your life. You take care of your sisters and brother and don’t complain about it. Hell, you take care of me, too.” Sam chuckled causing Lisa to smile. “And you honor your parents, all three of them.”
“That’s true.”
“And, I’m sure whatever those other nine commandments are, you exemplify those, too.”
“I doubt that I exemplify anything, but I get what you’re saying.”
“And you know what else?” Sam said.
“What?”
“Word’s gotten around East Valley about Susie and Marlee going to Clarksonville’s dance as a couple.”
Lisa sat up taller. “I know. I heard kids talking at school, but I haven’t heard any mean comments. Not yet, anyway, but maybe that’s because people know she’s my friend.”
“The tide is turning for us, you know? In a good way. Susie and Marlee broke the ice majorly last Saturday. They were themselves, and they weren’t worried about ignorant people like that Rear-End Rinaldi.”
Lisa stifled a laugh. “I want to break ice, too, but...” Her tears started up again. Geez, why was she so emotional? It was exhausting.
“Baby, you’re okay.” Sam stroked Lisa’s back. “Remember that you’ve got me, and I’m always in your corner.”
“But you’re going to Switzerland,” Lisa choked out. She hadn’t realized how much that had been bothering her until the words fell out of her mouth. She instantly felt bad; it felt like a jab at Sam.
“Believe me. I wish I was staying here over Christmas break, but Mother wants us to bond as a family because she finally has Helene out of the way.” Sam’s bitterness toward her mother spoke volumes.
“Listen to us. We’re supposed to be celebrating, right?” Lisa tried to sound upbeat when she said, “Isn’t there some surprise anniversary dinner awaiting us somewhere?”
“Yes, my fine lady. Onward we go.”
After one last kiss, Sam pulled the car back onto County Road 62.
“The bowling alley?” Lisa laughed as they pulled into the parking lot of Valley Lanes, Clarksonville’s finest, and only, bowling alley.
“The scene of our first date.”
Lisa’s grin widened as she remembered how nervous they both had been on that impromptu first date, especially because they hadn’t really known each other at the time.
“I hear the snack bar has a wonderful selection of, er,” Sam tapped the steering wheel, “seven-month anniversary food.”
Lisa bit her bottom lip. One of the things she loved about Sam was the way she tried to make Lisa happy. A flush of regret washed over her that she couldn’t do the same for Sam by going to the dance with her. She bit down her regret and said, “C’mon.” She threw off her seatbelt and bolted out the passenger door. “Last one in has to keep score.” She slammed the door shut.
“You’re such a cheater,” Sam called after her. “I knew Clarksonville girls cheated.”
Lisa easily beat Sam to the outer door of the bowling alley and held it open. She felt relieved at finally getting up the nerve to tell Sam about the ignorant stupidity at church. But if it was only ignorance and stupidity, why had she taken it so personally? And why did it still hurt so much?
Chapter Three
“Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?”— Proverbs 27:4
LISA SHIVERED IN Marlee’s cold basement. Even though she and Sam had strategically placed space heaters all around, it was still chilly. Maybe it would warm up once the party got going. Meanwhile, everyone that had been invited to Susie’s surprise party was there and waiting for Susie and Marlee to get back from their private dinner at Le Bistro. Lisa stood at her self-assigned station at the window looking onto Marlee’s long gravel driveway.
Earlier that evening, Marlee’s mother let Lisa and Sam in the house, and Marlee’s grandfather had helped them get everything out of Sam’s car that they had been stock-piling for several weeks. He said it was up to them to get everything all the way down to the basement. He whispered to Lisa that Marlee’s grandmother would kill him if she knew he was helping them at all. He had suffered a mild heart attack recently, and he looked kind of tired. His hospital bed still sat in the living room although Marlee said he’d been sleeping upstairs for the last few nights.
Marlee’s basement was full of kids from East Valley High School. Lisa had played on the same summer softball team with Abby and Rachel, so she knew them, but she didn’t know their respective boyfriends. She’d met others like Ronnie and his boyfriend Jordan through the play Sam had been in at school. Ronnie was really good in the male lead role, and Alivia and Karl were good in theirs, too. Alivia was really pretty with her soft chestnut hair that she wore draped across her shoulders. Thank goodness she was straight, her boyfriend Karl was proof enough of that, otherwise Lisa might have to keep closer tabs on Sam. She rolled her eyes at the thought. That’s all she needed. One more thing to worry about.
With a start, she realized that every person in Marlee’s basement knew she was gay, that she was Sam’s girlfriend. Could they be discreet and not reveal her secret to the rest of the world? Watching Sam get harassed by the kids at school after being outed by the reporter must certainly make them aware of the hatred people could dish out, right?
With so many people knowing the score, Lisa wondered how long her extended stay in her self-imposed closet was going to last. And her friendship with Marlee. Now that Marlee had busted out of her own closet by going to the dance with Susie, being friends with her was also a risk, wasn’t it? It kind of sucked that you had to gauge your friends by whether or not they could keep your secrets.
Lisa looked over at Sam sitting on the staircase with Alivia and Karl. Sam said something that made Alivia laugh, and at first Lisa smiled at the sight, but then frowned when Alivia reached out to playfully smack Sam on the knee and let her hand linger there. Lisa shook off her annoyance. She was just on edge. There was no way Alivia was flirting with Sam. They were simply two friends having a good time. Lisa stroked the mood ring Sam had given her. It was a comforting habit, and one she often did without thinking.
Julie White sidled up beside her. Lisa and Julie had a lot of classes together, and Julie was as close to a best friend as Lisa had. Julie was also an excellent first baseman, always ready for a pickoff throw from Lisa. Besides Marlee, Julie and her boyfriend Marcus were the only other people currently at Clarksonville High School that knew about her. And, so far, they had all been amazing about keeping her secret.
“Any sign, Brown girl?” Julie asked.
“Not yet, White girl.” Lisa liked it when they teased each other using their last names. Lisa Brown had white skin, while Julie White had brown.
Lisa checked her phone again. “No text, either.”
They chatted for a while about the upcoming
softball season. Their favorite sport might be months away by calendar, but it was always present in their minds and heart.
“Hey, I don’t want to pry, but, uh, are you and Sam doing okay?” Julie’s tone suggested she thought something might be rocky between them. She looked over at the stairs where Alivia now rested her chin on Sam’s knee.
“We’re fine.” Lisa waved a dismissive hand toward the staircase. “They’re good friends.” She hoped.
Sam looked up as if sensing Lisa watching her and then smiled. That easy smile that said, ‘I love you.’ Lisa smiled back hoping her expressions conveyed the same. Sam turned her attention back to her friends, but not before Lisa caught the daggers that Alivia sent with her eyes. What the hell was that all about?
Lisa turned away and busied herself straightening the already straight stack of birthday plates and checking the already checked settings on her new digital camera. It was almost eight o’clock and still no text from Marlee.
Lisa glanced out onto the snowy driveway. “Geez, how long does it take to eat?”
“It’s a special occasion,” Julie said. “Marlee might be stalling just to make sure everybody gets here.” She looked around at the people in the basement. “You know, I was nervous tonight.”
“About what?” Lisa followed Julie’s gaze to where her boyfriend Marcus stood having an animated conversation with Ronnie and Jordan. “A room full of gay people?”
Julie laughed. “No, actually it wasn’t about that at all. It’s the first time Marcus and I have been to a party, as a couple, without having to pretend we just go to school together.”
“Time for you two to come out of the closet, eh, Julie?” Lisa said with a wink.
“Maybe one day.” Julie rolled her eyes.
“Me, too. One day.”
It was obvious that Julie was as nervous as Lisa about bringing her relationship public. Julie was afraid of racial prejudice. Being one of a very few African-American kids at Clarksonville made Julie a minority, and she was afraid that dating Marcus, a white guy, might be too much for people to handle. Lisa felt the same way about dating a girl. People just wouldn’t get it, and might be mean about it. Right, Reverend Rinaldi? Lisa wondered how Mrs. Maynard felt about interracial couples. Would she nod her head in agreement about that, too?
Tools of the Devil Page 2
