“Think of all those lives you’ve changed,” Bea said.
Stella felt tears well up and knew she couldn’t blame them on pregnancy hormones. Her girls were always great at hitting her in the heart.
“I enjoyed caring for every single one of them,” she said. There were a few difficult cases she’d been asked to take on, but for the most part, she felt extraordinarily blessed. Many of them were still in her life, even after they had either returned to their parents or aged out of foster care.
“You’re not fostering right now?” Ed asked.
“I’m taking a little break right now,” she said softly.
Ed’s fingers covered hers on the armrest between them and brushed gently, a quiet signal that he understood why she had opted to focus on something else. That simple gesture brought more of those ridiculous tears welling up in her throat. At this rate, this pregnancy was going to make her leak like a broken irrigation sprinkler.
He was the only one on this airplane who might have some inkling as to why she had stopped when her last foster was able to be reunited with her mother the year before. That was the moment when Stella had decided she wanted to get serious about having a child of her own. She still anticipated she would continue to be involved in the foster care program and provide love in that arena, but she had decided it was time.
“Has Stella told you about the annual Arts and Hearts on the Cape Festival that she organizes?”
Ed raised one eyebrow. “No. I haven’t heard about it.”
“It’s really terrific. All the local businesses get involved up and down the coast. There’s an arts festival, of course, and concerts, as well as a 5K run and other events where people get sponsorship. Mari’s Girl Scout troop is even doing a Pinewood Derby for sponsorship. It’s truly the highlight of the summer. All the money is split among various nonprofits, including Open Hearts.”
“I haven’t been to that festival in years,” Cruz said.
“If you’re still in town, you should stop by,” Stella said.
“I might,” he said. Cruz glanced at Bea, then turned back to Stella. “In fact, I just had a great idea. Why don’t I give a benefit concert this year? You’ve been asking me for years and I’ve never been able to make it work for my schedule. For once, I’ll be here in town. It’s the least I can do.”
“Are you serious?” Stella asked, stunned. “That would be amazing! I was going to ask you to make an appearance but a concert would be even better.”
Cruz had always seemed to avoid coming back to play for the Arts & Hearts event. She had put it down to his desire to leave their small town behind and perhaps some lingering bitterness about the divorce. What had changed his mind?
“The event is only a few weeks away,” Bea said. “Does that give you enough time to work out the logistics for a concert?”
“It will be tight, but I think we can manage it.” Her mind was already racing, going through all the things she would have to figure out, starting with finding a venue large enough to hold all the fans who would want to come out for it.
“What if we let the foster kids and their families come free but everybody else needs to pay,” Cruz suggested.
“I love this idea,” she said. “Now I remember why you are one of my favorite people.”
He grinned. “You mean it wasn’t because I flew you all to Universal Studios for the day?”
“No, but that was fun.”
She and Bea talked about logistics a bit more. It would be difficult but not impossible to add a Cruz Romero show to the lineup of events for the festival. She would need to throw an emergency board meeting and talk to the people who had already printed the posters about a new one and try to change her ads on the local radio stations...
The list was endless and suddenly overwhelming. As the plane started to land, Stella leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.
When she opened them, she saw Ed watching her with concern in his eyes. “Are you sure you’re going to be able to handle the details involved in this? It seems like a great deal of work.”
She was warmed by his concern but knew she couldn’t let herself depend on it too much. “I’ll be fine. It’s for a good cause. I’ll figure out how to make it work.”
He lowered his voice so the others couldn’t hear. “I’m sure Jo has mentioned to you that you’ll want to take things easy, at least these first few months when your body is trying to adjust to growing a new life. I tell all mothers to slow down a little and nap when your body demands it, but that advice is especially relevant to older mothers.”
Oh, she really needed him reminding her that she was forty. Again, she wondered where they might have been if she had made different choices nearly two decades ago, but pushed away the regret.
She had done what she thought was best at the time. There was no room in her life to dwell on what might have been.
“I’ll be fine,” she repeated. She crossed her fingers at her side, hoping she was right.
14
BEA
It was close to midnight when she pulled into her driveway after making the trip from the small Cape Sanctuary airport to her house. She was alone, as Mari had asked if she could sleep over at Cruz’s house so they could go horseback riding again the next morning.
While she was happy her daughter was spending more time with her father, Bea had to admit that she would be somewhat relieved when Cruz finally got tired of his R & R and this misguided effort to get back together.
This extended downtime on his part had disrupted their entire schedule. She also worried it gave Mari the skewed idea that life was all about having fun, going horseback riding and playing soccer with her dad and taking wild, extravagant trips by private jet to an amusement park.
Mari had a good head on her shoulders. She knew that. Thus far, her daughter had been great about keeping things in perspective. But she was only eleven and her personality was still developing.
When she called for Jojo inside the house, the dog didn’t come running. She walked through, looking for her little dog. Outside she could see the pool lights and opened the curtains to find Shane working at one of the patio tables while Sally and Jojo lay curled up together on their favorite spot, the outdoor rug.
Her heart softened at the sight. Her little dog was going to miss her best friend so much when Sally moved out again.
Not as much as Bea was going to miss the retriever’s owner.
The truth was like a fierce, heavy ache in her heart. She was in love with her best friend and had no idea if she could find the courage to try taking things to the next level.
She was tired from the long day and knew she would be wise to simply open the door and call to Jojo and wave good-night to Shane. She couldn’t do it.
With butterflies dancing through her, she opened the patio door and walked outside.
He looked up and his smile of welcome seemed to settle every nerve.
“Hi,” she said softly. “Thanks for keeping an eye on Jojo.” He had a key to the house and often let the dog out when she wasn’t home.
“No problem. We enjoyed his company, didn’t we, Sal?”
His Labrador lifted her head and almost seemed to nod in agreement.
“The two of them have a funny relationship, don’t they?” she said, sliding into the chair next to him.
“They’re buds. Nothing wrong with that.”
“I always wonder what they’re talking about to each other.”
“They’re dogs. They’re probably sharing stories of the bone that got away.”
She gestured to his tablet, which looked like a big, complicated game of tic-tac-toe. “You’re working late.”
“It was nice out here, with that lovely breeze and the water and the full moon. I’m figuring out a couple of new plays we’re going to try before our first scrimmage next week.”
“Oh, man. I can’t believe football season is here already. Where did the summer go?”
“Tell me about it. Fall will be here before we know it.”
She wanted to savor August and the last few days Mari would be home from school, but she imagined her daughter would spend most of that time with Cruz.
“Is Mari with her dad?”
“Yes. She wanted to stay over. We were with him all evening, actually.”
He set his tablet down. “Oh?”
She found herself strangely reluctant to share the details of the day with him. “It was kind of a crazy night. We went to Universal Studios.”
Shane raised an eyebrow. “The one in Hollywood.”
“Yes. Orlando would be a little far to fly down and back in a day.”
It was no less crazy that they had flown to LA and back, which was usually about an eight-hour drive from here. “Cruz was performing for a private party there and was allowed to take some guests. He wanted Mari to go and she wanted one of her new friends to come. Before we knew it, we were on a plane with Cruz, Stella, Mari, Stella’s old boyfriend and his daughter.”
“I didn’t know Stella had an old boyfriend. Sounds like there’s a story there.”
“I’m so glad you agree with me! Daisy thinks I’m crazy but I know there’s something going on between them. He’s a doctor going into practice with Jo Chen. Apparently, he’s an old friend of Stella’s from college.”
“And you think they’re seeing each other now?”
“I don’t know what to think. Daisy tells me I’m imagining things but I’ve seen the way she is around him. Tonight, seeing them together, confirmed it.”
“Why’s that?”
He was such a good listener. That was one of the many things she loved about him. Shane always made her feel like what she had to say mattered.
“I watched them all evening at the amusement park and they were so sweet together. He watched over her—not in a creepy, stalky way, just...solicitous. Like whatever he was doing, he had to check to make sure she was okay. And Stella was glowing. I wish you could have seen her.”
“She’s a great lady. She deserves someone to watch over her.”
Bea completely agreed. Her aunt had sacrificed entirely too much in order to care for her and for Daisy. Her entire young adult life had been spent raising two girls who had been too busy being teenagers to show much gratitude.
She, for one, had put Stella through hell. She had started drinking early, used to sneak out of the house to meet up with Cruz and ran with a fast, wild crowd.
She didn’t even know why, really. She hadn’t even enjoyed the party life but Daisy had been controlled, organized, the ideal student, and Bea had somehow felt obligated to rebel a little against all that perfection.
As a result, she had ended up pregnant at seventeen and had run away with Cruz to LA. For months she hadn’t even let Stella know where she was.
It had been childish and irresponsible. When she looked back, she cringed at what she had done to her aunt.
“Do you ever wish you could go back to your teenage self and have a do-over?”
His features looked harsh, though she knew it was only a trick of the moonlight. He was a kind, good man. A hardworking coach, an excellent schoolteacher.
“All the time.”
“What would you change, if you could go back?”
He was quiet for a long time, so long she thought he wasn’t going to continue. The moment dripped past, like water from a leaky spigot. “I regret not asking you out in high school.”
The words shivered between them. She stared at him, not sure how to answer. He had never acted like he wanted to ask her out. Why hadn’t he?
In an instant, she was sixteen again, best friends with the cute jock who lived by her. All the other girls had crushes on Shane. His locker had been close to hers, as well, she remembered, and girls were forever slipping notes in it.
Shane hardly seemed to notice, focused on school and sports and his family.
He used to tease her every day when they’d bump into each other by their lockers or in the halls or the lunchroom. Coming up with ways to tease him back had become her favorite part of the day.
“What about you?” he asked. “What would you change?”
It was hard to pick, she had so many regrets. But every choice had led her right here. If she hadn’t dated Cruz, she wouldn’t have Mari and she would never, ever change that.
He was waiting for an answer. She had to say something.
“Too many to count,” she finally answered, which was a cop-out. What she wanted to say was that she regretted never telling him that she wanted him to ask her out.
I’m in love with you, you big idiot, she wanted to say, but the words caught somewhere between her throat and her mouth and she couldn’t get them out.
“So. Cruz. How’s that going?”
He asked so casually, she was deeply grateful she hadn’t said anything about her feelings.
“It’s not. I can’t seem to convince him there’s no chance for us. We have too much baggage between us. Mountains of it. I don’t see how to get past it.”
“Are you willing to try?”
“No.”
“You say no but you don’t sound very decisive. At some point you’re going to have to figure out what you want, Bea.”
She knew what she wanted. She wanted him. Shane. She just didn’t know if she was strong enough to risk losing this friend she could speak with late at night, when the moonlight glimmered on the water and the dogs snored beside them and the night creatures peeped and chirped just beyond the edges of her property.
“What if I want to go back in time so I could start dating the cute football player who used to tease me between classes?”
He gazed at her and again that fine-edged tension tugged between them. “We can’t go back.”
“No. We can only go forward.”
She was tired of being afraid. She was going to just go for it. Just kiss him and see what happened.
All the negative voices in her head told her it was a lousy idea but she didn’t care. She had to kiss him. Digging deep for her last ounce of courage, she stood on tiptoe, drew in a breath and brushed her mouth against his.
He didn’t move for a moment, muscles taut. She had a horrifying fear that he would push her away, that she had ruined everything. Just as she was about to jerk back and try to make some kind of a joke about it, he made a ragged little sound deep in his throat and returned the kiss with a fierceness that took her breath.
Yes!
Finally!
In her secret dreams she had wondered how his mouth would taste. She had imagined this very moment.
Apparently, her imagination sucked. She hadn’t anticipated just how amazing it would be to kiss Shane Landry in the summer moonlight. She hadn’t guessed she would be shaky, dizzy, her heart pounding so loudly she was certain he must hear it, or that she would want the moment to go on forever.
This was Shane. Her best friend. She had known him since she was nine years old. It should have felt strange. Instead, it was the most perfect kiss in all the history of kissing.
Bea had heard in songs about kisses where the earth shook, the heavens sang, the entire universe seemed to celebrate. She had always thought that was overblown nonsense. Now she totally got it.
His mouth was warm, firm, focused, and he kissed her as if he had been waiting his whole life for it.
With only their mouths touching, they kissed for a long time. It was tender, sexy, emotional. Achingly sweet.
She didn’t want it to end. She wanted to stay in this magical moment, telling him with her kiss everything she didn’t have the nerve to say out loud.
No. This wasn’t enough. The kiss was amazing but she wanted more. She wanted t
o feel the heat of his body, the warmth of his arms around her.
She moved closer, reaching her arms up to wrap around his neck. Just before she would have tangled her fingers in his hair, her phone buzzed on the table.
She froze, trying to grab hold of her scrambled thoughts.
She could ignore it. Whoever it was could call back later, when she wasn’t in the middle of The Kiss to End All Kisses.
On the other hand, she realized slowly, that was Cruz’s ringtone.
And he had their daughter.
Mari would use her own phone to call her if she had a problem, wouldn’t she? Unless she couldn’t talk, for some ominous reason.
She frowned, hating that she had been yanked out of the mood. But she had to answer.
She wrenched her mouth away from Shane’s and fumbled for her phone.
“Hello?” she managed. This had better seriously be good.
“Bea? Did I wake you? Your voice sounds funny.”
Maybe because she still couldn’t seem to suck enough air into her lungs. “No. I’m up. Just sitting out by the pool.”
“Is Shane with you?” Cruz didn’t bother to hide the jealous tone in his voice.
She was not in the mood to have this conversation with her ex-husband.
“Yes. He’s right here. We were just making out. Would you care to speak with him?”
“Ha ha,” Cruz said. He clearly thought she was joking, which she would have found amusing if she wasn’t so miserably aware she had made a grave mistake in answering the phone.
Shane stood, his features expressionless in the moonlight.
“I would like to get back to it. What do you want, Cruz?”
“I wanted to talk to you about tomorrow. I forgot I’ve got an appointment with Daisy again at noon to sign some papers, then Wally and some guys are flying in to work on a couple of new songs. Do you mind if I drop Mari off about 11:30, before I go into town to meet Daisy?”
That was it? He had to call her at midnight to make sure she would be around to handle the parenting responsibilities she usually carried entirely on her own? This could have been handled in a text or an email.
The Cliff House Page 15
