Vanessa walked up and threw her arms around him. “Yes. I’m happy. Happy for you. I hope it works out, I really do. Then you’ll be one of the few people I know who actually has something that’s working out.” She went back to the door and picked up her bag and coat. “If it lasts long enough, I’d like to meet this woman who’s revived your soul. But right now I’m going to sleep because my soul is dead and I’m literally beat to shit.”
“Vanessa . . . child.” Delores just shook her head as Vanessa grinned acerbically and straggled down the hall, her jacket trailing behind her.
Chris grabbed his bag and a duffle full of clothes, then leaned in to give his mother a kiss. “I’m heading out too, Ma.”
She walked him to the door. “Please keep me posted so I know when to expect you next.” She paused. “And you know your sister’s going to ask me about everything. I’d appreciate if you were the one to share certain salient details with her. I don’t want to be caught in the middle of any noise.” She gave him a telling look.
“I will, Ma. But she actually smiled. She gave me a hug. I’d like us to have that brief moment of her being happy—happy for me—before we get to her wince, or whatever she’ll throw at me for betraying the race. Hopefully things will last long enough for us to get there.”
Delores nodded. “I hope so too. Now go on, drive safe, and never forget I love you.”
“I won’t. I love you too.” He bounced down the stairs, got in his car, and headed back to where his heart wanted to be.
TWENTY-EIGHT
AFTER TWO MORE WEEKS OF DISCRETION, IT BECAME officially strange having something so fully occupy her thoughts and life yet remain a secret from everyone she knew. When Chris revealed that he’d finally spoken to his mother, Sidonie realized she, too, wanted to bring the good news to someone close. Work people were still off limits, but when plans were made for her and Karen to drive up to their mother’s for more house packing, Sidonie grabbed the opportunity. Two birds, one stone; fell swoop, git ’er done. Take whatever they gave in one inclusive afternoon.
“The sound guy? The guy you hired back in March? Really?” Incredulity would be the first of Karen’s responses.
“Yes, Chris Hawkins. And he’s not just a sound guy. He’s actually the manager of the sound department, so we’re pretty much on equal footing.”
Karen rolled her eyes and laughed. “Okay, if that works for you.”
Marian was less in the loop. “I don’t know anything about a sound guy. Can you start from the beginning?”
So she did. As they wrapped china and Marian’s beloved silver-plated flatware, Sidonie told them of the immediate connection she and Chris felt upon meeting. She talked about how he saved the day when Troy disappeared, how he later saved her when Troy returned. She discussed the success of his business, his exceptional skill at his craft, his admirable work ethic, and his ability to make meaningful conversation. She explained it all and glowed throughout.
“He sounds like quite the prize, darling!” Marian beamed. It had been a long time since she’d seen her younger daughter so happy. “I can’t wait to meet him. I hope we can arrange that before Steve and I leave.”
“I hope so too, Mom. What’s the ETA on that?”
Karen jumped in. “Escrow here closes in two weeks, and the condo Steve found in Orlando is a foreclosure, so they can probably grab it anytime.”
“Which means . . . ?”
“They could be hitting the road in two weeks.”
Marian’s smile was giddy. Sidonie feigned a pout. “Wow. So soon!”
“Mom, take it easy with your glee.” Karen grinned. “Your baby daughter might start crying.”
“I just can’t believe you’re really leaving us!” Sidonie wasn’t necessarily kidding.
“Oh, stop! I’m not leaving you.” Marian laughed. “And you’re big girls now—you don’t need me around day in, day out. Florida is not that far and, besides, you’re both so busy it’s not like I see a lot of you anyway. I’ll probably see more of you down there!” Which was quite possibly true.
“And you can finally take us to Disney World!” Karen squealed. “How we got through childhood without that rite of passage is beyond me.”
“Put it on the list.” Marian winked, giving Sidonie a playful push.
Karen turned to her sister. “But let’s get back to you. We’re not done hearing about Mr. Wonderful.”
Sidonie blushed. “What else do you want to know?”
“Is he fun? Does he make you laugh?” Karen always asked those questions, likely because her own husband bore neither of those traits.
“He’s not funny in a laugh-your-ass-off kind of way, but he’s witty. He makes clever observations. I’d say he enjoys the satire of life, so we spend a good amount of time laughing. And yes, he’s fun . . . in all the right ways.” She couldn’t help the lascivious grin that followed.
“Aaaggh . . .” Karen threw a pillow at her. “We don’t want to hear about all that stuff, do we, Mom?”
“Is that what she meant?” Marian said, clueless.
Karen continued. “But what about the really shallow part: what’s he look like? Is he hot? Tall, handsome, short, fat? I know they can’t all look like your asshole ex-hottie, but I hope you at least get some pretty with the perfection.”
An image of Chris sprang to Sidonie’s mind—his smile, slanted and, oh, so sexy; his supple arms, his long legs wrapped around her. She thought of his soft lips and warm skin—
“Hello!!” Karen clapped her hands in front of Sidonie’s face. “Either snap out of it or let us in. It’s gettin’ lonely out here.”
Sidonie laughed. “Sorry, I was just thinking about how best to describe him.”
“No selfies yet?” Karen queried.
“I’m not fourteen.”
“Then you’re old school, as my daughter would say. Even Mom takes selfies.”
“Karen, let your sister speak,” Marian admonished.
“Fine. Speak, sister, speak.”
“Okay . . . he’s tall, he’s well built, he’s got an amazing face—big eyes, open expression, always interested in what’s around him. He’s kind of quiet and more observational than out there, if you know what I mean. He tends to be a casual dresser. He’s close to his mother—”
“I like him already!” Marian smiled.
“And he’s black.”
A beat.
Karen: “Wow.”
Marian: “Oh.”
Sidonie looked at them with a twinge of panic. “Please tell me that’s not going to be an issue. We are too deep in the twenty-first century for that kind of nonsense and I really can’t fathom anyone having—”
“Relax!” Karen smiled. “I think it’s utterly fascinating. It actually raises my esteem of you greatly.”
“That’s almost as bad. Why is that?”
“I always figured you for a status quo type—”
“Really?” Sidonie cocked her head. “That’s oddly insulting.”
“I just mean since college you’ve never done anything particularly controversial, anything that might raise some ire, even if the ire was idiotic. That you’ve fallen for a man regardless of potential cultural pricklies speaks well of your character.” Karen sat down, gazing at her sister with admiration. “I mean it. It’s a compliment.”
“I guess that’s good, but honestly, his blackness has nothing to do with it. There’s no sociopolitical statement going on. I just like him and he happens to be black.”
“But, honey, you never had a Negro boyfriend before,” Marian remarked, her brow almost comically furrowed.
“Did you honestly just say ‘Negro boyfriend’?” Karen snapped. Sidonie felt her face flush.
“Well, what are they calling themselves these days? Who can keep up?” Marian appeared flustered.
“They call themselves black, Mother, or African American,” Karen retorted. “But I suspect you actually know that. And have you conveniently forgotten Sid’s colleg
e boyfriend, George? He was black, remember?”
“I never thought of him as a boyfriend. You two were just hanging out.”
“We dated for over six months,” Sidonie interjected dryly.
“Well, I guess I had no idea that was something that appealed to you, Sidonie.”
“Mom, what is happening to you?” Karen yelped. “Seriously! Do you hear yourself?”
“What did I say now?”
“‘Something that appealed to you’?”
“And what does that even mean?” Sidonie chimed in concert with her sister. “It’s not about his blackness. That’s not the appeal. The appeal is him, just him. I’d like him regardless of what color he was.”
Karen got up and hugged her sister. “Ignore her. I’m happy for you, sis. He sounds like an amazing guy and the fact that he has a good heart, that he protects you and makes you feel loved, that’s all that matters. I look forward to meeting him.”
The statement was welcomed. Karen could be a tough audience and if she’d reacted badly, Sidonie was sure her head would have exploded.
Marian, on the other hand, remained peevish, biting her thumbnail and staring off silently.
“Mom, what? If you have something to say, just say it and we’ll move on,” Sidonie said.
“I don’t have anything specific to say.”
“Then why do you look like you have indigestion?”
“Oh, stop being so dramatic! I’m just concerned. Every day I watch what’s going on out there and I worry about you being part of all that.”
“Part of all what?”
“The Black Lives Matter craziness, all the shootings and the gangs. I want you nowhere near that, but if you’re going to spend time with a black man, that’s probably impossible. It seems very dangerous to me, so I worry.”
Karen and Sidonie exchanged exasperated looks.
“Mom, he’s a respected businessman living a completely normal life, so I’m not in any more danger with him than I was with Theo. Who, by the way, did more damage to my psyche than most men could manage, regardless of color. So I suggest you turn off Fox News and spend a little more time out in the real world where all kinds of people interact daily without incident.”
Annoyance crossed Marian’s face. “You can stop being condescending, Sidonie, I am well aware of that. But there isn’t much sense in courting trouble either.”
The comment triggered a flash of the dreaded police stop, but before Sidonie could decide how to respond, Karen stepped back in.
“Jesus, Mother, you act like Sid’s out on the front lines throwing rocks at police or consorting with the Gangster Disciples. She’s just dating a guy who happens to be black. I don’t remember you being so clichéd about all this stuff. Tell me she’s kidding about Fox News.”
Marian’s face turned red and she stood up, rustling around the living room in a huff. “I think I’ve had about enough of you two and your lectures. Maybe you should skedaddle so you don’t get caught in rush hour.”
Sidonie was stunned at the direction this had taken. She walked over to Marian and took her hands, peering into her mother’s clenched face. “Mom, Mom, let’s not turn this into something it doesn’t need to be, please. I get your concern. There is a lot of crazy stuff going on in the world, but none of it has anything to do with me. You just have to have faith that neither Chris nor I will be getting ourselves into that kind of trouble, okay?” She meant it. She certainly hoped it.
Marian patted her daughter’s hand. “I’m sorry. I’m probably being silly, but I worry about you.”
“I understand, Mom, but let’s get past it, okay? Chris will come with me when we finish packing next week, and we can take you and Steve out for dinner. Maybe Karen, Josh, and Sarah can join us, and we’ll make it a big ‘meet Chris, bon voyage’ event.”
“You don’t have to go to all that trouble.” Marian went back to fussing with the stacked boxes. “I’ll just take a train into the city one night before we leave and we can meet in the Loop somewhere.” The emphasis—the Steve-lessness of it—did not go unnoticed.
“Is there some reason you don’t want us all to gather?” Karen queried with a frown. “Because we’d actually like to say goodbye to Steve too. Sid’s idea is perfect.”
Marian pursed her lips tightly. “I feel like you two are ganging up on me and I don’t appreciate it.”
Sidonie was authentically confused. “Mom, I don’t understand what’s going on right now. You’re being very weird and it’s hard not to interpret it in a way I don’t love.”
There was a tense pause; no one said anything for a good ten seconds. Finally Marian blurted: “Steve would have a problem with you dating a black man.”
Karen’s jaw dropped. Literally. “Are you fucking kidding me, Mom?”
Marian looked up sharply, ready to either admonish her daughter or attempt to defend her indefensible position. She went for the latter.
“I’m not saying it’s the way I feel, but he’s a man with his own mind. Getting together would be too uncomfortable and I wouldn’t want to push it on him. It’s not that he hates black people. He just thinks we should stick to our own races when it comes to relationships, so it would be awkward for us all to get together.”
Sidonie was nonplussed; Karen, not so much. “So the two of you actually sit around discussing the topic of not mixing races? Just chirpy dinner conversation analyzing interracial shenanigans?”
“No! We don’t sit around talking about it.”
“Then what, Mom? What? How has his hideous point of view become known to you? Did you catch him screaming along with some bigot on TV? Ranting when a black athlete showed up at the Super Bowl with his white wife? Or did it just come up before saying goodnight, like, ‘Oh, sweetheart, in case I forget to mention it, I think Negroes and Caucasians should never mix, just muddies up the works’? What?”
Marian was shaking at this point. Sidonie had a pang of sympathy for her, but was powerless to stop her sister. She was also curious to see where the prodding led.
Marian snapped back. “You can stop it right now, Karen Marie! I will not sit here and be bullied by my own daughter! I’m just trying to be honest and I won’t be attacked for it.”
“I’m not attacking you—”
“I know you probably think about all those defendants you worked with way back when, all those black people you thought were being treated so unfairly, and maybe you are more admirable than everyone else when it comes to this stuff—”
“Oh no, Mom—it’s got nothing to do with that. I’m not more admirable than anyone else on this stuff. I got out. I got overwhelmed and disillusioned, and walked away. There’s nothing admirable about me on that front. But I’m not the point. The point is you . . . and how you’re so sure Steve would be uncomfortable around Sid and her new boyfriend. Since it affects us all, I think it’s a fair question.”
“Because he’s talked about it,” she offered reluctantly. “He sees things on the news, or reads something in the paper, and he talks about it. He knows I don’t agree with him, but since it’s never been an issue in our lives, it didn’t seem like a big deal. I guess it will be now.” She sank into a nearby chair.
Karen walked to the kitchen, opened a cabinet, took out a bottle of scotch, and poured herself a shot. Looked at Sidonie, who shook her head. Karen threw one back, returned to the living room, and sat down next to her mother.
“Mom, that you’re involved with a racist is very disturbing—”
“He’s not a racist—don’t even try that on me! He has black friends, he works with black people—”
“Please don’t play stupid. You’re too smart for that. You want to be honest? Let’s be honest. You’ve accepted this guy, flaws and all, and one of his flaws happens to be that he’s a racist. If you’re okay with that, so be it. But now Steve’s racism becomes a family issue, and that I have a problem with.”
Sidonie felt slightly nauseous. “Look, you guys, I—”
&nbs
p; “I don’t know what you want me to say, Karen!” Marian threw up her arms in frustration. “Steve’s a good man. He’s not a perfect man. But he’s the man I’m with now and, you’re right: I’ve accepted him, flaws and all. I can’t change him, but I’m not going to end the relationship just because we don’t agree on this one little thing.”
“Seems like more than one little thing to me—”
“I said I’d love to meet Chris, and I would! I’ll meet you all downtown and we’ll have a nice time together. If Steve’s not a part of that, so what? He doesn’t need to be involved with every single thing that goes on in this family. It doesn’t have to affect us. It affects me and him, and I can handle that. You’re making me feel—”
“Enough!” Sidonie hollered. This was not at all what she expected and at this point she wanted nothing more than to head home. She looked at her beleaguered mother and angry sister and just shook her head. “We’re not going to solve this tonight. Maybe we’re never going to solve it. Mom, I love you, I hope you and Steve have a long, happy life together, and I hope Florida is everything you dreamed, but for now I’m going to keep my relationship to myself.”
“Honey, I don’t want you to feel that way! I want to—”
“It doesn’t matter what you want me to feel or what you want, Mom. My relationship is precious to me, Chris is precious to me, and I have no intention of ever making him feel unwelcome in any way related to this family. Explaining why the man you’re moving to Florida with will not be joining us for dinner would make him feel unwelcome, and I won’t put him through that. Period. End of story. Invitation is off the table.”
Karen was now standing at the door, purse over her shoulder, keys in her hand. Marian looked at her, panicked.
“I don’t want you two leaving before we settle this,” she said tearfully. “I won’t be able to sleep if we don’t.” Karen was unmoved. Sidonie softened.
“We’ll leave it for tonight and think more about it over the next few days. We can’t stuff it back in the box, but we’ll try to figure it out at some point.” Sidonie went over and hugged her sagging mother. “I’ll call you later in the week and we’ll talk about when to finish the packing, okay?”
The Alchemy of Noise Page 11
