by Amy Brent
That revelation was still dawning on me when I heard boot steps clomping towards me a second before I felt a hard clap on my back. I glanced to the side as Jonah took a seat next to me and nearly threw my hands up in the air. Today just wasn’t my day.
Ever since that day in the tower, he’d been looking at me with a new light of suspicion in his eyes and it made my skin itch. But all I could do was force a grin to my lips and toss it in his direction.
"Hey, Jonah. Got off of work early today?"
“We finished up ahead of schedule. Boss let everyone take the rest of the day off.” Jonah gave me a long, considering look, “Looks like you started early yourself.”
I tilted my pint glass in his direction, slopping some of the amber liquid on the bar top as I shot him a hard grin, “I’m trying to drown my sorrows.”
“Well, when it comes to you, there’s only one type of sorrow. A woman?” Jonah raised his hand in a wave to Stella, waiting for his beer and his answer but damned if I knew what to say.
“Of course it’s a woman.” I finally spluttered, and Jonah let out a chuckle.
“It’s always the same with you, Leo. You’ll never learn.”
"Learn what? Please, enlighten me oh wise one," Sarcasm filled my voice as I egged Jonah on but he just grinned ruefully as he took his drink, setting it in front of him on the bar as he thought for a moment.
“You go through women like wine, but the problem is, you can’t survive on wine alone,” He finally said, “You need water to survive.”
I looked at him for one minute ticked into two, “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Look, just forget I even said anything, alright?”
“Are you blushing, Jonah?” I teased, slapping him on the shoulder, “Makes me think my women troubles are nothing compared to yours.”
Jonah rolled his eyes, identical to Quinn’s, “I’m not going there. Don’t even bring it up.”
I threw my hands in the air. I knew he had some sort of complicated relationship but he never talked about it, and I was more than happy with that arrangement. I had always been content to let Jonah keep his business secret, and I would keep my business my own as well. But something was different now, just under the surface. I had known him long enough to know when something was eating at him.
“Well, I won’t bring it up,” I finally said, “But you know I’m here if you need anything.”
“Thanks, man. I appreciate. It’s not going to fucking happen. But I still appreciate it.”
I shrugged, turning back to my beer and we both drank in silence for a moment but then the memories were back. Like an itch I couldn’t scratch. What Quinn had said, what she’d asked me. What I’d answer. I’m such a fucking asshole.
“You got that right,” Jonah said on a chuckle and I realize I must have spoken that last thought out loud. “But what are you being an asshole about this time?”
For a full minute, I thought about blowing off the question. Not answering. It would be better that way. Safer that way. But then a sudden thought struck me, probably induced by the several beers I'd already sucked down. Jonah was the perfect person to ask about Quinn. If only I could figure out a way to do it that didn't end up with me bleeding out on the floor of Lucky's.
With a deep breath, I turned in the barstool until I faced Jonah, laying it all out. Well, as much as I could without inciting my best friend to murder, of course.
“Listen, I have this…problem. There’s this woman I’ve been sort of seeing.”
"Uh huh. And what? Did she catch you with another girl? Found out you really are an asshole?"
“No, no, uh, nothing like that. It’s just that, I like her. She’s fun and sweet and generous and sexy as hell,” I shook my head, unaware of the small goofy smile that was curling up one corner of my mouth as I spoke, “I like being around her. But she asked, you know, what we were. What the fuck does that even mean?”
“What did you say to her?”
“Well, that it was fun. That we were just having fun.”
Jonah burst out laughing, and it wasn’t a kind sound.
“You know what, fuck you. I don’t need your advice anyway.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just that no woman wants to hear that she’s ‘just fun’.” Jonah shook his head, “I wouldn’t worry about it though. Another week and you’ll be on to the next one.”
“It’s not like that, man,” I said, struggling to explain it to Jonah. Hell, I couldn’t even explain it to myself, “I don’t…I don’t want to move on to the next one. I want to try and make this right with her. I like being with her, you know? I fucked up, I just don’t know how to fix it.”
Jonah went silent and it wasn't until I glance over at him that I realized he was staring at me wide-eyed.
“Shit. You’re serious.” He said slowly, “You’re actually serious. Leo Delaney, asking me for relationship advice. Hell, Leo Delaney in a relationship. I think hell just froze over.”
“Shut up, man.” I started to turn away but Jonah stopped me.
“No, sorry. It’s just surprising, that’s all.” Jonah’s expression grew thoughtful, “If you’re really serious about her, just be honest, you know? Tell her the truth about how you feel. That you care about her.”
I looked over at him, “That’s it? That’s your big advice?”
“What were you thinking? Chocolates and diamonds and flowers?”
“Well, yeah,” I said on a shrug, “basically.”
“You can’t bribe her, Leo. Believe me, just tell her the truth. Tell her how you feel.”
“What if I don’t know how I feel?”
“Well, figure it out then, Sherlock.” Jonah drank the last of his beer before turning to him with a questioning look in his eyes, “So, who is she?”
“What?”
“Who’s the mystery girl who’s got you wrapped around her little finger?”
I took a long drink, not answering Jonah’s question. Anything I say could tip him off.
“You gonna keep it a secret from me? Your best friend?”
Hell yes. Sorry, Jonah, you're the last person on this earth that I'd tell.
Jonah shook his head, getting to his feet and slapping a bill on the bar, “Alright, fine. Keep your secret. But I’m going to keep digging until I find out who she is.”
“You probably shouldn’t do that,” I finally managed, but it was too late. Jonah was already gone. That was exactly what I did not need, Jonah uncovering the truth about me and Quinn. And now, I’d sent him down that path. Great. Everything was just fucking great.
Chapter 19
Quinn
I ran my hand along the rows of books as I walked down the shelf-lined aisle of the library. It was the same as it had always been. Just like everything else in this town. Nothing seemed to change. Except for me.
I wasn't the same girl who use to run wild with her brother through the springs anymore. I wasn't the trouble-making teenager who didn't know how to say no to a dare anymore. Neither was I Quinn Moore, college graduate and successful entrepreneur, like I thought I would be when I finally made it back to this place.
No, I wasn’t any of those people. To be honest, I didn’t know who I was anymore. I knew what I wanted. I wanted to turn the ranch into a successful bed and breakfast. And damn it, I wanted Leo. And that was the problem.
Because he doesn’t want you. The insidious whisper had dread seeping through me, the same dread that I’d been carrying around with me since yesterday in the garden. He does. Just, maybe not as much as I want him.
Is that any better? I tried to shake off the thoughts, narrowing my focus instead on the woman currently standing on the tips of her toes as she filed a book on the top shelf, her expression serious and somewhat distant as she worked.
“Lily!”
She jumped as I called her name, dropping the book she'd just picked up in the process and sent me a narrow-eyed look.
“Damn it, Quinn! You’r
e going to give me a heart attack!”
“You know I would never do that.” I gave her my best innocent grin, “Not intentionally, anyway.”
“You are a beast.” Lily gave me another scornful look but it barely lasted a few seconds before slipping into a grin of her own. “What are you even doing here? You hate the library.”
“I don’t hate it,” I defended, “I just never really had the time for books, you know?”
“Says the college drop out.” I know Lily was joking but her words still cut deep and she must have picked up on some of my turmoil because her smile faded and she wrapped an arm around me in a quick hug. “I’m so sorry Quinn. I shouldn’t have said that.”
I shrugged, “It’s the truth. It just-.”
“Still hurts,” Lily said, finishing my sentence and all I could do was nod, “I get it.” My best friend forced a bright smile, “But hey, you’re doing something about it, right? With the property. Making it into your own business. That’s your dream. It always has been.”
"Yeah, I am." My voice was hard with resolve. I would make it work, no matter what it took, no matter how many long days and even longer nights I was scrubbing and scraping on my knees. I had no choice.
“Then what’s got you looking like that?” Lily asked after a moment and I glance over at her curiously.
“Like what?”
“Heartbroken.”
“Please,” I snorted, “Don’t be ridiculous.” But Lily was closer to the truth than she could have possibly realized. “Look, I did want to talk to you about something. Is there somewhere quiet we could go?”
“Quinn, we’re in a library. The whole place is quiet.”
“You know what I mean.” I rolled my eyes at her and she sent me another grin.
“Yeah, I do. Come on. We can talk in the break room.”
I followed Lily as she made her way back to the front of the small library and then through a door behind the clerk desk. I paused as I walked inside, taking in the myriad of plants hanging from macrame rope and multi-hued crystals scattered on nearly every surface. Lily took a seat at the small table, and I had to move aside a bowl full of the brightly colored rocks as I sat down across from her.
Lily leaned forward, perching her elbows on the edge of the table, “So, what did you want to chat about? Leo? Trouble in paradise?”
I rolled my eyes, ready with a sarcastic comment but I bit it back. She was right. Again. And it hurt. Again.
“I don’t know what happened, Lily,” I started, the memory of Leo’s expression rising in my mind, “One moment, everything was perfect, and then the next he was staring at me like a stranger.”
"Well, something must have happened," Lily said after a moment.
“I just, I asked him what we were, you know,” I explained with a shrug, “What we were doing. And then he got all weird. He froze and mumbled something and then ran off.”
Lily shot me a look full of commiseration as she got to her feet. She didn’t speak again until she’d brewed a kettle of hot water and made us both a cup of soothing peppermint tea. Only after she’d retaken her seat did she open her mouth to say anything.
“You scared him.”
“What?” I looked at Lily askance.
“You scared him off, Quinn. You know he’s not the type that does relationships, and honestly…”
“Honestly, what?” I prompted after she’d been quiet too long.
“Honestly, I hadn’t expected him to stick around as long as he has,” Lily gave me another sympathetic look, “I know that’s not what you want to hear.”
Damn right it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. What made it even worse was that I knew it was the truth.
“But it doesn’t matter, does it?” Lily was saying, “You’re falling for him.”
I couldn’t speak but she could see the answer written plainly all over my face. I wasn’t falling. I had already fallen. Hard.
“Then you know what?” She said, speaking as if she’d somehow heard my answer, “Then you need to fight for him. For you and your happiness. You deserve to be happy, Quinn.”
“I know, it’s just–.”
“You’re scared too.” Lily snorted, “You really do belong together. Two commitment-phobes that can’t keep their hands off each other. Here. I’ve got something that will help.”
“Dear god, not another one of your potions.” I groaned. I could still taste the last one.
“No, not a potion.” Lily got up, rummaging through the small side table piled high with books and papers and crystals, finally grabbing something and bringing it back. She held out her hand and I looked at it dubiously.
"It won't bite," Lily said on a chuckle after a moment.
“What is it?” I asked, still glancing at the rock resting on her palm.
“It’s an agate. It’s for strength and courage. Here.” She reached forward, dropping it into my hand before I could tell her that I really didn’t think a piece of reddish rock was going to help me all that much, but the hopeful look on her face stopped me. With a sigh I took the thing, looping the leather cord it was tied to around my neck.
“There, happy?”
Lily nodded, smiling at me from across the table. “So, what are you going to do next?”
"I'm going to go home and take a shower," I said, grimacing as I inhaled too deeply. I'd come here straight from working at the Mayhew house.
“And then?”
I drew in another deep breath, this time not even noticing the smell. Then, I’m going to go talk to the one person that can make me feel better. I just hope it doesn’t end up breaking my heart.
***
Leo
The game was playing on the small TV I had propped up on a cart against the wall but I wasn’t watching it. I was staring off into space, my thoughts revolving around the only thing I seemed to be able to focus on lately. Quinn.
Her questions still echoed in my head but damned if I had the answers. Damned if I even knew if I wanted them. I took another sip from the bottle of beer I had clenched in one hand. It was my day off. Every other day off I'd gotten over the past couple of months had been spent sweating over at that property. But I wasn't sure if Quinn would even want to see me. Not after what had happened.
Before I could delve any deeper into why that thought made me feel like absolute shit, there was a timid knock at the door of my apartment. I cocked my head to the side. Who the hell could that be?
I knew it wasn’t Stella. She’d just holler up from the bar if she needed anything. It wasn’t Jonah. Timid wasn’t exactly the man’s style.
The sound came again, and I shrugged. There was only one way to find out. I pulled the door open and froze as shock washed over me. The last person I expected to see was Quinn, standing in front of my apartment staring up at me with those big, green eyes of hers like summer grass and suddenly everything felt right in the world.
“Hey, sunshine,” I finally managed, stepping back and gesturing for her to enter, “I’m surprised to see you so late.”
“I’ve seen you later than this,” She shot me a sassy smile along with the words over her shoulder and the reminder hit me square in the solar plexus. But beneath that smile, I could see something else swimming in her eyes. Doubt. And what cut me even worse was the hurt. I hated knowing I’d done that to her. But damned if I knew how to fix it. I didn’t even know what to say.
Quinn stopped, growing serious as she turned to face me. She took a deep breath and I braced for the worst. I was sure she was about to say we were done. Look at me, I snorted to myself, it's always me breaking things off, and here I am shaking like a leaf at the thought of Quinn, what, dumping me? Is that even the right term? Don't you have to be dating before you can break up?
“I just wanted to tell you,” She started. Oh shit. Here it comes, “I just wanted to tell you that it’s okay.”
Fuck. I knew she was going to…wait a minute, what?
“What did you say?” I asked, struggling
to keep up. Quinn shrugged and shot me a small smile.
“I said it’s okay. It wasn’t fair, surprising you like that with, well, with those sorts of questions. I get it, alright? I know you’re not the type to stick around.”
“Hey now, wait a damned minute,” I said, interrupting, still trying to wrap my head around what she was saying. And why was I so pissed about it? It was just the truth. A truth I’d told her from the first. But why did it eat away at me, hearing her say it out loud like that?
“Look, it’s alright, Leo.” Quinn was saying, “I don’t need an answer.”
"But you deserve one." I shot out, surprising us both and Quinn quieted, staring at me wide-eyed, "I've never really…I've never been in a real relationship, Quinn." I shook my head, trying to explain. "It just…You scared the shit out of me, to be honest."
I don’t know who was more shocked by the admission, me or Quinn but after a moment she took a step towards me, and then another, not stopping until we were standing toe to toe and she looped her arms around my neck.
"That's okay too. But I need you to know something," Quinn whispered the fragile words softly in the room as if she was afraid to say them too loud, afraid that they might shatter. "I'm starting to care about you, Leo. I can't…If you want to stop things between us, just tell me now, okay? I don't want to get my heart broken."
I stared down at her for a long moment, drinking in the sight of her. So beautiful, so soft and at the same time so strong. Her spirit shone through from the depths of her clover green eyes and I knew I owed it her to be as strong if I could.
“I don’t, Quinn,” My words were spoken just as quietly as hers, “I don’t want things to end. This is all…new for me. Can you be patient?”
A grin so bright it made my chest ache broke across her face like a sunrise, “Yeah. I think I can do that.” And then she was kissing me. I was still reeling from her words, and my own, and her kiss just tilted the world even further off its axis until I felt dizzy.
