by Dane Bagley
###
“Kevin, and Maryanne, together?” said Sarah.
“We do stuff with them all the time.”
“Yes, but they are not together.”
“I didn’t say that they were dating. I said they’re going on a date, with us.”
“I know, but Maryanne…”
“You don’t want her going out with Kevin? I thought you liked Kevin?”
“I do, but…it’s okay. It’s just a date. But see, Maryanne…isn’t fickle. The way Kevin treats a girl…the kind of girls that go for Kevin…I just don’t see Maryanne…like that. She’s not in it for the moment, she want’s something deeper, you know, lasting.”
“Maybe.”
“What do you mean, maybe?”
“You’ve seen how she’s been flirting with him lately.”
“That’s just Maryanne, she even acts like that with you…with me right there. She’s just fun, and comfortable around guys.”
“So she’s a flirt…but not Kevin’s type?”
“She’s not a flirt.”
“Oh? What then?”
“Maryanne is…a beautiful woman. A beautiful, confident…womanly woman. She’s attractive, you known that. That’s what she is. She’s not putting on a show…or trying to get something. She’s comfortable with guys and she likes guys. They like her. She’ll always be this way, even when she’s married. She’s not flirting…she’s not a flirt. She’s Maryanne, and the way she is, is very attractive.”
“Fair enough. But hasn’t she been more confident, more womanly with Kevin lately?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, that’s true. We don’t really know even what’s in our best friend’s heads. Maybe she does like him, and maybe she does want to just test it to see where it goes. In some ways Kevin isn’t much of a threat. If it doesn’t go well, or she doesn’t like him, there’s not much worry about breaking up with him. The only thing a girl has to fear with him is falling in love and then losing him.”
“Well, that’s something.”
“So, should we warn every girl to stay away from him?”
“No.”
“Just Maryanne?”
“Well…”
“I think Maryanne has a good head on her shoulders. She knows Kevin well enough. She knows the risk.”
“What happens then?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, suppose they do date for a bit, and then break up. It will be weird. We won’t be able to hang out with all of us together anymore. He’s your best man and she’s my bridesmaid. That could be awkward.”
“Alright. I’ll tell them to call off the date. They can both come but it can’t be a date. She can be beautiful, confident, and womanly to him, but no more. If after the wedding, after we’ve moved away—gone on our adventure—they still want to try this thing out, then they’re welcome to, but not while it might mess stuff up for us.”
“John…”
“Okay, I’m being a little severe. I’m sorry, Sarah.”
“I know you’re right. I’m don’t want to tell them what to do. I don’t want to be selfish, but I’m concerned.”
“I know. I get it. I’m surprised too.”
“Why?”
“I’m surprised that Kevin would be interested in Maryanne.”
“What do you mean, she’s beautiful.”
“Well, I get that. But she is not likely to make things easy for him. She’s not just going to be his girlfriend and kiss him and then go away without any fuss. Kevin doesn’t tend to go for girls that are going to take some work, and patience.”
“That’s what I’ve been saying.”
“Have you?”
“Hush, they’re here,” said Sarah.
Maryanne held Kevin’s arm as they walked up the path. John basted the chicken that was dripping on the spit.
“Ah, smells good, my man,” said Kevin, and gave John a quick man hug.
Sarah took Maryanne by the hands and looked in her eyes. Maryanne just smiled coyly. They all sat down and watched the fire awkwardly for a few moments. The chicken was soon ready and John carved it up expertly.
“Perfect night for a long walk,” said Kevin.
“I agree,” said John.
Sarah looked at Maryanne and Maryanne nodded.
The evening was calm and comfortable and the four set off after eating. Sarah and John led the way, giving each couple some comfortable distance for conversation.
“John, if you are really thinking about far end falls, we’ll need some horses. I don’t want to be without transportation. What if something happens or we just want to make a visit? How will we make a house out there? It’ll take some work to get the lumber and other supplies. I’m getting excited about our adventure but I don’t really see how we’re going to do it. Maybe we should stay here for a while and take trips out there. It may take a while to get something built, but, really, that could be part of our adventure. We don’t have to just head out there and start from scratch, do we?”
“Sarah, why do you think that I want to build a house out by far end falls?”
“I thought that was what you wanted…we wanted.”
“I want an adventure, Sarah. I guess that’s an idea. I don’t know, it sounds more like a lot more work than an adventure. I do want to try something new, something different. I really don’t know just what, though. Is that what you want?”
“Well, if that’s what you want. We could just live on the outskirts of our people. I don’t see how that would be much of an adventure for you, though. It would be about the same as here, just with different people—away from our families and friends. I didn’t think that you just wanted to get away from the people we love.”
“No, you’re right. I don’t know what I want—not exactly what I want. I do know one thing for sure. I want to be with you. I don’t want to be apart. You are my world, Sarah. I love you and I want to be with you every moment.”
Sarah held his arm tighter and leaned her head on his arm. He felt dreamy to her.
As the later evening approached the couples separated and Kevin took Maryanne home. He’d been a gentleman as he promised and was very proud of himself. Maryanne was spectacular and seemed to be enjoying herself thoroughly in his company. The timing was perfect and he leaned in for the kiss. Maryanne backed away.
“Uh-uh,” said Maryanne.
“So, that’s it?”
“What’s it?”
“I haven’t even lit the firework and it’s already out.”
“Excuse me, I’m not a firework, I’m not a toy.”
“Sorry, I thought you…we we’re having a nice time.”
“I had a very nice time with you, Kevin,” she said with a sweet smile.
“But, it’s over.”
“What’s over?”
“Us…this…you’re done with me.”
“Crazy guy, how can it be over, it hasn’t even started. I’m not going to let you kiss me. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have a nice time. We can go out again, if you want to. I had a nice time with you, Kevin. But going out and having a nice time doesn’t mean you’ve earned my kiss.”
“How do I earn your kiss?” he said, somewhat sarcastically.
“Oh, Kevin, have you never earned a kiss? All those kisses, all those girls, and everyone’s been stolen? You won’t steal a kiss from me, but I’ll give you a chance to earn one.”
“I feel like you’re playing games with me.”
“Games? I’ve had fun tonight, and I’m having fun right now. But, I’m not playing a game with you. Just because you’re having a nice time doesn’t mean it’s a game. I like you, Kevin; I hope you ask me out again sometime. Goodnight.” Maryanne walked into her home waving as she shut the door.
Kevin walked home feeling very empty—and yet very full. Something, however, was unfulfilled and he couldn’t just let it be. Maryanne stayed on his mind.
Maryanne agreed to
another date and Kevin began to feel something in his heart that he had never felt before. He liked it, sort of. This time they went alone. They had a wonderful time and Maryanne seemed very relaxed in his company. Kevin felt very attracted to her. He took her home and at the appropriate time leaned in for the kiss. This time Maryanne did not back away. She held her ground. But she lifted up her hand to her face and Kevin kissed her fingertips. Kevin opened his eyes and looked at her.
“That was sweet,” she said and then gave him a warm embrace. Maryanne knew how to embrace. Kevin felt very nice after that.
Kevin asked Maryanne out again. This time they went with John and Sarah.
“Are you two dating,” asked John, seeing that they walked holding hands.
“Um…” said Kevin.
Maryanne smiled. “This is our third date together. Kevin is being the perfect gentleman.”
“Really?” said John. Sarah punched John in the arm. Maryanne smiled.
When they were separated enough to talk privately, Kevin asked, “When will I be able to kiss you?”
“You’ll just know,” she said softly.
“I thought that I knew before, but I didn’t.”
“Have you learned anything?”
“Um…”
“I’m really enjoying your companionship. You should give yourself more credit. Besides, a girl doesn’t like to be asked, ‘when can I kiss you?’ She wants him to figure out that she wants to be kissed, and kiss her then. The man leads, but it’s merely an illusion that he’s in charge. The man leads and the woman’s in charge—that is the natural order of things. When the woman wants to be kissed, then the man kisses her. When the woman wants to marry him, then he proposes.”
“I see,” he said, sarcastically.
“Kevin, whether anything happens with us or not, I’m doing you a favor. I’m teaching you the most important lesson in this world between men and women. Whether it’s me or another woman, this is how it works. If the man tries to lead in a way counter to the woman’s feelings, then things will go very badly. If the woman wants things and the man doesn’t see, doesn’t understand, or simply ignores, then things go badly. The great secret is to observe the woman who is giving you signals and communication all of the time. When she signals, and then the man leads, there is a beautiful harmony between them.”
“So, the man really is tied around her finger. He does what she wants and doesn’t think for himself, doesn’t really lead, doesn’t actually have any power.”
“No, that isn’t true at all. The man has great power, and is empowered even further by the woman. The woman watches and sees. She sees all of his signals and communications. She isn’t selfish and controlling. She wants harmony; she wants a powerful man; she wants him to lead. So, she observes him and learns his desires. With time, she makes them her own, or gently helps to shape his. Then, when they are her own she lets him know, and if he is watching carefully he then verbalizes them, and she happily follows in his leadership. It is very beautiful.”
“It sounds complicated.”
“It is. And very simple. When I want you to kiss me, you kiss me. You’ll know.”
“I want to kiss you right now,” he said.
“Yes, I know. But that’s not when you kiss me. Watch me, you’ll know.”
“You two coming,” said John.
“Leave ‘em be,” said Sarah. “They seem to be having an important talk.”
“Got it. Sarah, we need to talk, too.”
“Okay, what’s on your mind?”
“Our plan.”
“You seemed frustrated the last time we talked about our plan. I’ve been waiting until you were ready to talk about it.”
“I know. Thank you, Sarah. You have been so completely understanding in my indecision and my allusiveness. I appreciate it.”
“I love you, John. We’ll be together always and we will have to be there for each other during each of our struggles. Someday it may be me who is trying to figure things out. I’m sure that you will give me the same respect and help.”
“I will, Sarah. I’m going to give you everything you have ever wanted or ever will want. I need this, so that I can give that to you.”
“I understand.”
“Well, you’ve been very understanding but I haven’t really been clear with you. I haven’t really explained myself to you.”
“Okay.”
“Kevin explained it the other day. There isn’t really any place here to go that would provide what I need. I don’t need to take you away from our settlement and away from our family and friends. I don’t need or want some kind of isolation or some kind of a domestic challenge. Far end falls is the farthest place that we could go in the promise land but it’s nowhere near far enough. I can’t stay here, in the promise land anymore. Sarah, I have to leave. I feel so confined and so restricted. I like it here, I really do. But there is a wide world out there and I need to get out there. I need to see it and experience it. It’s been on my mind for so long. I know how you feel about that and how happy and satisfied you are here. I wish that I could be as happy and satisfied here as you are. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out how I could satisfy my feeling and stay here with you. I know that I can’t. I have to leave this place—not forever—for a time. Once we’ve seen it, experienced it, then we’ll return. We’ll settle in, raise our family and enjoy everything just as we’ve talked. But I can’t just stay here forever. I’ve got to leave, at least for a little while.”
Sarah was stunned. She uttered not a word.
“Sarah, I love you. I have no interest in leaving you. Not for a moment. I want you to come with me. Will you? Will you come with me, away from the promise land, for a little while?”
“John,” she said as her eyes welled up and thick heavy drops began to fall.
“Oh, Sarah, I didn’t know how to explain it.”
John tried to embrace her but she backed away.
“You’ve explained yourself fine. I’m not upset by how you said it. It’s what you said. John, you want to leave our promise land. This place is a gift to us. It’s a gift from our parents, grandparents, and on back. They achieved this land so that we could live and prosper in peace, and safety, and protection. Look at what we have. You want to leave so that you can see the evil, the hatred, the destruction. You may die. You may never be able to return to settle down, to have children of your own that would enjoy all that this land has to offer. And what of your children, of our children? Would we just let them go to explore as they see fit? ‘Sure, leave this land of safety and peace; that’s fine, we did it. Go explore and have your adventure, we’ll be here whenever you want to return.’ Is that the message we’d give them and to everyone else here? ‘Come and go as you please, it doesn’t make any difference?’ Oh, John,” she said and buried her face in her hands.
“Sarah, I know how you feel. I’ve always known how you feel. I’ve tried so hard to talk myself out of this. I’ve tried a thousand times. I wish that I could just make it go away and never enter my mind again. But Sarah, it won’t leave. I couldn’t marry you and then be miserable, or eventually leave you so that I could experience it later. I want to go with you. I don’t want to leave you. We’ll go together, for a short time. I will protect you. I was not born with this strength, and these powers, to just sit here in peace and silence. I was born to do, and here I have done all that I can.”
“What about us, John? Raising a family is no trifling matter. We can serve others and build a better place, here. I do not aim to hold you back. I want you to do, and to be all that you can. We’ve not even started our journey yet. You may likely throw all that away; and here it is, right in front of you.”
“Sarah, I understand how you feel. I expected you to be upset. Let’s leave this subject tonight. I have made no final decision and I’ve had months to consider this, while I’m asking you to join me after only hearing of it for a few moments. No, we’ll leave this be, for now. I feel better simp
ly clearing my mind. It has weighed on me, Sarah, for so long. I cannot be deceptive with you. I don’t want you to not know what is in my mind and heart. I love you and have no desire to hurt you. But, if you love me, you must know who it is that you love. This is me. I am a man who desires to leave the promise land with his wife and explore the wide world. I want to ultimately settle right here with you and raise a family. But I can’t do that, yet. I want to marry you, now, and settle here with you, later.”
“Take me home, John.”
