by LJ Swallow
I search for Ash and Jamie and find Jamie first. He’s in the library, lost in books and his own thoughts, as he tries to help in the way he knows best. Knowledge is how Jamie keeps control of the chaos around him, but I doubt he'll find much about secret tunnels in books. Returning the Blackwood pendant to Jamie for protection concerns me a little, and I’m worried by how successfully he cast Blackwood blood magic to take the guys to their estate—what if he takes Matt’s route and studies illegal magic? No, his best friend’s fate nipped that possibility in the bud—how could Jamie help Maeve if he's in Ravenhold?
Jamie looks up when I reach the desk, and the strain on his face and in his aura is clear. I’ve watched him and Maeve, know the love he has for her outside the bond they share as witches, and that bond could be what she needs later today.
He closes the laptop lid before resting his arms on top. “Do you have news?” he asks, tired eyes widening.
“No. I wanted to speak to you about something.”
He cocks his head. “Oh? Judging by your expression, not something good.”
I pull out the chair opposite him and sit at the desk. I’m not his professor right now, but the guy he’s friends with and doesn’t totally trust. “I need you to help me.”
“With?”
Nearby, voices murmur as two girls discuss something on their laptops, and I shift my chair forward. “Maeve may need your support later.”
His eyes narrow. “Why? What’s wrong with her? More visions?”
“I’ll let Maeve explain to you once I’ve spoken to her.”
I can’t even begin to think how the others will react.
But no more secrets. They are our biggest weakness.
“What have you done to her?” he asks sharply and sits straighter. “Is this ‘something’ about your affair?”
I can’t help smiling at his choice of word. “We’re all close to Maeve in our own ways, aren't we? I care for Maeve; I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”
“Then what are you talking about? Why would she need support?”
Was this a mistake? I sink back in the chair and push my hand through my hair as Jamie studies my body language, eyes narrowing. “I’ve discovered something about Maeve's past that I need to share with her and I’m unsure how she’ll react. If Maeve reacts badly, she’ll need somebody. Take her away from the academy building and to the cottage until she's calmer.”
He’s confused, unsure what to say. “I suppose you won’t tell me what you discovered.”
“Like I said, Maeve can tell you.”
Jamie knows I killed witches, but not how many and who—that's one reason for his mistrust, I'm sure. He’s studied his magical history and will know about the Winterfall massacre but would never dream I was involved. Why would he? The perpetrator died at Confederacy hands.
Questions form in his mind—too many to untangle—but I won’t answer any of them. The chair scrapes on the tiled floor as I stand. “I’ve asked Maeve to meet me in my classroom at nine. Wait outside the building.”
Does he hear my voice crack? Sense how bad the situation is?
Jamie pushes his tongue into his cheek and regards me with the suspicion I’ve seen in his eyes over and over. “Have you lied to her?”
“No, Jamie. I've decided not to lie to her, even though I wish I could.”
Before he can answer, I turn away and make my way from the room, heart beating painfully against my chest.
I stand facing away from the door, pretending to look out of the window as Maeve steps into the classroom.
Then she does the worst possible thing—within seconds of the door closing she’s beside me, touching my face.
As her soft fingers rest against my cheek and she gazes up at me, beautiful eyes filled with concern, there's a split second where I change my mind. I’ve told Maeve repeatedly that we should end the relationship that simmers between us, but not like this. I’ll destroy everything we have before she leaves this room.
She’s so goddamned beautiful, that beauty running through her; the gentle, perfect soul who lives and loves with a strength I never expected. But now I can’t look at Maeve without seeing the witches' faces I spent years fighting to forget.
“What happened? Where did you go?” she asks. “Something awful happened, because you blocked me last night. I've spent half the night awake worrying about everything that happened yesterday—and you.”
I move Maeve’s hand from my face, and her eyes fill with hurt as I take a step back.
Still pushing me away, Tobias?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Can you sit please, Maeve?” I say stiffly and gesture at a chair—the one she sat in the first day I allowed her into my mind. The day Maeve saw the effect she has on me and we never turned back.
She lowers herself slowly into the chair. “I’m guessing this isn’t an issue with my grades, Professor Whitlock.”
Is she teasing me?
“No. And please don't call me that.”
"I heard a rumour at breakfast that Theodora asked you to take a 'sabbatical'." Her lips purse as she studies my face. "Is that true?"
Wow, news travels fast. "Yes."
"Why? Have you lost your position because she thinks our relationship is inappropriate? Is that why you called me here?"
I swallow and take a seat opposite. “I could dance around this, Maeve, but you know I’m a straight talker.”
Maeve laughs softly. “You rarely spare my feelings, Tobias. Don't worry, I’ve accepted this between us can’t be more.” She stands. “I'm sorry you're in trouble now, but I’d rather you didn’t lecture me about why we need to stop. I'll stay away.”
“Maeve, sit down, please.”
I allow her a glimpse at my fear, enough for Maeve to pause and sit again. “This isn't a meeting about the threat to your job, is it?" I shake my head. "More secrets? You promised me I knew them all,” she whispers.
“This isn’t a secret I’ve kept. This is something I discovered yesterday when I visited your aunt.”
Maeve grips her skirt and the material scrunches between her fingers. "That's where you went? To see Marie? Why?"
"Because I promised you that I'd find answers, Maeve. I thought if I did, you'd trust me more."
"I do trust you, Tobias. I wish you could understand how much you mean to me."
Her words crush my heart into more pieces than I could hope to pick up again. "I discovered something about your family."
"Omigod, has my aunt told you that she’s my mother? Please, no," she says as her voice rises. "I wondered sometimes but then I thought I was crazy, but why did she suddenly pay for me to come here and—”
I interrupt her panicked burbling. "Maeve. No. Marie isn't your mother."
"Then what did she tell you?" A hand flies to her mouth. "Are my parents dead?"
Oh, god. "No! Maeve, please listen. I want to be straight with you, not play twenty questions.”
Maeve's eyes are twice the size, pupils dilated and skin flushed. “You're being really weird, Tobias. Your energy is filling this room with something I can't describe. Tell me and we can deal with whatever Marie told you.”
I meet her eyes and read the love and concern Maeve holds for me, knowing this is the last time I'll ever see that in them, and my soul fractures to match my shattered heart.
An image of a young woman’s death flashes across my mind.
I don’t even know which victim was Maeve's mother.
“You’re a Winterfall witch.”
Her brow tugs together. “That’s not possible.”
“Your aunt told me.”
“I don’t understand. Why would she lie?” Her expression changes as thoughts race through her mind as the possibility I'm right sinks in. "No. This isn't true. I can't be. All the Winterfalls died. All of them."
"Not all of them." I take a shuddery breath. "You're alive."
Maeve shakes and her face pales but her eyes remain clear. "Tobias. Tell me this i
s a joke."
"Why would I joke about something like this?" I ask in disbelief.
"You don't need to create stories to make me stay away from you. I've got the message, okay?" Her voice falters, then rises when I don't reply. "Tobias. Tell me this is a story."
“No.” I look down at my hands clasped firmly in my lap and I tell her everything Marie told me, the whole truth, in a stilted voice. As I do, every word slices through the love and trust Maeve has.
I hold my head in my hands, and Maeve makes the connection that's the final blow. “If I’d lived at the house on the day you killed the Winterfalls, you would’ve killed me.”
Look at me.
Reluctantly, I meet her eyes again. They still don’t fill with tears and her mind is a distant echo, recoiling from me when she sees the truth in my mind.
“You killed my real mother.” She blinks. “The one who abandoned me.”
“Your mother and aunt saved your life, Maeve. Don't be angry with them.”
“Everybody lied to me,” she says in a faraway voice. "Secrets."
I ache to reach out and hold her hand, to try to salvage something, but there's nothing left. “Don't blame the people who raised you, Maeve. You’re their daughter. They cared for you since you were a baby and didn't know the truth either.”
Maeve stares at a space on the wall behind me. “Everybody lied,” she repeats.
I'm scared by what I'll see in her eyes now the truth has built a wall between us, and I’ve never wanted to hold her as much as I do at this moment. Because waves of pain pulse through my mind and Maeve’s racing heart and sickening stomach taking over my body too. Pressure builds behind my temples as Maeve fights tears. When Adeline cursed me with experiencing every one of Maeve's emotions if I kill her, did she mean this moment? Because that’s what I’ve done. I’ve killed a part of Maeve.
“Everybody died,” she whispers.
What can I possibly say? An apology wouldn't cut through any of this.
“I need to go,” she says in a flat voice when I don't respond. “I can’t be with you right now.”
I stand too and wrap my arms around my waist to prevent me touching her. This isn't what I expected; Maeve always struggles to control herself when somebody or something provokes strong emotions. In honesty, I'd prepared for a magic or physical assault and I'd prefer that to this almost silence.
I wish none of this happened, Maeve.
Her confused, angry eyes lock with mine. "So do I, Tobias. I don't ever want you to approach me again."
I suffered at the hands of witches in Ravenhold, from the day they discovered who I am until the day I left. But the suffering from their assaults is nothing compared to the pain from Maeve not reacting at all.
Chapter Four
MAEVE
My body shakes but my mind seizes with shock and disbelief.
Maeve Foster doesn’t exist.
My life. My parents. Everything from my school to holidays at the beach, each birthday celebrated and family Christmas flies through my mind. As I reach out to the memories, they slip through my fingers.
My reality has changed for the second time in less than a year—from Maeve Foster, to Maeve Foster the witch, and now to Maeve Winterfall.
Lies. Secrets. If I could feel anything right now, what would the emotions be?
The world I walk through echoes in the distance as I walk in a dreamlike state through the main doors and away from the academy. Nothing exists outside of my cocoon against the painful truth as I stagger to the lawns.
I can’t breathe.
I have to leave the academy.
Find my aunt.
Run from this and into my old life.
Real life.
“Maeve!” A male voice calls out at the edge of my awareness, but I keep walking.
Running footsteps thud across the ground behind me but I don’t stop.
“Maeve!” he calls again, and a breathless Jamie appears at my side.
He’s pale, face strained as he searches my expression and I stare back blankly. The first time I looked into Jamie's eyes on the day I arrived here, I remembered a vision of his death. That moment was the worst day of my life until today and pulled me into a world that now wants to destroy me.
If I’d never come to the academy, I would never know about witches and Winterfalls. I’d lead a confusing life as my powers grew, but one in my control.
But no secret this big could stay hidden forever.
“I need to be alone,” I say and eye my route to the fence line. I’m several hundred metres from the place where we snuck over the gate to go to my school Halloween party.
I have to escape.
Where?
I don’t know, but if I stay here, Tobias’s truth stays with me.
“You shouldn’t be alone.” Jamie reaches out to me, but I step back and wrap my arms around myself. “Maeve, tell me what Tobias said to you.”
“What?” I reply sharply. “Did you know?”
“No! He asked me to keep an eye on you because you’d be upset by what he told you.”
I cough a laugh. “Upset? Do I look upset? I’m not crying, am I?”
“You’re shaking and you’re not connected to yourself in here.” He moves forward, fingers outstretched to my forehead, and I step back again. If Jamie touches me, offers comfort, he could trigger what lies beneath my calm surface.
“Did Tobias tell you what he knows?” I repeat. If Jamie knew and hid this from me, I’d struggle to ever forgive him.
He shakes his head. “Do you want to tell me, Maeve?”
My eyes blur and I blink away the tears. I’m not keeping Tobias’s secrets anymore; he's asked that of me too many times. My friends should know everything.
Absolutely everything.
“Do you know much about the Winterfall witches and what happened to them?” I ask.
“Yeah. I studied the family history a couple of years ago, when we learned about the original families. Everybody knows what happened—the Blackwoods killed them all and then the evil bastards went into hiding.” He cocks his head. “Why?”
“The Blackwoods didn’t kill the Winterfalls. Tobias did.”
Instead of the shock I expected, Jamie bursts out laughing. “Tobias told you that. The people responsible were caught and executed—that’s what the records say, anyway.”
“Why would he tell me this if it weren’t true?” I ask, voice rising. I’ve no doubt at all. “He killed my family.”
This time Jamie steps back and looks at me in horror. "He killed your parents. Humans?"
“No! I’m a Winterfall, Jamie. Tobias killed my family. People have lied to me my whole fucking life!” He continues to stare at me in disbelief, so I stammer out what happened to me when I was a baby and why. The words sound impossible, like a nightmarish fairy story. Why did they do this to me?
“No.” Jamie’s voice is a whisper. “You can’t be. That's impossible.”
I suck in a breath as the wall inside begins to crumble. “Oh yeah, and one of my family cursed Tobias before he killed her. Tobias will either kill me or die for me.” I laugh at my dramatic words and Jamie’s shock grows at the hysteria edging into my voice.
“I don’t understand. Why is Tobias telling you this? Even if it were true, why choose now?” Jamie attempts to hug me again but I move back.
“I don’t know! I don’t think he knew who I am until my aunt told him!”
“Your aunt knew?”
“I need to get away from this hell.” Before Jamie has a chance to respond, I start running, focusing on the way off the grounds as my heavy legs pull me onwards.
“What do you mean get away?” Jamie calls and I hear him pursue me.
“I’m going home to my real family.” I choke out the words as Mum and Dad’s faces appear in my mind. Real? There were no clues. But they lied and I want to know why.
“You can’t.” Jamie snatches hold of my arm to stop me. “It’s too dangerous out t
here for you.”
I drag my arm away and spin around. “If I’m a Winterfall, I can defend myself.”
He shakes off my sarcasm. “Don’t take a risk. You’re strong, but your magic isn't fully developed.”
“Stop talking about magic!” I half-scream the words at him before turning and running again.
“Come to the cottage and we can talk,” he implores, his words carrying on the breeze towards me.
“No!”
I pull at my T-shirt, at the neck, as if I’m choking, and my chest pains from more than the running.
Focus.
Get the hell out of here.
Strong arms curl around my waist from behind and I’m pulled against Jamie’s body. I lash out in return, digging my nails into his hands, and elbowing him, but his grip remains tight. “Don’t go. If you leave now and something happens, I will always blame myself for not stopping you.”
I pause at his words. I’m only thinking of myself again, like the guarded and angry girl who arrived here.
“Tell people you tried.”
He winces as I kick back against his shins. “Bloody hell, Maeve, I never knew you could be violent.”
His hold loosens and I disentangle myself and turn around. I’ve never seen distress on Jamie’s face as raw as now—not even the time I told him I’d seen his death. He’s broken, for me and with me. My urge to push his chest, to tell him to leave me alone, drops as his anguish reaches me.
The wave hits and I fall to the ground, curling into a ball and wrapping my arms around my head. If I can’t leave, I can hide. Stay here on the lawn. I cry out the pain into the grass, pushing my face down and inhaling the earthy smell. My head pounds as Tobias’s words repeat in my mind. Five minutes ago, I couldn’t comprehend the truth, blanking my thoughts, but now a storm roars through and the world shatters.
The lies. My aunt. My parents. Tobias’s actions caused almost everything that’s happened to me.
Jamie’s arms surround me again as he drags me to my feet and clasps me tight. I’m slack against him, ready to collapse onto the ground if he lets me go. He strokes my hair and places his chin on my head as he holds me tighter and tighter. Jamie doesn’t know what to say. What could he say? Nothing can erase Tobias’s words or my history.
