by LJ Swallow
"How did you say that?" he asks and touches my cheek.
"The words came to me."
"What were they?" asks Tobias from behind. "What language?"
"English." I rub my temples. "Weren’t they?"
"No," says Jamie. "Not English."
I startle as Theodora claps her hands together. "This is wonderful! You cast a spell!"
I rub my aching head. "How do we know this worked?"
"Darling girl, you're at the academy. You're a Winterfall and runes came into your possession. This explains everything!"
"I know, but—"
"Can you still hear the heartbeat?" interrupts Jamie.
Resting against the wall, I listen.
The tunnel is silent and for the first time in days, my mind is quiet.
Chapter Forty-Eight
MAEVE
Two days later and the heartbeat hasn’t returned, but I’m uneasy.
How can I use magic I don’t know with stones that I only recently found and miraculously fix the problem?
That doesn’t make sense.
This isn’t the end.
I pick up my bag and my other hand goes to my neck to touch the pendant for reassurance. At least I still have one runestone, but what for? Did the pendant trigger the magic, or do I need this one for something else?
Maybe something in the book that we can’t translate.
If I cared about exams, I'd worry about failure, because I spent Magical History studying Old Norse and not the vampire trials and dates we're supposed to learn. Jamie's preoccupied with the same thing.
"I'm headed to the library for an hour before Gwendolyn locks the doors for the night," he says as we step outside at the end of the lesson. "I'm behind on an assignment."
"Jamie, you'll exhaust yourself. Take a break." I ruffle his fringe. "Wait until tomorrow and I'll help."
"You've more important things to study," he says and catches my fingers before kissing them. “Have you practiced your mind control recently?"
"Not yet."
“Maeve! This is a big part of your skill.” He glances around before lowering his voice. “You may need to influence somebody even more powerful than Leon this time.”
My mouth dries. “I hope you don’t mean Gabriella.”
“Or Anastasia.”
My shoulders slump, but I’ve already considered this. “You don’t believe the magic worked, do you?”
He rubs his lips. “I think we need to be realistic. Tobias is right—nothing happened to you in the tunnels, which means there’s something else he needs to protect you from.”
I swallow, hating that he’s saying what we all think. “I’d need a lot of practice to control either Gabriella or Anastasia.”
“Which is why you need to practice on Tobias.” Jamie waves a hand. “If you can control his mind, I bet you’ll be able to control anybody’s.”
Is there an undertone that Jamie thinks I’ll need to control Tobias’s?
He glances at the silver clock with black hands above my head. "Crap. I've an hour before Gwendolyn closes up. We'll talk later."
I open my mouth to respond, but Jamie rushes away. Even in the midst of the unrest, he's worried about studying and grades. In a way, I love that he's confident we'll solve the problem and everything will return to normal, but in another I'm concerned at the pressure he must be under from his family.
I turn, ready to approach Ash and Andrei, who are both distracted by their phones.
"Did you send the photos you took of Maeve?"
Andrei's question to Ash arrests me. What?
"Not yet. I'm not sure that I should. Why didn't you ask Maeve yourself?" Ash replies in a low voice.
"Because I'd feel weird asking. I don't want to upset her."
The pair are intent on their phones and I'm too stunned to move. Secret photos? My chest tightens. Like Clive's photos of Katherine?
Ash sighs and taps his phone screen. "Done. Just don't tell Maeve I sent the photos if she finds them."
Whoa. I stomp over ready to call them out, until I notice a group of witches nearby. I don't want to be centre of any drama—not publicly anyway.
Andrei's eyes widen and he hastily shoves his phone away. "Where did Jamie go?"
"Library." I watch as Ash subtly slips his phone in his pocket, and my pulse races in anger.
"Did something happen?" he asks. "You look annoyed."
"What are you two doing?" I ask stiffly.
They exchange a worried glance. "Now? I'm headed back to Gilgamesh to keep an eye on Clive," says Ash. "They haven't disappeared at night for a few days and Gail told me she’s expecting another party in the next couple of days."
"Hmm." I scowl at them both.
"Are you sure everything is okay?" Andrei asks me.
"We need to talk," I say through clenched teeth. "Now."
I catch his thoughts: Fuck. Now what have I done?
Pre-empting his attempt to find out, I slam down a barrier in my mind.
"Sure. Just me?" he asks.
My lips thin. "For now, if Ash is busy."
Following an uncomfortable few seconds of silence, Ash places a hesitant kiss on my cheek before edging away. I take a calming breath as he retreats along the hallway.
"Is something bothering you?" asks Andrei and reaches out. Before his hands can circle my waist, I step back. "Huh. Obviously."
"I need to talk to you," I repeat in a quiet voice. The majority of Walcott students avoid Petrescu totally now—especially hemia—and suspicion and rumours grew since the strange event involving popular witches. If my attention wasn’t focused elsewhere, their shunning would bother me.
Only one thing bothers me right now.
"Yeah. Sure," he says. I stride ahead but he catches up in a flash. "Where do you want to talk?"
"Your room."
Andrei's eyes widen. "You don't like the Petrescu building."
"Something to hide, Andrei?" I retort and take another step along the hallway.
He grabs my arm to stop me. "Tell me what's happening."
Yvette wanders by, biting her lip as she flicks a look between us. The girl may be out of the infirmary and back to class, but she’s also back to ‘normal’ with her dark words about the hemia threat.
"Not here," I say, before she can speak.
Chapter Forty-Nine
MAEVE
Andrei pushes open the door to his room and he mutters an apology about the untidiness, taking clothes from the floor and shoving them inside his tall wardrobe. This would amuse me, if I weren’t angry. Despite the unsettling aura in this building, I chose to come to Andrei’s room in Petrescu because this is the place he’d run to avoid an argument.
He can’t leave until I get an explanation.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong? You've barely said a word." Andrei gestures at his desk, where I saw the small packet last time I walked in here. "I've not taken Lix recently, if you heard otherwise."
"Show me your phone."
"Huh?" A spike of worried energy crosses towards me. "Why? Do you think I'm screwing around with someone else? Firstly, how and when, and secondly, did you miss the fact that I fucking love you and nobody could ever come close?"
"No. I don’t think you’re cheating on me."
"Then what?"
"Don't play innocent, Andrei. I heard your little chat with Ash. Show me the photos."
For a long moment, Andrei stands in silence before sitting on the edge of his unmade bed and staring ahead, still clutching his phone.
Omigod. I didn't mistake the situation.
"Andrei. Show me what he sent." I snap. "I'm bloody disgusted that Ash would take photos of me without my permission! He's no better than Clive."
"Maeve. No. You’ve got this all wrong." Andrei sighs as he holds out his phone. "Take a look."
"I almost don't want to," I retort and snatch the phone from him.
Bracing myself as my stomach churns with hurt and anger, I
open the message Ash sent minutes ago. Two photos, but not what I expected.
I'm sitting outside the academy on the lawn, laughing at the camera. In my hand, I hold the daisy chains I'm addicted to making and I'm surprised to see my face filled with relaxed happiness. The colours are bright, including my blue dress that matches the sky and enhances my eyes.
I falter. "Why did Ash send this?"
"You heard. I asked him to." Glistening eyes meet mine and his mouth pulls tight.
"But I thought you meant—"
"That I wanted secret naked photos of you? Honestly, that fucking hurts as much as when I look at this." Andrei jabs a finger at his phone.
I scroll to the second photo. This time I'm standing with Jamie and he has his arm around my shoulders, with a beaming smile as carefree as mine.
"Are you jealous of Jamie?" I ask in shock. "Why? You always said—"
Andrei stands and grabs his phone before turning the screen to me. "That's not what hurts. Look at you!"
"I don't understand."
His rapid breathing and upset confuse me. If he isn’t jealous of Jamie, what the hell is this?
"Do you see how you look in the sun? Your eyes are bluer than the ones I look into and your hair shines a different colour. Your skin fucking glows. This is the real you and you’re so beautiful it breaks my heart." I shake my head, still confused. He throws his phone on the bed. "Don't you understand? I never see you like this, and I never will. Excuse me if I wanted a fucking picture."
His words tear through my heart as readily as if he'd taken hold and torn through himself. "Andrei."
"Don't," he warns.
"I would've given you a photo; why ask Ash?" I say gently.
"Because I didn't want you to know how much this upsets me." He shoves hair from his face. "I worried you'd think I'm stupid."
I go to Andrei and hug him to me as tightly as I can. He's tense, holding back from me, but slowly relaxes and wraps his arms around my waist. Andrei always struggles because his nightwalker life prevents him helping me as much as the other guys, but I'd never considered how else this affected him. I've felt his absence on days I spend with Jamie and Ash outside, and Andrei rarely asks about my day.
"No. I don't think you're stupid." I curl a hand around his neck, and he presses his lips against my skin as his arms tighten.
"I wanted to see you as others do, Maeve. Dumb idea, because all the photos do is torture me with the truth. I can't ever be involved in that part of your life. I can never have all of you."
"You do have all of me." I pull back and smooth hair from his face. "You'll always have all of me."
His breath hitches. "We both know that isn't true."
The aching inside grows, but this time from myself as the unspoken between us finally rears its head. His immortality. "I don't want to talk about that right now," I mumble.
Andrei's hand cups my cheek. "One day we'll need to. We can’t avoid the future."
“What if the vision I had about you comes true?”
“And I’m burned alive? I’ve already tried that for size this term and I’m not keen.”
I look up. “Stop with the sarcasm. Maybe something changes that allows you to walk in the daytime and that’s what I saw.”
He shakes his head. “Maeve. You saw my burns from the time at the Blackwoods. I’m not a daywalker. That’s wishful thinking from us both.”
“And there’s no way to change that?” I ask, hoping that for once my naivety about the supernatural world counts in my favour.
“No. The nightwalker... disability puts hemia at a disadvantage. Don’t you think people have tried to find a solution over the years? There isn’t one. We’ll never share a full life together.”
My heart continues to rip into pieces at the direction the conversation is headed. "Do you want this over between us?" I whisper. "Would that make things easier?"
"What the fuck?" His fingers tense. "No. Do you?"
"No, Andrei. I don't think I could, but sometimes I imagine that future and I’m scared. You and Ash—you'll become different people soon. There's another side buried."
"You think I'll hurt you?"
"No."
"You don't fully believe that, though, do you?"
I huff. "Andrei. Please. Not this conversation again."
"Why? If ever I bring the subject up, you kiss me to shut me up." He taunts me with his mouth close to mine. “I’m open to that idea.”
“Good.” I hold his face and push my lips onto his.
I barely touch Andrei before he circles me around the waist with one arm, propelling us backwards until my back hits the bed with his hard body sinking onto me. He looks down, hair dropping into his eyes.
“Nice distraction technique,” I say with a small smile.
“I want to lose myself in you and forget all the other shit.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Your foul mouth really does nothing for me.”
Moistening his lips, Andrei slides a hand beneath my skirt, along my thigh until he rests his fingers on my hip. “My mouth does more than enough for you sometimes.”
Oh god, why does one suggestive comment and touch always send me away from coherent thoughts. He cocks a brow and I seize his face, pulling him down and doing exactly what he says—kissing Andrei to shut him up.
As always, Andrei doesn’t need any encouragement as my kiss blows away his dark clouds and sends him back to me. His fingers dig into my hip and he nudges my legs apart with his knee, tongue sweeping my mouth as he kisses me until our teeth almost clash. His fingers go to my shirt buttons and his lust pulls me in the same direction as I tug his shirt free and run my fingers along his back.
I’ve learned with Andrei that the longer he goes without kissing or touching me, the more intense he is when our bodies finally meet. Andrei can be tender, but I doubt he’ll ever be as gentle as others.
And he’s right—I like this side of him, but today something different hovers around Andrei. Not the sad vulnerability from earlier, but the darkness he often tells me I’m attracted to. I am, but this goes deeper and his intensity winds higher and quicker than usual. Because I spoke about this ending? Or more?
Pushing against him, I roll us over until I’m straddling his hips instead. Am I subconsciously removing myself from a vulnerable position? I place my hands on Andrei's shoulders. He's with me, but he isn’t, and my racing pulse picks up. Is Tobias right? "You're feeling the effects on the hemia too, aren't you?"
He blinks at me. "Yeah. You knew that already, didn’t you?"
My fingers tense and push into his muscle. "Are you worried you’ll lose control?"
"The question is, do I want to lose that control?" Andrei slides his hands upwards, from my hips to my waist.
"I know you do. I saw. You told me bluntly the other night."
"Then maybe the question should be do you want me to lose that control."
I moisten my lips. "I told you, I think about it sometimes."
His hand moves further along my side, and I take a sharp breath as he skims a thumb across my nipple. "Have you thought more since we last spoke about it?"
It. We still can’t say the words. My blood. I don't know how to respond, instead moving forwards and kissing him as my hair covers his face. There's an intoxication from Andrei's taste and touch that could persuade me to do anything, and Andrei’s invisible grip on me tightens every time—a reaction from a witch towards a vampire, or more?
"Witches must allow vampires to feed on them for a reason," I murmur and run my tongue along his lips. "Everybody chases highs."
"I’ve never reached that high with a witch," he says. "I couldn't trust myself."
"Would you trust yourself with me?"
I'm as shocked by my words as Andrei's expression right now. "Maeve. I just told you the Petrescu... whatever is affecting me." He kisses me gently. "Sex with you is enough of a high. Believe me."
“I don’t believe you, Andrei,” I say. We look at e
ach other silently for moments that feel like an age as I summon up the courage to tell the truth. “I’m curious about the blood. How I’d feel.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
He laughs breathlessly. “Because that sounds like permission.”
“And I’m a little frightened,” I add.
His mouth tips at one corner. “Which is one reason you’re with me, right, Maeve? The danger.”
With each word, tension grows. We’ve skirted this issue again and again and we still are.
I take a shuddery breath. “The way I feel when we’re together is a high that I love to chase too, but I’ll always know you’re holding back from me. You say you want all of me? I want all of you, Andrei.”
He pulls my lip down with his thumb, as his eyes darken. “Even the side you hate?”
“I love all of you,” I whisper. “I want to experience everything I can with you.”
“Everything?” he whispers back.
I have a life controlled by a past I never knew and face a future I can’t clearly see, and every day I’m reminded I’m who people ‘need’ me to be. I’m counting down the days until my life could disintegrate into blue fire and death. I’ve few choices left that are my own, and this is one of them.
“Yes.”
Andrei fists my hair and holds my head so I can’t move and hits me with a hard kiss until my lips, sore from his earlier passion, hurt more. I circle my fingers around his hand to stop him and draw away. He takes a shaky breath and bites his bottom lip hard. “Always, always tell me if I go too far.”
“You’re dealing with a Winterfall,” I whisper with a smile. “You don’t have a chance in hell if you hurt me.”
“True,” he murmurs, “but this could be dangerous for both of us.”
This time he hesitates and strokes my cheek and I place my hand on his chest, where his heart bangs against my palm. “I’d rather plan than get lost in the moment, Andrei.”
I frown as he laughs. “Sorry. I’m just thinking about the very un-planned other first time. Honestly, walking into my room and throwing yourself at me like that,” he says.
