by Jamie Knight
I was hoping for the flu, of course. I was on the Pill so I didn’t see how it could be pregnancy.
After another session of worshipping at the porcelain shrine, I knew something had to be done. A doctor was pretty much out of the question. It was a long-term family doctor and I didn't want my parents to know until I myself knew whether there was actually something for them to worry about. No point in giving my mom more premature gray hairs on account of a flu.
So, I did the next best thing. I called Sally, whose mom was a doctor. Surely she must know something, growing up around all that medical knowledge for so long. It was a long shot but it was also all I had.
"I need your help."
"Always a good start," Sally said.
"I'm serious."
"Oh, sorry," Sally said, going into serious mode.
"Your mom knows about stomach issues, right?"
"Yeah, why? Are you sick?
"I sure feel sick."
"Nauseated?"
"Yep."
"Puking?"
"Yep, yesterday and this morning. I don't remember eating anything bad."
"Did you drink a lot?"
"Nope, not alcohol," I said.
"So not a hangover, then."
"Not my prime suspect, no," I confirmed.
"Bad pizza?" Sally tried.
"It was really good actually?"
"Sex after pizza?" Sally asked.
"How did you know?"
"It's a talent," Sally said.
"I don't think so," I said, thinking back on it.
"No sex after pizza?" Sally asked, sounding genuinely surprised.
"Oh, no, I mean, there was pizza. And there was sex. Lots and lots of sex. In every room of his house.
"The whole house?"
"Well, no, just the ground floor but it's a mansion. I just don't think that was what caused it," I said.
"A mansion?" Sally asked.
"Yeah."
"Like a proper, Addams’s Family, mansion, with a gate high on the hill?"
"Pretty much."
"He’s done well for himself as a plumber, hasn’t he?"
"He's not a plumber," I said.
"I thought-"
"So did I but I was stupid and wrong. He’s a land developer."
"Oh! You hate those!"
"I know," I said, "it's over. I told him I would get a restraining order if he texted me again."
"Can you get a restraining order against texts? I mean, he could be a lot more than hundred yards away."
"I'd really just prefer to stick to the matter at hand," I said.
"Right then. Any fever or chills?"
"Not really," I said, feeling my forehead to be sure.
"Any back aches?"
"A bit," I said.
"Uh oh."
"What?"
"Can I ask you a personal question?" Sally asked.
"Like if we had sex after pizza?" I asked, shuddering at the thought of him.
"Point."
"What's the question?" I asked.
"When Reece was, er, you know, fucking you senseless, did you guys use, you know, protection?"
I suddenly felt like the stupidest person in the world.
"No. I mean, we had the whole STD talk when we first hooked up, and I was already on the Pill for my period problems. Plus, he usually finished in my mouth or, you know, back there," I said, suddenly feeling like a middle schooler, not able to say the words out loud.
"I think you might be pregnant," Sally said.
"Shit," I said, knowing she was right, since I had already been thinking it myself.
I had to know for sure before I told my parents. I couldn't go saying that I thought I was having a baby. I needed to know before I told anyone. If I was pregnant, it was really early on and it would be a while before I started to show. That would buy me some time to get things sorted out.
The drug store was just up the street, so I walked rather than taking my car. I needed a good walk, anyway. The store was a little mom and pop place. No fluorescent lighting or laundry detergent.
The pregnancy tests were ways to find. There were only so many aisles in the place. They didn't even stock that many, only having four different brands available. I picked out the one that looked the easiest to use and went up to the counter.
I had given a moment's though to buying some other things, too, to make it look less obvious. Like a teenaged boy buying his first box of condoms. But I decided I didn't really care. I had been lied to and betrayed by the man I thought I loved, and he had used me, for good measure.
I felt like an idiot for not using better protection and honestly at that point I didn't care who knew. I just wanted to make sure things weren't going to get any worse.
"Just this dear?" asked the clerk, who must have been the mom in the mom and pop.
Her voice had a clear ting of sympathy and I realized then that I must have looked as bad as I felt. It wasn't just what Reece had done to me. It was the destruction of who I thought he was. What I thought we could be.
Maya had caught me by surprise with her suggestion that Reese and I might get married but not because I hadn't thought about it. I'd even had a dress picked out in my head. Amanda, Catharine and Maya could be my bridesmaids, dressed in the finest blue silk; Sally could be my maid of honor, second only in beauty to me; Anton could be our ring-bearer, wearing a doggie tuxedo, carrying the rings in a little wicker basket in his mouth.
I didn't know if dogs were allowed in churches but figured if you were going to pay through the nose to rent the place, they could damn well make an exception. Anyway, it was my fantasy and I was going to have whoever I wanted in it.
Then I imagined my grandad. Sitting in the front row, a detonator in front of him, laughing his head off as he pushed down on the plunger.
"Yes," I said, to the clerk, fighting tears.
"Do you need a bag?" the clerk asked, the word "bag" coming out in the same tone that my mom used for the word "hug."
"No, I'm fine," I said, forcing a smile and slipping the test, with the receipt, into the pocket of my coat.
I didn't cry.
I only wanted to.
I headed to Sally’s, but I couldn’t resist stopping at a gas station bathroom on my way there. I was impatient and had to know, even though a big part of me already knew. I guess I had to know for sure, but I soon regretted it, as the smiley face showed up on the stick.
But it was the only one smiling.
"Fuck," Sally said, throwing the door out of the way and hugging me tight as I cried into her shoulder.
I was going to point out her poor choice of words but had other things on my mind at the time.
She led me to her couch, an arm still around my shoulders, and sat me down beside her on the couch.
"What are we going to do?"
"We?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"You and me?"
"I sure as fuck don't mean the royal 'we'," Sally said, lacing her fingers through mine, "I got you, babe."
A sound came out of my lungs then that was some sort of mix of a laugh and a cry. I'd never loved Sally more than I did in that moment.
We had always sworn to be true friends and always have each other's back, though that was an easy thing to say. Particularly when you were eighteen and your biggest problem was finding out if a boy liked you or a zit on prom night.
Today in her apartment was the first time this decree had really been tested and she had come through for me like a hero on a white charger.
"I guess I should look into, you know, a clinic."
"Fuck no. You know that isn't you. I'm not-"
"I mean for a check up," I said. "I want to make sure that everything is, you know, okay. With the baby. That I am definitely keeping."
"Oh, right, of course. Want me to drive you down? You could use my really good insurance I get from my mom; we could jus
t say you’re me."
"No, I can't let you do that," I said.
"What's a little insurance fraud between friends at a time like this?"
"But you might go to prison and then where would I be?"
"You can go to jail for insurance fraud?" Sally asked, amazed.
"I don't know, and I would rather not find out," I said.
"Fair point."
"I'll have my dad drive me down, now that I know for sure. I don't think I should tell mom yet."
"Good idea. Remember when you got the bee sting?"
"I know! I wasn't even allergic. As it turns out."
"Don't try to tell her that."
"I still have the scar from the injection," I said, rolling up my sleeve to show her.
"Are you going to tell the, um, baby’s dad?" she asked.
I looked down, fresh tears falling from my eyes, as I shook my head. I had nearly forgotten about Reece.
I knew I should tell him, no matter how much I hated him right now. I just didn't think I could face him. Not after breaking it off so forcefully.
I held onto Sally, who held me back, gently rocking me as I cried harder than I ever had.
Chapter Eighteen - Gia
I had heard horror stories about being pregnant. The cravings, the mood swings, the back pain.
It was often the source of jokes but honestly, in my case, it wasn't that bad. It was a bit awkward to walk when the baby bump first started to form but I was five months in, and it was pretty much all good.
My mom had had been surprisingly cool about the whole thing. She was excited to be a grandma but that was about it. Neither mom or dad thought to ask who the dad was, likely figuring that was my business and if I wanted them to know, I would tell them.
They were we really cool like that. They got me in for regular check ups and I was on all kinds of pregnancy vitamins I had never heard of before, but actually made me feel great.
With no shortage of help from Sally, I had gotten a pretty good job as a clerk at a hotel. The owner didn't seem to care that I was pregnant, and I was able to sit down most of the day, the baby bump concealed behind the desk.
Sally had basically lied and given me a reference as having worked a job for her that I had never actually done. It was technically wrong, but I knew that I needed to do it if I was ever going to get another job.
She had actually booked me to plan her Christmas party as soon as I got the hotel job, so that way we hadn't actually lied; we had just been chronologically challenged.
On down days, when business was slow at the hotel, I would sit behind the desk for hours at a time, reading books or looking at the baby bump, thinking about the baby growing in there and how happy Reece would be to know he was a dad. I had no way of knowing that for sure, though everything I knew about him point toward him being a great dad.
We had never talked about marriage, let alone kids, but I knew he would do what he saw as the honorable thing. I had really short-changed him, dumping him like that. But I had been so shocked to find out the truth about what he did for a living that I didn't think about anything else.
Part of me knew he was nothing like my evil grandpa, who, according to the stories I’d heard since his death, had bordered on a super-villain. That was what felt the worst. Yeah, he hadn't told me he had money, not outright, and I had more or less assumed he was a plumber based on what Maya had said, but it wasn't like there weren't clues. The suit, the house.
I wondered how many other cars he had besides the one he had picked me up in for our pizza date. Had he really been trying to trick me by picking his most basic car like I had thought, or had he chosen the one of his fleet that he thought I would be the most comfortable in?
I didn't honestly know how I would have reacted if he had pulled up in a limo but it likely wouldn't have been good. So I couldn't really blame him for, more than likely, just knowing me well enough and trying to make me feel comfortable.
I wasn't entirely forthcoming with him, either, I reminded myself. He had clearly guessed I wasn't from money but that wouldn't have been hard and would have been true of my parents. Not of my grandad, though.
As much as I hated to admit it, I had been the beneficiary of exactly the kind of rich asshole that had set my teeth on edge since mom was taken by the Ponzi scheme. Not to mention the fact that I was living with my parents and benefiting from their generosity as well.
I was already bitter but finding that out about the man I thought was helping me was too much to bear. I felt like a hypocrite and didn't want to face it.
I couldn't really be throwing rocks at Reece for his perceived dishonesty when I had been lying to myself for years. Where did I think grandpa had gotten the money?
I hadn't really known what he had done but I knew that he was hardly a priest or a schoolteacher, and maybe part of me didn’t really want to know. To afford a condo in New York and an apartment in Westchester, rent-controlled or not, he had to have some serious coin, the kind that can only be earned by nefarious ways and stepping on other people.
But I chose not to think about it. I just took the free rent and was glad for it. All the while ranting against the rich and their wicked ways. Even though I had really only seen the worst of them.
Reece probably knew about that better than I did. Especially now that I had figured out that the father he had talked about, who had cut out his own son, had been his own dad.
Not to mention the fact that I hadn’t wanted Reece to know I had to go back to living with my parents. Who was I to be upset that he hadn’t told me his entire life story, when I had purposefully kept some of my own hidden from him?
What a hypocrite I was.
But sometimes I wondered if there was anything I could do about it at this point. My wrongs seemed too bad to right.
Needless to say, though, I thought about Reece a lot. About how it had been and how it had all ended. I kept telling myself I would get over it. That time heals all wounds and all that.
Unfortunately, that turned out to be bullshit. The most time did was dull the pain a bit. It didn't mean that I forgot. It was still all fresh. The pleasure followed by the pain.
Sally had stuck by me through it all, but it was clear she thought I was making a mistake.
She was right, as usual.
Not that I was about to admit it. At least not to her. My ego wouldn't let me, not right then.
I was at work one Tuesday, just surfing the web while waiting for any guests to come in or need help, when I saw Reece's name in an alert in my inbox. I had never gotten around to blocking his email address like I had his phone number eventually, so he was technically still on my contacts list.
The alert was from a local news service whose email list I subscribed to, and it was for an award for services to the poor. Reece was going to be the guest of honor.
I clicked on it and looked to see the when and the where, not holding out much hope but still willing to try. The fates smiled upon me and my unborn child, and it turned out that the awards gala was at a hotel up the street, right when I was supposed to get off work.
I pulled my overcoat tight around me. It had oddly been warmer than the long parka I had worn while working at the restaurant prior to my fateful run in with the rich asshole.
I thought back to Reece’s own run-in at Papa Gino’s. It was awful, but it was kind of fun seeing Reece put a rich asshole in a chokehold.
Usually I didn't wish harm to anyone. Not really. But that douchebag really deserved it and Reece had really been quite calm and controlled, under the circumstances. Especially when he likely could have just gone up and knocked the guy out, right then and there. Instead he opted to turn it into a teachable moment and give him an opportunity to change his ways. Like the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I made my way over to the other hotel, which was one of those three-hundred dollar a night places. The irony of holding a charity awards ceremony there was not lost
on me.
I got in through the main doors without much trouble. There were elegant men in sleek tuxedos but they seemed to mostly be there to help, which seemed rather appropriate, given the nature of the event.
I was shown to a seat near the back. Reece had already taken to the stage and was giving his speech.
It was great to see him again. He looked a bit different. His hair was longer but still neatly combed and he had taken to wearing unobtrusive, wire-framed glasses that made him look both sexy and distinguished.
The tuxedo he was wearing was somehow even sexier than the tailored suit he had worn to the Friendsgiving party. I felt the baby start to kick at the sound of Reece's voice.
Crap.
"There are those who will say that charity is, in itself, a selfish act, because of the good feelings one gets from helping people. I guess that's true because I feel really great, helping people. Using the fortune I was lucky enough to be able to build to help people get what they need. Maybe the world could benefit from a bit more of that kind of selfishness."
It was a touching speech, I’d give him that.
I waited until the emcee was actually handing Reece his little award statue before running out into the night. I didn't know how long I sat in my car. I had the engine running so anyone passing might have thought it was some kind of suicide attempt, but obviously it wasn’t— I had two lives to care about, not just my own.
I breathed deep and held the baby bump with both arms, trying to calm myself.
How could I have been so wrong about Reece?
He wasn't a rich asshole at all. He was a philanthropist! A hard working man who knew just how lucky he was to have what he did and freely gave it to others to try and make their lives better. Likely because he had been through some tough times himself.
I wanted to talk to him. Hell, I wanted to go right up onto the stage and kiss him, assuming security didn't tackle me first. But I didn't. I couldn't— not after being such a bitch to that sweet, giving man.
I had no doubt that he loved me and was no longer foolish enough to deny that I loved him, with everything I had in me.
