by Jamie Knight
She didn’t protect me.
She sure didn’t.
I already knew this, so why do I feel such rage now that she stated that fact on my voicemail?
I don’t know why I’m feeling anything that I’m feeling, but it just comes out. It’s kind of like that first day I met Amanda, how I exploded in her office. I guess it’s just something about having to face facts that sets me over the edge.
They want me to stop fighting.
They want me to have all kinds of medical stuff done to my knee.
The want me to go Texas and face my fears and my past and act like a normal human being when I’m a fucking mess.
I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep up the façade, my desperate attempt to live a normal, happy life. Something within me breaks. It’s like the balloon of hope just pops, right like that.
And I’m seeing flashbacks of horrific things that happened over there when I was at war. I’m seeing that asshole who tried to hurt me when I was a child.
I didn’t protect you.
You had to protect yourself.
I don’t call Damien. Instead, I call Bill.
“Hey, yo, Lincoln, I’ve been waiting for your call,” he says, as soon as he picks up. “Are you ready to face Ramirez?”
“Let’s do it,” I tell him. “Set it up. I’m ready. I’m more than ready.”
Chapter 23 - Amanda
5 Weeks Later
It’s New Year’s Eve, and I’m celebrating in Odessa with my family. Lincoln didn’t come, of course. He never made good on any of his promises.
I heard he fought that guy they call Spider something. I heard he won, and beat him up pretty bad in the process. But I heard it from other people. But not from Lincoln. Because I haven’t heard from him since I told him that if he wanted anything serious with me, he had to let me into his life.
I guess he and I wanted different things, and I was naïve to think that could magically change.
Still, though, I can’t help but wish he was here. My parents and I are eating lobster and watching the horses run around outside on my dad’s ranch, through the big bay windows in the dining room. It’s nice, but it would be nicer if Lincoln was with me.
After my little hotel getaway, I made up with Margie and Anne. We had Thanksgiving together – Friendsgiving, actually – and I told them that they had both been right, despite Catharine’s protests about how I shouldn’t capitulate to them.
“Margie, you were right that I was trying to improve my looks, and everything about my life, for Lincoln. And Anne, you were right that I shouldn’t have even been doing that, because he’s my client and that’s unprofessional.” I’d sighed, as if admitting to my parents, instead of my friends, that I’d messed up. “Among other reasons. Look, you guys were right about him; he’s too hot and cold, he’s not that into me.”
I had also told them that I think I was mostly upset that they knew the news about Lincoln wanting to fight Ramirez, and I hadn’t. To find out from other people really sucked. They apologized again for their rude comments, and I forgave them, but really I knew it was my own stupid fault – I should have listened to them and I shouldn’t have trusted Lincoln.
It had been a few days since I’d seen him and he hadn’t called. Then he’d had that big fight without even mentioning to me. That was my clue that I needed to just move on.
Somehow.
That had proven pretty difficult, considering that I hadn’t gotten my period since before I’d first met Lincoln, and I was beginning to expect that somehow my trusted birth control Pill had failed me. Sure enough, I went into town to buy a pregnancy test, and it was positive.
So now, here I am with my parents and with Lincoln’s baby inside me, on New Year’s Eve. I’m going to be a single mom. I know Lincoln’s not prepared to deal with having a baby – he’s not even prepared to deal with a relationship, with letting me into his life and telling me anything important about it.
And I’ve already decided not to tell him about it, at least not until things have settled down and I’ve been able to deal with the shocking revelation myself. I don’t want to give him one more thing to have to worry about or decide about.
I’ve decided, pretty easily, that I’m keeping this baby. As soon as I found I was pregnant, I wanted to. I’ve talked with Catharine and she supports me in whatever decision I make, which is to keep it. Who needs the father of your baby when you have a friend like Catharine?
Right?
Right.
Except that I’ve been wishing I still had him in my life. I miss his broad shoulders, his big, strong, comforting arms, his charming smile that is so rare because he’s always so adorably grumpy, and, not to mention of course, his huge cock and the way he knows what to do with it, to make me feel so good.
I know I should be mad at him – and I am – but I also just miss him. I smile at my mom as she passes me some wine, declining it, and she looks at me a bit funny.
“It’s good that you’re watching your calories, dear,” my dad says. “Jane, get her some water with some lemon in it. It’s more filling that way. And the more water you drink while you eat, the fuller you’ll get, without taking in unnecessary extra calories.”
Gee, thanks, Dad, for the nutrition lesson I didn’t need, since I’m just going to get bigger instead of smaller, for the next nine months, anyway, I think, but obviously I don’t say that. I’m used to my dad’s lectures about my weight. And I haven’t told them I’m pregnant yet. I haven’t told anyone, except for Catharine.
We make it through the meal and are having dessert when there’s a knock at the door.
“Who could that be?” my mom asks. “I didn’t invite anyone except for Viola, and of course she was taking that cruise to the Caribbean so she shouldn’t come.”
My parents’ lives were so different, here in Texas, than my own in New York City. I had willingly left the lavish lifestyle for one with more freedoms and less judgement. I think that’s what I admired about Lincoln so much. He has a lot of money, but he doesn’t act like it. He knows what it’s like to not have money, and he doesn’t forget where he came from.
And speaking of Lincoln, he’s the one who was knocking on my parents’ door. My dad lets him in, scratching his head in confusion.
“Hello, I’m Lincoln,” Lincoln said, shaking my dad’s hand, and then my mom’s. “I’m Amanda’s boyfriend. I mean, I was. Hopefully I still am. I don’t know.”
He looks at me and mouths, “Can we talk?”
I kind of feel like I want to hit him but I also want to kiss him. I’ve never felt so damned confused in my life.
“You have a boyfriend?” my mother is saying, and then she’s adding something about the fact that I never told her this, and why can’t we be besties like Viola and her daughter Karina, who are happily enjoying a Caribbean cruise together right now…
But I’m not listening to her because I’m completely focused on Lincoln. I’m so mad at him for ignoring me for all this time, but I’m also so glad he’s here.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell my mom and dad.
“Okay, honey, let us know if you need anything,” Dad says. “I hope everything works out for you and your boyfriend or not-boyfriend.”
I can’t help but chuckle a little bit. My parents are pretentious and overbearing to the point of being obnoxious sometimes, but I know they love me. I just hope they’ll still love me when they find out I’m knocked up!
“Lincoln, what are you doing here?” I ask him, as I take him to the outside deck.
It’s colder than normal, being the end of December, and I had forgotten to grab my jacket from the hook in the front foyer before coming out here. I wrap the sweater I’m wearing over my black dress more tightly around me.
“Don’t kill Catharine, but she told me your parents’ address. I begged her to.”
Catharine did? I would normally expect 100% loyalty from her. So that
means Lincoln must have really convinced her, with whatever he said to make her divulge the information. If Catharine believes in Lincoln now, I guess I should give him a chance.
“Why?” I ask him. “Why are you here now, when you haven’t been talking to me for over a month, since before Thanksgiving? Ever since you disappeared after following me to that hotel upstate, remember?”
He has definitely been confusing me with his back and forth.
“Of course I remember, and I’m really sorry,” he says.
He explains to me how he got the message from his mom and it made him so mad. He had so much rage building up inside him that he worked it out by having that fight and knocking Ramirez out.
“But now I’m done, for good,” he says. “I’ve officially retired. My agent wasn’t happy but fuck it. I needed to do it. I’ve also been going to treatment for PTSD with Damien’s therapist, Dr. Mack. He says I had it from childhood trauma and then it was exacerbated during the war. I’ve been figuring out so many things about myself, really working on myself, so that I can be with you. I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to fly here on my jet to tell you what happened and beg your forgiveness.”
“Wait a minute,” I tell him. “You have a jet?”
He nods, sheepishly.
See what I mean? Not pretentious at all. No one would ever guess how much money he has, because even though it’s a lot, he doesn’t brag about it.
“Okay,” I tell him. “So you came all the way here to tell me that. Thank you. That was genuinely quite the gesture.”
I’m not sure I want to forgive him so easily. I kind of make him want to beg for it.
“Not only that,” he says, “but to tell you that my mother called, and for once in her life, she seems apologetic, and so I’ve gone to see her, before coming here. She has been in a sober living facility and is getting her shit together, too, so that maybe we can be some kind of family again.”
I look at him, wondering what exactly he means by that.
As if reading my mind, he adds, “Her and me. And you. And your parents. And whoever else is family to us. But I want you and I to be family. Because I love you. I really, truly love you.”
“I love you, too,” I tell him, quickly giving in to my desire to be happy with him despite what’s happened in the past. “And I’m glad you love me and want to be a family with me, because I’m pregnant.”
“What?” he exclaims.
But he doesn’t look upset. He looks happy.
“This is amazing! I’m going to be a dad.”
No one would ever believe me, but I swear that just then fireworks started going off. There’s a fair downtown where they put on fireworks for all the residents to see, and since it’s such a small town and downtown isn’t very far away, we can see some from here, just overhead.
“This is going to be a new year of both forgiveness and redemption for me,” Lincoln says. “And I want to have you by my side every step of the way.”
I really wish we could have sex but I know my parents wouldn’t approve. They’re so old fashioned. They’re going to have a fit when they find out I’m pregnant, but with Lincoln by my side, I’m not as scared to tell them.
So, we can’t do the deed – that’s out, at least until my parents are asleep and one of us can sneak into the other’s room, because they’d never let us sleep in the same room.
But since it’s midnight and it’s New Year’s Eve, we kissed, passionately and deeply, and I put a hand over my belly, so happy to be starting a new year and a new life, with Lincoln and our baby.
Epilogue - Amanda
One Year Later
This year is quite different than last New Year’s day. Last new year’s day, we’d had dinner with my parents and told them the news. They didn’t take it so well, but they’re over it now. In fact, they’re ecstatic now, and so are Lincoln and I, ever since little Kate arrived. Should for Catharine.
Yes, I named my baby Catharine, after my best friend. I really appreciated her support in all of this. She’s also the baby’s godmother. She’s got her wrapped around her little finger – but Kate seems to have that effect on everyone.
Now, Lincoln is rocking Kate to sleep after we ate a simple dinner of ham and mashed potatoes at home. We have a modest house, even though we could afford much more. I enjoy keeping things simple and so does Lincoln.
Kate’s room is nicely decorated in pink and white, and she has a crib and everything else she needs. Rex, who follows Kate around protectively, has a big dog bed by our bed, and a nice dog run outside.
Everyone has all the necessitates. That’s what matters. Lincoln has made good on his promises. He no longer fights. He’s done full treatment on his knee and eyes. And he still sees Dr. Mack for PTSD treatment, which really help keep his tendency towards anger issues in check.
He and his mom talk now and again. She flew out to New York and met Kate once she was born. They have a pretty good relationship, or at least as good of one as they can have in their situation. There is still a lot of hurt there, but they’re working through it.
And Lincoln and I are great. He’s been the best father. Like, right now, he kisses Kate and puts her down in her crib. He says, “Good night, my sweet baby,” like he always does at her bedtime.
Then he swoops me up into his arms and says, “Now it’s time for my other baby and I to have some fun.”
He carries me across the hallway to our room and lays me on the bed. Often times he’s rough, and I like that, but right now, he’s gentle. He can’t do everything he would usually do with my breasts, since I’m nursing. But he starts rubbing my clit, moving his fingers all around it, and driving me crazy right away.
“Mmmm,” I moan. I love how good he always makes me feel.
Soon he’s kissing my lips and then my neck and he’s sliding his fingers inside me. I hump his hand, drenching it with my juices, because I’m so wet and ready for him. We don’t get to make love as often as we used to, now that we have a baby to tend to. But every time we do, it’s still amazing.
He slides his cock in me and I grip the walls of my pussy around it. I love when he fills me all the way up with his big, wide dick. I grab ahold of the brown curls on his head and say, “Mmm, yeah, like that.”
“Like this?” he asks, thrusting in and out of me.
“Yeah,” I tell him, feeling myself close to the edge again. “Like that.”
I feel another orgasm coming on and he must sense it, too, because he says, “Yeah, that’s right, cum on my cock. Cum for me on my cock.”
And I do, cumming all over it while I slide around on it. I hold onto his broad chest for support and he keeps kissing my neck. I realize he’s about to cum, too, because his throbbing cock starts pulsing inside me.
“I’m cumming, I’m cumming in your pussy,” he says, releasing himself into me.
It feels so good that all I can do is roll over and stare at the ceiling for a moment. Then I smile and say, “That was great.”
“I’m glad you still like it,” he says. “Because there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you.”
Before I know it, he’s kneeling by the side of the bed, holding up a ring he pulled out from the bedside stand.
How did I not know it was in there? I clean the house! But I do tend to avoid the stand on his side of the bed because that’s where he keeps his books that Dr. Mack gave him, and the journaling he does for the sessions. I don’t want to intrude his private space, even though he does open up and talk to me. He lets me in like I used to want him to do so badly.
“Will you marry me?” he asks, all smiles.
“Yes!” I say, wanting to jump up and down, but since I’m now sitting up on the bed, I just bounce.
“Yes!” he says back, getting up on the bed with me and bouncing, too.
It’s such a spontaneous move, so full of life and energy, so different from the depressed man I had fallen in love with – an even
better version of him – that I feel buoyant, like a little kid. We bounce on the bed together, holding hands, and he says, “I can’t wait to marry the mother of my child. Kate is going to be so cute as our flower girl!”
“She’s not even old enough to walk down the aisle,” I laugh.
I want to get married right away. I thought he’d never ask! I didn’t really mind, because I know he loves me and is committed to me. But now that he has asked, my girly girl side is coming out and I want an ivory lace dress, pink and light green color scheme, lots of gorgeous flowers, the works.
“Well, we’ll have someone pull her in a wagon, and that’ll be even cuter,” he says.
I agree. The best part will be having her there to celebrate with us. Because she makes our lives even better than they already are.
“I love you,” he says, pulling me close to him and kissing me.
“I love you too,” I tell him. “This’ll be our best year yet.”
“You said that last year,” he laughs.
“Yeah, and I was right. And this one will be even better.”
“Touché,” he says, and we smile at each other, happy to be engaged and to be starting a new year and a new life as fiancés.
I have everything I could ever want, and I’m so glad I didn’t give up on him that day he caused that ruckus at Big Apple Physical Therapy. I know some people would think I’m crazy for being into the guy who was such a hot head client, but I knew I made the right choice in picking him. It may have been because he had an amazing body, but I knew that he had a pretty amazing heart, too, and now I get to see it on full display, every day of our lives.
THE END
Look Who Hatched
A Spring Secret Baby Romance
Copyright © 2020 Jamie Knight Romance.
Jamie Knight –
Your Dirty Little Secret Romance Author
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