by Jamie Knight
“Anne, you're okay!You disappeared from the funeral so fast and none of us have heard from you since. How is life treating you? Are you liking it up there?”
“I'm doing better. I am able to think more clearly and I love it up here. It has really given me time to heal,” I told her. “Though that’s the problem. I've been thinking it might be time to go back. Start work again and all that but I'm also not sure I want to leave Sawyer. I-I think I love him.”
I couldn’t believe I had just blurted that out to her. But I guess I had been feeling it for some time now.
“Do you see a future with him?” she asked me.
“I really don't know. Maybe we're just helping each other heal. Don't get me wrong, it is amazing, but I don't know if we would work long-term because we're so different. He really seems to love living alone and I don't want to get in the way of that. I like it too, at least better than living in New York, but he also doesn't want kids.”
“Neither do you. Or at least that's what you've always said.”
“Yeah, I know, but now that I’m with Sawyer I wish I could have the whole experience. I could really see myself having a baby with him. Though I also feel like I'm holding him back. Like caring for me the way he has is keeping him from reaching his full potential. His designs for prosthetics are amazing and could really help a lot of people. His friend Pat wants him to speak at conferences and stuff.”
“Just follow your heart, honey. It might not be easy, but things will turn out in the end.”
It really did sound simple, when she put it like that. If only it was that way in reality. I thanked her and hung up, realizing that I was the only one who could truly make this decision.
Chapter Eighteen - Anne
I didn't have a night terror. This was a good thing. I didn't even have a nightmare. Just a vague, random dream I didn't really remember. It was a massive relief and an indication that I might actually be doing better.
“You okay, babe?” Sawyer asked, turning over so he was facing me.
“Yeah, I'm fine, actually.”
“No nightmares?” he asked, sitting up and taking notice.
“Nope. Not nightmares, no night terrors. I'm - fine. I actually feel really good.”
“Good,” he said, kissing me on the cheek.
I watched Sawyer from the table as he made breakfast. It was impressive to see him move. Not just because of his leg, either. I couldn't remember the last time I saw someone as big as he was move with such easy grace.
He'd really gone the whole nine yards. It was supposed to be just scrambled eggs, but he had added two kinds of cheese at least and several different dashes of cooking spices. They were great and I loved them.
I was also increasingly sure that I loved him. Despite what difficulties we might have had.
But suddenly, my stomach heaved, and I barely made it to the bathroom in time. Sawyer came barreling in soon after and held back my hair as I hurled, wasting all his lovely effort. He really didn't seem to be thinking about that, though, as he was obviously far more worried about me. I could almost feel his concern as he gently rubbed my back.
“Jesus, that’s the second time I’ve been sick in two days,” I said, reaching up for the flusher, “I hope it's not morning sickness.”
“What?”
“I said I hope not,” I clarified.
“Me too. It would be crazy to have kids right now. Not with all that's going on.”
I couldn't help but flash back to the funeral and what had been said at the luncheon with my mom. I believed him when he said it wasn't that he didn't like kids. Though I also suspected that there was another reason besides the lame excuse he had given my mom. I knew him better than that. He was far more of a serious thinker.
“Just relax and let me take care of you,” he said.
“Okay, thanks,” I told him, not about to resist that sweet offer.
Gently undressing me from my night clothes, Sawyer put me in the bath, scrubbing me down, the warm water easing my aching tummy muscles while helping me relax. He washed me all over, getting me nice and clean.
He even did my hair, which I found wonderfully relaxing. I loved the way that he touched me, even when he wasn't trying to be sexy. There was a sort of warmth that came off him that made me want more.
“Can we go back to bed?” I asked, as he lightly patted me dry.
“Sure.”
When we got to the bedroom, I bent over the bed, my ass high in the air, making it clear what I wanted. I was already starting to feel better and I knew that sex with Sawyer would distract me from whatever ailments lingered.
Sawyer started gently stimulating me with his hand, softly fingering my pussy while also rubbing my asshole with his thumb. I hummed with pleasure, my whole body relaxing. I still didn't know if I was staying or not, but if I was leaving, I was really going to miss him.
Working me to a delicious orgasm and making me moan really loud, Sawyer got on his knees behind me and buried his face into my pussy and started licking me. He was using his fingers and tongue on my delicate pussy lips and swollen little clit until I screamed, making the bed shake against the wall with the force of my quivering.
Getting to his feet, Sawyer stroked the head of his big hard cock against my pussy lips, trying to get me ready like he had the first time we fucked. I stated pushing back against him, the anticipation getting to be too much.
Laying a big, warm hand on the small of my back, he slid his cock most of the way in my tight pussy, drawing up a long moan from deep within me. He fucked me so good, I had no idea how I would ever be truly satisfied again if I did end up leaving. I would probably just have to become celibate.
It was a bit of a close call, but fortunately I had known that Sawyer was about to cum and had already opened wide for him, so all he had to concentrate on was getting all of his delicious cum into my eager mouth. I swallowed down his entire massive load without losing a single drop, feeling oddly proud of myself.
When he was finished, I grabbed his cock before he had time to pull it away, impaling my mouth down on it and coaxing another huge load into my mouth and then down my throat. Part of me knew this could be the last time we fucked.
It wasn't something I liked to think too much about, but my practical side took over. The one that always insisted that I take an umbrella in case it rained, who had been suspiciously silent when I decided to drive up a to a mountain cabin in shorts and a tank top, now said I might as well make the best of it and get in everything we possibly could while I was still there.
In that spirit, I rolled onto my belly and got up into doggy position, spreading my ass cheeks wide.
“Are you sure? The penetration is a lot deeper this way.”
“I'm sure,” I insisted, keeping my ass spread open.
After a moment's consideration, the warring factions of Sawyer's mind apparently as fearsome as mine, I could feel him get up on the bed behind me. Taking my ass in both of his warm, strong hands, allowing me to use my arms to better balance in the admittedly precarious position, he plunged into my sensitive little asshole and ate me out like it was full of ice cream.
I moaned and screamed but tried to keep my body still, in case I bucked too much and hit him too hard. I would just have to die of mortification on the spot out of sheer principle if that happened.
Sawyer kept right on licking, bringing me to not one but two massive ass-gasms, making me collapse onto the bed, my asshole, and the rest of me for that matter, very relaxed indeed. I couldn't remember a time I had felt so good, at least not before I heard about dad's accident.
Coaxing me back up into doggy position, Sawyer gently stroked the big, warm head of his cock up against my relaxed, sensitive asshole, making me hum and moan with pleasure, anticipating what it might feel like when he pushed it all the way in again.
I was more prepared than I had been the first time. Both physically and mentally. And I was anticipating something amazing.
The problem with anticipation, or indeed expectation, is how often it can easily turn into disappointment. There is a reason the book is called Great Expectations and that it is not a particularly happy one, with Pip mostly getting screwed over by his own hopes and dreams – spoiler alert.
As with nearly all hopes and expectations, mine went quickly sideways, leading somewhere I had never really expected to go. The feeling of Sawyer's giant fucking cock deep in my ass, stretching me out as he pushed in inch by inch until I could feel the warmth of his flat, hard pelvis pressing up against my ass cheeks, did not feel awesome.
Sadly, “awesome” was far too inadequate a word. Fucking awesome was still barely getting within shouting distance of fully describing the unfathomable feeling. A feeling so new and unexpected my mind actually had trouble processing it and all I really saw when I closed my eyes after he started ass fucking me deep was a brilliant white light.
Sawyer leaned down and gently swirled his tongue on the back of my neck as he kept moving his beautiful cock deep inside me. I made a sound that I had never even heard before, let alone recognized myself as making, seeming like it was coming from a long distance away, like an echo in a cave.
“Are you okay?” he asked, looking very worried. “Did I hurt you?”
My heart broke for him. I struggled for the words to tell him. To express to him how good he had made me feel.
“You didn't. Hurt me, that is. It just felt - heavenly. Literally, I mean. Like I was in heaven.”
He held me tighter and nuzzled my neck.
“Good,” he said. “I really don't know what I would do if something happened to you.”
“I feel the same,” I said.
After we cuddled a while longer, Sawyer carried me into the bathroom, since I was really in no fit state to walk, and he ran another bath for me, before taking a shower himself. I wanted to join him there, but the water was set way too cold for me.
Instead, I just went back to the bedroom, walking as well as could be expected under the circumstances, and got dressed, putting the T-shirt back on, along with my own underwear, which Sawyer had thoughtfully washed for me in the nearby stream.
“I've been thinking,” I said, as Sawyer made breakfast.
“Oh? Anything in particular?”
“I've been thinking about going back into the City. I want to see my mom and my friends. I was wondering if you might want to come with me.”
“No, I'm good. Some girl bonding time will be good for you. You seem to be doing a lot better. I can keep working on Asimov while you're gone, so there'll be lots to keep me busy. I might call Pat and confirm for that next conference of his. A building full of hundreds of people isn't exactly my idea of a great time. In fact, it was something I've always avoided, even when I was a kid. Though sometimes the work is more important.”
Sawyer sure knew how to get my noggin joggin'. Of course seeing mom and Sophia would be good thing for my recovery, particularly if I really was doing better. It would be a sign I was starting to be ready to go back to normal life.
I honestly had mixed feelings about that. If my time with Sawyer on the mountain had shown me anything, it was that “normal” was a subjective concept and largely came down to what most people did, whether it was good for them or not.
Sawyer seemed to have let go of such notions while I still hung on to them. Even though my mom had basically told me the same thing. Maybe she was right. It was up to me to choose the life I wanted and to hell with what was normal or expected.
Sawyer had also given me a dose of reality with that “sometimes the work is more important” stuff. I knew he hated the city and crowds and yet he was willing to go to a conference which would have a crowd and was held in the city.
Of course, that was because of the chance that he might be able to help someone. And he had already gone above and beyond for me when he came with me to the funeral. I hadn't really thought about how hard that would have been for him. But he was there to support me, which was more important to him than his comfort.
I really didn't want to distract him from his work, either in terms of the building or the conferences. I knew he didn't need the money, but it really didn't seem to be about that for him. It was about using his natural gifts to try and help others and I was starting to feel like I was getting in the way of that.
My mind was spinning so hard I was getting dizzy sitting down. I decided that I really wouldn't know if I was ready to live in the city or go back to work again until I tried it.
Then I would have a solid basis of comparison of life in New York City versus life on the mountain. I decided I would just go down there for a while, not setting any strict timeframe, and see what happened.
Chapter Nineteen - Anne
Culture shock.
That was the first word that came to mind. It might have seemed like a bit of an exaggeration. I had only been up on the mountain for about two months and big box stores of nearly every type had existed nearly as long as I had been alive.
Yet there I was, struck dumb under the fluorescent lighting, with no idea where to even start looking for what I needed and certainly in no hurry to say it out loud. Even to a stranger, even though they were probably asked about the location of far more embarrassing items on a daily basis.
It wasn't like I was looking for hemorrhoid cream, though in some ways that would have been preferable to my actual target. Using a trick my dad had taught me for grocery shopping efficiently, I started at one end of the store and worked my way across to the other, checking the sign hanging over each of the disturbingly sterile aisles as I went.
I had always found the phrase 'family planning' a bit of a misnomer. The majority of the products shelved in that section seeming to be designed for those not planning to have a family at all.
I'd guessed that there would be lots of different types of pregnancy tests. I had seen new ones being advertised for years. This in no way prepared me for the paralyzing choice that confronted me when I finally struck upon what I had been seeking.
Closing my eyes, I made my choice at random, just so happening to land on a respectable brand name that happened to be on sale for a price I could afford. Maybe there was something to be said for the power of positive intention after all.
I kept shopping, filling the basket nearly to the top, hoping that the pregnancy test would get lost in the noise as everything was checked through. I needn't have bothered. The kid at the checkout was so crushingly bored he could barely raise a grunt when he saw me coming, scanning everything through and punching in buttons without even looking at the register.
He had the skills and attitude of a retail lifer but couldn't have been more than twenty. What I had at first assumed to be boredom started revealing itself to actually be a sort of self-imposed state of zen.
I guessed it would be difficult for time to tick tortuously past when you weren't even consciously aware of time. I had seen Sawyer do a similar trick when he was building the deck behind the cabin.
I pushed the thought from my head, taking the bag and hauling ass out of the store, tearing into one of many chocolate bars the second I got out into the parking lot. I needed chocolate. I needed sex. Needed great food and gentle baths. I needed Sawyer.
I bawled my eyes out as I drove home. Some sadist had decided to put “Without You” by Harry Nilsson on the radio. I screamed and smashed at the tuner with my fist so hard my hand bled. The scanner zipped through the channels, finally ending on the local classic punk station.
Ever fallen in love with someone
Ever fallen in love,
In love with someone
Ever fallen in love,
In love with someone
You shouldn't have fallen in love with?
The bleeding on my hand had stopped by the time I got home. I hadn't gotten any glass in the cut, which was a definite upside. Washing it off under the sink, I took out another chocolate bar and went into the bathroom.
&nbs
p; The test took a while to give a result, so I bandaged my hand and ate the chocolate bar, not daring to leave the bathroom. I wanted to know the result as soon as it came.
When it did, I just started. I had no words. I had no thoughts. I did have tears, however. I was most definitely pregnant, and it was absolutely Sawyer's.
There was no way I could ever go back to the mountain. Not carrying his baby. I didn't think I could do that to him, after everything he had said about not wanting to have kids. I also didn't think I could go through with an abortion.
So, there I sat. Single, unemployed and pregnant, crying like a baby because I was going to have one.
That just wasn't going to do. I could almost hear my mom in my head. This was no time to lose myself. I needed to get it together and figure out what in blazes I was going to do. I was an adult, if sometimes only chronologically, and had to handle this.
I felt my confidence flooding back. The same that I had felt before the accident when everything went dark and Sawyer had been gently trying to help me get back since. I owed it to both dad and Sawyer to get things under control.
I texted Sawyer, telling him I needed some time and space. I figured if anyone would understand, he would.
I didn't know if I was ever going to see him again but I tried not to think about that. I intentionally didn't mention the pregnancy. I figured he had enough going in his life without worrying about me because I knew that he would. It was just what he was like.
I still had Sophia on speed-dial. I pressed her number and didn't even have to wait for her to pick up. She must have had one of her psychic twinges.
“What's wrong, honey?”
“You want the long list or the short?”
“Long.”
“You might want to come over then. It's kind of a long story.”
Fifteen minutes later Sophia was knocking on my door, doing a very convincing impression of a woodpecker.
“Sit and spill,” Sophia ordered, taking me over to the couch.
