by Jamie Knight
“Since when?” Alex asked.
“Oh, about 21 years now,” I said pretending to think about it.
“Where is she?” Sara asked.
“Finland the last time I checked. Couldn’t stand our mother’s hectoring about how it was a woman’s place to get married and be a housewife so Astrid, that’s my sister, went to medical school. Last I heard she was planning to become a doctor and serve the Sami people in the far north.”
There was a stunned silence, no one seeming to know what to say, as was often the case with my family stories. Particularly ones about my Uncle Olaf who dog-shedded from Helsinki to Oslo the long way in the middle of winter just to see if he could.
“What else are you keeping from me?”
“Astrid isn’t a secret, you just never asked,” I pointed out.
“True,” Alex conceded.
I knew I couldn’t dodge it forever. It might have been cynical, at least in the modern sense, but I knew I couldn’t escape the ghosts of my past forever. I just hoped that when they came wailing we would be strong enough to endure.
It may have been faux but lodge was done up in a nice old Swiss style. A roaring stone fire, similar to the one in our own chalet roaring at the center of the room, a well stocked open drinks table to the left under one of the big windows. There were already lots of people there when we arrived. I scanned the crowd for danger, ready to bolt at the first sign of Elsa. Not very mature to be sure, but I wasn’t really thinking straight. Far too worried about possibly losing the potential love of my life.
As with most things it came when I least suspected it. My guard well down before the strike came as though it were a bolt from the view.
“Honey!”
I barely had timed to turn before Elsa had me in her clutches, following one of her patented attack hugs. He arms were like vices around me, no slouch in the gym herself. There was no way for me to get free without knocking her backwards and she was standing opposite the fire. Desperate as I was to get away from her, I wasn’t ready to give her the witch treatment in order to achieve the objective.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I came up to meet you, honey. It was supposed to be a surprise.”
Unbidden she started kissing me on the cheek and acting very much like we were still together. We all looked in the direction of the sound that echoed through the room. The remnants of a shattered mug laying in the pool of egg nog at Alex’s feet.
“What the fuck?” she whispered tears running down her cheeks.
Like a shot Alex was out the door, not even taking her coat with her. Sara gave chase, but I was too retrained by Elsa to move, let alone follow. Turning so she would have a soft landing, burst free of her clutches and sprinted for the door. Before I could get there however, Aaron blocked my way. Were he anyone else I would have laid him the fuck out, but I restrained myself in that one instance, mostly because I’d come to like him.
“I think she needs some time alone right now.”
“I don’t.”
There must have been something in my eyes because Aaron stepped aside, looking like he had just stared into the pits of hell. They were nowhere to be found outside. I figured they must have already made it back to the chalet. Alex had been moving at a pretty good clip, so it was certainly possible.
The door was open when I got to the chalet, the sound of voices coming from within. Angry voices. Careful to be quiet I went up to the doorway to see what was going on. I couldn’t see them in the living room, so I figured they must be in our former room. Not a good sign.
“You can’t leave now,” Sara objected,
“Watch me.”
“It’s nighttime, the road is bad enough in the daylight. It would be deadly at this time of night!”
“Oh,” Alex conceded.
“At least wait until morning. I can have Aaron drive you back down first thing.”
“No, I can’t. I can’t spend another second around him. I should never have trusted him and won’t make that mistake again. I still haven’t missed the last shuttle back down the mountain and into town. I can take the bus or a cab or something. I am not staying here.”
“At least let me give you a coat. You’ll freeze to death as you are. Even if you are just waiting for the shuttle.”
“Fine.”
Sara came out into the living room before I could retreat and her eyes caught mine. Apologetic but still dead serious she shook her head, getting the message across loud and clear. Backing out the open doorway, I pulled it closed, my boots soon crunching in the snow. I wanted to stay. To see her one more time, knowing I probably never would again. In the end I headed back to the party intent going getting drunk. Making plans to leave myself in the morning. The bed was cold that night as I lay there alone, wide awake and wondering if I would ever get to sleep again.
Chapter Seven - Alex
Time melted away like the snow. A new reality asserting itself as the new year established itself. Winter turning decidedly to spring. I really should have been happy for the shift. I was usually, being someone who didn’t actually like the cold much. Kind of ironic skier, like a doctor who was afraid of blood, yet it was the strange truth. I loved skiing but hated the substance on which it occurred. Though usually when I got going I didn’t notice anymore. It was the trip to and then up the lift that made me the most miserable. Though it didn’t seem like that was going to be a problem anymore. Where we’d been was the most affordable resort in the area and I wasn’t about to go there again. Too many bad memories, albeit mixed up with good ones, all coming together and leaving me angry and confused.
The feelings weren’t great, even all that time later. The ghosts of what might have been still haunting my dreams. I’d truly been coming to love Klaus, which only made things worse in the end. It was possible I was misinterpreting what had happened but even the chance put me off trying again. I was an all or nothing kind of girl.
It started with the eating. Not only the frequency but the oddity, catching myself with cravings for the strangest things. While not quite enough to raise alarm bells by itself, when I also realized I’d missed my period, and by quite a bit, I knew it was time to take a trip to the drug store.
It really wasn’t the most welcoming place. Endless aisles under harsh lighting gave the place a sterile, almost for boding feel. Sadly it was the only pharmacy within walking distance and I couldn’t think of anywhere else to get what I needed. The doctor was out of the question. Dr. Quinn was fine, the very paragon of professionalism. It was her hag of the receptionist who was the blabber-mouth. As well as the one I would have to make the appointment with. More than likely squealing with delight before calling my mom as soon as the words ‘pregnancy test’ left my lips.
Fighting a tornado of feelings, I finally found the right aisle. Who knew that would be the easiest part off the expedition? I had no idea there were so many types of pregnancy test. Or how wildly they could vary in price. Did more expensive mean better? Or was it just a scam like guitar strings where they were all made at the same three factories and put in different packaging?
Getting one that was supposed to be easy to use at a moderate price point, I filled my basket with other things before heading to the checkout. Hoping they wouldn’t notice among the cluster. Not that would really care of course.
I thought about going home but was too paranoid to do even that. Instead, I stopped off at a café where I knew the staff, and they let me into the bathroom without making me buy anything. I was so nervous I couldn’t even pee at first. Finally, I got the test done it was just a matter of waiting the tortuous moments for a result. Positive. Fuck.
I came to on the bathroom door with someone banging on the door asking if I was okay. Rousing myself to action, I ditched the test into the waste-basket and walked out as though life as I knew it hadn’t just ended.
It was a near thing. The bathroom deceptively far from the door. I made
it though and went through my first of many bouts of morning sickness Mostly I was just glad that mom wasn’t there to hear me. As upset as I was she would have been more so, and I just couldn’t deal with that. I was too busy trying t figure out how the hell I was going to get in to work with my head spinning like it was.
Through some miracle I got my car to the parkade and into work, without any other disasters befalling me. Aside from the obvious, it was an uneventful morning, which was actually nice for a change. I’d had quite surprises for one lifetime. I was relieved when noon finally rolled around, looking forward to what Sara would make of my situation. She could be a bit scatted in some ways but was noting if not logical, and I trusted her judgement.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, as I sat down.
“I’ve had a bit of a surprise,” I said, not bothering to ask how she knew.
“You need help moving a body?”
“No, nothing like that. I just found out that I’m, you know, with child.”
“Have you taken a test?”
“And missed my period and had morning sickness. All signs point to preggers.”
“I don’t even need to ask do I.”
“No, you don’t. It is definitely his.”
“I’ll go to Planned Parenthood with you if you want me to.”
I touched my belly without thinking. Imagining the little life growing in there, I couldn’t imagine going through with it, no matter how crazy the situation. I wanted to keep it, but I had no idea how I was going to get along.
“I-I’m keeping her.”
“Her?”
“Just a feeling,” I shrugged.
“Are you going to tell your mom?”
“I’m going to have to. She’ll figure it out eventually anyway. I mean, it’s been a while, but I’m pretty sure she still knows what pregnancy looks like.”
“Fair point,” Sara conceded.
“I just hope she doesn’t flip out too bad.”
“If she does my offer still stands. My door is always open.”
“Thanks.”
Mom was back when I got home from work. In her chair, getting hammered on red wine as was her ritual. Not quite as hypocritical as other drinks, wine showing up int the Bible and all, though I was still pretty sure her friends would take a dim view if they ever found out.
“You’re home late.”
“I guess.”
I wasn’t but I wasn’t about to openly contradict her. Especially not when she was in that state. My only comfort was I would be a lot more nimble if things went south. A terrible thing to think but that was the headspace I was in.
“I have something to tell you,” I started, “I took a test today and, congratulations.”
“Congratulations? Congratulations on what?”
“You’re going to be a grandmother,” I said, with considerably less gusto.
The wine glass exploded inches from my head. Leaving a broad red stain on the white door.
“Jezebel!” mom shrieked, “get thee gone sinner and do not darken my door again! I will not suffer the indignity and disgrace of having an unwed mother in my house!”
She probably said more. Once she got ranting she could go on for an hour or so. I didn’t hear any of it though. Already on my way down the stairs, not even thinking about everything I still had there. At least I was dressed warmly enough.
Making sure I had my wallet and computer like I thought I did, I got out my phone and called Sara.
“You told her, didn’t you.”
“Yes,” I sobbed, the weight of the situation just begging to dawn on me.
“Where are you.”
“Outside.”
“Can you drive?”
“I-I don’t kn-know, I - ”
“Well be there in five minutes.”
I could hear the car before I saw it. Before I even really realized they’d gotten out, Sara was passing my keys to Aaron who got into my car, before picking both me and my briefcase up off of the pavement.
Things had become a bit clearer by the time we got back to their place. I had been thinking about moving out for a while. It had just happened a bit more suddenly than I had planned. I still had a job and was early enough in my pregnancy I could keep working and making money for my own place.
“What are you planning?” Sara asked, bringing me a glass of water.
“Work, as much as I can until the baby is due. I’ve got some savings which should get me by. I’ll of course pay my share of the rent and buy my own food. I have no intention of sponging off you. This is going to be a roommate situation.”
“Understood,” Sara grinned.
I knew my mom’s schedule pretty well, and it wasn’t long before we could go back into the place with the key she neglected to get back from me and clear out my room, with Aaron and his dad and brother helping out. I felt kind of bad. They were so cool, and I didn’t even know their last name. Though I could certainly see what Sara saw in him. With my living situation settle it was just a matter of trying to make as much money as possible in the next few months. How difficult could it be?
Chapter Eight – Klaus
The hit echoed like thunder. The killing tip of the arrow buried deep in the bull’s eye. I loaded another, the second damn near pulling a Robin Hood on the first. A third soon joined. Banging sound becoming a regular rhyme. More followed until my quiver was empty and the target looked like an oddly shaped porcupine. Drawing them out, I retuned them to my quiver and did it again. I had tried many things over the years but honestly found that when it came to stress relief there were few things more effective than simulated mortal combat. I had actually been in a HEMA group for a while, but it became too difficult to find anyone who was willing to spar with me. Honestly, you accidentally snap the blade off one replica broadsword with one hand while defending and suddenly everyone gets all bashful.
My quiver empty for the fifth time that morning, my phone buzzed letting me know it was time to get back to work. The archery range hadn’t been part of the original floor-plan, the ability to make such additions one of the many advantages to owning the building myself. There was also a ping-pong court and video arcade for those who were into such things.
“The target needs changing,” I said, passing Sara’s desk on the way to my office.
“Yes, sir,” she said, though I could pick up a certain ting in her voice.
It really wasn’t ideal, having her working int the same office as me. Every time I saw her, I had flash backs to that terrible night. To her shaking her head, warning me off. I knew she was right, but it still hurt not to be able to try. I had given up too easily and hated myself for that. Even more than that I was mad at Elsa for pulling her stupid trick acing like we were still together. I had become convinced that she had seen me with Alex earlier in the day and had been planning her little stunt to try and break us up. If that had been the idea it worked like a clock with fresh batteries. I hadn’t seen Alex in over a month, a relative short time frame that was coming to feel like an eternity. Particularly because it was coming to seem like I would never see her again.
Mad as I was, none of me ire was directed at Sara. I knew she’d done her best as well as what was right in the circumstances. There was no reason to make her suffer, no matter how much I wanted someone to punish. The idea of firing Sara for my own personal comfort had never crossed my mind. I had thought about transferring her to another department, so I wouldn’t have to see her every day. Then reality and logic set in, and I remembered that she was the best assistant I’d ever had, and I would be a damn fool to lose her. No, Sara would be spared my wrath and I would do my best to try and keep things as normal as possible between us. If, on the other hand, I ever saw Elsa again, it would be all I could do not to bend her over and spank her right then and there, no matter where we were. The more embarrassing for her the better honestly. I would make her pay for what she did.
“There is someo
ne here to see you,” Sara said on the intercom as soon as I sat down.
“Send them in,” I said.
Speak of the devil. The door to my office opened and who should come int but Elsa, wearing a heavy winter coat and obviously noting else. She slowly undid the buttons on the coat, before I actually got up and stopped her. Doing them right back up again. She pouted, trying to look cute, but I was way beyond that.
“Stop it,” I ordered, my tone letting her know I wasn’t fooling around.
“Want to keep it on? Okay, what ever you like, baby.”
“Don’t call me that,” I barked, taking a step back.
“But - ”
“But nothing, you ruined my life you treacherous bitch. I know my mom loves you and I hope you two are very happy together but leave me out of it.”
“But I love you.”
“You love my money and what your parents told you your life would be. You don’t really love anyone Elsa. You don’t really know what love is. If you did, you wouldn’t keep pursing me like this. This isn’t love, it’s fucking stalking. I never want to see you again. Now get out of here before I really lose my temper.”
Elsa dashed out in tears. I was a bit worried what she might do. What accusations she might make, but I had left the door open with Sara sitting right outside, and every office in the building was equipped with a micro security camera. If she tried any funny business it would be easy enough to refute. The only thing she could really accuse me of that would stick might be raising my voice to her, which still wasn’t actually illegal. Not matter what she and my mother might think.
It took maybe twenty minutes for my phone to ring. I had to admire her speed. Usually it took more than an hour for me to get a chewing out.
“What the hell are you thinking?”
“Hello to you too, mummy dearest,” I said, putting on my sweetest voice.
“Never mind that crap. Elsa told me what happened. Have you completely lost your mind?”
“She told you she came into my office in nothing but boots and a coat and tried to get me to do the nasty on my desk?”
