by Aella Black
I pulled my hand away. “He didn’t—”
“He did,” he pressed. “His loss, though. And I told you before, if we weren’t locked up, I’d take you out on a date.” A smile split his face. “In fact, let’s go on one now. Back home, what would an ideal date look like?”
I laughed, looking down at my feet. “I-I don’t know.”
“Come on. A perfect date. What would it include?”
I rolled my eyes but decided to go along with it. “Flowers, I guess.”
Dane dropped to one knee in the grass. I watched as he plucked three small yellow dandelions and then rose once again. Handing them to me, he said, “Okay, what next?”
His eyes glinted with mirth. I laughed, my face warming.
Why did he have to be so stupidly charming? And really, what harm was there indulging in a little fantasy? Lucy had hallucinations to carry her away from this hellhole. I had nothing.
“I’ve always wanted to go on a date to a carnival,” I said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
“That’s what I’m talking about! I love carnivals, too. How about a ride?” Dane crouched, motioning for me to get on his back.
I shook my head.
“What’s a carnival without a ride? You’re not scared, are you?” It sounded like he was goading me into riding a scary ride—not one of the piggy-back variety.
I laughed and hopped on. Dane took off across the yard, making ridiculous roller coaster sounds while dipping up and down and taking sharp turns to the left and right.
He was acting ridiculous, but I was having too much fun to care.
Finally, he stopped and lowered himself so I could slide off. “Thank you for riding the Dane Coaster today, ladies… and gentle—uh, ladies. Be careful as you exit the ride.”
I was breathless with laughter as my feet touched the ground. A little dizzy too, as if I’d actually been on a carnival ride.
Dane didn’t miss a beat. “Afraid I can’t buy you any cotton candy or corn dogs. But let’s play some games and win a prize or two.”
Leading me to a nearby rack filled with sports equipment and games, Dane selected a set of horseshoes.
If he didn’t know I had terrible aim after our dodgeball tournaments, he did now. Again and again I missed, unlike Dane, who made every other shot he took. On his last turn—a ringer—he jumped into the air and shouted as though he’d won a gold medal in the Olympics.
Then he ran over to the equipment and tossed a baseball mitt at me. “Your prize, ma’am.” He lowered his voice. “Just pretend it’s a teddy bear.”
Playing alone, I hugged the mitt and said, “Thank you. It’s so cute!”
Dane laughed and swung an arm around my shoulders, just as the alarm signaled the end of rec time. “Not bad for a first date, huh?”
My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. “Not bad at all.”
Dane’s face grew serious. “So… should we plan on a second date?”
There was no denying how much fun I’d had—and fun was hard to come by in prison. “Let’s do it,” I said, tossing the mitt at him.
I rode a happy cloud all the way back to my cell. That was, until I spotted Rocky waiting for me outside the door, a very unhappy look on her face. “What were you doing?” she snapped.
My hackles went up. “Hanging out with Dane. Why?”
“You were parading around the yard like a circus clown, that’s why.”
I frowned. “A circus clown? How on earth was I doing that?”
Rocky leaned in close and whispered, “I thought you were into Xander. What happened to that?”
“Dane asked me out on a date.” I shrugged. “Xander hasn’t.”
“A date? We’re in prison.”
Her tone was irritating me. “You think I don’t know that? It was just some fun, Rocky. It’s okay to have fun, isn’t it?”
“So you’re telling me you’re not into Xander anymore?”
“It’s… complicated.”
She snorted. “Yeah. Real complicated. How about I make it easy for you.” Rocky’s gaze flicked over to where Lucy sat on her bed, pretending she wasn’t listening to every word of our conversation. “If Loose Lips there had been out on a date with your boy Xander and you had to stand by and watch, how would you feel right now?” With that parting blow, Rocky turned on her heel and left.
It felt like she’d punched me in the gut. In fact, I wished she would have. I deserved that. And more.
I hadn’t been thinking about who might be watching while Dane and I were playing in the yard. Xander hadn’t crossed my mind at all. And though it was purely innocent fun, I could see how Xander could have been hurt by it.
But that was assuming Xander liked me as more than a friend. He’d never said as much. Then again, I’d never asked.
Dane, on the other hand, had made his intentions as clear as a summer day. And though I’d been trying to keep him at a distance, it obviously wasn’t working well.
Ugh.
It sure would have been nice to have gotten this kind of attention when I was in high school stressing over grades instead of my next gruesome death.
No sooner had the thought crossed my mind than I was faced with the cruelest of ironies.
“Time for a match, Phoenix.” Heath opened the door to the cell.
For once, I wasn’t filled with the usual dread and despair. It could have been Heath’s power, a merciful sense of calm only he could provide. But I also felt a sense of relief, and I didn’t think even he had the ability to do that.
Fighting in a match meant I wouldn’t continue sitting on my bed and beating myself up. Someone else would have that honor.
I followed Heath out of my cell without a word. He led me to the room I had come to loathe and fear more than anywhere else. Well, with the exception of Dr. Venn’s torture chamber. I couldn’t escape either in my dreams.
A conditioned response must have finally kicked in, because as tranquil as I’d just felt, the moment I laid eyes on that steel door, my heart started beating wildly and my feet planted themselves on the floor.
Heath turned around and faced me, his gaze full of understanding. “It’ll be okay.”
“No. No, it won’t.” I put my hands in front of me as if to ward him off. “And you can stop using your voodoo magic on me, because I hope you know that doesn’t make it okay.”
He looked hurt, and if I wasn’t mistaken, a little confused. But mostly just hurt.
Great. It seemed I had a hidden talent for hurting people’s feelings, and today was a banner day.
Heath turned back around and opened the door. I entered, albeit reluctantly. When my gaze landed on my opponent, I inhaled a breath so sharp and quick I almost choked on it.
Dane’s eyes widened. “Oh no…”
My gaze shot over to the black mirror. She must have seen me and Dane together outside. It was the only explanation. This was punishment—for the both of us.
Her voice came over the intercom, announcing the match. I shook my head the whole time. “This can’t be happening.”
When she was finished, Dane took a small step forward. “I hate that they’re doing this to us. I promise I’ll make it quick.”
I froze mid-step. “You’ll… make it quick?” I repeated.
“You know I have to do this.” His eyes were pleading with me as he took another step. I knew mine were filled with disgust.
I stepped back. It was as if we were doing some perverse dance. “Not exactly how I pictured our second date.”
Dane choked out a shaky laugh. “Me either.”
He advanced toward me slowly. I was running out of space before I hit the wall, but I backed up anyway.
And then what? Was Dane really going to kill me, just like all the others had?
Apparently, I wasn’t as special to him as I thought.
Dane took another step, then another, until he was right in front of me, his breathing as loud and irregular as mine. “You know I don’t want to d
o this,” he whispered. “I don’t have a choice.”
I did know that, but it didn’t make it any easier. And it wasn’t entirely true.
Xander didn’t touch a hair on Cathy’s head. He’d danced with Mei rather than killing her when he easily could have. Who knew what else he’d done to avoid killing, but bottom line, he did it.
Most importantly, he would never hurt me. I knew that like I knew my own name.
“You always have a choice,” I said, my voice a little steadier.
Dane’s face fell. “You’re making this harder than it has to be.”
“I’m making this hard? You think buttering me up before you kill me makes this any better?”
From this close, I could see sweat had formed on Dane’s forehead. He visibly shook. “Would you turn around, please? I can’t look at you when I do this.”
Was he for real?
There was no way I was turning around. He’d have to face his decision head-on. “Oh yeah, let’s make this easier for you.”
Any questions regarding my feelings toward Dane had been sorted out for me. Maybe that was my mother’s intention all along. To expose him for what he was. A coward, too afraid to question authority. One who cared about himself before all others. Even me.
Not that I was going to thank her anytime soon. This was a new level of cruel coming from a woman who had already set the bar as high as humanly possible.
An overpowering surge of hatred consumed me. So much that I was shaking from top to toe.
Dane must have thought it was my fear of him. “Just one hit. You won’t even feel it.” His voice caught, and he looked toward the mirror as if pleading with them not to make him do this.
Except they weren’t. No one was holding a gun to his head.
Closing my eyes, I resigned myself to my fate. And the fact that once Dane did the deed, whatever we had before would be forever broken.
I steeled myself. “Do what you have to do.”
“I’m so sorry,” he choked out.
His worthless apology was the last thing I heard before I left this world.
17
Xander
I wasn’t mad at Phoebe.
Okay, maybe I was. Just a little. Fine, maybe a lot.
But no matter what, I wanted her to be happy. If anyone deserved it, she did.
Dane was another matter entirely. I saw the game he was playing, and for Phoebe’s sake, I hoped it wasn’t all for show.
A show for me.
I loathed the guy before, but now I… well, whatever was worse than loathing. I couldn't stand to look at him. It was so bad that I contemplated skipping dinner. The guards would never allow it, so I dragged my sorry self to the cafeteria whether I wanted to or not.
At first I was glad I didn’t see Phoebe. What was I supposed to say, I hoped she and Dane would be very happy together? You know, if we weren’t in prison.
Despite my attempts to not seek her out, I couldn’t help myself. Of course I couldn’t.
After exiting the line with my food, I glanced around again but still no Phoebe. Then it hit me what that meant.
She must have had another match.
My stomach twisted. How was I supposed to be angry with her for cavorting around with that cretin when she had to endure another death?
Frowning, I headed toward a table where Rocky, Cathy, and Birdie sat with their trays of some unidentifiable substance.
No Dane. I supposed he didn’t have any use for the rest of us if Phoebe wasn’t around.
“Anybody seen Phoebe?” I asked the second I sat down. I really was hopeless.
“Nope,” Rocky said, her mouth full.
“I think she was due for another fight,” Cathy said quietly. “You want me to let her know we’re thinking about her?”
I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “Up to you.”
Rocky rolled her eyes, letting me know she wasn’t fooled.
Birdie shivered. “I wonder who she sparred with.”
There were too many possibilities to count. And none I wanted to think about.
The answer didn’t take long to discover.
“He didn’t.” Rocky’s face was aghast in horror.
A new look for her, so I instantly took notice. “Who didn’t?”
Cathy, always eager for gossip, leaned in. “And what didn’t they do?”
My gaze tracked Rocky’s and landed on Dane, who sat staring off in space with a sheen of sweat on his face.
I jumped out of my seat and was in his face before Rocky could even answer the questions. “Where’s Phoebe?”
He lifted a bottle of water to his lips. It shook violently. With one swift movement, I knocked the water out of his hand. “Answer me!”
That got his attention. “Leave me alone,” Dane snapped.
“Did you… did you fight with her?”
His chin lowering told me all I needed to know. Could he be any more of a jerk?
“Well? Is she okay?”
He sniffed, pushing his tray away. “She’s in the infirmary.”
I wouldn’t have an appetite either. “Tell me you didn’t kill her,” I demanded.
Dane’s face went as white as a sheet, and he slumped in his seat.
“And you claim to care about her,” I seethed.
Disgusted, I stormed off. If I’d stuck around one more minute, I would have given him a taste of his own medicine. Leaving him with his own guilt was a far better form of punishment. One that wouldn’t end up with me getting the Warrick torture treatment.
That night, I couldn’t tear my mind away from Phoebe. I knew she’d trusted Dane. Considered him a friend. And though I hated to admit it, maybe more.
Would she understand the predicament he was in and forgive him?
I certainly wouldn’t. It was because of his little show to make me jealous that they were forced to face off in the first place. I was sure of it. And Dane had better not try to make Phoebe feel sorry for him. Clearly he was shaken up by the experience, but Phoebe was the one who’d paid the ultimate price.
I also considered my hurt feelings, which I’d pushed to the side but needed to be addressed. Bottom line, I felt like I’d been replaced. That was kind of silly, since I had no claim to Phoebe. No one did. Not even her parents.
I needed to think through how I would react when I saw her, hurt feelings and all. Did I really want to be another person in her life who abandoned her when she needed me most? Plus, I wasn’t sure I had any right to my righteous indignation. Had I ever told her how I felt about her? As in… ever?
For all she knew, I only began liking her when we connected at Leavenworth. Phoebe probably had no idea I’ve liked her since we were kids. Would that have made a difference?
I had all night to think about it. Which I did.
The next morning, my exhausted eyes spotted her at breakfast sitting with Cathy, Rocky, and Birdie. Dane was MIA.
From afar, I attempted to gauge how Phoebe was doing. Whether she’d want me there. I couldn’t tell and decided that, even if she didn’t, I had other friends besides her sitting at that table.
She looked up as I drew near, and our gazes locked. One look in those baby blues, I knew no amount of hurt would make me like Phoebe any less. Maybe that made me a grade-A sucker, but it was what I was.
I sat down next to her, and her eyes widened in surprise. Then her gaze shifted to her food and stayed there. I didn’t know if she was angry or embarrassed or what, but I wouldn’t let her shut me out.
While the other girls chatted, I leaned into Phoebe and whispered, “Are you okay?”
She shook her head but wouldn’t look at me. My chest ached at her pain. I wanted to corner Dane and make him pay for betraying her trust. That would only cause her more pain, so I wouldn’t.
Unless… her unhappiness was due to Dane’s absence, not his disloyalty. If that were the case, I didn’t want to know.
Except I did.
Rocky and I exchanged glances. I hoped s
he understood my non-verbal cue that, as Phoebe’s friend and former cellmate, she should try to talk to her. Rocky didn’t get the message though. In fact, she seemed a little more standoffish than usual.
What I wouldn’t give for Cathy’s telepathic power right now.
Or an empty room where I could talk to Phoebe without an audience. Since that wasn’t possible at the moment, and with no clue how to cheer her up, I concentrated on my breakfast.
At rec, Phoebe distanced herself further, opting to sit alone in the corner of the outdoor rec yard. She obviously needed time to herself, and as much as it pained me, I gave it to her.
Tossing the football with Fang and Titus, it wasn’t lost on me that the three guys I’d pegged as leaders at Lansing were all in the same rotation now. Unfortunately, one of the three was not my biggest fan. And vice-versa.
Still, there wouldn’t be a better opportunity to discuss the possibility of escape if they were all were willing to talk and listen.
But not today.
After shooting the breeze with the guys for a while, I left the game to talk to Phoebe. Her self-isolation had gone on long enough. She needed a friend, whether she wanted one or not. And even if that was all I ever was to her, I could be that.
I sat down next to her in the shadow of the prison wall. “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked quietly.
She shook her head. “Not really. But watching you play football helped take my mind off things.”
“Oh yeah?” I felt the corners of my mouth lift, along with my spirits.
“Yeah.” Phoebe continued to stare off in space, but at least she was talking. “It reminded of the night I arrived at Leavenworth. The night of the fire.”
It was as if someone had squeezed my heart.
We’d never talked about what happened that night. I saw the news about it afterward, so I knew the who, what, where, and when, but no one could ever know how it felt except the girl sitting right next to me.
Phoebe finally looked at me. “Do you want to know one of the last thoughts I had before all hell broke loose?” The question must have been rhetorical. “I remember wondering if we’d won the game.”
