He was quickly becoming my favorite addiction, the thing I craved above all others — quite possibly that unhealthy fix that would end me when it was all said and done but even knowing so, I wouldn’t stop.
“Are you ready for a good time?” he murmured, rubbing his nose against mine in an adorably romantic gesture that was both dorky and perfect at the same time. All I could do was nod as I gazed into his beautiful ocean blue eyes. “All right then. Get ready to become a Cardinals fan, baby girl.”
“Not on your life,” I returned sweetly as I blinked up at him still kiss drunk. “Not on your friggen’ life.”
Hours later, we’d done the wave several times, booed, cheered, laughed, kissed, joked, and generally had a fantastic time in spite of the fact that we were at a Cardinals game, which I know Rachel and Daisy would’ve found quite impressive.
“Be honest,” he said. “Is this the best way to spend a cold day in February or what?”
I grinned. “I can’t feel my ass or my cheeks, my nose could lead Santa home and I feel like a traitor but I suppose it’s better than a stick in the eye.” I rose to stretch but a yelp popped from my mouth when he pulled me down onto his lap. “What are you doing, you lunatic?” I asked, squealing with laughter when he began to vigorously rub my thighs.
“Keeping you warm,” he answered before kissing me again.
How could I protest such a sweet gesture? Especially when his kisses heated every part of my body so well? He slowly broke the kiss and I met his gaze. Why did this feel so real between us? Should I say something? Was I totally off-base? Was this all part of the charade? Was Rachel right? Should I say something? What if he felt the same way? Were we cutting ourselves off from something truly wonderful just to protect our feelings? “Jace—”
Suddenly the small crowd erupted around us and jerked our attention back to the field as the announcer made a big deal out of someone on the Jumbo-Tron.
I gasped as my hand flew to my mouth. “Oh my God…”
And there we were, in giant living color, on the Jumbo-Tron — me, perched on Jace’s lap, our tender moment captured for all eternity for everyone to see. I tried to scoot from Jace’s lap but his arms remained locked around my waist. “What are you doing?” I whispered.
The words “Kiss her again” flashed across the screen and Jace looked only too happy to oblige.
“Following orders,” he answered simply but his grin was pure sin and there was no way I could resist when that dimple popped out. The cheers erupted all around us the minute Jace’s lips locked on mine and I knew I was lost.
Rachel was right. I was in big trouble. My heart was beating double-time and walking away from Jace was going to hurt like a son-of-a-bitch.
Today was Jordan and Alyssa’s wedding.
Two and half weeks went by a lot faster than I expected. There was a heaviness to my step that had a lot to do with the knowledge that our charade had reached the end. After today Cara and I no longer had to pretend that we were a couple.
I didn’t want to let her go.
But that wasn’t the deal.
I wanted to keep kissing her.
Everyday.
I wanted to beat her at air hockey. I wanted to watch her dance.
I wanted to taste her mind and know her body.
I wanted all the things I’d arrogantly assured her I wouldn’t want or need from the start.
Hell, I was a fucking idiot.
But it was too late now, right?
Had to ride out the course.
The door opened and a short redhead with an abundance of freckles and pale blue eyes greeted me with a bookish smile on her owl-like face. “You must be Jace,” she said. “I’m Daisy. Come in, come in. Cara will be right down.”
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Daisy,” I said with a smile. “Cara has said such warm things about you and Rachel.”
Daisy laughed softly as if she didn’t believe me but there was no malice, only that she seemed to know better and that was the mark of a true friendship. “It seems you and Cara have become good friends,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “I’ve loved all the adventures. I’m a little jealous, actually. Seems like so much fun. You’ll have to tell me how you managed to get Cara to a Cardinals game.”
I laughed, answering,“Bribery? No, actually, she was a good sport about it. I wouldn’t say I’ve converted her but she had a good time.”
“You’ve been good for her. Drake was a real jerk. He did a number on her heart.”
I could tell Daisy didn’t want to overshare but was trying to say without coming out and blurting, ‘please don’t hurt my friend’ and I appreciated her loyalty to Cara.
“I care a lot about Cara…more than I planned to,” I shared with Daisy, hoping she could hear what I wasn’t saying. “I would never hurt her.”
Daisy nodded, reading between the lines. A relieved smile broke through as she nodded, saying, “Good, I’m glad to hear it.” She looked up as Cara appeared at the top of the staircase. “Oh! There she is. Isn’t she beautiful?”
“Oh my God, Daisy, you sound like my mom when my prom date showed up,” Cara teased, but there was a tremulous nervousness to her tone as she walked down the stairs to meet me.
Not that she had any reason to be nervous.
That dress.
Those legs.
All the spit dried in my mouth.
I lost the ability to speak.
“I should’ve brought you a corsage,” was the first thing that popped out of my fool mouth. “You’re going to outshine the bride.”
Cara smoothed her palms over imaginary wrinkles in the champagne blush of the dress clinging to her curves and I nearly lost the strength in my legs. “Is it too much?” she asked, the rich cascade of dark curls on her head tumbling down her back making me want to bite my knuckles. One look at Cara and I lost my ability to think, speak and stand. All rationality fled and all I wanted to do was grab her hand and run, saying, “Screw the wedding, let’s just hit the road and do something fun together.”
I didn’t want to share Cara with anyone, much less Jordan and Alyssa.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. All the words I wanted to say were stuck.
“And you’re going to make the groom look like a schmuck,” she returned with that smile that I adored. “Shall we?”
Her dazzle broke through the paralysis. I offered her my arm like the gentleman I didn’t want to be, which completely hid the fact that I wanted to lift her dress and plow her into next week, but I would honor our deal if it killed me.
She smiled to her friend Daisy, saying, “Don’t wait up,” and then we left for the wedding from hell.
“Fancy place,” Cara said as we pulled up to the country club where the wedding was being held. “Jordan have money?”
“Jordan? No, but his parents are loaded. Alyssa definitely traded up.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Cara disagreed, shooting me a look. “All right, enough of that sour talk. Game face on. You traded up, remember?”
I nodded. My gaze raking her from head to toe so much that she blushed. “Hell yes, I did. Thanks for the reminder. Let’s crush this bullshit wedding.”
It wasn’t the first time I’d been in this club. Jordan’s parents were members so we used to crash the place often enough when we were in college. I spent enough time at Jordan’s place to feel like it was a second home, which included plenty of nights spent here at this club.
I hadn’t expected the punch in the chest when the memories hit.
Me and Jordan tearing up the place, being spoiled college kids, riding the golf carts after-hours, raiding the pro shop when no one was looking. Hell, getting picked up by flirty MILFs bored with their rich, much older husbands looking for a little fun side action.
We did a lot of stupid shit when we were young.
But Jordan had always had my back.
Until Alyssa.
“You okay?” Cara’s hand tightened aro
und my arm with reassuring warmth and I drew a deep breath, releasing the tension that was bunching my shoulders.
“I’ve never actually dealt with all the shit that went down between me and Jordan. But today isn’t the day. Not with his mom being sick. I wouldn’t do that to her. She’s a good woman even if her son is a piece of shit.”
“I know this is hard but you need to suck it up,” Cara said. “We’re here to put on a show and you’re already throwing in the towel. If you came here to lose, you picked the wrong team mate.”
There’s that competitive streak, I fucking love, even though she is using it to kick me in the nuts. “You’re right,” I said, straightening my shoulders. “I had a moment. It’s over. Let’s get a drink.”
“Atta boy,” she murmured with approval. “Gin and tonic, please.”
“A gin girl. I should’ve known.”
The club house was decked with typical wedding frippery, nothing terribly original, my gaze skipped over most of the details. Music piped in from unseen speakers while sharply dressed attendants milled about with hors d’oeuvres that probably cost a fortune.
Before long it was time to find our seats. Cara and I sat on the groom’s side. I saw Marjorie and George, Jordan’s parents sitting in the front row. Marjorie looked radiant in spite of the obvious ravages of chemotherapy. George sat holding her hand, steady as a rock, as if his love alone could keep the sickness at bay. Marjorie and George weren’t like the stereotypical “rich” people. They were actually decent folk. They were generous, kind and always went out of their way to help anyone in need.
Including a scholarship kid who’d worked two jobs and had less than attentive parents on the best of days and really shitty ones on the worst.
Yeah, Marjorie and George had actually been the model of what I thought marriage could be like.
What I thought I was going to have with Alyssa.
Cancer was the worst.
Jordan and his entourage lined the front of the stage, as the endless bridesmaids and accompanying bridal party made their way to join them.
The wedding processional started and everyone rose.
I expected to feel sick to my stomach when I turned to see Alyssa in that fucking bridal gown.
She was everything I expected her to be.
Breathtakingly beautiful. Her blond hair twisted in an artful knot on her head, exposing her long, graceful neck and her dress billowed out in an explosion of chiffon and taffeta to trail behind her, as radiant as any bride should be.
And yet, she paled in comparison to the woman holding my hand.
I felt nothing.
No rage. No sadness. No bitterness.
I watched as Alyssa made her way toward her future husband-to-be until she was standing beside him.
Suddenly, I was thunderstruck by something I hadn’t expected to see.
Love.
She loved him.
Alyssa was looking at Jordan in a way she’d never looked at me. In all the years we’d been together, we’d never shared that kind of look, that kind of soul-sharing, kindred bonding that I saw between Jordan and Alyssa on that stage.
It was the same kind of love that Marjorie and George were blessed to know.
The same kind of love I hungered to have.
And deep down, I think I always knew. Maybe that’s why I’d been so devastated by Alyssa’s defection. My pride hadn’t been willing to admit that she’d seen what I’d been unwilling to see.
Fuck.
I looked to Cara and I realized she saw it, too. Her fingers curled in mine, squeezing. My throat closed. People couldn’t help who they fell in love with. Maybe Jordan and Alyssa hadn’t planned to fall in love, it’d just happened.
Maybe I was the one needlessly drinking poison and crying that it was killing me.
“She’s beautiful,” Cara murmured. “They make a good couple.”
I nodded. I couldn’t say much more. My mouth wasn’t working just yet. Too much to process. Cara seemed to understand. Instead of saying anything else, she leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss on my cheek and returned her attention to the ceremony.
I could feel Jace quaking.
It wasn’t because he was angry — it was something else.
I could see the love between Alyssa and Jordan. Whatever went down between Jace and Alyssa, what she had with Jordan was true. I sensed that Jace was processing something pretty heavy. I wanted to be there for him. I know whatever he was dealing with in his head probably wasn’t what he had in mind when he cooked up this crazy scheme but we were here and it was happening so we just had to roll with it.
The ceremony was finished quickly — thank goodness for small favors — and soon enough we were headed to the reception where Jace went in search of a beer and I found a private ladies room to pee.
As luck would have it, it was the bridal room and the bride also had to pee before it was time to dance the night away.
Talk about awkward.
“Oh crap, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this bathroom was for the bride,” I said, feeling like an idiot. “I just saw a line for the other bathroom and then saw this room and darted for the opportunity to pee first. My bad.”
Alyssa laughed and waved away my apologies. “No worries. I understand. I would do the same but you’re going to have to help me with this dress since you’re in here.”
“Oh, sure, of course,” I said, jumping into action. I suppose that was a reasonable request. I helped Alyssa hike up her voluminous gown so she could lower herself to the toilet and held the dress in place as well so she could tinkle.
“Ahhhhh,” she groaned with relief from beneath the miles of pristine white chiffon. “I’ve had to pee for hours but once I was in the dress it was impossible to take a break. First there were pictures and then there was staging and then, the actual ceremony…I was about to piss myself!”
I giggled. “Maybe brides ought to be outfitted with a diaper.”
“No kidding,” she agreed as I carefully helped her off the pot and out of the stall. “Oh gosh, thank you. You have no idea how much better I feel.”
“You’re welcome,” I said, the awkwardness returning. Up close Alyssa was exquisite, almost ethereal. It was easy to see how Jace fell in love with her. “You’re a beautiful bride. My eyeballs hurt to look at you,” I admitted.
“You’re not breaking mirrors, yourself,” she said, pausing before adding, “You came with Jace.”
I met her knowing gaze. This could go one of two ways. I could bristle and get pissy or I could be friendly and see where it goes. I chose the latter. “I did. We’ve been dating for about two weeks. He’s a great guy,” I said with a genuine smile.
Alyssa’s relief made me want to hug her. “I’m so glad. He deserves happiness. Jordan and I have been so worried about him. I know you don’t know our story but just know that we care deeply about Jace and we want him to be happy. Don’t tell him this but…I lurked a little on his social media and I saw you guys together. I think you’re good for him. I hope it works out. I really do.” She drew a deep breath and said, “Well, thank you for your help. I have to get back out there. My darling husband has no doubt already tried to start cutting the cake without me.” Alyssa rolled her eyes as she shook her head, explaining with complete exasperation, “he has the worst sweet tooth. I swear he’ll have diabetes before we’re in our forties.”
And then she lifted her skirts and hustled from the restroom, leaving me to blink back tears.
Strange how things worked out.
Drake jumped into my head. I’d been so devastated by his betrayal but the running loop in my head had been the question ‘Why hadn’t I been good enough?’ when the real question I should’ve been asking myself, ‘Why hadn’t he been good enough for me?’
Drake hadn’t fallen in love with someone else, he’d simply been weak. He’d wanted to mess around. My brother had never trusted Drake and I’d ignored what others had always said about him. I hadn’t wanted to bel
ieve that Drake wasn’t faithful because I wanted to believe what I wanted to see.
I’d spent the last year punishing myself because I’d given my heart to someone who’d never deserved to have it in the first place.
Fuck, what a waste of a year of my life. Now I understood why Rachel and Daisy had been so desperate as to make a profile for me on an internet dating site. They’d been watching me slowly fold in on myself because of that douchebag.
I carefully wiped at my eyes, determined to never cry over that jackass again.
Pushing the door open, I left Drake in the past where he would stay.
I found Jace talking to Jordan’s parents. I didn’t want to interrupt the private moment. I had no idea what was being said but I knew he didn’t need an audience. I hoped he was mending the wound festering inside him. He was too good of a person to let something like this eat at him for the rest of his life.
Jace pressed a kiss to Marjorie’s forehead, shook George’s hand and caught my eye. We held each other’s gaze. His warm smile filled my soul with something sweet and wonderful. Drake had never made me feel that way. It was probably safe to say that I never made Drake feel that way either.
When I looked back on my relationship with Drake I saw a lot of potholes. Realized that I’d ignored a lot of red flags. As painful as it’d been, finding him with that woman in his dorm room had been the best thing to ever happen to me. Sometimes a clean break was the most efficient.
My mom used to say there was a lid for every pot.
What if Jace was the lid for my pot?
Forgiveness is a funny thing. I always thought it was about the other person but it was really about you. I’d been carrying all this anger and rage with me for all the wrong reasons and it was time to let it go.
Jordan saw me coming. His body posture was unsure but hopeful. I removed doubt and extended my hand. “Congratulations,” I said.
“Thank you,” he said, accepting my hand. A wealth of unspoken words flowed between us that couldn’t be said right then and there but maybe now we’d be able to cross that bridge later. I was happy for him. Genuinely. A weight I hadn’t realized was weighing me down fell from my shoulders. “We’re glad you came.”
Dear Phoney Fiance Page 5
