Lucian caresses my stomach tenderly as he does so often now. I feel myself beginning to drift off when his hand jerks. “Holy shit! Did you feel that?”
“It’s the baby kicking,” I murmur. I’ve been feeling it for a few weeks, but Lucian hasn’t been able to yet. As his words register, I grab his arm. “You felt her kick?”
His face is full of wonder and joy as he studies my stomach intently. “Shhh, we might scare her off. Be very still.” I stifle a grin at his words but humor him by not moving. When I feel the ripple of another movement, I can tell by the excitement on his face that he felt it, too. “She’s really in there, isn’t she?” he asks in awe.
I laugh lightly as I place my hand over his. “I certainly hope so because something’s causing me to blow up.”
He lowers his lips and begins kissing the skin sheltering our child. “You’ve always been beautiful, but you’ve transcended even that now. You’re radiant. You have a glow that lights you from the inside out. I want to stay by your side every moment of the day to witness the wonder of your body changing as you nurture the life we created together. I want to fall to my knees and thank whatever god brought you to me. If I live a thousand lives, it still won’t be long enough to show you all of the love I feel when I see, feel, or think of you. You’re my heaven, baby, the reason I have a chance at redemption that I never believed possible.”
Tears are trickling down my face as he finishes his raw declaration of love. Every word is straight from his heart and I can’t help but feel unworthy of a man such as Lucian—but I’ll hold onto him with everything I have. We are building a life and family together. “How am I possibly supposed to compete with something like that?” I blubber out. Why can’t I be one of those delicate women who look good even when crying? Instead, I’m like a leaking fountain. Thank heavens I didn’t wear mascara today or it would be even worse.
Clearly amused, he says, “It’s not a contest to see who loves the other more, baby. I’ve never said things like that to anyone before, but when I’m with you, they just come out.” I run my fingers through his thick, dark hair as he settles his head against my chest. It’s times like these when I know that, like myself, no one has ever held or touched him in such a simple but loving manner. He relaxes completely, still cradling my stomach while I show him with more than words how much I cherish him. “You know, I dreamed of this…before,” he begins idly. “When Cassie was pregnant, I imagined a normal life with a family. Taking my son to a ballgame or my daughter to dance class. Even doing the whole carpool thing with their friends. Cassie would be off the rails making one crazy threat after another and I’d just let myself drift off, thinking of what our life could be if we were like any other normal couple expecting a child.”
“Oh, Lucian,” I whisper, hearing the pain and torment in his voice.
He continues speaking, almost as if in a trance. “I had my routine each day. Before class, I would go through the apartment looking for anything she could use to hurt herself. Then I’d check for pills or even alcohol. I’d given Aidan strict instructions never to bring anything like that into the apartment. I was even so paranoid that I didn’t wear a belt or keep one—just in case she tried to hang herself with it.” My fingers tense in his hair, but I force myself to unfurl them. He needs this and I have to be strong for him. “She stopped going to class, so I’d come home for lunch, to make another quick check of the apartment and to assess her mood. If she seemed close to the edge, I’d skip my afternoon classes so I could watch her.” He takes a jerky breath and suddenly lifts his head to look at me. “Fuck, baby, is this bothering you? I know you can’t possibly want to hear about her. I’m sorry, I didn’t think—”
I frame his face with my hands and tell him with absolute sincerity, “I hurt for what you’ve been through, Luc. It makes me wish I could absorb your immeasurable pain and carry it for you.”
He gives me a look of adoration and turns his head to kiss the palm of my hand. “That you would feel that way with all of the pain you’re already carrying from your past shows me once again why I love you so much. You’re the most selfless person I’ve ever known.”
Once again, he lays his head on me and I resume soothing him as he picks up where he left off. “Some days when I couldn’t take it anymore, I’d escape to the park and sit on a bench for hours watching the families there. I studied them trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. They made it look so effortless. I began to resent Cassie more and more because I knew we’d never be happy like that. I couldn’t see a time when I wouldn’t have to watch and worry about what she was doing. I knew I’d have to quit school when the baby was born because there was no way I could trust her to be alone with a defenseless child.”
“Did your aunt know?” I ask, not being able to imagine her letting him fight this battle alone. She seemed to love her nephew so much.
“She knew Cassie was bipolar. Being a nurse, she’d noticed that almost from the beginning. She…tried to discourage me from dating her. She didn’t think Cassie could mentally handle being in an intimate relationship. I believe she was trying to save us both from ourselves, but at that age, you don’t listen. I didn’t tell her about how bad things had become those last few months. Cassie would try to put on a good show whenever anyone was visiting, but I knew Fae was worried. She tried to get me to talk to her, but my pride wouldn’t let me admit that I’d made a mistake. All I knew was that I had to take care of the baby. That was my life then. Each day was the same repeat of the last. The only thing in question was how volatile Cassie would be. We were no longer involved in a real relationship. It was a noxious parody. That night took away any fantasies I once harbored about having a family of my own. A man who couldn’t protect his unborn child didn’t deserve to be happy ever again. That was my penance for what I’d done.”
My poor, broken man. How had he become the wonderful person he is now when he’d been through so much all those years before? The more he shares, the more I understand why he’d been so reluctant to love, to share, and to be open. It also makes his addiction to cocaine even clearer. “Lucian,” I begin carefully, desperately afraid of saying the wrong thing. “Cassie had a serious mental illness that wasn’t being properly treated or supervised. Trained medical professionals lose patients to that disease every day. You were far too young to deal with something of that magnitude alone. The fact that you tried so hard shows me exactly who you are. No one could have foreseen that horrible tragedy. You need to forgive yourself. We would all go back if we could and change something in the past, but that’s not possible. We’re only human.”
He is quiet for a while, as he absently draws small circles on my stomach with his finger. I continue to stroke his hair and rub his neck. When his hand falls away, I’m shocked to hear a light snore. I stop moving, thinking I’ve imagined it, but a few seconds later, another follows. He’s fallen asleep curled against me like a small child. My legs are beginning to go numb and my bladder is reminding me that I rarely go more than an hour now without having to pee. I don’t want to disturb him, though. Regardless of how he tries to gloss over it, I know he hasn’t been sleeping that well, so I close my eyes and will away my discomfort.
Obviously, I managed to drift off because when I jerk awake sometime later, the room is completely dark and I’m alone in the bed. I get to my feet as quickly as possible and waddle-run to the bathroom, taking care of my most pressing need. After washing up, I walk down the hallway and catch the unmistakable smell of pizza. When I reach the kitchen, Lucian is just opening a box from Leo’s. He looks up as I walk into the room, giving me a shy smile. “Hey, baby. I was just coming to wake you. Are you hungry?”
Not bothering with social niceties, I step forward and lift a steaming piece of supreme pizza out of the box and to my mouth. My eyes roll back in my head as flavors explode on my tongue. “Oh, my God,” I moan around my full mouth. “I’d marry you and have your baby for this alone, Lucian Quinn,” I fervently declare.
He laughs softly and hands me a napkin. “That sounds like a good deal. Throw in a few blowjobs and I’ll keep you in pizza forever.” When I begin laughing, then choking at his words, he reaches over to thump me on the back. “Slow down, honey, I’d rather not tell my aunt and the hospital what caused you to choke on your food.”
I’m licking my lips then my fingers when a wave of affection comes over me. I can only imagine what I look like when I give him a sappy smile and say, “I love you.”
He quirks a brow in a way that is uniquely his and doesn’t even pause as he kisses the fingers I’ve just licked. “I love you too, baby.” We both look down to see one piece of pizza remaining. I give him a questioning look and he nods indulgently. “Yes, even enough to give you the last slice.”
In a perfect world, I would have insisted that he take it, but instead, I grab it before he can change his mind. “Thanks, babe. I promise that after I’ve had the baby, I’ll let you eat again.”
I look around the kitchen for the special fruit pizza Leo usually sends for me. I’m ready to panic when Lucian points to the refrigerator. “It’s in there. I know better than to withhold sugar from my woman. Now finish eating and I’ll rub your feet before bed.”
I run back to where he’s sitting on the barstool and give him a smacking kiss on the lips. “You’re a rock star.”
“Fuckin-A,” he retorts as he pops me on the ass before rubbing it to soothe the sting. “Just so you know…I’ll be collecting that promised blowjob before bed.” Never one to make idle threats, he got exactly what he wanted…
Chapter Thirteen
Lucian
Aidan has been officially on leave for almost a month. He generally checks in via email weekly so I’m surprised to see his name on my cell phone display. My stomach drops when he doesn’t bother with pleasantries.
“Luc, something’s happened here today. I need to see you.”
It’s after six in the evening and I’m walking out of the office. Sam is waiting at the curb in the Mercedes. I acknowledge him with a nod when I slide into the backseat. “What’s going on? Has something happened to Cassie?” I keep my mind carefully blank. I want to offer my best friend the support he so obviously needs.
“She’s fine…but this does concern her. Listen, I’m on the road now. I’ll be in the city shortly. Are you going to be home?”
I don’t pursue the subject, not wanting to upset him while he’s driving. “Yes, come straight there.” He ends the call abruptly and I sit staring at the screen before putting it away. “There’s a problem with Cassie,” I say to Sam, knowing he can sense my tension.
“Any ideas as to what?” he asks while continuing toward my apartment.
“None. Aidan’s rattled though.”
“Maybe she’s taken a turn for the worse,” Sam suggests.
“He said that she’s fine, but this is something to do with her. Hell, she’s probably living with him by now.”
I notice Sam’s scowl in the rearview mirror and comprehend he’s no more excited by that thought than I am. It’s Aidan’s life and I can’t ask him to walk away from her, but at the same time, I need to keep her where she belongs—in the past. I’m not looking forward to more discussions concerning her, although I’m curious and more than a bit uneasy about what has him so agitated. It seems my life follows a predictable pattern, though. One month of peace and then some big upheaval.
“I don’t really like him being up there at her mercy,” Sam finally says. “She always knew how to get to him and I can’t believe it’s changed any.”
“I know.” I sigh. “But it’s his decision. We can only try to help him pick up the pieces again if something happens. He’s done that for me more than once so I certainly owe him that.”
We arrive at the apartment and I open my door to get out of the car. “Can you let me know later that Aidan is okay?” Sam asks.
I lean in to clasp him briefly on the shoulder. “Of course. Enjoy your evening.” I grimace as I walk away, thinking he’ll no doubt be doing just that with my secretary. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that idea. It’s too much like thinking of your parents having sex.
Lia is already yawning when I walk in the door. “Hey, baby.” I smile as she walks slowly toward me. One of my T-shirts drapes over her very swollen stomach to reach mid-thigh. Her feet are bare and I see the pink polish on her toes that I applied a few days ago when she was unable to do it herself. I chuckle when I notice she’s tied her hair up in the elastic she’d removed from my underwear months ago—at least I hope she hasn’t taken the scissors to another pair. No matter how many ponytail holders I buy for her, she still prefers her homemade version. Her quirkiness is just one of many things I adore about her. She walks into my arms and I inhale the floral scent of her hair as I nuzzle her neck.
“Hey, babe.” She snuggles against me as closely as her stomach will allow. “Are you hungry? I had a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches and some soup when I got home so I’m still full.” She yawns again and I rub her back soothingly. “I thought I would lie down just for a few minutes. Do you mind?”
“Of course not,” I assure her. “Actually, Aidan is coming by to talk. Maybe I’ll just meet him downstairs and we can grab something for dinner while we chat. That way we won’t disturb your sleep. Want me to bring you back something?”
She pulls back and I drop a kiss on her mouth. “That sounds good. Promise to wake me when you get back? I’ve missed you today and want to spend some time together before bedtime.”
Aidan’s call has me distracted, but I put it aside to give her my attention. “I missed you, too. How about I tuck you in before I leave?” Her eyes dance and she gives me a big smile. She’s so easily excited about the small things in life, unlike the women I’ve dated over the years. They had lived for the exclusive parties and the right people seeing them. Lia prefers to stay home and snuggle on the couch or have a quiet dinner at Leo’s. She has no interest in her social status and such things have never interested me, either.
I pull back the comforter, pick her up, and gently deposit her onto the sheets before covering her. My hand goes automatically to the swell of our child and I caress her softly. “The baby has been really hyper today,” she says drowsily. “Even Rose felt her kicking, which thrilled her to no end. She announced it to everyone in Starbucks.”
Sitting next to her, I stroke her hair until she falls asleep just moments later. Being pregnant has forced her to sleep on her back, which causes her to snore. It always surprises me that someone so small can make so much noise. She’s offered to sleep on the sofa for fear of disturbing my rest, but there’s no way I can go back to sleeping alone. Holding her in my arms at night is the only true peace I’ve ever known. If that means I have to listen to her raise the roof with the level of her snoring, then so be it.
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I quietly get to my feet and leave the bedroom before pulling it out. Aidan says he’s in the lobby and I ask him to wait for me there. I check on Lia one last time then quickly lock up and take the elevator down to see my friend. He’s waiting for me when the doors open and I’m taken aback by his appearance. We give each other the standard one-arm hug and decide to go to the bar on the corner. We keep the conversation light on the way over, mainly discussing how the merger between the Kenson group and Quinn Software is coming along.
I order a beer and a cheeseburger when we reach the bar and he does the same. “So, what’s going on?” I ask when our food and drinks arrive.
He downs half of his in one swallow before nervously beginning to peel the label from the bottle. “What do you know about Cassie’s family? I mean, besides her father, have you ever heard her mention anyone else…like her mother?”
I pause with my bottle halfway to my mouth as I stare at him in surprise. Somehow, I wasn’t expecting this question. I sit my drink back on the table and say, “Her mother’s dead. Or at least that’s what I was told. To my knowledge, there is no one else. I
f there is, she never said anything about it. Why?” I ask, beyond curious now.
He gives me a look that has me bracing. “Her mother didn’t actually die until two years ago. Up until that time, she was alive, well, and living in Charlotte. Just two hours from her daughter and ex-husband.”
I gape at him, unable to believe what I’m hearing. “But…why wouldn’t Cassie have simply said they were divorced. I mean, I don’t recall her ever saying how she’d died, but she always said something about them losing her when she was young. I assumed that meant she was dead.”
“It’s possible she was too little to remember anything other than what her father told her. Who in the hell knows? If she packed her bags and took off, he might have thought it was kinder to pretend there was a reason why she left her daughter behind.” Aidan shrugs as if trying to make sense of it. He comes from the standard two-parent household so he’s never had to deal with abandonment issues concerning his family. Unfortunately, not all of us are that fortunate. My parents died in a car accident when I was young, so they didn’t voluntarily leave me, but it happened all the same.
Puzzled, I ask, “Did Cassie remember this or something?” Maybe she’s no longer capable of hiding behind the lies she used to throw around so well.
He pulls a set of folded papers from his pocket and lays them on the table in front of me. “I was served with these today while I was visiting Cassie. That’s your copy. I figured you might want Max to look over them as well.” I open them just as he says, “Someone has petitioned the court to be named as Cassie’s guardian and have me removed.”
“What the fuck?” I inhale sharply as his words sink in. “If her mother’s actually dead this time, then who—”
“Someone named April Chester. According to what that says, she’s the next of kin.”
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