• I’m too young to be financially independent.
• I didn’t start planning soon enough.
• I don’t deserve it yet.
• I need to get into another field.
• I’m not up on good investment strategies.
• My goals weren’t set high enough.
• I think it takes about thirty years to get rich.
• I still waste too much time on paperwork.
• I’ve got too many family expenses right now.
• Taxes are too high.
• Interest rates are too low.
• And so on . . .
The Person You Must Become
When formulating your self-talk, consider the things you will need in order to meet your goals: certain skills, habits, knowledge, and attitude; particular virtues; different qualities; and specific belief systems. Ask yourself, “What sort of person do I need to be before I can achieve these goals?”
Composing your own self-talk forces you to look at accomplishing your goals from all angles. Ask yourself, “What skills do I need to develop?” Then, when you’ve determined those skills, turn them into a self-talk statement. For example, to develop communication skills, constantly affirm, “I communicate effectively; I listen well, and I ask good questions.” Do the same thing with habits. Determine the habits you need to develop—the things you need to do regularly to become the person you’ve described and to reach the goals you want to achieve—and then affirm that you already have that habit. Similarly, affirm that you already have the knowledge you need, and affirm that you already have the qualities, characteristics, virtues, and attitudes in place. Think as if you’re already the person you want to become.
As you are formulating your self-talk statements, try to use the word now either at the beginning or near the end: “I am now achieving goals faster than ever before.” “I accept myself completely right now.” Also, experiment with using action words such as doing, achieving, satisfying, winning, accumulating, creating, finding, helping, loving. Using action words in your self-talk statements helps you to imagine yourself already in possession of the goal.
Simply create self-talk statements that are close to the opposite of the limiting belief. For example:
• “I’m too young to be financially independent” becomes “I am the perfect age to enjoy financial independence.”
• “I still waste too much time on paperwork” becomes “I focus on new-business generation and delegate everything else.”
• “I don’t deserve it yet” becomes “I am ready for and worthy of financial independence right now.”
The majority of your self-talk statements should start with the word I or my. I have also found that adding one of the following phrases is particularly helpful in forming positive affirmations:
expect . . .
am ready for . . .
am prepared . . .
am open to . . .
accept . . .
receive . . .
love . . .
am comfortable with . . .
allow . . .
am worthy of . . .
am willing . . .
deserve . . .
Decide what you want to create in your life, and then plug these key words into your self-talk statements. Relentlessly repeat that you expect to reach your goal—that you’re ready for it, prepared for it, open to it; that you accept it into your life; that you now receive it; and that you’re comfortable with it. Repeatedly affirm that you are worthy of your goal, that you love it, that you deserve it, and finally, that you are willing to do whatever it takes to reach it. The nature of these authoritative commands reduces the psychological resistance to change and helps prevent a retreat into your comfort zone. So bombard yourself with thoughts like these. Drive them into your mind so that they penetrate the subconscious. To receive a free set of self-talk cards to help you accelerate your progress, please visit www.successisnotanaccident.com.
Strengthen Your Mind
Remember, much of life is simply an exercise in strengthening your mind. A flabby mind allows a continuous stream of thoughts swirling at a hundred miles per hour, never channeled in a single direction for any length of time. Your every thought or word triggers an image. Then, like a computer’s operating instructions, those images act on you. So make the inner shift from taking commands to giving commands, to becoming a deliberate and purposeful thinker. Like anything else, with practice, winning self-talk will become a reflex. You’ll begin to consistently amaze yourself and others.
Silent Talk
There are several ways to use self-talk. The first is silent talk, or taking control of the thoughts that occupy your mind. Simply repeat specific self-talk statements to yourself over and over. Think what you want to think about. This serves several purposes: First, it keeps you focused on your goals—on what you desire versus what you fear. Second, silent talk trains your mind to think purposefully instead of randomly. You become a proactive thinker rather than a reactive thinker. These silent conversations then gradually become your habitual thinking pattern. What began as a challenging attempt to improve your thinking becomes an effortless and highly productive mental habit. The third benefit of silent talk is that it interrupts and blocks out stale, self-defeating thinking through the principle of substitution.
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Many people say things to themselves that they would never, ever say to a respected friend. Be a respected friend to yourself. Be a nourishing friend to yourself.
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Verbalization
Verbalization, or audible self-talk, serves the same purpose as silent talk but is considerably more persuasive and powerful. Anything you say aloud with passion and conviction has twice the impact of what you say quietly to yourself. This is because you’re involving more of your brain by using more of your senses. The more senses you involve, the faster your self-talk is internalized and absorbed by your subconscious. And the faster you internalize the instructions, the faster you improve. By hearing yourself speak the thought, you complete what psycholinguists call the language loop. This creates a double reinforcement because your ears hear your voice giving the order. So repeat your self-talk like you really mean it. Go for volume, if that stirs up more sensation; shout your self-talk. Remember, you are in charge of delivering operating instructions to your subconscious. If you don’t do it, someone else will. You can count on it. Do what you have to do to get the message across. The most important person for you to impress is yourself. And if you convince yourself, you can convince the world.
If you’re just getting started with audible self-talk, you may want to experiment with it privately at first. If you drive solo to work in the morning, you have a wonderful opportunity to shout your self-talk aloud. You’ll get your day off to a powerful start and avoid the venom of most morning radio shows. You might even break the monotony of the morning commute and bring a smile to the face of other drivers who spot you chatting with yourself. Verbalizing in the shower is another easy way to prepare for a fantastic day. Even sing your self-talk. Just make up songs that affirm the reality you want to create. Everybody has a good voice in the shower.
Mirror Talk
If you are willing to feel a little uncomfortable at first, you will find that mirror talk generates an intense emotional reaction. The way to do it is this: Choose one specific self-talk command to practice. Then go stand confidently and erect in front of a mirror, preferably a full-length mirror, and make good eye contact with yourself. It’s been said that the eyes are the window to the soul, and after you try this method, you’ll realize just what that means. Look deeply into your eyes and repeat your self-talk aloud, with as much feeling as possible. Recite your single, specific command fifty to one hundred times, and resist the urge to break eye contact.
This technique often produces an invigorating emotional reaction, particularly when the self-talk concerns your self-es
teem and self-worth. However, many people find that a surge of subconscious negativity rises to the surface. This is okay—in fact, it’s vitally important, because uncovering limiting and destructive beliefs is the first step to eliminating them. If you doubt the effectiveness of this method, try it just before you go to sleep, affirming with enthusiasm, “I am alert with boundless energy! I am alert with boundless energy!” while looking into your eyes in front of a mirror. Then see if you can drift right to sleep. You’ll quickly become a believer!
Partner Talk
In partner talk, you provide your spouse or a trusted friend with a set of self-talk statements phrased in the second person. For example, your partner might affirm to you: “You are lean, muscular, and confident. You believe in yourself. You earn $100,000 in annual income.” Your partner speaks affirmations to you, and you accept each affirmation by responding, “Yes, I am” or “Yes, I do, thank you.” Then switch roles and do the same for your partner. Remember, what other people say to you strongly influences your self-image. Permanent improvement on the outside comes only after you improve your self-image. And when used intentionally, suggestions from others can powerfully override old scripts and reinforce new, positive habits of thought and behavior.
A more casual variation of this method is to make an agreement with a friend or your spouse that each time you see or speak to each other, he or she will affirm that you already have a particular quality or have already accomplished a specific goal. Since your subconscious mind processes positive assertive statements about you from others as if they were fact, there is no limit to the progress you can make. Repeated suggestions from others tend to carry a lot of weight. In The 1% Club, we greet one another with a genuine “congratulations” instead of the conventional “hello.”
Self-Conversation
Self-conversation is an advanced form of subconscious programming that requires people to hold down both ends of a dialogue. Self-conversation works well because it most closely resembles the continuous, unconscious inner dialogue we have with ourselves. This typically consists of repeated question-and-answer sessions that are often stimulated by our environmental exposures and circumstances. In other words, our inner dialogue tends to be a random, reactive dialogue rather than a purposeful one. The question-answer format is our brain’s way of evaluating our experiences.
To practice self-conversation, write down a series of important questions concerning your character and your goals, along with the corresponding answers to each of the questions. The aim of this exercise is to crystallize the most perfect response to each of the questions. How would you like to be able to answer each one? An easy way to organize your self-conversation is to use note cards. Take six to ten note cards and write a question on one side and the answer on the other. Read the questions and corresponding answers several times a day, either silently or aloud. Repeated use of this technique trains your mind to entertain only empowering inner dialogues—conversations that lead you in positive directions. You get in the habit of asking better questions and giving better answers. You control the inner dialogue rather than it controlling you.
Here’s one example of a question: “Good morning. How are you doing today?” The answer you write is up to you, but it might go something like this: “I’m terrific this morning. I got just the right amount of sleep, and I’m raring to go. I’m clear about my goals and what I must do to reach them. I expect the best of myself and others today, and that’s exactly what I’m going to get.”
Your note cards should include a mix of specific goal-related questions along with general attitude- or character-type questions. The answers you give are really just self-talk in response to a particular question. This method works because the question tends to make your subconscious more receptive to the answer. It conditions the soil, so to speak. This method is fun and effective if you can move beyond the initial feelings of silliness or embarrassment. You’ll rapidly begin to notice a subtle change in your outlook, habits, and what you say when you talk to yourself. For extra effect, have your spouse or accountability partner ask you one or more questions from your note cards.
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Whatever you emphasize consciously gets impressed subconsciously.
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Written Self-Talk
Written self-talk is the consistent practice of writing and rewriting your goals and supportive self-talk statements. Rewriting your self-talk is a psychoneural muscular activity that helps align your subconscious beliefs with your conscious goals. Each time you rewrite your self-talk, it becomes clearer and more real. Writing involves thinking of a desired outcome, printing it on paper, and then reviewing it when finished. It forces you to integrate several senses toward the same result, which helps you internalize the self-talk. Your written, present-tense description activates your reticular cortex, the portion of your brain that determines what you are aware of. Each time you rewrite your self-talk, you become increasingly more alert to the wisdom, ideas, information, people, and other resources that can help you achieve your goals. Rewriting five to ten of these thoughts or affirmations on a regular basis causes your mind to interpret them as having much more significance than your other twenty thousand to sixty thousand thoughts per day. As a result, your awareness concerning those self-talk commands will be heightened. You become hypersensitive to what moves you toward your goal and what does not. Whatever you emphasize consciously gets impressed subconsciously. Whatever you express becomes impressed.
Since you think in pictures, be sure to print your self-talk in bold block letters. This gives your brain a distinct image to absorb. It also takes longer to print, forcing you to be still, concentrate, and think more deeply about the person you want to become and the goals you intend to achieve. Simultaneously writing and reading your self-talk affects you at a very deep level—like a double shot of energy but without caffeine.
Written self-talk is effective anytime, but especially first thing in the morning and right before you go to sleep. During these two periods (within approximately fifteen minutes after waking and fifteen minutes prior to falling asleep), your brain-wave activity slows down and puts you in a highly suggestive or programmable state. Written self-talk channels your attention toward what’s most important and away from what’s least important. It doesn’t have to take any more than four to eight minutes, and you will find it’s an inspiring and refreshing way to start and end each day. Feel free to revise your self-talk as you go if you think of better ways to express it.
Rewriting your goals on a regular basis may also help you uncover any conflicting beliefs you have about a particular goal. Constantly rewriting your goals tends to become a positive addiction if your goals are right for you. On the other hand, if a goal is not right for you, you may develop an aversion to constantly rewriting it, almost like a body rejects an incompatible organ. This is a valuable clue that you might be on the wrong path, and it may save you months or even years of frustrated effort.
Self-Script
Self-script involves recording your personal self-talk onto an audio recorder. Listening to yourself repeatedly give positive commands is an easy way to reprogram yourself. To make your own self-script, choose ten to twelve positively phrased statements that support your goals. Remember the P.E.P.P. formula: Make your self-script positive, emotion provoking, present tense, and personal. You can concentrate on one area of life for all the statements, or you can divide them among different areas. I prefer to specialize by concentrating on one area per recording or at least per track. Once you’ve decided on the self-talk statements, you’ll need a digital recorder and a CD player to provide background music. Classical music tends to work best, helping you to relax and absorb as you listen, but any type of relaxing instrumental music will do. Read your self-talk into the recorder as the music plays in the background. Repeat each of your statements three to five times before moving to the next one. Also, it’s a good idea to alternate betwee
n a strong and commanding voice, a relaxed statement, and a whisper.
The first round of self-talk should always contain present-tense, first-person statements. Keep repeating the cycle of self-talk to the end of the recording. You may also want to repeat the cycle in the second person as if someone else is affirming you. For example: “You are goal directed.” Listen to your new script as often as possible. Remember, it’s not important that you always pay close attention. If you can hear it, you will be gaining a benefit. You may also want to record a present-tense description of your ideal day, your personal mission statement, or any important upcoming event you’ll be involved in.
Question Suggestion
The last self-talk method is what I call question suggestion, an indirect and subtle technique for programming your subconscious mind. Question suggestion is the deliberate process of asking yourself specific questions that presuppose the conditions and circumstances you desire. To help you better understand, let me first give you some common examples of negative suggestive questions:
Why can’t I ever lose that last five pounds?
Why am I always so tired when I wake up?
How come I keep getting distracted?
How did I get to be so klutzy?
Why do I always dip into my savings?
Why am I never given the credit I deserve?
Why do I always sell myself short?
What makes the above questions negative and self-limiting is that they are structured in a way that actually assumes, or takes for granted, the unwanted condition. If you ask, “How did I get to be so klutzy?” you’re first of all assuming that you are, in fact, a klutz rather than just somebody who in the past has occasionally acted klutzy. Second, you’re commanding your subconscious to manufacture evidence that supports your assumption. In other words, you are setting in motion a disappointing self-fulfilling prophecy. Remember, your subconscious obediently complies with the directives you or others give it. Watch out for the presumptive questions of those you live and work with. Are their questions helping or hurting you?
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