“It’s okay, you guys. I know my dad was bad. Don’t hide your thoughts.”
“You heard us?” Bambi stuttered and stopped moving.
“Not what you said,” I answered, alarmed. Was that bad? “It was more like a blurry signal. I knew you were talking, but you blocked me.”
General George’s head bobbed and his body shuddered. Bambi gaped at me as I sat astride her boyfriend’s back.
“What? Is that a big deal?” They were making me a little nervous. Why do I always talk before I think?
“It is,” George said reverently. “It is.”
“You gonna expand on that, big guy?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“Nope.”
“Fine,” I snapped. “Where are we and where are Ethan and my babies?’
“They’re still a ways away. This is the processing center. When a soul enters Hell they come here and get assigned a level.”
“Are the souls those obnoxious little lights flying everywhere?”
The General gasped and Bambi’s snout paled. That was freakin’ weird. I was so obsessed that her nose went from pink to white I forgot I had yet again apparently said something wrong.
“You see the souls?” Bambi asked blankly.
“Um… maybe,” I said, not wanting to commit to the wrong answer. They could still eat me if they wanted to.
“What colors do you see?” General George demanded.
“Why? Is this some kind of problem?” I shot back. I had places to go and shit to do. What in the hell was the big deal?
“No,” he answered carefully. “It would just confirm our suspicions. What colors do you see?” His voice was gruff and quite honestly scary. Was there an incorrect answer? Fuck. The truth will set you free… or get you eaten by Hell Hounds.
“Fine. And by the way, if you look over your shoulder you’ll see me rolling my eyes… I see purple, red and black.”
They were silent. Did they hear me? General George started to chuckle and Bambi’s beady little eyes swam with tears. WTF?
“Amazing,” he murmured.
“Let me guess,” I said dryly, “you have no intention of explaining why I’m so fucking amazing.”
“Correct, but know that you are not exactly what we expected,” he said.
“Story of my life. Can we get moving?” Time was wasting and I needed my mate and my monsters.
“Do you trust us?” Bambi asked.
What’s with that question? Last time I answered that little ditty I got a massive brain freeze from Hell Hound teeth…
“Will it hurt if I say yes?” I asked, bracing myself for something horrific.
“Possibly,” she said, smiling.
At least she was honest…
“Sure. I, um—trust you to… ”
The searing crack of pain at the back of my skull came from her paw that felt like a ton of bricks as it connected with my head. The room went blurry and the Demons appeared to have grown extra heads and lips. The soul lights looked like a Christmas tree in a cyclone. This was the last fucking time I trusted dogs… Slumping forward on the General’s furry back, everything went dark.
Chapter Thirteen
“She’s dead, you know. It was so deliciously violent and bloody. She screamed and begged… such a coward. They had to decapitate her just to shut her mouth,” the woman said in a tone laced with sex. “She’s not coming back.”
“Interesting,” a familiar male voice answered. “You do realize I would know if that was true.”
“Fine,” she hissed. “But she will be dead soon if you don’t comply with my wishes.”
The man said nothing. Was he considering going along with the woman’s plan?
“I can make it so good for you,” she purred. “I can make you forget her. I promise.”
“No,” he replied. “You can’t. No one can. And if you kill her, I will know. I will come after you every day of my life and destroy you until there’s nothing left to reanimate.”
“Are you flirting with me? That makes me wet,” she giggled maliciously. “You do realize with you chained up like an animal I could simply straddle you and fuck you.”
“You’re forgetting my species, darling. I direct the blood flow and you do nothing for me.”
Was that Ethan… and Lust? I tried to open my eyes, but they wouldn’t cooperate. I was on some kind of fur rug with a heartbeat. Where was I and why were Ethan and Lust talking? And why in the hell was she trying to have sex with my mate? Again, I tried to sit up and speak. Again, nothing happened.
“Have it your way,” she shrieked and a wave of dark magic engulfed wherever the hell I was, “but you will be mine. No one denies me, you bastard. No one.”
“Good luck with that,” he replied in a bored monotone.
A crackle of lightning burst and my eyes shot open. My body was still useless, but I could see. Ethan was chained to a wall with iridescent chains binding his body. I assumed they were enchanted. He was gaunt and pale. There were open gashes on his beautiful arms and torso. Why hadn’t he healed? The lightning hit him in the chest and his body jerked. He grunted, but refused to make any other sound. My need to go to him was overwhelming, but my body refused to agree.
“You stupid, stupid man,” Lust ground out between clenched teeth as she pressed her breasts against his chest. Her eyes were dilated with desire and she cupped him in her hand. He was mine and I was going to kill her.
Except nothing worked—not my body, not my mouth and my brain was mushy. How did I get here? The damn Hell Hounds… I wasn’t laying on a rug with a heartbeat. I was sprawled across General George’s back. I knew I was still cloaked—I was cognizant enough to recognize that magic.
“George, you fucker, help me wake up. I need to kill Lust. Now.”
“Do you think that’s wise?” he asked, seemingly unconcerned that the slut was dry humping my mate.
“Um, yes, I think it’s wise you jackass and I’m going to make it hurt,” I snapped. “Help me or I’ll… ”
“What will you do, Little Astrid?” he inquired.
He had me there. Shit. What would I do? What could I do? These freakin’ dogs had more unexplainable woowoo magic than I’d ever witnessed. I was clueless how to even fight them.
“Please, just help me.”
“Why don’t we think this through for a moment,” George suggested reasonably.
Not feeling reasonable in the least, I imagined myself killing Lust and then kicking George’s ass until he begged for mercy. “General,” I replied as calmly as an insanely angry woman could, “If some skanky dog was mounting Bambi against her will, what exactly would you do?”
“I would kill him.”
“So, why is it that it’s cool for you to off a skanky ho and not me?”
“What feels satisfying in the moment is often the wrong move in the long run.”
“Is there some kind of prerequisite that if you live in Hell you have to talk like a fortune cookie?” I groused.
General George chuckled, but didn’t lift his hairy paw to help me in any way.
“You enjoyed me last time we were together,” Lust cooed, running her hands all over the chest that belonged to me.
Wait. What?
“That was a long time ago and quite honestly I can’t recall much of it. Wasn’t that memorable,” Ethan said.
“You bastard,” she shrieked, slapping his face hard. Her fingernails tore across his chest drawing more blood and leaving angry red welts. “You turned me away when you found out I was a Demon. Well, your precious Astrid is a Demon. Why can you fuck her and not me?”
“I don’t love you.”
My heart tripped at his admission, but he was in the doghouse for popping my slutty cousin…
“Love has nothing to do with it,” she whispered as she licked the blood from his chest. “Your time down here is running out, and if you ever want to see your little whore Astrid again, you’ll have to satisfy my needs. It’d be a shame to watch such
a fine specimen of man turn to dust.”
“Do not call my mate a whore.” Ethan’s eyes blazed and the room began to tremble. “Did you hear me?” he shouted in a tone that scared me, and if I’m not mistaken made the General and Bambi flinch as rocks fell from the ceiling and the floor rumbled ominously.
“Stop it,” Lust screamed as she dodged a chunk of rock that would have done some damage to her lovely face. “Stop it,” she screamed. “Someone will come.”
“Answer the question,” he roared as the floor began to separate.
“Yes,” she hissed. “I called her a whore.”
One wall of the room caved in completely and Lust looked terrified. Was she not supposed to be here? Did my lovely Uncle Fucking Satan know about this?
“Never call her that again. Do you understand me?” Ethan’s voice could have cut ice.
“Yes,” she spat angrily, but her body still shook with shock and fear.
Ethan was the Hellquakes…
“Did Ethan cause all the Hellquakes?” I demanded. Did that mean every time Lust hit on him parts of Hell disappeared?
“Yes.”
“You win this round, pretty boy, but as your time runs out you’ll change your tune,” she told him and backed right into Bambi, who growled. Lust jumped away and paled considerably. “What are you filthy dogs doing here?”
Bambi continued to growl low in her throat and General George joined in on the chorus. Lust was furious, but kept her distance from my furry friends. Did they talk to her? It certainly didn’t seem like it.
“Are you spying on me?” Her demeanor was pure evil, but she still stayed as far as she could from the Hell Hounds. Interesting. Maybe the General had been right about listening and learning, not that I’d ever tell him.
“You don’t have to. I’d say I told you so, but… ” George’s voice danced in my head. Shit—we were still connected.
“Can’t she speak with you?” I asked, assuming all Demons or at least Satan’s family could talk to the animals.
“Absolutely not,” Bambi said indignantly. “She is not special. None of those girls are except for our Dixie.”
And apparently me. I’d mull that one over another time. “Can you get rid of her so I can help the man I love?”
“I’m on it,” Bambi said as she advanced menacingly on Lust. Bambi was one scary dog when she wanted to be. Her teeth were bared and her growl was vicious.
“Get away from me, you putrid beast,” Lust demanded.
Bambi didn’t listen. Not one little bit.
“Fine,” she hissed, realizing she was backed into a corner. “I’ll leave.” In a blast of glitter and smoke Lust disappeared.
The General laid my body at Ethan’s feet. His scent calmed me.
“Astrid, this will be uncomfortable,” George explained.
I tensed and waited. I was sure his idea of uncomfortable would be excruciating, but this time he was right. It burned as my coordination and control came back, but it wasn’t intolerable. Now standing in front of my mate, my blood lust and libido went haywire…
“Why can’t he see me?” I asked
“You’re cloaked.”
“But he can see through that.”
“Astrid, shockingly he maintains some of his Vampyric powers, but not all of them. He cannot see you.”
“And he grows weaker by the hour.”
I closed my eyes and willed my corporeal body back. His gasp and anguished cry made my heart leap to my throat.
“Astrid,” he whispered. “My Angel.”
“Oh my God, Ethan,” I said, running my hands gently over his body. He felt like home. “Why aren’t you healing?”
“The chains keep most of my magic in check. I can’t regenerate while I’m bound.”
“Then I suppose those sons of bitches have to go,” I muttered, reaching for the glowing nightmare that kept him immobile.
As my fingertips connected with the shimmering metal, a vicious shock rocked my body and I was thrown across the room.
“Astrid,” Ethan shouted and struggled to free himself.
“I’m good,” I gasped. “I’m okay.”
“Goddamnit,” he roared and dropped his head to his chest.
I stumbled to my feet and moved quickly back to him. “Look at me,” I said, gently raising his chin. “I’m really okay. Are these chains painful to you?” I examined them without touching.
“There’s a low level constant burn, but nothing like what it did to you. I don’t want you touching them again,” he said in a tone that expected no back talk. Clearly he’d forgotten who he was mated to…
“Your Highness.” I grinned cheekily, even though my body still hurt. “There is no way I am leaving you here like this so you can spank me once you’re free.”
“TMI,” George groaned inside my head.
“That’s what you get for listening to my thoughts.” I turned and glared at the General.
“My dear child those were not thoughts. You spoke aloud.”
“Whoops.” I shrugged in apology and turned back to my man.
“Are you talking to the Hounds or me?” Ethan asked, confused.
“The hounds. I stuck my hands in their mouths and the hairy bastards bit me and then we had the communication mojo going. Kind of weird, but apparently there was a fine chance of me dying on this level if I was visible. Of course then they knocked me out and I didn’t get to see any of the horrors. By the way,” I said turning to George. “What level is this?”
“It’s a subfloor below the main level,” he said through his eyebrows in a voice that could clearly be heard by both Ethan and myself.
“But I thought there was the Basement, the Sub-Basement, the Rehab Room, Purgatory and the main floor,” I said, wondering if Dixie had kept information from me.
“So Dante had it all wrong,” Ethan muttered.
“He’ll be here on Thursday night. He plays poker with Satan.”
“What?” Ethan asked.
“I’ll explain later,” I told him with a wave of my hand. “So General and Bambi, this isn’t an actual level?”
“It’s Hell’s waiting room. Of course there are cells to hold prisoners here too,” Bambi explained.
I glanced around at the destroyed room and panicked. “We need to get Ethan out of here before someone comes in to check on him… Wait! Where in the hell are my monsters?” My stomach roiled and I ran around the room looking beneath the rubble. “Damndamndamn.”
“Astrid, stop. They’re here.” Ethan’s voice snapped me out of my frenzied search.
“Where?”
“They’re hanging onto the back of my pants I believe… are they about three inches tall with a breast obsession?”
“Just Abe and Ross,” I sighed, relieved that they were okay. “You can see them?”
“Apparently.” He laughed and shrugged. “They’re quite amusing.”
“Tell me about it. Come out, you little shits.”
They crawled to Ethan’s broad shoulders, careful to avoid his wounds.
“Mommmmmeeeeeeyyyyy,” Abe gushed. “We so happy to see you.”
“Me like Mommy’s mate. He pretty,” Beyonce cooed, giving Ethan little wet kisses.
“We’ll discuss your disappearing act later. Get in my pockets. We’re getting out of here.”
“Doggies,” Ross shrieked and waved wildly at General George and Bambi. The Hell Hounds woofed and wagged their enormous puffy tails. They had tails? How had I not seen those? They were huge. As soon as they were done greeting my babies the tails disappeared. Question answered.
“How you get the chains off the pretty man?” Rachel asked, pointing to the luminous metal while blowing gleeful raspberries at the Hounds.
“I’m not sure, but I’ll figure it out,” I mumbled, staring at the intricate knotting on the chains.
“You will do no such thing,” Ethan snapped, going all alpha Vampyre on me.
“Listen, sweetie,” I shot back. “I would
die for you, so a couple of shocks won’t hurt me.”
“And our child?” he asked, staring at me with an expression of wonder mixed with anger.
“I was going to tell you,” I said quickly, “but then a bunch of stuff happened, you know—I killed my mom, then my dad and then the icky Demons showed up and… ”
“And?”
And… I had no excuse. I should have told him the minute I found out. “I’m so sorry.” Tears flooded my eyes and I leaned into his body, avoiding the chains. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not sorry,” he said gruffly and kissed the top of my head. “I am beyond words. I am more in love with you than I thought possible. I will not let you harm yourself or our child.”
“There’s got to be a way,” I insisted. “General, Bambi, can you undo the magic on the chains?”
“No, child, but you can,” George informed me.
“You gonna tell me how?”
“Now where would the fun in that be?”
“You’re a dick, George. I suppose I have to use some Demon voodoo?” I moaned.
“Yep.” He gave me a Hell Hound grin that would have scared the Cousin Bejesus out of me if I didn’t know him.
“Will my black gloves help?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“Go for it,” Bambi cheered me on.
Mad. I needed to get mad. Well now, that wouldn’t be too hard…
“So you did my cousin?” I asked Ethan.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“You played hide the salami with Lust?”
“She’s your cousin?” He was surprised.
“Do. Not. Answer. My. Question. With. A. Question.” I yelled. “Did you hit that?”
“Dear God.” Ethan rolled his eyes. “It was over three hundred years ago and I truly don’t remember it.”
“Beside the point,” I said, picturing it. Ewwwww.
“Astrid, you didn’t exist three hundred years ago. Surely you realize I have a past,” he said in that obnoxious Vampyre way that normally turned me on, but not this time.
“But my cousin?”
“Would you mind explaining that?”
Fashionably Dead Down Under (Hot Damned Series, Book 2) Page 11
