by Katie Reus
Even though he wanted something to take off the edge, he got in his truck and took off. He’d crack open a brew as soon as he got home. But first he had to see the doctor in person, let him know the job was done. He hadn’t brought any electronics with him for this, never did. Maybe he’d check in on the new girl, Tessa. He hated that he wasn’t allowed to touch the girls, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t mess with her. His boss didn’t know, but he liked to fuck with the new girls’ heads. Mentally torture them about what was to come. Small pleasures, he thought, his mood brightening as his vehicle rumbled down the road.
Amelia moaned in agony but pushed herself up off the dingy floor. Even in her hazy state, some part of her subconscious knew this was a dream, a memory—a freaking nightmare. But she was unable to drag herself out of it. It just replayed as it sometimes did, without warning.
Her fingers slipped in her own blood, but she managed to grab onto the peeling bathroom countertop and pull herself to her feet.
She couldn’t stay here. Her mom worked at the diner, then had clients right after. She’d told Amelia she wouldn’t be home. Thank God she didn’t have to worry about her mom bringing men back here anymore. She just did them in their cars or pay-by-the-hour rooms. God knew there were enough crappy motels in the city.
Not that she cared about any of that right now. She knew what was happening and it was her fault. She’d never wanted this, never wanted a baby. For weeks she’d wished it would just go away. Now . . . she was terrified that was exactly what was happening. The baby was dying and it was all her fault. Guilt speared through her, as sharp as the agony in her stomach. She might not have wanted it, but she didn’t want this.
Oh God, this was all her fault. She’d wished it and now it was happening.
She gritted her teeth, thankful that the pain started to abate. Not much, but enough that she could strip off her bloody clothes and call a neighbor for help. She couldn’t call Benita. God no. Nathan’s abuela was a devout Catholic, but not only that, she’d tell Nathan.
Even through the cramping pain, Amelia knew she would never tell him about this. Never, never, never. He was a year ahead of her and almost done with high school, would be joining the Corps soon. She didn’t want him to know about this. Then she’d have to admit she’d wanted it gone, that she’d done this to something they’d created. He’d hate her if he knew the truth.
Naked and on shaky legs, she stumbled down the hallway to find the portable phone. Thank God her mom had a landline. She was too cheap to pay for a cell phone for Amelia, but at least she had a way to call someone.
Something sharp stabbed through her abdomen, and her vision went spotty for a moment, but she found the portable on the kitchen table. Collapsing into a chair, she forced her fingers to work, to make the call.
She hated calling Daniela, but she knew the older girl wouldn’t tell anyone about this. She was kind of a slut but kept her mouth shut about everything. The second the slut thought entered her mind, shame filled Amelia. Who the hell was she to judge anyone?
“Hey, chica, what’s—”
“I need help. Now,” Amelia rasped out.
“Shit, what’s wrong?”
“I need . . . a ride to the free health clinic. I’m bleeding and I can’t drive. Don’t call anyone.”
“Shit,” she repeated, one of her favorite words. “I’ll be right there.” Daniela hung up before Amelia could respond.
Which was just as well because she didn’t have the energy. She knew Daniela would never call the cops even though Amelia had told her she was bleeding. No one in this neighborhood called them unless absolutely necessary.
Struggling, she pushed up again, grimaced at the blood on the damn chair. She was leaving a trail everywhere. She’d worry about cleaning it up later. First, she needed help. Desperately.
“Amelia.” Nathan’s voice was urgent.
Oh God, no. He couldn’t see her like this. Couldn’t know.
“Amelia, wake up.”
Her eyes flew open to meet that familiar, worried espresso gaze. Her heart pounded wildly against her chest, and her breathing was erratic. It took a moment for her surroundings to register. She was in her home. The home she’d bought for herself. Not in that shit hole she’d lived in with her mom as a teenager.
Bits of light streamed in from her blinds, so she knew it was morning without looking at the clock. Not that she wanted to tear her gaze from Nathan’s anyway. She swallowed. “I’m okay.”
He was propped up on a bent elbow, looking down at her, his expression worried. “You were having a nightmare.”
Her throat seized. Now would be a good time for her to be honest with him. Really perfect, actually. But . . . she was selfish. She just wanted a few more hours with him before she confessed everything. “Yeah.” Why bother denying it?
“You want to talk about it?” He cupped her cheek, stroked her cheek with his thumb.
Closing her eyes, she leaned into his hold, wanting to savor every second of it. “Not really.” At least not yet. Soon, though, she swore to herself. She should have told him years ago, but she’d been so broken then, so full of loathing and shame. She’d hated herself so deeply, hadn’t been able to even look at herself in the mirror back then.
It was why she’d ended things with him so coldly, so abruptly. He’d been a reminder, and being around him had simply piled on the guilt. She’d known that if she told him the truth he would hate her, blame her. After all, she’d blamed herself; how could he not? God, it had taken her a long time to come to terms with the fact that what had happened wasn’t actually her fault. Now she was just terrified that he’d hate her for not telling him the truth.
He shifted next to her and pulled her close so that she sprawled over his chest. She liked the feel of being completely naked against him. Sex was the last thing on her mind right now, but the skin-to-skin contact grounded her.
When she went to throw her leg across him, cuddling closer, she realized she’d be feeling the effects of their sex for the rest of the day. “Am I the only one who’s sore?” she murmured. Damn it, she wasn’t ready to come clean yet, knew the moment she did this intimacy would be shattered. She simply couldn’t do that yet.
His breath was warm against the top of her head as he wrapped his arm tighter around her. “I was rough last night.”
She hummed in contentment. “And early this morning.”
His chest rumbled with light laughter as one of his hands slid down to graze her butt. He stroked over it before cupping her. He didn’t make a move for anything more, though, as if he understood she didn’t want anything else right now. “I can’t get enough of you.”
“It’s weird to be here with you after so long.” They hadn’t talked last night or this morning. Not real talking anyway. Just lots and lots of sex. Making up for lost time. At least that was how it had felt to her.
“I know. I thought about looking you up a few months ago.”
She stiffened slightly. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I was in an . . . accident, about three months back. I probably shouldn’t admit this, but you were the first person I thought of.”
She hated the thought of him being injured. At least he was okay now. “You didn’t look me up, though.” He’d seemed so damn surprised to see her at the auction and he’d flat-out told her he hadn’t known she’d changed her last name. If he’d looked her up, he’d have known all that before.
“No. I started to but kept coming up with one excuse after another not to really follow through.”
Her skin turned clammy. This conversation could take a disturbing turn very quickly. Being real with each other and opening up meant she walked a fine line with him until she came clean about why she’d ended things—because she knew he’d point-blank ask her soon enough. She figured he’d held off because he hadn’t wanted to stress her out before her date with Mercado. “Why did your mother and grandmother stop talking? You never told me,” she said, needing to stall.
“I’m sorry.” Guilt pricked at Amelia for asking. He probably didn’t want to talk about that any more than she wanted to talk about her nightmare. They’d been together for over a year when they were teenagers, but she’d never pressed him. Back then they’d just been so wrapped up in each other—and she’d been full of hormones. Now she still apparently had those crazy hormones, but she was a lot more curious about his family.
“It’s okay. They never pulled me into it. I hated it, but . . .” He shrugged again and rolled Amelia until she was under him.
She slid her arms up his chest before linking her fingers behind his neck. His erection pressed insistently against her abdomen as he looked down at her. “Why’d you change your last name?”
“Mainly to sever ties with her.” She didn’t need to spell out who for him. “But I wanted something that was mine. Choosing gave me a sort of power.”
His lips quirked up at the corners, his eyes going all heavy-lidded again. Just like that, a wave of heat swept through her. “I like it.”
She’d like the sound of Amelia Ortiz a lot more. As soon as the thought entered her mind, she was grateful he couldn’t read it. That was the last thing she should be thinking of and it embarrassed her that she’d even thought it. This thing with them was . . . well, she didn’t know what it was. It was more than casual, at least for her, but she couldn’t and wouldn’t expect more from him.
“Are you on the pill?” he asked suddenly, the question taking her off guard.
“No.” There hadn’t been a need in a long time.
“Get on it.”
She blinked in surprise at the heated statement—the way he basically ordered her. It should annoy her, and it sort of did, but that demanding voice still made heat bloom inside her. Who was she kidding? Nathan on top of her was the main reason for the ridiculous heat wave taking over her entire body. “You’re very bossy.”
“Yep.” He nipped her bottom lip with his teeth as he rolled his hips against her.
She let her eyes drift closed again as their tongues started to tangle. The demand for her to go on the pill implied that he wanted more than just right now. At that thought, the fears she’d barely been keeping at bay flared to the surface again, clawing, clawing, clawing. She couldn’t be a coward anymore.
She had to tell him. She pulled her head back. “Nathan—”
His phone buzzed across her dresser, making her jump as he simply sighed and cursed under his breath. He grabbed it, his jaw tight as he swiped in his code. His expression grew even darker when he looked at the message. “I hate to do this, but I’ve gotta go.” He was already moving off her as he said it.
Relief slid through her that she’d been given just a little reprieve from full honesty. “You want me to fix you something to eat?” She doubted he had time, but she could whip something up for him. The chef side of her hated to send him off without food.
Blinking, he looked at her, as if truly surprised. “I don’t have time, but thanks.” He sounded grateful too, which was kind of odd.
“Has no woman ever cooked for you?” She inwardly winced. Why the heck had she asked him that when she so totally didn’t want to know? He’d told her that he wasn’t seeing anyone, and that was enough for her. Liar, liar, her inner voice shouted. She wanted to know everything about this man, but she was too damn chicken to ask him. Because the more she learned, the more she got tangled in his web—and the harder it would be if things went south with them. And sweet Lord, how could things ever work out with them? He was going to be angry that she’d basically lied to him. That nasty, self-conscious inner voice that told her she’d never be good enough for someone like Nathan reared its ugly head. She squashed it.
“No. Well, except you and my abuela.” His expression turned nostalgic as he tugged on his shirt. “Will you cook for me again sometime? It’s been a long time.” The question surprised her as much as the serious note to his voice.
Without hesitation, she nodded. “You know I will.” A smile teased her lips. “I’m so thankful to Benita for all those lessons she gave me.” They had literally changed her life. She’d found something she loved, something she could do well, thanks to a sweet neighbor who hadn’t needed to look after a lost, mixed-up teenage girl.
“She’d be happy with all you’ve accomplished.” He slid his boots on now, completely dressed, including a shoulder holster with two guns in it.
She shouldn’t find the sight so sexy. Just as quickly as heat bloomed inside her, a pang slid through her chest. She understood that he had to go, but that didn’t make it any easier. Especially after last night. She’d hoped they’d have more time together this morning. “I’ll walk you down.” She slipped on the thin cotton robe draped on her chaise, smiling as he watched her with all the subtlety of a hungry lion. He looked as if he was about to pounce. “Don’t look at me like that,” she murmured.
“Can’t help it.” His words were raspy, unsteady.
At least he sounded as affected as she was. “Will I see you tonight?”
“I don’t know. I don’t. Hell, I don’t even know when I’ll be able to contact you.” He scrubbed a hand over his face as they left her room.
“Something bad’s happened?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry about whatever it is. I know you can’t tell me, but is it about Mercado?”
He lifted a shoulder. “Maybe, maybe not. Don’t know enough at this point.”
“If he calls me what should I say?” she asked as they reached the bottom of the stairs.
“Call me, Elliott, or Cade. I don’t know what the status with him is right now, but I don’t want you meeting with Mercado alone. Promise me.” His expression was hard as they faced each other in her foyer.
“Okay, I promise.” During one of their lulls in sex last night, Nathan had told her that Elliott hadn’t gotten past all the encryption of Mercado’s system. He was pretty sure he could, but she might have to get inside his house again. Not something she was looking forward to, but if it helped find Danita and all those other missing women, she’d do it. “Hey, how are you even going to leave? Do you need my car?” she asked as she typed the code into the wall panel to disarm her security system.
“No. Cade’s picking me up now, gave me the all-clear in his text. Mercado’s not watching your house.” He glanced out one of the small stained-glass windows next to her front door. “I see an SUV pulling down the street. Listen, I’ll call as soon as—”
“It’s fine. Seriously. And . . . I know you have a dangerous job.” She wasn’t even sure what she was trying to say, knew it would be impossible to completely convey her worry for him. “Be careful today,” she whispered. She hated that she knew so little about what he did, that he could be running right into danger this morning and she’d have no idea.
“You too.” He gave her a fierce, knee-weakening kiss. But he was out the door before she could think, let alone draw in a full breath.
The knowledge that he could have been injured or killed over the years, especially with the career path he’d taken, gave her chills as she locked the door behind him. If he’d died, she wouldn’t have known about it. Not unless it ended up on the news. The thought of a world without Nathan in it was almost too
much to bear. She shoved away from the door and for once she couldn’t compartmentalize her emotions.
Nathan had slammed right back into her tidy world like a tornado, and now . . . she couldn’t imagine him not in it. No matter what, as soon as she saw him next, she was coming clean about everything. If he hated her afterward, well, it would likely destroy her, but she had to do it.
Chapter 11
PADI: stands for the Professional Association of Diving Instructors. It is the world’s largest recreational diving membership and diver training organization.
“How are the locals handling our involvement?” Nathan asked Cade as he steered down the long dirt road. After Cade had picked him up from Amelia’s, they left straight to this meeting point. He didn’t know much about where they were headed other than it was a private lake with a lot of surrounding property. Karen or Elliott was trying to locate the owner, but Nathan wasn’t sure what the status was on that end.
“Burkhart didn’t say.” Cade’s expression was grim.
Not that Nathan blamed him. All he knew was that a body had been found, a local detective called, and then they’d been called in by Burkhart. And there was no way they’d have gotten a call unless this was related to their case. Especially since Burkhart had told them to bring their dive gear. Like many police departments that had divers trained for search-and-recovery diving or rescue ops, the NSA also had trained divers who carried out the same duties. Both Cade and he were trained because of Burkhart programs. Wasn’t a stretch to figure out what Burkhart wanted them to do here.
As the road curved to the left, flashing blue lights came into view. Three black-and-whites with the lights on and five unmarked SUVs were parked near a row of oak trees. Oh yeah, Burkhart had brought in a full team for this. A spread of land was cleared, as if someone had planned to build a home, but the only man-made structure was a wooden dock on a decent-sized lake. There wasn’t much of a beach, just a strip of sand, but from what he could see it looked mostly like overgrown weeds and grass dominating the exterior of the lake.
