“He isn’t fucking you anymore, is he?” he laughed. “Do you need to fuck, Lena? I can pretend to be him if you want me to. I can make you think I am him again; would you like that?” he purred silkily as he pulled me against his chest and inhaled sharply. “You smell like you want to fuck me.”
“I’m not much for playing pretend,” I whispered as I licked my lips and lifted my gaze to lock with his. “In fact, I don’t much care for games at all. They’re too childish for me. I also think you both should grow the fuck up, because the only people who end up hurt are those of us who have nothing to do with it. I’m not part of it, he doesn’t want me, and you only want me because he does. That makes a girl feel really shitty, ya know?”
His hand snaked through my hair and he tipped my head back as his mouth crushed against mine. I pushed against his chest to no avail, knowing no matter how much power I used, it wouldn’t move him. His hands wrapped around me and I groaned as I bit into his lip. He growled and smiled against my mouth. The coppery taste of blood filled my mouth as he pulled back and his stare went to something over my head.
Power erupted, shaking the cabin; the sound of wood collapsing met my ears as light exploded around us. I was yanked back and thrown to the ground hard enough that the wind left my lungs in a sudden whoosh. Pain erupted as I looked up to find Lucian’s midnight eyes glowering down at me from where I had stood, facing Lucifer. Lucian scowled at me with a murderous glint in his depths before he turned around and his hand shot out, capturing Lucifer’s throat.
I struggled to get to my feet, only to have strong hands lift me and hold me. I careened my neck and found Spyder smirking down at me. “Bad, kitty,” he growled angrily. “You didn’t think we’d feel it? Playing around with the devil is a very dangerous game.”
“Feel what?”
“You lip-locking that nasty little fuck,” he hissed.
“Should I have drawn a sword against him instead? How long do you think I would have lived if I had?” I demanded.
“You should have panicked so we felt it faster,” he growled as his arms wrapped around me and we turned back to watch as Lucifer gurgled against Lucian’s hold on his neck. I felt his power unfurling, the world vibrating with it. I felt the darkness enveloping us, and it wasn’t coming from me this time. Spyder’s lips touched my ear and he laughed against it, adding to the vibration running through us.
Metal clashed against metal and I looked around, noting the Fae were battling the demons Lucifer had brought with him. The Horde King zigzagged faster than my gaze could follow, but everywhere he left, bodies remained. Synthia stood in the middle of them, examining her nails as she waited for them to finish. Once the last demon had fallen, he materialized beside her and pulled her close, kissing her hard. As if the battle had turned him on. I blushed, lowering my stare away from their intimate moment.
The darkness inside of me simmered and then released as I let it go to allow my mind to come back. Lucifer made a strangled noise and Lucian snorted.
“She’s mine,” he snarled, and Lucifer laughed.
“She says otherwise,” he coughed out. “You’re not even fucking her anymore, why? I’d have that spread and be so buried in her welcoming warmth that you wouldn’t find me for weeks. Not man enough to keep her in bed that long?” he sneered.
Lucian released him and his armor materialized. Souls writhed and slithered as he stepped closer to Lucifer, only to have huge wings explode from Lucifer’s back as his own armor covered his body, black armor. Lucian slammed into his face with a fist as the other hand produced a sword from thin air and moved to swing it to remove his head, but Lucifer vanished.
I sagged against Spyder in relief until Lucian turned on his heels and started towards me. I tried to back up, only to have Spyder blocking my retreat. The sword vanished and Lucian’s hand wrapped around my wrist, pulling me with him into the cabin. He slammed the door behind us and wrapped his hand around my throat. He trembled as he caressed it, not bothering to apply pressure. My hair rose from the power pulsing from him, and the air in the room filled with the raw current he exuded.
“What the fuck were you doing?” he snarled.
“I was doing as the coven asked me to and checking on the seer,” I growled back.
His armor faded away and his angry stare ate into mine as he searched my face. “And you had to fucking kiss him to do as the coven bid you to do?”
“Or fight him, yes. It wasn’t like I wanted to kiss him; I even bit him to get him to stop,” I shrugged. “Not your problem now, is it? He kills me, and you no longer have to worry about the bond. That would probably be a relief, wouldn’t it?” I laughed stiffly. “You made it very clear that you don’t want me, so I listened to the message, Lucian.”
“You think I don’t fucking care what happens to you?” he demanded coldly.
“I think you shouldn’t,” I smiled impishly as I exhaled and pushed his hand away. “I think we should steer clear of each other. Just like you’ve been doing for the last few days,” I murmured. “I don’t think we work together, and while it was fun, it wasn’t healthy for either of us.”
“You don’t get to throw your life away, and you sure as fuck don’t get to run to Lucifer to get back at me, little girl,” he growled.
“I didn’t run to anyone, and I don’t need him to get back at you. I spilled my fucking heart out to you and you threw it away as if it wasn’t worth your fucking time. What happened, Lucian? I submitted and wasn’t a challenge to you anymore? Or was it because I had the balls to admit what I felt for you? You know what? I don’t even care anymore. I was here, patrolling as the coven asked me to, he showed up, and I used what I had to stall him to save my people. I appeased his fucking ego to survive.
“You think I have anything to get back at you for? I couldn’t care what you think of me, not anymore. I know this might be hard to understand, but my world doesn’t revolve around you. My sun doesn’t set behind your fucking bed, and it sure as hell doesn’t rise in your eyes. You walked away from me, and I’m okay with your choice. You and he both need to leave me out of your fucking games. I’m done being used by both of you. Find someone else to destroy; there’s nothing left of me you can hurt anymore,” I whispered as I pushed past him and exited the cabin. “Fall in,” I demanded as I ignored the stares of pity as everyone watched us start back to the club.
“Lena,” Spyder growled as he moved to join us as we started out of the clearing.
I made it almost to the tree line before Lucian materialized in front of me from thin air. I slammed against his chest and growled as the darkness escaped in my anger. My black gaze lifted to his and power pulsed through me.
“You’re done for today,” he whispered as he watched me with something akin to disappointment in his stare. “He’s still out there.”
“You’re not the one calling the shots anymore, not in my world,” I warned. “If you think that, because you house the covens in your club, you hold any power over me, you’re wrong. I can turn my humanity off, I can shut it down and I won’t feel anything for you or them. So let me go, Lucian. You made it clear where you stood when you walked out the other morning. I’m smart enough to take it as it is and walk away, so let me.”
“Put the darkness away before you end up hurting yourself,” he warned. “You’re not scaring anyone here like you do the others.”
“No, I wouldn’t. Your heart is as black as your soul. It’s as black as mine has become, and you really have to stop thinking I do anything for you. This, this is for me so I’m numb. I don’t feel you anymore. Like this, you can’t hurt me.”
His gaze searched my face and his hand left my flesh. “Is that why you chose to go dark?” he murmured.
“You think I’d do this for you?”
“Why else?” he muttered as he stepped closer, inches away from me. I felt his heat;
his earthy masculine scent filled my senses, and I swallowed against the groan that lodged in my throat from needing to touch him.
“Because someone I loved was in danger and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect those I love,” I stated, hating that unshed tears shone in my gaze as I stared him down.
“And what if you had to push them away to save them, Lena? Would you do it to protect them?” he murmured as his hand lifted and his finger trailed slowly down my cheek. “Even if it was the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do?”
“Yes,” I replied at his cryptic meaning. I scanned his face before I stepped away from him, turning on my heels to leave him and his fucking riddles. “Let’s go,” I said as I felt the others closing rank around my back and we ignored the others who watched as we left the clearing to slink back into the woods as we made our way home, to Club Chaos. Not that they left us alone. Instead, they trailed after us to ensure we made it back.
I walked into the club and searched out my grandmother and mother. Once I’d found them I pulled them aside.
“I need your help,” I uttered as my heart hammered wildly against my chest.
“What’s wrong?” my grandmother asked as she placed her hand on my shoulder.
“I need you to run a test on me,” I whispered so low I wasn’t sure they’d hear it.
“What sort of test, Lena?” my mother queried, her voice just as soft.
“A pregnancy test,” I answered as unshed tears threatened to fall.
Chapter 33
We had found a room that allowed the privacy needed to run the magical pregnancy test. I paced the floor as I waited for them to finish with their part. I couldn’t have a child now, not after I’d turned dark. Dark children were banned, as Benjamin had been. If I was pregnant, I’d have to leave to have the child. I’d be alone raising a child of God-knew-what species. I had no idea what Lucian really was, and that only added to the stress of what could happen, or what would happen.
“Magdalena, calm down,” my mother instructed softly as I growled as the idea of being knocked upped forced the dark magic to the surface. I turned on my heel, staring at her and watched as she shrunk back away from me.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I struggled to keep it at bay.
“It takes time to get used to…seeing you as such,” she mumbled as she stepped closer to her mother. “You said Lucifer told you this was true? That you were carrying Lucian’s child?” she asked.
“He whispered it into my ear, yes,” I admitted as I watched my grandmother pour the ink into the sand inside the stone bowl used to determine pregnancy. Once she’d finished, I stepped up to it and held my hand out for the small delicate dagger that was used to pierce skin for the blood of the woman being tested.
“Lena, if you’re pregnant…” My grandmother’s words trailed off.
“I’ll be shunned,” I answered. “My child will be removed from the line, and any trace of him will be removed. I know the laws,” I muttered.
“No, not with the changes we’ve made. It was considered that some of the chosen could have conceived before they’d turned. We ruled that those who have will not be removed, nor their child. However, there will be no record of the birth. With Lucian being the father, though, with us not knowing what he is, there is danger in it. The unknowns are always the hardest to foresee playing out.”
“There’s the seer,” my mother said from where she’d begun to pace behind me.
“The seer was dead. She’s been dead a very long time. Long before you were even born, mother. Her name was Brenna MacTavish, born in the 1800s. Her husband’s name was Drake, Drake Vanderbilt. He left her to die alone in that cabin with her unborn child. She left journals. When we found her remains, it had chords tied from the wall to her corpse. Each one contained a magical charm. Someone else controlled her, but when we touched the chords, Lucifer showed up.”
“Drake Vanderbilt?” my mother gasped as she moved to the couch and sat down. “It would have to be one of his ancestors.”
“Unless he is immortal,” I replied, frowning as my mother covered her mouth with her hands. “You wouldn’t have known otherwise. It’s not easy to know what someone is, trust me,” I said, comforting her since I was in the same boat.
“I took you to that seer, Lena. I took Benjamin to her, what if he wasn’t bad? What if I gave him to that monster and he wasn’t bad?”
“Benjamin is dark,” I confirmed. “I don’t pretend to know why they wanted him sent away, but I do know he is dark. They wanted us to think she was real, that she was there to help the coven this entire time. I released her soul; her only warning was about Drake, but she vanished as Lucifer showed up and couldn’t tell me anything. I brought her journals back with me for the coven to look through. Maybe there is something inside them that will ease your guilt.”
“And you, you’re dark too!” she accused as she stood up and backed towards the door. I didn’t argue it or point out that I hadn’t fully accepted the darkness inside of me. The crystals had slowed it down, forcing it to remain dormant inside of me. I’d fought it hard when I’d first left Metaline Falls. I’d discovered information via the web and tried several things before I’d placed the crystals of purity into my flesh at every point that cast magic. “You could be with them, filling us full of lies, Lena. How can we trust you when you did this?” Her hands indicated all of me, as if all of me had turned against her.
“Fiona, calm down right now. She’s bound her life to ours in protection. She’s your daughter!”
“Is she? Because lately I don’t even recognize her anymore,” she cried as she left the room, slamming the door behind her.
“She didn’t mean that,” my grandmother mumbled as she stared at me with regret.
“Yes, she does,” I laughed soundlessly. “I hardly recognize myself anymore, either. I used to have it together. I knew what I wanted, and now everything is falling apart. Kendra is distant, and she refuses to speak to me now at all. Mother is right, I’ve changed.”
“We all have,” she huffed as she slipped her hand through mine. “Evolution does that to us; we adapt to what this world throws at us. The Fitzgeralds have withstood the test of time, but now we have one who carries the devil’s bastard, and another who is standing tall as she learns her fate. The women of this family have always held to the laws, but those laws often change because the world is always evolving. Now, let’s get this over with so I can go calm your mother.”
I held out my hand as it trembled. The knife sliced through my palm and I held my hand over the stoneware and made a fist, squeezing it into the dish. My heart leapt to my throat as we waited for the lines to move. The blood turned black, slowly combining with the ink inside the dish. It separated into a web, splitting and twisting until two vines moved, and I held my breath. The potion hardened, turning to a sand like substance, and the thick black blood branched off, and then stopped as the other continued to move.
“No,” I cried as tears formed in my eyes, running down my cheeks. “No, it’s wrong. It has to be, do it again!” I demanded breathlessly as my throat constricted and my stomach flipped as I stared down at the time sand, which refused to move.
“Dear Gods,” Grandmother whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek. Pain gripped my heart, as if someone had a fist tightening around it. She lifted the dish and shook it, and once more, the line refused to move. “No, oh, please, no,” she said as she set it down and tried to touch me.
I jerked my hand away from her as I lifted the dish and smashed it upon the floor. “No, no, that’s not fair! Not after everything I’ve been through.”
“We can help you, there has to be a way,” she whispered through mumbled words as she tried to hide her fears.
“No one else is to know, do you understand me?” I demanded.
“Lena, he’s the father. He
may know how to help us.”
“He can’t know, ever. It is my right to withhold it; it’s my right, Grandmother. No one is to know; it doesn’t leave this room. Nothing that was revealed is to leave this room.”
“I can’t stop it alone,” she whispered as she wiped at the tears.
“No one can stop it, you know that. Fate can’t be changed, only altered, but in the end, it comes and you damn well know it. This stays between us. No one can change it, there’s no reason for them to even know. You know as well as I do that if the sands say it is going to happen, it will.”
I moved to the door, blindly leaving the room as tears fell. I rushed through the hallway, ignoring Spyder, who paused as I passed him. I didn’t want to see anyone. How could the Gods be so cruel? How could I be carrying Lucian’s child after I’d made a choice to save people I cared about? He’d said numerous times that he couldn’t have children, and yet here I was, pregnant with his child.
Once in the main room, I pushed through the crowd, ignoring my mother as she called my name over the music. I didn’t stop until I was inside the bedroom with the door closed. I slid down it until my ass touched the ground and my head leaned back, resting against the door. I hugged my knees as tears fell unchecked until my body trembled as I screamed with frustration.
I wasn’t an idiot. No child born of darkness would be accepted by the coven, no matter how much my family tried to make it otherwise. It would be no better than being born with leprosy.
Why me?
What sort of fucked up shit had I ever done to deserve this?
I pushed off the floor and headed to the bathroom, tearing my clothes off as I stared in the mirror at my stomach. I didn’t look pregnant, but then I’d missed my period twice now, which of course I’d blamed on stress. My hands slid over it, closing my eyes as I imagined what a child of his would look like. Would it have its father’s eyes, or mine? What would it be other than half of me? I glared at my reflection, knowing it was my fault. I’d been careless. I’d been so hyped on his fucking addictive kiss that I’d thrown caution to the wind once he’d said he couldn’t have children.
Sleeping with Monsters Page 33
