Maddy grabbed his shoulders and shook him harder. The opposite of useful. Fen jerked out of her hold, his hand almost connecting with her face this time as he fought. Desperation took over. She threw her upper body across his chest, trapping his arms, and smashed her mouth to his.
It was almost a terrible mistake, and not only because of the consequences of the desire that surged through her. The edge of his fang slid across her lip, almost breaking the skin. Oh, fuck. If he took her blood, they’d be bound. Maddy pulled back as his hands gripped her upper arms, squeezing gently.
Fen had gone calm, and when she looked down, his wide eyes locked on hers. Desolation and desire swirled in his gaze, along with some unnamable emotions darker than anyone should experience. Then his grip slackened, and he turned his head to the side, severing the contact. The frozen silence that had hardened around them shattered, and the world rushed in.
“Are you okay?” Anna asked softly.
Maddy’s heart pounded at her girlfriend’s voice. She’d just kissed Fen with Anna right there. Right there. Anna didn’t sound upset, but Maddy was afraid to find out for sure. She pushed herself back to her knees, forcing an oof from Fen as her right hand connected with his rib. This could go badly.
Very badly.
“Anna…” Maddy finally dared a glance at her girlfriend—and her heart pounded for a different reason. Instead of recrimination, Anna’s expression was tinged with desire. “I probably should have thought that through a little better.”
Fen sat up and then slumped against the back of the couch. “It’s my fault.”
“I hope you don’t think I’m mad,” Anna said. “I thought about doing the same thing. And you really shouldn’t blame yourself for having a nightmare, Fen. It happens to everyone.”
“I sure as hell hope that kind of nightmare doesn’t happen to everyone.” He tipped his head back and shoved his forearm against his eyes. “I haven’t…I haven’t had that one in years. Since before I got mixed up with Kien. I’d forgotten…”
The pain in his voice echoed in Maddy’s heart, rebounding against his earlier cry of agony already caught within. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Might as well.” But he fell silent, the moment stretching until Maddy began to doubt she’d heard him correctly. Then his words whipped out like a lash. “I dreamed about killing my father.”
Maddy sucked in a breath. “What?”
“There was so much blood,” Fen whispered. “Everywhere. Under him. Over him. Pooling on the floor. I don’t remember much when I’m awake, but the dreams…”
Anna settled on the couch beside him, a curious expression on her face. “Didn’t you say you were five when your father died? How did it happen?”
“There was a jagged gash on this throat. I’m not sure how I did it, but I’d guess with my fangs. I didn’t see enough in my dream to know.”
Maddy frowned. “If you didn’t see how it happened, how can you be so sure you were responsible?”
He dropped his arm to peer at her. “We were alone in the room. Who else would it have been?”
“Self-inflicted? An intruder? Literally anyone?” Anna said, reaching over to squeeze his knee. “Fen, you—”
“Maybe it’s just a stupid nightmare,” Fen interrupted. “My memory is really hazy from before I was seven. After that, I was too busy being tossed around foster homes while trying to get blood to try to remember. But when I was a teen, the dream hit. I honestly don’t know what is real anymore.”
Such a terrible, sad childhood. Maddy’s chest squeezed tighter at the loneliness and pain that swirled around him. If he believed the dream could be true, it was no wonder he was so haunted. But she couldn’t credit it. He’d made some hefty mistakes, but there was a surprising lack of malice in his nature despite it all. He wasn’t the type to simply murder someone, especially not his father, and not at such a young age.
Maddy glanced at Anna, and understanding passed between them. With a slight nod, Anna slid over on the couch and settled her head against Fen’s shoulder. He jerked in surprise, but he didn’t move away. Then Maddy gathered the discarded blanket from the floor, plopped herself down on Fen’s other side, and tossed the other side of the blanket to Anna.
After a brief hesitation, Fen curved his arms around their shoulders, settling them both more comfortably against him. “Thanks,” he whispered. “Both of you.”
Maddy linked hands with Anna over Fen’s chest, and there they remained, providing comfort until the light of dawn peeked through the windows.
Anna rubbed at her tired eyes as she flicked on the electric kettle. This day called for her strongest tea, that was for sure. It was one of those rare times she regretted her sensitive stomach, because Maddy’s dark brew coffee would be a welcome dose of caffeine. Instead, she sprinkled tea leaves into the infuser, dropped it into her cup, and started the coffee pot for Maddy while she waited for the water to boil.
Thankfully, the kettle was fast. As the tea steeped, Anna searched the pantry for something she could cook for breakfast. Baking would take too long, which was unfortunate. She could go for a nice blueberry muffin right now. Maddy was either in the shower still or packing for her trip, though, and it wouldn’t be long until she was ready to leave. Maybe pancakes and bacon? Hopefully, Fen didn’t have any dietary restrictions. He’d dozed off on the couch, so she couldn’t go ask. She would just have to make him something else if she guessed wrong.
A short time later, Anna had drunk half a cup of tea and accumulated a respectable stack of pancakes. She opened the oven to check on her special-recipe bacon and was rewarded with the glorious smell that wafted out. This was her favorite part of being off work for the day. She could take her time and prepare a nice breakfast for herself and Maddy. And Fen, too, it seemed.
As though her thought summoned him, Fen wandered into the small kitchen. He ran his fingers through his sleep-disheveled hair, but it didn’t exactly help. Anna couldn’t stop the grin that broke across her face at his disordered look. His brow crooked upward, and he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck.
“What?” he asked.
“You’re oddly cute when you’re tired,” Anna answered. “I mean, not the sleepy part exactly. It’s just with your shirt all rumpled and your hair going crazy, you look a little…adorable.”
Fen grimaced. “Like a puppy? Or maybe a kid.”
Her gaze skimmed down his body, and her humor fled. His T-shirt might be wrinkled, but it outlined his muscles spectacularly. His jeans were slung low, too, revealing a hint of the vee leading to—Nope. She was not going to think about that. On the spectrum of bi-ness, Anna tended to prefer women over men, but dammit, Fen was just the type she was attracted to when she did go that way. Danger included, unfortunately.
“I promise that you don’t make me think of either,” Anna finally said.
This time, he was the one who grinned, a hint of wickedness in the curve. “Good.”
Before Anna could say anything else, Maddy appeared at Fen’s shoulder. “I smell coffee and bacon, so move it, blood boy.”
Fen’s mouth dropped, and twin spots of color darkened his cheeks before he twisted to the side to let Maddy pass. “Blood boy? What the fuck, Maddy?”
She patted his cheek as she slid around him to enter the small galley kitchen, her laughing gaze connecting with Anna’s. “Hey, it had a nice ring to it. That’s your preferred form of nourishment, right?”
That was a good question, actually. One that Anna hadn’t considered. She’d heard that Fen ingested blood to gather magical energy, but she didn’t know if that was his food, too. “Well, crap. I hope I didn’t make too many pancakes.”
The statement erased the annoyance building on Fen’s face. “I only need a small taste of blood to pull out the energy I need. If a Felshreh drains more blood than that, it’s probably because they’re pissed off. Otherwise, I eat food. You definitely didn’t make too many pancakes. Or bacon, but there’s never too much
of that.”
Anna grabbed her oven mitt and pulled the tray out. “Unless you’re Jewish or Muslim. If you don’t eat any, then one is too much.”
“I wonder if either religion allows turkey bacon?” Maddy mused, ducking beneath the baking sheet as Anna turned to set it on the edge of the sink. “I hope they’ve found another yummy substitute if not. Hell, there should be good vegetarian bacon, too. Joy should be spread.”
Fen chuckled, and Anna tossed her oven mitt teasingly at Maddy. Nowhere near her girlfriend’s coffee cup, of course—Anna wasn’t suicidal. “Only you would be contemplating bacon equality on three or four hours of sleep.”
Maddy took a long sip of coffee and moaned. “Probably because of the lack of sleep. Not that it’s a bad point.”
“Hey, grab plates from the cabinet behind you, Fen,” Anna directed. “And while I agree, I’d rather be eating bacon than talking about it.”
“Fine, fine.”
Smirking, Maddy grabbed syrup from the pantry and started sliding pancakes onto the plates Anna held out. Anna shook her head, but a smile claimed her lips as she placed bacon beside the pancakes and passed the plates to Fen to carry to the table until they each had a serving of food.
“Do you want coffee or tea?” Anna asked him.
“Coffee,” he answered. “If you have creamer. Or at least a crapton of sugar and milk.”
Maddy wrinkled her nose as she wove around them to get out of the kitchen. “Weakling.”
Fen shrugged. “If my sweet tooth is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”
Contentment eased into Anna’s heart as she took the milk out of the fridge. They needed to talk about their future, but she suddenly didn’t want to. Serious discussion would disrupt the companionship flowing between them so effortlessly. Wasn’t that an essential component of being together?
Finally, they settled around the small table. And as they ate, exchanging jokes between bites, no one brought up the issues between them.
It seemed they all felt the same.
Chapter 9
As Fen stuck the last plate into the small dishwasher beside the sink, his pocket vibrated. He dried his hands on a dish towel and tugged out his phone. A text from Vek. Come by the outpost with Maddy. We want to know what you learned about the disease.
Fen groaned. Dammit, he’d planned to go back to Vek’s house and see if he could get some real sleep. He was exhausted, and not just from lack of rest. That dream… No matter what he’d told Maddy and Anna, he was almost certain it was more memory than illusion. Unfortunately, his unconscious mind was never kind enough to reveal what had happened before or after. Though if he had killed his father, perhaps that was a blessing.
Fine, he wrote back. But I’m crashing there after we talk. Got back really late last night.
Three dots appeared for a second before Vek’s reply. Whatever.
Shaking his head at his uncle’s abrupt response, Fen closed the dishwasher and went to find Maddy. She’d wanted to double check her bag to make sure she’d packed everything she would need on Moranaia, so he’d offered to do the dishes while Anna rested. But when he walked into the living room, he found Maddy and Anna on the couch, kissing as though the world was about to end.
Fen froze, and a different kind of groan ripped from his throat. His body vibrated with the urge to be in the middle of them in that moment—well, not the middle, necessarily. Beside them, belonging in their circle. Worthy of sharing that kind of kiss. Part of him knew, just knew, it would be perfect. An acceptance he’d never known.
Maddy jerked back, her gaze darting instantly to his. “Fen?”
He scrubbed his hands across his face. “This is going to drive me insane.”
“Sorry,” Anna said, flushing. “She’s leaving for a few days, and—”
“No need to apologize for kissing,” Fen interrupted. “I’m not upset about that. It’s my inability to join that’s killing me. I should just stay away from you guys.”
Maddy blinked. “Why?”
“Because I’m no good.” He took in the sight of their joined hands. “And you two are solid.”
“I knew we should have talked over breakfast,” Anna muttered.
Maddy’s phone blared an alarm, and she grimaced. “I have to go. It’ll take time to get over to the shop so I can activate the portal back to the outpost.”
“Yeah, Vek sent me a text. I’m supposed to go, too. I can make my own way if need be.”
“You can ride with me.”
Maddy let go of Anna and stood, but Anna grabbed her wrist. “Wait. We don’t have time to talk this out, but we do have time to settle one question. How many of us want to at least explore the possibility of a three-person bond? Forget past histories and childhood bullshit. Who wants to try?”
Silence rang in the wake of Anna’s words, seizing Fen’s throat. His first instinct was to give a resounding yes, but despite her admonition, his past wrapped around him like a shroud. He was working hard to atone for his stupid, misguided actions. Would it ever be enough? Were his misdeeds the result of poor choices, or was there something tainted inside him? Vek said that the Felshreh often walked in the shadows, doing what was necessary to maintain good, even if that required a bit of darkness. But what if Fen was nothing but shadow? That had to be a possibility.
“I think…” Maddy started, biting her lip. “I think I do? We’re all drawn to each other, and I don’t believe it’s only because of this mate thing. There’s a lot to consider, though. Polyam relationships aren’t exactly common around here.”
“Yeah, it definitely won’t help my search for a home church,” Anna said. Then she smiled. “But belief is in the heart, anyway. I’d like to explore the possibilities.”
Fen stared at them, their faces both turned expectantly to him. What was he supposed to say to that? “Have you two lost your minds?”
Fuck. That was not the best choice of things to say.
As Anna’s eyes widened and Maddy scowled, Fen lifted his hands. “That’s…not exactly what I meant. I just… I don’t understand why you’d want to get mixed up with me.”
Maddy snorted. “Like we aren’t already? Look, lots of people make shitty choices. You can either mope about it or keep doing better. You saved my life trying to undo your mistakes, so I figure you’re choosing the second.”
An unexpectedly wicked grin crossed Anna’s face. “And if you look like you’re going the other way, we can kick your ass.”
Good grief. Anna might be quiet, but she was fierce. The woman would probably try to drown him in the river if he stepped out of line—and that wasn’t exactly a bad thing. Sure, he was responsible for his own actions and emotions, but it was reassuring to consider having two people who could tell him if he started being an idiot. Four, really, if he counted Vek and Dria. If he slipped back into past habits, they would let him know without hesitation.
“Okay,” Fen finally said. “I have no idea how we’ll work out the details, but I suppose we can figure out how to make it happen. Well, after we decide if we want it to happen. You know what I mean.”
Both women smiled. Then Maddy grabbed her backpack from the floor and slung it over her shoulder. “I hope you’re ready to head out,” she said. “Because I really do have to go.”
“Yeah, I’m good,” Fen answered.
Maddy bent to kiss Anna goodbye, and Fen almost did the same. Almost. But no. They would all need to get to know each other better before he earned that level of intimacy. Instead, he winked at Anna as he followed Maddy to the door, and Anna returned her own wink and a grin.
Did he have two girlfriends now? It seemed that maybe he did.
He might not kill Vek after all.
Meren paced the confines of his small cottage and cursed every Unseelie who had ever been born. His most useful hiding spot, gone. He’d thought he would only have to conceal himself until Vek ceased his search. Unfortunately, he’d never heard that Vek had enough power over earth to plug up an ent
ire cavern. Meren had barely escaped by teleporting away before the space had been filled.
At least he’d caught himself before activating the recall spell he still instinctively reached for when in danger—the one that returned him to his rooms in the Seelie palace. Wouldn’t that have been a disaster? He had plans that would see his return to court necessary, but he wasn’t ready to enact them yet. Being captured by the Royal Guard would in no way help.
If not for this hidden underhill enclave barely big enough for a cottage and storage building, he would be out in the open. Now that the Seelie queen had placed a price on his head, he couldn’t return to the elaborate estate he’d inherited from his “father,” either. If only he had his true father’s holdings. Wouldn’t that little revelation shake up the Seelie world?
All in good time.
He’d disabled Tatianella, and although her daughter acted as the Seelie’s Queen Regent, Lera was weak. As long as he kept Tatianella under the influence of the new poison spell, Meren had plenty of time to undermine Lera’s control in court. He’d already incapacitated Naomh, which meant his brother Caolte was out of the way tending him in their own underhill realm. Those two knew Meren best, so having them gone from court was a boon.
Being caught had been…a setback. As had his recent defeat by Vek and Dria, an alliance he hadn’t seen coming. But he had time to rebuild. None of the Seelie knew the source of Tatianella’s illness well enough to heal it, and Meren had done a good job of severing any alliance they’d once had with the Moranaians. There was plenty left of his plan to salvage.
It was time to secure that little Felshreh whelp. That continual failure was the most frustrating of all. He’d lost his grip on Fen as a child, and though he’d believed Fen properly subverted during his time with Kien, the useless bloodsucker had managed to wiggle out of that, too. Now Meren had sufficient incentive to get the kid on his side, and with Ara the queen of the Unseelie and Fen her heir, the task was paramount.
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