by Tara Brent
Looking back on it now, I couldn’t help but smile. It was quite funny when I thought about it once the initial shock had worn off. I was glad that she’d at least stood up for herself.
Josh laughed. “Yep, that sounds like Sammy. Anyway, I’ve got to dash,” he said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you, but you know how it is, Rick. My little sister comes before you. You’re a big boy, you can take care of yourself, and even though I love you, Sam is family. Sorry, man.”
He was right of course.
“I know. Sorry I went off on one,” I admitted with a sigh. “I’m just salty about it happening this way. I just wish it had gone better—”
“Rick, it’s not a problem,” he interrupted. “But dude, I’ve really got to go. I’ll text you later.”
I could hear something loud in the background for a moment and then what sounded like Valerie, Josh’s mom, talking to Josh.
“No problem, say hi to your mom for me!” I called out while I had the chance. I had a feeling he was going to hang up the phone at any moment.
“Will do,” he replied and then the line went dead.
I was surprised to find that I was actually feeling a lot better about the situation.
Chapter 5
Samantha
One thing that was always consistent in my life was Andrew. I thought about the text he had sent earlier and at that moment I missed my best friend. I wished he was here for me to talk to, to vent to. He always understood me and knew exactly what to say, even if it was to correct me when I was just being a moody bitch. It was the kind of friendship that was refreshing because I never had to worry about what he really thought because he straight up told me. I never had a friend like Andrew before and I was so grateful for him.
We had the kind of relationship where there wasn’t any judgment between the two of us, we could just talk for hours and we could tell each other anything and everything. We were close. More than close. Sometimes Andrew felt like a brother to me. I loved him in the same way I loved Josh, except I definitely couldn’t tell Josh the things I told Andrew.
So after I had put my many groceries away, showered and redressed, I called his cell and prayed that he was going to pick up. I wasn’t sure if he would be about or off talking to his new boyfriend that he was keeping a secret because he ‘didn’t want to jinx it’ or whatever. He’d had his fair share of bad relationships so I couldn’t really blame him. Though I’d be happy when I knew who the mystery man was so I could tell him whether he was good enough for my best friend or not.
“Hey you!” he greeted and I could hear the happiness in his voice. He was genuinely pleased to be hearing from me and it was a lovely feeling to be wanted. It was like a huge weight was taken off of me and I found myself sighing in relief.
“Hi. I miss you.” I blurted out because it was true.
“Aww, you make me feel so loved! I’m missing you too! I’ve got no-one here to watch crappy Hallmark shows with. It feels kinda sad doing it by myself.” I could basically hear his pout.
I let out a laugh. “That’s because we’re basically single, sad, cat ladies,” I told him, already feeling a hundred times better. This was familiar and there was some comfort in that.
“Yeah, except without the cats,” he replied.
“Well, with this new place I’m actually thinking I might be finally able to get one, I mean, the house feels so big,” I shared, excited to share my plans with him.
“Ohhh, that sounds amazing! I know you love kitties,” he cooed. “That would be so good for you! You’ve wanted a pet for ages.”
I had. I’d wanted a lot of things for so long and it blew my mind that I could do it now I was back home. Except... I was back to thinking about Rick again. Great.
“Yeah, I... It’ll be great,” I replied, but I felt a little disheartened about it now. Rick had ruined everything. I hated the way that he’s already seeped back into my thoughts and I couldn’t even have a joke with my friend without him making a surprise visit in my mind.
“You don’t sound too pleased, what’s up? Are you alright?” He sounded concerned for a moment. “Do I need to kill a bitch?” he asked dramatically.
At least that brought a smile to my face.
“It’s just... Rick,” I admitted. “I saw him today.”
The line was quiet for a few moments as Andrew thought about what I had just said.
“And how was that?” he asked cautiously. “Do you need me to come down? I can drive down if you need me. If it’s too much to handle I can come and just hang out for a few days and we can eat ice cream and we can watch one of our shows.” He spoke quickly and very matter-of-fact as if it was that simple.
Honestly, that sounded amazing. I was more than exhausted after the day I’d had. I wanted nothing more than something familiar to comfort me - yet everywhere I looked everything was new. I somehow felt like a stranger in my own home for a few moments, but I had known there would be growing pains so I just took a deep breath and reminded myself that I was only feeling this way because I had seen Rick and he brought back a past that I would rather have forgotten.
Any other friend would have said, ‘Oh no, I’ll be fine!’ but me and Andrew were just not the type of friends who pretended we were fine when we weren’t. It was why my friendship with him was so wonderful. It was just easy. Which was why I felt confident to be honest with his offer, because I knew if he said it then he had meant it. That was just the way he was.
“Would you really drive down?” I asked timidly, because though he had offered and I knew he was completely serious, I still worried about the rejection.
“Of course!” he replied instantly. “It’ll be great! I mean, what else am I gonna do? Work? Ew...” He scoffed.
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” I asked him, feeling a little bad about it. I didn’t want to drag him away if he had plans or really was at work. I wasn’t sure if it was his weekend in or not.
“Sam. If you need me, I’ll be there. It might take a couple of days, I’ll have to arrange someone to cover my shifts and water my plants, but I should be able to come no problem.”
“You don’t even have plants.” I laughed.
“Yeah, that’s why it’ll take a couple of days, I need to buy plants and then find someone to take care of them.”
It was a stupid thing to say. Ridiculous. But I found myself laughing.
“You’re such an idiot,” I told him affectionately but I was smiling and my heart felt warm from my best friend’s effort at cheering me up.
“Yeah, but you love me anyway!” he exclaimed.
This was exactly why Andrew was the best friend in the world. There were no false promises, no lies, just unconditional love and support.
“Thank you,” I replied sincerely. “I really feel like I need my best friend right now. I wish I had a hug.”
“So I’ll be there, okay? Just... let me make a few calls and I promise I’ll text you and let you know what’s going on.”
“Okay,” I mumbled, curling into one of the cushions on the sofa and hugging it into myself. “Are you sure you don’t m—"
“Sam, I swear to God when I get there, I’m gonna fight you if you carry on saying that. I’ve told you it’s fine,” he warned. “I’ll see you soon, lovely. Keep your chin up and if you see Rick again just... I dunno, kick him in the balls or something.”
“Andrew! I can’t do that!” I laughed.
“Yeah, yeah, but don’t tell me that you haven’t thought about it. I know it must be so tempting and to be honest, I’m not going to be making any promises if I see him.”
A part of me wished he was serious but the imagery of Andrew attempting to fight Rick was one that delighted me because Andrew was like the least confrontational person in the world. He was very much a gay, vegan-hippy and proud of it.
Andrew burst into giggles and it was a little infectious. I still felt sad, but it was a different kind of sad now. I felt a little hopeful and I had something to lo
ok forward to.
“I gotta go,” he continued, breaking into my thoughts of him and Rick attempting to fight each other, “but text me tonight, okay? I’ll put my phone on loud.” He was such an angel sometimes. He made me wish I was a gay man. Things would be so simple then. I’d be set for life.
“Okay, see you later. Bye!” I hung up the phone and then sighed, feeling a little brighter. I glanced towards the clock.
Damn, I better get to mom’s place before she sends a search party out for me, I thought.
Chapter 6
Rick
By the time I had said my goodbyes to Charlie, it was past seven o’clock and I made my way home with the groceries that I had grabbed from Walmart.
I grinned as I opened the door to my penthouse and then kicked it closed. I threw my keys on the table by the door and then kicked my shoes off. I walked across the plush carpets and immediately made my way to the kitchen. I placed the paper bag down and began to empty it. I had grabbed some steak, vegetables, some potatoes and a bottle of wine. Well, two bottles of wine.
I took a few minutes preparing my evening meal. I poured myself a glass of wine and after contemplating it, I downed the first glass before refilling it. Well, it was a weekend. I enjoyed the sharp flavor and the small boost that it gave me.
I had been living here for just over six months now. I’d always dreamed that I could live in a wonderful apartment like this, I mean, who didn’t want that? I had everything that most men wanted.
The penthouse was huge, four bedrooms and four bathrooms, three reception rooms and a gorgeous view of St. Peters Park through the floor-length glass of the windows. It was one of the best areas downtown. I had private parking, a private gym, spa and pool, and a 24-hour restaurant downstairs. It was an amazing complex and only the best of the best could afford to live there. Even getting a viewing of one of the apartments was impossible, but my luck had come in and I’d sneaked in using a few connections when the apartment became available earlier this year. I finally had everything that I’d ever wanted.
But... did I really?
I also didn’t have a lot of things that other men had and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It didn’t help that I was probably the only bachelor living here. The rest of the apartments were full of families and young married couples. They looked happy and there was never any hiding from it. If I went to the balcony at night-time I could hear the soft conversations between the couple below me. I could also hear the kids playing in the day-time if I opened my windows. It made me think about a lot of things about my life.
I was here. I had done the impossible. I had created a business that was well known and successful and many people knew my name or knew my company. In three short years I’d been more successful than anyone I had ever known. And now I’d done it – I’d bought a beautiful penthouse, an amazing car, and filled my home with the finest of all things. I had designer furniture and all the gadgets a guy could ever want.
But... there was just something about it all that wasn’t what I had expected it to be. I had a good family, and I had amazing friends. Charlie and Josh were the best, and I couldn’t ask for better friends. Plus, my mom and dad were amazing. I would never have gotten this far without them. But now I’d got this far... I kind of felt a little lost.
What now? I thought. Is this all that there is? Isn’t there something more? I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happier. I’d had more luck and success than most people had in a lifetime but it was like there was a hole in my life. I was missing something and for the past six months, I had been trying to figure out exactly what it was.
Maybe I should get a cat? I had thought to myself humorously because of course, a little furball could fix all of my problems. As if it would be so easy...
I knew I should go to bed. I should have a shower because I had work in the morning. There were plenty of things that I should be doing this evening, but I didn’t want to do any of it. Because despite my feelings about my living situation, something felt different as I sat and drank through the bottle of wine and stared around my immaculate, though empty kitchen. Suddenly, I wasn’t tired and ready to crawl straight into bed. For the first time in a long time, I felt wired about something that wasn’t work-related. I couldn’t stop thinking about my day.
I know what it is. It’s Sam.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her. About her cute round face and her pretty dark hair and her curvaceous figure. I couldn’t stop thinking about what she had said and how she had made me feel. How she had managed to get so under my skin with such few words. But more than anything, I realized that I loved that she was wearing the Converse that I had bought her. It gave me hope that she didn’t really hate me, despite the way she had spoken to me. She was angry. She was hurt. That was all. I could understand. But I was hoping that I could repair the damage that I had done, that I could make her understand how much I regretted it.
My life had moved on without Samantha and for a while, I hadn’t cared. I was focused on the business and busier than I had ever been in my life, but it hadn’t taken long for me to regret it. Since we’d broken up, I had used my time and efforts to concentrate on my work, so Josh and I had become hugely successful. It was lucky really. It was thanks to a combination of luck due to the right timing, hard work and long hours, and I couldn’t forget - the loans that we had received from our parents - which, thankfully, both of us had paid back to our parents with interest.
But even with all my success, I would give it all away if it meant I had a chance with Samantha again.
It was baffling because I lived a good life. I had enough money to buy everything I had ever wanted - expensive clothes and the best jewelry money could buy, but... I’d never been happy and I hadn’t been able to figure out why.
Now I knew.
Everything came back to Samantha. It was like I was young and in love again, hypnotized by the sight of her and the sound of her voice. God, she was beautiful. She was everything that I wanted. I was flooded with desire. I wanted to see her and be close to her again. I wanted to just talk to her and see how she had been. I wanted to know about everything. What had she been doing these past few years? The only thing I knew was that she had gone to Yale. I was curious. I wanted to know what I had missed.
But more than anything I knew I wanted to say sorry to her. To really apologize. There was never going to be a simple fix. A simple ‘I’m sorry’ was never going to suffice in this situation.
But what can I do? I wondered.
Samantha had always had a special place in my heart and I suspected that she always would. I had known Samantha was a virgin when I’d met her. I’d been her first proper boyfriend. She had told me and at the time I hadn’t realized how important that had been to her. She had trusted me by giving herself to me and I'd fucked up.
I had forced her to do something unforgivable and I should never have done that. I don’t think that there is anything that I could possibly do to try and make it up to her, to try and show her how much I regretted my actions. But it was all too little too late. If only there was a way to turn back the time and to knock some sense into myself.
After seeing her, I was sure that I still loved her. Everything had come back and hit me in the face and for the first time, I felt a type of motivation that I hadn’t in a long time. All of my feelings started to make sense. I was lonely and I regretted what I did to Sam. She was a good thing in my life and I just threw her away. I was an idiot. I just knew that this was my shot and I had to take it. I had already lost Samantha once and I didn’t want to do it again.
I made my way towards the office and immediately booted up my PC with the sole intention of finding some gifts to send to her. Back when we were seeing each other I would give her flowers and gifts and she had always been weak to treats like chocolate. So when thinking of how to turn things around, that was the first place where my mind went. I wanted to show her that I was serious about this and it would be great if I
bought something that she would be able to take home with her so she could think of me. It was probably a little selfish of me, but I wanted her to think about me.
I let my mind run away with me. If only I could have a second chance with her then we could make this work. With where I was with my business now, I was at the point that me and Josh could take a step back and just relax and just check-in every so often. This meant that I wouldn’t necessarily have to stay here all the time. I could travel. I had a decent car and had enough money for regular flights. I could fly her back here or I could go out there to visit. Maybe if we could visit each other regularly then we could repair our friendship? I just wanted to be back in her life again - even if it meant that she would only accept me as a friend.
It's all you deserve, Rick, a dark voice said to me inside my head and I knew it was right.
I browsed on the internet for well over an hour before I finally decided on something. I decided to keep it simple and send some flowers to her as I had a hundred times in the past, but this time I sent them to her parents' house instead of handing them over directly. Previously, I would buy her modest flowers, but now I could afford a lot more and so I wanted Samantha to have something more glamorous, so that was what I did.
I ordered her a massive bouquet of huge luxurious yellow roses. Yellow was Samantha’s favorite color, but it was also the color of forgiveness and I knew that she knew that. When we were younger, I had once bought her a single yellow rose when I’d ended up standing her up on a date accidentally when I had overworked and it was because of that rose that she forgave me.
I was sure that there weren’t enough roses in the world to fix what I had done. But I had to start somewhere. I had to try.
Chapter 7
Samantha
My worries completely faded away as I pulled into my parents' driveway. I was so excited to see everyone. I wasn’t going to let Rick of all people ruin this for me. I had been counting down the days until I would be here and now finally, I was standing in front of the familiar white door of my childhood home and ringing the doorbell. Even the sound of the familiar silly jingle brought a smile to my face – it was the little things in life.
