“Andrew, please, can we talk about this later?”
He stiffened suddenly. He was staring across the pool, and Sean was staring back at the two of them.
“Lori, Andrew, what kind of pizza did you want?” Jan called from the picnic tables, looking over at her.
“Uh—doesn’t matter. Plain, pepperoni, whatever,” she murmured.
“Oh, God. It’s him. Sean. And you never told him,” Andrew said.
“That’s right. But somehow, I think he knows now.”
“Lori, I’m sorry.”
She nodded, stared at her brother with eloquent eyes, then turned around quickly and headed for the pizza table.
She took a slice and bit into it, not tasting it at all.
People talked to her. She answered; she babbled. She didn’t hear a word said in reply. She watched Sean eat, laugh with Ted, trade some kind of story with Jeff.
Minutes seemed to stretch into eternity.
He knew. And he was just biding his time. Waiting.
Finally, he’d waited long enough.
She was aware when he headed her way.
She felt him come for her before she saw him. He reached her side, and took her by the arm. His grip was firm, his voice was calm. “Great evening, Jan. But I think we need to go now, Lori, don’t you?” he asked her quietly. She felt her heart sinking. Felt the heated emotion that shot through his body to his fingers, where he held her. “Jan,” he said, so casual still, “Is it all right if Brendan stays here for a while this evening?”
“Sure. Of course!” Jan said warmly.
“Brendan’s welcome to stay the night—” Brad offered.
“I’ll take care of Brendan,” Andrew cut in, forcing a cheerful note to his voice. Apparently, he had come to Lori first, so neither Jan nor Brad was aware that the kids had been necking in their daughter’s room. Andrew had no intention of letting things go too far between the kids.
“Thanks, Andrew. Jan, Brad, this was great,” Lori said.
A minute later she was in Sean’s car. He drove too fast, not speaking. She didn’t speak, either, unable to talk about the truth that now lay between them, and certainly unable to suggest that the weather that night was almost balmy.
He jerked the vehicle into her driveway.
She got out of the car, strode to the house, fighting to remain calm and in control. It was hard to maintain her composure when the first explosive word out of his mouth once they were inside seemed to knife right into her heart.
“Trust?”
“Look, Sean—”
“How could you keep something like this from me? Damn you, Lori. What a fool I was! I should have guessed the moment I saw Brendan. But then, none of our crowd guessed the truth, did they. How ironic. I didn’t catch everything your brother was saying to you, but apparently Andrew has gone all these years assuming that my son was Brad’s? Ian Corcoran died of AIDS. You never had a sexual relationship with him, much less a child. So you had my son, Lori. A child, a human being! How could you keep something like that from him, from me?”
She backed away from him in the foyer. “Sean—”
“Brendan is mine, you lived a lie for nearly fifteen years!” he said, incredulous. He was losing control. She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen him lose control. His voice was rising, his fingers tore absently through his hair, and she’d never seen his features so tense.
There were a dozen things she could have said, but she couldn’t seem to find any words, and when she did, she stuttered defensively. “I—I—never—”
“You never what? You married a man with AIDS, for Christ’s sake. You never knew you were pregnant from our night together? You assumed Brendan to be a divine surprise? All these years your family, and others, assumed him to be Brad’s? Jesus, Lori, what were you, judge and jury, condemning me even when I was acquitted?”
“My family assumed him to be Ian’s. Andrew’s the only one who knows he died of AIDS—my folks thought it was cancer. I was really married to Ian Corcoran. He was a real, live, flesh-and-blood human being, and I did love him, and he did die a terrible death—but he cared for me. I wasn’t trying to be judge and jury, don’t be absurd. You don’t understand how hard it was—”
“No? Then, what was your reasoning? No need to say anything, ever? Not to Brendan. Don’t tell him, don’t let him know that his father was tainted by a murder rap?”
“Sean, it wasn’t like that at all—”
“Then, what was it like?” he demanded, eyes suddenly ink dark, arms crossed over his chest, stance firm and jaw clenched. He looked like a spring about to let loose, something lethal about to uncoil. “I’m waiting… I’ll listen.”
She didn’t know if she was suddenly deeply afraid, more afraid than she’d ever been in her life, or simply so angry she couldn’t bear it. She wasn’t going to let him explode. She was going to do so first.
“Oh, will you?” she demanded. She strode the distance that separated them and slammed her open palms against his chest, trying to push him back toward the door. “You can just wait until hell freezes over if you want, I don’t owe you any explanations! You—”
He backed up a step, but then caught her hands. “You do owe me one hell of an explanation. A jury let me go, but you chose to judge me—”
“Wait a minute!” she lashed back. “Where do you think your rights come in on this? You got out of jail, and you were gone. Gone! Simply gone.”
“And what would you have done if I’d stayed? One thing I’ll never forget is leaving the courtroom once the case was dismissed. Every one of you, my so-called friends, my good old buddies, turned away along with their folks as I was walking by!”
“But don’t you see? If I’d wanted to reach you, I couldn’t have done so—”
His fingers suddenly clenched so tightly around her wrists that she broke off, startled.
“My God,” he said slowly, swallowing tightly. “He’s really mine. All these years, I’ve had a son. I should have seen it before, but I didn’t. Not until today. Then your brother compared Brendan to me this afternoon. And at first it was just like a hint of something, then it slowly began to sink in. I wouldn’t have imagined that I’d ever owe such gratitude to your brother.”
He said the last bitterly, and Lori found her temper rising again. “Sean, Andrew had nothing to do with any of this. I didn’t even confide in him at the time. Don’t start on my brother—”
“Oh, God, I’m not, I wouldn’t. I haven’t begun to finish with you.”
Finish with her! She was suddenly furious with him… and sick inside. Did he have a right to be this angry?
“Finish with me? You don’t need to finish with me, because I’ll tell you right now—this is over. You were gone, and I was alone for nearly fifteen years, having him alone, raising him alone. You were involved one night! One night! I dealt with measles, shots, fevers, cholic—and you suddenly walk back into my life. No, oh, no, I am not going to feel any guilt over this!”
His grip around her wrists reflexively tightened. She almost cried out, but gritted hard on her teeth instead. He didn’t even notice. “You were never going to tell me?” he asked.
“I didn’t say that.”
“When, then?”
“When the right time came.”
“And when was that going to be? When he graduated from high school, college? When he became a father himself and his kids were my grandkids?”
She wrenched her wrists free from his grasp, wishing that she could beat on him again, do something to change the awful distance that now gaped between them. They’d fought yesterday, and anger had led to passion. She wished she could throw herself against him, slam her fists against him… then feel his warmth. Have him tell her that it was going to be okay. Make love to her.
But it wasn’t going to happen, not this time. “Things haven’t been that great around here lately, hadn’t you noticed? Our friends being murdered is a little more important than an ancient secret.”
/> “Actually,” he said, stepping back, folding his arms over his chest once again as if he locked them there to keep from doing her bodily harm. “I thought that they were pretty great between you and me. It’s not as if we didn’t have any private time together.”
“Look, you’ve got to realize that you still weren’t around when—”
“I was never given the choice.”
“I didn’t have a chance to give you any choices. And quite frankly, I didn’t feel that I had any choices myself. I went away, I was alone in a foreign country, I met a kind and generous man who would help me. Sean, I still don’t owe you anything—”
“No, you don’t owe me anything. But maybe you do owe Brendan. Maybe he has the right to choose if he wants me for a father or not.” She stared at him, stricken. If only she could step forward, touch him, make things all right.
But she couldn’t.
He turned around, and walked out on her.
Andrew called her a while later, and asked if it was okay for Brendan to come home. Lori told him it was fine.
Jan called soon after. Lori knew that Jan had sensed something was wrong, but not even Jan knew exactly what. It was obvious that Jan was dying to grill her, but that she wasn’t going to do so with Brad listening.
“Let’s get together tomorrow sometime, just the two of us,” Jan said. “Okay?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Lori?” Jan whispered suddenly. “He’s gone. Brad just left the room. Lori, is Brendan Sean's? Is that what’s going on? I mean, I have to admit, if he is, I’m rather glad—I was always afraid that your child was Brad’s. Brad told me, after everyone left, that seeing them together, he thought that Brendan was a lot like Sean. Is it true?”
Lori winced. “Yes.”
Jan was silent for a moment, then she blurted, “How—when you were my best friend—how could you have lied to me—”
“I didn’t actually lie to you, I didn’t lie to anyone. Certainly not to Ian. You never asked me if I’d been with Sean,” Lori said wearily.
“Where is he now?”
“Gone.”
“Where?”
“I don’t know.”
Jan was quiet. “He’ll be back, don’t worry.”
“I’m sure he will,” she murmured dryly. He would be back; certainly. To discuss Brendan. Her head was killing her. She had to hang up. “Jan, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“All right. And you will tell me all about it.”
Lori hung up. Soon after Andrew came over with Brendan. Her brother wanted to talk. She pleaded exhaustion. Andrew was awkward, but seemed to understand.
Brendan didn’t particularly want to talk, either. He was just as anxious to slink away from her after telling her that his uncle had already yelled at him and Tina.
“What did he say?” Lori asked carefully.
“He said, ‘It’s not that you can’t share an innocent kiss now and then, it’s just that, Brendan! In her room… that’s like a betrayal of trust with her folks, you know?’ ” Brendan paused. He didn’t look at Lori, but stared at a little gadget he held in his hands. He sighed impatiently. “Then he gave me the whole sex speech again, as if I didn’t know anything about reproduction.”
Lori tried not to smile. “Maybe he thought you needed to remember,” she said. Then added, “What Andrew said wasn’t so bad… You’re lucky Brad didn’t tan your hide for taking advantage of his daughter.”
He looked up at her. “Mom, she wanted to kiss me.”
“Like your uncle said, what you two were doing was a betrayal of trust.”
“I care about her very much, and we weren’t doing anything wrong. Why is it that adults can get away with any outrageous behavior and it’s all right?”
Lori opened her mouth and hesitated. “Sometimes they get away with it, and sometimes they don’t. I’m glad you like Tina, and her folks like you, too. Just cool it a little, huh?”
“Sure,” he told her.
“What’s that?” she asked him.
“This?” he said, surprised. He opened his palm. “Isn’t it neat? It’s a little pocketknife with a can opener, and a bottle opener.”
“Where’d you get it?” Lori asked. It was a great little device, small, cleverly designed, and very useful-looking.
“Sean gave it to me. I couldn’t get that new box of golf balls opened because it was taped, so Sean used this thing, and then gave it to me. It’s all right, isn’t it?”
“Uh… yeah, of course.”
“Can I go to my room?”
“Yes.”
He disappeared quickly. She went upstairs herself, wishing she could lie down, and instantly fall asleep.
Naturally, she didn’t.
She lay awake, thinking that a dead cat had been found in her trash pile, a dead cat had been found at Sue’s house. And Sean knew that Brendan was his child, and hated her for keeping it a secret.
Did it matter? Could it matter? There was a murderer walking among them, and it seemed he was coming closer and closer. Staying safe right now had to take precedence over the issue of Brendan’s paternity.
She was tossing and turning in bed when she heard the doorbell ringing. She started to rise, then realized that Brendan had answered it, and it was Sean. She tiptoed to the landing just outside her bedroom.
“I’ll get Mom,” Brendan told Sean.
“No, don’t. Don’t wake her. I just wanted to stay on the sofa, keep an eye on the place.”
“No faith in me, huh?”
“I have a lot of faith in you, champ. But three people are better than one any day.”
It was apparently the right answer. Biting her lip, Lori hesitated. If Sean wanted to find her, he knew where she was. She went back to bed and lay there awake, thinking that she’d throw pride to the wind and go to him if it would do any good. But it wouldn’t.
She worried that Sean might say something to Brendan, but apparently he had no intention of springing any surprises on his newly discovered son.
Nor did it seem he wanted to find her. She lay awake for a very long time. He did not come up. When she woke in the morning, he was already gone. Light had come again, the danger of darkness dispelled, and he had left her alone.
Sean had good reason to be up and out early.
He’d been called to the morgue.
“The media is already demanding to know what we’ve got,” Gillespie said, looking at Sean and Ricky over the sheeted corpse on the autopsy table. “But this time, I do have something to give you. Something I intend to keep from the media as long as I can.”
“What do you have?” Ricky asked, trying not to look at the sheet. “I know you’ll give me the full report, but—”
“She was found in the swamp. But there was dirt under her fingernails. Not swamp dirt. More like a rocky sand. She was killed somewhere else, and then dumped in the swamp. Are you ready? We’ve cleaned up the mud.” Ricky and Sean glanced at one another. Gillespie pulled back the plastic sheeting. “Did you know her?” she asked.
“Is it Sue?” Sean felt Ricky’s eyes on him.
“I knew her,” he said quietly.
“Is it Sue?” Gillespie asked.
He shook his head. “I knew her, but no, this isn’t Sue Nichols.”
“Then, who the hell is it?” Gillespie demanded.
20
At nine o’clock, just after she returned from taking Brendan to school, Lori received a call from Jeff Olin. “Hi, Lori. Listen, the guys from the security company will be over at about ten, if that’s all right.”
“The security company—”
“To put in your alarm system. Your brother, your cousin Josh, and Sean are all in on this, so don’t go giving me any arguments. You’ll make me look really bad.”
“Jeff, but—”
“The guy who owns the alarm company owes me, so we’re getting a great deal. And you’ll be safe, Lori. Everyone thinks you need an alarm. Andrew, Josh, Sean, Brad, Jan, your folks—ever
yone.”
“Didn’t Sue have an alarm system?” she asked.
“I think so.”
“Sue is gone.”
“Right, but it appears she’s off on a romantic vacation.”
“She wouldn’t just leave.”
“How can you say that? How well do any of us really know each other anymore?”
“Sue’s cat was dead, Jeff.”
“I know.”
“She didn’t strangle her own cat.”
He sighed. “There’s still hope for Sue,” he told her.
He didn’t believe it, not for a minute. He was just trying to reassure her.
“All right, fine, thanks. I appreciate your help, and your concern,” Lori said.
“Hey, what are friends for? The company is called SafeHome, and it will be two guys in a blue van.”
“Thanks.”
She worked on her design sketches, attaching bits of fabric to mix and match as she did so. Right before ten, she heard a car pulling into her drive. Assuming it was the alarm people, she went to the front. She was surprised to see that Michael Black had driven up in a white van with a big dolphin painted on the side.
“Company vehicle!” he called to her cheerfully.
“Cute,” she told him.
He walked to the door, smiling, blue eyes a lot like Sean’s, dark hair a little longer now, wild from the wind since he had apparently been driving with the window down. “My brother here?”
She shook her head.
“Do you know where I can find him?”
“No, Michael, I’m sorry, he didn’t tell me where he was going.”
“Hmm. Do you imagine he’ll be back any time soon?”
“I don’t have any idea.”
“Do you care if I wait around a while?”
“No, of course not. Come in.”
Even as she stepped back, allowing Michael to enter her house, she felt a sense of unease.
Sean himself thought that someone from their past was involved in all this. Naturally, he wouldn’t want it to be his own brother. Just as she wouldn’t want it to be hers. Or her cousin Josh, or…
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