by Tiana Laveen
“I prefer to call them spirited conversations.” Mama laughed, as if their chronic dysfunction was funny.
She rolled her eyes at the snooty way her mother enunciated her words, as if she’d never spent one day in the hood. Now that Mama had married some rich man twenty years her senior, no one could tell her anything. She had always been rather snobbish, sticking her nose up at others as if she were not riding along in the same boat, on the same ocean, and feeling the same waves, but things had gotten dramatically worse since she and Mr. Gerald tied the knot in Jamaica. She was certain the man didn’t know the true Josephine. Mama had a way of being a chameleon when it suited her.
“Oh, and thank you again, Majesty, for the peach pie.”
“I figured since you asked for some, you did me a favor. Troy didn’t eat much of it, but he liked it. You know I’m not a peach pie person, but Mr. Earl is so nice. It looked good when he brought it over. I just can’t get past the smell of cooked peaches.” She wrinkled her nose. “Makes me nauseous. Did it taste good to you at least?”
“Oh, heavens no, honey. The pie wasn’t for me! You know I don’t eat just anyone’s cooking. I wanted Beijing to have a nice snack! She loves pie, and since it was her birthday, I thought I could treat her a little.”
“Beijing? You gave that man’s homemade pie to that nasty, old ass dog, Mama?” She gritted her teeth and tossed the magazine on the coffee table.
“How rude! She is not nasty, Majesty! She has a sinus condition that causes her to have an overproduction of mucus, and I’ve had her for almost seventeen years now. She’s practically a fourth child to me.”
“I wouldn’t care if you had her for four score and seven years, she’d be pushin’ up daisies if it was up to me. It’s selfish to keep that dog alive, Mama. The vet said she needs to be put down.”
“Do we put down our elderly when they’re sick? Place them in a field to die? I don’t give a shit what Dr. Arnold says. Beijing will be with me until she draws her last breath.”
“She’s got tumors and can barely walk, Mama, and now you done gave that mangy, stinkin’, matted poop brown toupee of a creature Mr. Earl’s pie!”
“You said you hate peach pie, so what does it matter?! And I repeat, she’s not going anywhere. Yes! She ate your neighbor’s pie. What is so wrong with treating her to a bit of dessert? You would’ve tossed it in the trash soon enough anyhow.”
“You made it seem like you wanted it for yourself. I would’ve just kept it here, let Troy and his friends eat the rest of it had I known your true intentions.” She sucked her teeth. “Forget the pie, Mama. It doesn’t even matter at this point and I really have some nerve being surprised. This is typical of you. I wanted to tell you about the—”
“Typical of me? You don’t get to rush me along like that! You know what, Majesty? Seems you’ve gotten too damn big for your britches.” I have. This damn ice-cream and I have been the best of friends, but if I say that, she’ll accuse me of getting smart… “You think you’d show a little gratitude. I am the one who got you that house! I am the one who had the—”
“No. You spoke to your friend, Mr. Carmichael, the owner of the house, and vouched for me. I got this house with my money. Yes, you helped, but I’m the one who saved the money and worked the deal with him. Don’t try to twist the narrative. I even thanked you a million times for your assistance and gave you two of my designer purses, which I could have just put on Poshmark instead. You had been wanting that Kate Spade and Michael Kors purse for quite some time now and because you couldn’t find them to purchase your own, them being limited editions, that was my thank you for your contribution. You didn’t offer one dime, and you made literally a five-minute call on my behalf, knowing he was havin’ trouble keeping decent tenants. I did not ask for your money, I didn’t want your money, and I proved I was grateful.”
“Without me, Paul would have never let you rent that house, Majesty, and you know it. That is my point. I can’t believe this argument all started because of some damn peach pie! Geesh! You’re really defensive lately, you know that? I’m still your mother and I demand a level of respect from you, regardless of how old and grown you think you are. I have always been there for you, and yes, I want to be acknowledged. You had a child at a young age. I was too young to be a grandmother. You tried to move out on your own and take care of Troy, then had to move back home. You failed like I said you would, and who rescued you? Opened their home to you? Me. It was I who helped. Again. Your father sure didn’t offer. I have been helping you, as a mother should, but I told you that I would no longer serve as your training wheels. You have to roll out on your own.”
“Like you? Are you rollin’ out on your own? When was the last time you worked a nine to five, Mama? It must’ve been when ‘I Want it That Way,’ from the Backstreet Boys, had come out! You went to beauty school, never did anything with the certification and training, and that was it! You used what you had to get what you wanted. Daddy had money at the time, you went after him, and the rest was history.”
“Girl, you can imply that I was a gold digger all you want, but I sure as hell never wanted for nothin’. You, on the other hand, had a car that wasn’t running just two weeks ago, sitting up in yo’ driveway, leaking oil like it had a Jheri curl. And you had to take planes, trains, and automobiles just to get Troy to school and the babysitter, and you off to work!”
“And I took those planes and trains and automobiles gladly, Mama. I’m not ashamed. You were the girl all the men wanted back in the day, and it helped you in life. I’m not judging you, but that’s just not me. That’s not how I want to live my life.”
“Majesty, you’ve learned nothing from all of the pain you’ve experienced, some of it self-inflicted. Absolutely nothing.” She glanced at the television where a soup commercial was airing. It was strange to see so late at night. A silver spoon dipped into the broth, swirling slowly round and round. She felt a little like that spoon, in hot water, only she wanted to drag the person dipping her into the deep end of the bowl, right along with her.
“Mama, you must get strength, points, cash prizes, a trip to Maui or superpowers from arguing with me. You twist things around to fit your perspective, things that aren’t even true, and you have always thrown me having Troy up in my face. That’s what this is about. It all bounces right back to that.”
“I’m just telling you that I didn’t want you to backtrack, Majesty! You are my oldest child. My first daughter. I needed you to help set an example for Michael and Allison. At the end of the day, Troy is my grandson, and I’ve always wanted what was best for both of you, but you moved out far too fast, got evicted, and then your credit was destroyed. All to prove me wrong, and it backfired.”
“You didn’t want me to move out because you wanted full control over me and to always feel needed. You always have to feel in control, and when someone, especially one of your children, tells you they don’t want you to have dominion over them, you freak out.”
“Oh, bullcrap, Majesty!”
“It’s true. I didn’t need you anymore. I wanted you around, but I didn’t need you, Mama, and you could not stand it. And don’t act like you don’t remember the details of what happened. It wasn’t because I was irresponsible or anything like that. I got evicted because Troy’s father died so I wasn’t getting anymore child support. Kevin would help take him while I studied and went to my second job, so him being gone changed everything, as if his death in itself wasn’t bad enough. I was already workin’ two jobs at the time while being in college, but instead of telling me you were proud of me, despite all the mountains I had to climb, you kept talkin’ about how I couldn’t even keep that apartment, and now I was back home.”
“I had warned you, Majesty. I told you that boy wasn’t going to help support you and Troy forever. He was a criminal! He sold drugs and lived a fast life! I begged you to stay home, not to control you, but because believe it or not, sometimes I know best for my children. Sometimes, surprise, surp
rise,” she laughed sarcastically, “I actually know what I’m talking about!”
“All I know is that you made things worse. It’s been long overdue, this conversation, because I’ve been sitting on this powder keg of rage about how this all transpired and went down with you for years. I was grieving, strugglin’, trying to get back on my feet, and you rubbed it in my face. Just because Kevin and I had broken up before he was killed didn’t mean I didn’t love him anymore, and it didn’t mean that he was unlovable either, just because he was doin’ the things he was doing. I never approved, but I knew he had a desire to get himself together, although he never had the chance. We were young! Didn’t you ever make a mistake? I know you hated him, but he was my best friend. Yes, he was out in the street, Mama. That’s all he knew was the streets. He didn’t have a place to stay growing up like I did, a mother and father, so he had to teach himself how to be a man. Still, he loved his son and was a good father and you know it! You know what happened about that situation… You know how that messed me up so bad.”
Her heart pounded, an ache spreading in her chest as her distress climbed high and squeezed her skull, demanding to initiate a headache.
“Everything about it was surreal,” Majesty continued. “I wasn’t okay after that. I’m still not okay after that… after all of these years. You know how badly Kevin’s death affected me, and now you’re using it against me because I told you the truth, and you didn’t like what I said. How could you?!”
“I’m sorry you’re upset, Majesty, but I am telling you the truth, too. Sometimes, the truth hurts. Fine, let’s drop all of that, okay? Let’s focus on the real issue. You are always talking about college and these low paying jobs you get, and where has it gotten you, honey? College is great, don’t get me wrong, but you lack clear direction. Human Resource jobs are oversaturated. You’re finishing a Masters in a field that isn’t in high demand, which will cause you to do what you do best. Struggle. You’re going to be back at square one, and it seems like since you got pregnant all those years ago, that’s when your progress stopped… like arrested development.”
“I thought you said you were done talking about the father of my child?” She fisted and unfisted her left hand, while her rage festered. Violence was on her mind.
“I am. I’m speaking about him indirectly now.” Majesty rolled her eyes and slumped on the couch. “Just listen. It’s like you got trapped in time. I sure as hell didn’t get trapped in time. I left your father as soon as I was able and continued with my life, instead of wasting valuable years with a fool, and I damn sure wasn’t silly enough to have another child by him. Thank goodness you didn’t get pregnant again! We have to learn from our mistakes, honey. That’s all I’m saying.”
“What was my mistake, Mama? Was I a mistake of yours? Was havin’ my baby a mistake too?” The woman grew silent on the other end. “You know darn well I was not a little kid when I had my child. Yes, I was young, and I shouldn’t have been havin’ kids because I didn’t have enough money to support a child, but I don’t regret him. He’s my whole world! I was legally grown, mature for my age, and had graduated high school with honors. But instead of bein’ happy about my grades and how I stepped up to the plate as a new mother, and encouraging me, you kept pointing out all of my flaws. Just like you’re doing now. I am so sick and tired of—”
“I’ve told you for years how pretty you are, Majesty.” She couldn’t believe her ears… “I’ve given you compliments since the day you were born. Everyone remarked about how you should’ve been a Gerber baby. That’s the only thing your father gave me that was worth having. He had good genes, a great smile, lovely eyes and a nice head of hair, and he gave all of that to you, so don’t act like I never praised you. Don’t put that guilt trip on me.”
“Pretty looks. That’s a dime a dozen. I walk past pretty girls every day, Mama. We’re in Miami! Nowadays, a pretty face isn’t enough. These girls are getting their boobs and booties done, their waists snatched, and their wigs and weaves cost a thousand dollars, easy. Pretty faces and nice bodies aren’t enough to make it, to sustain me or any man I may be interested in. A pretty face attracts… but what about after that, Mama? I’m talking about you lovin’ on me for my educational pursuits, and just because I’m your daughter, and I’m a good person. I’m not sayin’ I’m an easy person all the time, I know I can be hardheaded and stubborn, but I was a good child, Mama!” Her voice cracked with anger, more so than sorrow. “You could’ve praised me for the type of woman I was tryna grow up to be. For walkin’ in your footsteps, wanting to be classy, just like you. I wanted to wear those nice white and black suits with the beautiful jewelry and matching hats, but in an office, runnin’ the show. You are the one who inspired me, and you don’t even know it! Not once did you tell me you were proud of my report cards. I was always tryna impress you. Not once did you encourage me seeking out my education.
“Instead, you wanted to enter me and Allison in pageants, silly mess like that… oh, and before I forget, let me jump on a point you made earlier before it slips away. I need to set something straight, so you know you didn’t get over on me. Michael and Allison’s fathers weren’t any better than Dad. In fact, both of them were worse, so let’s not act like you left my father and went on to greener pastures. Talkin’ about you learned from your mistakes like you’ve always progressed and never took two steps back, saying I had arrested development, well what was that? Obstructed improvement in warp speed!”
“Jake and Don weren’t shit, either, but the point is, Majesty, that I never gave up on bettering myself and others! Those pageants may have been silly to you, but it was a way to help you build self-worth, and self-esteem. I never wanted you to have to break your back to make it in this world, and after all I did, the dance classes, encouraging you to be in theater, the whole nine, you still ended up with the likes of Kevin’s ass. That broke my heart that my daughter was runnin’ around town with a known drug dealer, and until your child goes out into the world, and you see them making life-altering mistakes repeatedly, don’t lecture me about what you think was going on in my head, and my motives.”
Majesty took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Her heart was beating entirely too fast…
“Look, I’ve made blunders, Mama. What human being hasn’t? But you make it seem like I was wild and out of control. I wasn’t out here sleepin’ with all of South Florida, and I wasn’t on drugs or drinkin’, either. I wasn’t perfect, but you never had to come to a jail to get me or call the police on me. I haven’t asked you for money in years, and you volunteered to help me get a house. I never came to you and asked for anything. The one thing you keep holding over my head is Kevin and that I was too young to have a baby in your opinion. You also didn’t want to be a grandmother, felt like it would make you look older in the dating arena. You were disappointed that I got pregnant, but I dated Troy’s father for two years before I had gotten pregnant, and even though it was not something we’d planned, and I was upset about it initially, it happened. And I busted my ass to make sure I could take care of my son. He didn’t ask to be here.”
“I know that, and you know I love my grandson to death, but like I said, until you’re in my shoes and feeling how I felt about you and how your life spiraled out of control after Kevin came into your world, then you can’t judge me.”
“I don’t know everything you had to endure as a parent, that’s true. I know you had dreams for me, even if they weren’t my dreams. But I also know I needed more from you, Mama, than what you were willing to give, yet you rarely listened.”
“I did listen to you.”
“No, you didn’t. You’re not even listening right now. I never want Troy to feel like he can’t come to me and talk to me and be honest about it whatever it is on his mind, no matter how bad it is. Sometimes, the mother is right. Sometimes, she is wrong, and that’s okay.” She sighed. “I don’t like arguing with you like this. It happens too often, it’s exhausting, and I’m constantly biting my
tongue. Only for you do I watch my mouth, but Mama, you know how to push my buttons. I think I’m a good mother, but I know I’m not perfect, and I won’t be able to do everything right all the time. It just would be nice to hear you acknowledge that sometimes.”
“What for, Majesty? Is that going to erase the past ten years? I’ll admit wrongdoing when you admit you made bad choices and instead of trying to be a martyr or victim of my alleged bad parenting, perhaps you can take accountability? Isn’t that what you want me to do? You could always lead by example.” Mama snorted.
Majesty’s head was about to explode. Someone had doused her with cold gasoline and lit a match.
“It’s late. I finished two exams tonight that took me several days to study for, so I’m already behind on my sleep. I’m tired. I am not about to argue with you right now. I’m gettin’ off this phone before I say something I regret.”
“Oh… you don’t regret what you’ve said already? Let me do you the honors.” The call suddenly ended.
She tossed the phone on the couch and turned off the television, then got to her feet and stretched. She glanced at the clock on the wall: 1:21 in the morning. Yawning, she grabbed the phone again and trekked down the hall, as she did every evening. She paused in the darkness of her beautiful home, wrapping her satin aqua blue robe tighter around her waist as she caught a chill. She stood there for a moment, feeling fury, bitterness, while simultaneously fighting a need to simply fall asleep and forget it all for a few hours. Wrapping her hand around the knob of her son’s room, she gave it a slow turn, careful to not wake him as she entered.
