Paladin
Now
When I’d first thought of coming to Colorado with Jay, I’d visions in my head of us living together, of having the chance to become a couple. Of course, I’d recognise there were boundaries until we could cement our relationship when she reaches the age of consent. Whatever my own desires, I respect Drummer and Slick too much to do anything but wait. But I’d expected to be her anchor, as she would be mine, easing us both into our new worlds.
I hadn’t anticipated arriving alone, riding up to a foreign clubhouse found only by the guidance of my GPS.
I’m twenty-one years old. I joined the Satan’s Devils Tucson chapter when I was eighteen, drawn by my love of bikes and the camaraderie I saw existing between the men. I lost my family when I was young. Not an unusual story. Dad did a runner, Mom couldn’t cope, escaped into a bottle and a handful of drugs. Unbeknownst to her, they’d been cheap because they’d been cut with Fentanyl. Luckily my mind has blanked out the finer details of sitting beside her dead body, until someone had investigated the non-stop crying of a five year old and screaming of a baby coming from the apartment.
No family could be found, or none that had wanted me and my three month old sister. Separated, we disappeared into the system. I was one of the lucky ones and wasn’t abused, no, just taken in so the family could claim the money, thereafter to be virtually ignored. It was many years before I’d learned my young sister had been adopted. When I was old enough, I’d tried, but have never been able to find the girl who would be around Jayden’s age. All I can hope is that she’s been loved and cared for, and that, one day, our paths might cross.
The Satan’s Devils are the only true family I’ve ever known, the only place I felt I’d belonged. Now I’ve given it up to be with Jayden. As I stare at the imposing building in front of me, realising the immensity of what I’ve left behind, I can only hope I’m doing the right thing. Oh, I couldn’t leave her to come here alone, but is my path as aligned with hers as I believe?
As a prospect you know you’re an outsider, having to prove to the brothers you’re trustworthy. Your sole focus on getting that patch, working your ass off, having no time to yourself and nothing to think about except how best to convince the men around you of your worthiness to call them brother. Neither accepted nor excluded until your time is done.
Here, I won’t be a prospect. If I were, I’d know what to expect. No, here I’m entering as an equal, calling men I’ve never met brother. No guarantee they’ll accept me, they’ll be as distrusting of me as I am of them. I can see no clear path to earning that trust.
Maybe if I was older, more experienced, I’d better know what to do and how best to fit in, have the confidence that comes with the years. But I’m not. And I don’t.
A prospect has come to the gate. I put on my cut when I arrived in Pueblo, but the patch still carries the word Tucson on the back. He stares at me for a moment before sliding the barrier open. Guess I’m expected.
He waves across the parking lot to a line of bikes, I back mine in on the end. Getting off, I stretch, flexing my fingers and arching my back. That was a long fucking ride, I’m glad to have made it here, and in one piece. The doorway beckons, but before I make my way inside, I delay a second longer while I send a quick text.
Pal: I’ve arrived. Just heading in to meet the brothers.
I wait a second, but there’s no response. She’s probably busy settling in herself. Then, bracing myself, I take the first step into my new life.
The clubroom is large and rectangular, the normal bar stretching down one long side. My initial thought is how the prospects must have to run from one end to the other to keep glasses topped up. A range of tables and chairs, are occupied by a number of brothers, scary that there are no immediate faces I recognise. They’re all wearing cuts with the Satan’s Devils patch on the back, but that’s the only comforting thing that I see.
A man’s pushed away from the bar. “Well, you coming or going? You’re letting the cold air in.”
I grin, that’s not words often heard in Tucson, normally it’s about letting the cold air out, but springtime is decidedly cooler here. Hoisting my duffle over my shoulder, I step toward the man who’s spoken. “Paladin.” I hold out my hand as I introduce myself.
“Well we weren’t expectin’ the fuckin’ tooth fairy,” he responds. “Thunder. Sergeant-At-Arms.”
I raise my chin at him, “Thunder.” I repeat.
“Drink? Or dump your gear in your room?”
Feeling all eyes burning into me, knowing how important first impressions are, I decide finding where I’ll be sleeping and getting my game face on is probably the best way to start. “Drink sounds good, but I’ll get my shit sorted first.”
“Ink?” Thunder calls out.
I turn, expecting to see a heavily tatted brother, instead a man approaches whose short-sleeved tee shows no decoration on any of the skin I can see. He’s probably covered on his chest and back.
“Yeah, Thunder?”
“Take our new member up to the room we prepared for him, will you? Show him what’s what?”
“Sure. Paladin, isn’t it?”
Says so on my cut, so I just raise my chin.
I follow him up the stairs. On the way he asks the polite things about how my ride here was, how long it took. When he’s finished asking and I’ve offered answers to his satisfaction, he stops in front of a room near the end of a hallway and opens the door.
There’s a key in the lock, he takes it out and hands it to me. “Best keep it locked. Else you might find a bitch in your bed. Specially a new, young specimen like yourself. Unless you like surprises waiting for you, that is.”
I don’t. So I hold onto that key tight. The room’s not bad. A window looks out onto the rear of the compound and the desert beyond. No mountains or saguaro in sight, and the vegetation’s different to that which I’m used to. A feeling of homesickness washes over me, but I brush that aside. No looking back. This is my home now. I’m pleasantly surprised there’s a small but serviceable bathroom off to the side. I hadn’t expected such luxury. A bed dominates the room even though it’s pushed up against the wall, a small wall-mounted flat screen TV can be viewed from the bed, and there’s a chest of drawers and suitable closet to hang up my clothes, such as they are. I haven’t brought a load of stuff with me. I couldn’t carry much on the bike.
The bed looks like it’s been freshly made, and if I’m not mistaken, the bedding looks new.
“Jeannie, she’s Bomber’s old lady, she likes to make sure things are set up for visitors. Or, in your case, new members. Not that we’ve had someone transfer in before, not that I can remember. Of course, that should be Moira’s job, she’s Prez’s woman, but she doesn’t come to the clubhouse much nowadays.”
Moira. I know the name. She’s who’s going to be giving a room to my girl. Idly I wonder why she’s become a stranger to the club. Bad feeling? Hope that doesn’t influence my woman. Hell, can’t think of her like that. Not yet.
“How many members are there in all?” I need to start learning about this new chapter.
Ink leans back against the door while I throw my duffle and saddlebags on the bed. “Thirteen if you count Prez, fourteen now including you. At least you got us away from the unlucky number.” He chuckles. “Three prospects. You met Runt, he’s the kid let you in the gate.”
“I didn’t notice any old ladies…?”
“Bomber’s got Jeannie, as I said. Buzzard, our Treasurer is married to Sindy, but that’s all of them. Then there’s Bella, Titsy, Breezy, Tulia and Sheila, they’re our club girls.”
Only a couple of old ladies, and no kids by the sound of it. This seems to be a very different club to the one that I left. My immediate reaction is that I’m not going to like it, but know I’ve got to give it a chance. “Hellfire’s the Prez, Demon’s the VP,” I’ve met them in Tucson. “Thunder’s the SAA. You got an enforcer?”
“Sure have. That’s Mace’s job, not that he’s be
en doing it long, but he seems to have settled into it.” He pauses, frowns, his expression suggesting there might be a story there, but it’s obviously not something he’s going into now. “Sparky you might have met as well. He’s the road captain, we supported your run a year or so back, when you were raising funds for that kid with sickle cell disease.”
I nod. I do remember him now. Sparky had been helping Joker along with the other chapters’ road captains.
“Probably better if you meet everyone else in person. Helps to put a face to the handle. Talkin’ of which. Where d’you get yours from? Sounds like you’re a knight in fuckin’ shinin’ armour.”
I grin, he’s closer than he knows. “In black leather on a shinin’ bike, more like. But yeah, that’s the way of it. Young girl thought I saved her.”
“Yeah? I’ll look forward to hearin’ about it.”
He’ll wait a long time. I frown. I want Jay to have a fresh start here, not be burdened by everyone knowing her past.
Pushing away from the door, Ink suggests, “Why don’t you freshen up, then come down and find me? I’ll introduce you around.” He breaks off, tossing me a sympathetic look. “Can’t be easy startin’ off in a new chapter. Word is you came up with a bitch. Not your choice to transfer, Brother?”
I shrug. “Circumstances are what they are.” I straighten my back as I turn and give him a chin lift. “Gonna do my best to fit in, make a home here, throw in with my new club. You won’t find me wanting.”
He takes a step forward and slaps me on the back. “Sure we won’t, Brother. But you might want to get that bottom rocker changed. Wearing the Tucson patch makes you look like a visitor.”
“As soon as I get one, I will,” I agree.
“Think Prez wants to hand it to you in church. A formal sort of welcome.”
“When is church?” I ask, knowing how ignorant I sound. It was always Fridays in Tucson.
“Tomorrow, Wednesday.”
Middle of the week church. That’s a new one on me. Still, when in Rome and all that. I’m in no position to complain. “I won’t be a minute.”
He waves his hand dismissively. “Take your time. We won’t be going anywhere, and the bar won’t run dry,” another pause, then a wide grin, “if it does, you won’t be the only one complainin’.”
Dutifully I laugh. He exits the room closing the door behind him, and I’m left alone in my new home. Feeling completely disorientated, I start putting the shit I brought with me away. Opening the closet I find there are blankets on the top shelf, things we had little need for in Tucson, I shiver just looking at them. At least I’ve arrived in the spring. Got a few months to find my feet before I start having to cope with snow.
My tablet goes into my bedside table, a photo Sam had given me, of me standing with the Tucson crew, every brother, old ladies and children, and even fucking Grunt in prime position in the front goes by the side of my bed. Huh. I never thought I’d miss a dog. I look at the various expressions. Sam had put her camera on a timer, Mouse is clearly staring as though it should have gone off already, Joker’s laughing at something Lady had said. Sam’s half turning, trying to get them to be serious. Wraith’s standing looking stoic. Fuck, I miss them already. Pushing that wave of longing for things familiar back down, I go to the bathroom and take a long piss, noticing towels have been hung ready for me. Which is good, I didn’t have room to bring any of that type of shit.
I walk back to the bedroom while zipping my fly, thinking it’s time to take the plunge and go down. These first meetings are going to make a lasting impression on everyone. Can’t put it off.
Descending the stairs, feeling like an exotic new exhibit in a zoo, I notice Ink waving at me from the bar. I start making my way across the clubroom when a large man stands in front of me. “Buzzard, or Buzz,” he informs me. “Treasurer. Keep on my right side, pay your dues and we’ll be right.”
I grin, as I’m meant to. “Pay me my cut and we’ll be square.”
“You’ll do,” he tells me. “What’s your line of expertise, Brother?”
I shrug. “Happy to throw my hand in wherever it’s needed. Can turn my hand to a wrench, or anything that’s going.”
“Fucking bitch! Get your hand off my man! Sheesh! How many times do I have to warn you?”
As I start to spin around at the high-pitched voice, Buzzard leans in. “That’s Jeannie. She’s Bomber’s ol’ lady. Think the club whores fuck with her on purpose, doesn’t take much to get her riled. Think she still believes Bomber’s in his prime.”
Completing my one hundred and eighty, I see a woman, probably in her middle to late fifties standing with her hands on her hips. A young twenty-something is hovering, yeah, a little too close to a man who’s sixty if he’s a day. His paunch hangs over the belt of his sagging denim jeans, and his hair is thinning. His beard is so grey it’s almost white. His jowls reddened from the wind and over indulgence in alcohol. His face currently split in two by a wide grin as the two women fight over him.
The sweet butt, clearly feeling brave, puts her hand on his shoulder. The old man, who I take it is Bomber, does nothing to discourage her. His eyebrow raises in challenge to his wife.
Jeannie, yeah, that’s what Buzz called her, well, she slaps the club girl’s hand right off. “Leave my man alone, you two-bit whore,” she screams.
“Pal. Good to meet ya. I’m Lizard. This here thing that looks half dead is Cad. You need info, you go to him. He’s a whizz at mining for data.”
Cad indeed is so pale you can see the veins through his skin. Guess he’s Mouse’s equivalent. I shake both their hands, wondering if I should correct them on my name, so far only Jayden has ever shortened it. But I let it ride. New place, new handle. Maybe it will stop the knight jokes.
I meet another old-timer, Rusty. Share a beer with Bomber once his wife has calmed down and have the opportunity to thank her for setting up my room. Thunder seems a good guy, so does Mace when I meet him. Not everyone’s here, and I’m quite grateful Hellfire and Demon don’t put in an appearance.
A few beers, good conversation—when we start speaking our universal language, bikes—I start to feel a little more at home. By the time everyone begins to leave, I’ve got a mellow glow and have relaxed a tad. But it still doesn’t feel like I’m more than a visitor. Guess settling in is going to take time.
I’ve got to get used to the differences, learn a new set of brothers’ quirks and idiosyncrasies. I still feel unsettled when I take myself off to my room and lie down to sleep in an unfamiliar bed, hoping giving up everything to be with Jay hasn’t been a dreadful mistake.
The long tiring ride, the beer coupled with the late evening, means my eyes are drooping as I check my phone seeing I’ve missed a text telling me Jay’s glad I got here safe, then I slide under the sheets and take no time dropping off to sleep.
Chapter 14
Jayden
Although Slick and Hellfire conversed throughout the journey from the airport to the clubhouse, I sensed Hellfire was only providing answers out of politeness. He seemed to be distracted, and it wasn’t because he was concentrating on driving as there wasn’t a lot of traffic around. I’d picked up on an undercurrent between him and his son at the airport. Selfishly, I hope if there’s anything wrong it won’t involve me. I don’t want to come and stay in a place where there’s tension. Leaving everything I’ve ever known back in Tucson, changing schools, leaving my family behind, that’s enough to cope with without adding anything else.
I haven’t seen my mom for over two years. No big loss. Ella, my sister has always been there for me. And in recent years, I’ve lived with her and her husband. I liked the house we had in Tucson, and loved being at the clubhouse. There was always something going on. I’d fallen naturally into the role and had enjoyed looking after the babies and young children.
Sam and Sophie will be due any day. I stuff my hand in my mouth to stifle a groan. I have to stop thinking about what I’m missing. Got to start looking to
the future. Maybe there’ll be kids here as well? I think I’d like to work with young children when I’m old enough. Have a few of my own, maybe. With Paladin? Perhaps.
When I was fourteen and rescued, I’d latched onto Paladin. He was my rock. I’d wanted him to take the bad memories away, but he’d refused. I didn’t know at the time that Slick and Drummer had warned him off, just went through hell worrying I was too damaged for anyone to want me. But he’d said the right things, explained. While I didn’t like it, I could do nothing but accept it.
Now, two years on, I know he was right. We’ve never kissed, never been girlfriend and boyfriend, just friends. That was probably for the best. The bad memories have faded; I no longer need to make new ones to replace them. Just start all over again, and do it right.
And I could. Very soon. I’m in Colorado. I doubt Hellfire and his wife would be as restrictive as Ella and Slick, they’ve no vested interest in a houseguest they’ve given room too. Here the state law means Paladin and I could legally get together on my seventeenth birthday. I’m sure it’s what he’s planning on. But the question is, is that still what I want? The idea scares me.
“You’re quiet.”
Ella’s voice breaks into my thoughts. I glance at her as she sits beside me. “Just thinking.”
She gives me a hard stare. “I’m sure Hellfire would let me stay on with you. Perhaps just for a few weeks until you get settled in. Don’t like the thought of you being alone…”
“I won’t be alone, El,” I reply fast. She’s not had an easy pregnancy; she needs to be settled back in Tucson. They tried so hard for this baby, don’t want anything to risk it now. One more kid I won’t be there to see. I shake my head and bite my lip to force back the tears. She mustn’t see them. Mustn’t know I’m upset. “It’s just strange, El. The unknown. Hellfire seems nice.” He actually seems frightening, but I’m not going to tell her that.
“Hmm.” Perhaps I didn’t have to say anything. My sister doesn’t sound convinced.
It’s not long before we’re turning down a driveway and drawing up at a pleasant house with a wraparound veranda. There’s even a swing on it. All good so far. Though a big part of me wishes I was back with Paladin on the Tucson compound. Here I’ll be left on my own with strangers.
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