His fears, so close to my own, make me giggle. He looks at me as though I’ve lost my mind, then shakes his head. “This,” he points at his cock laying lifeless against his thigh, “you think this is funny? Fuck, woman.”
I can’t hold back the chuckles. Staring at me as if I’m losing it, he starts to rise. I grab his hands in mine, holding them tightly. “Hell, listen to me. Do you remember the last time, Christ, how long ago was it?”
“Ten months,” he answers through gritted teeth.
“And two days,” I tell him. Well, let’s be accurate now. “It hurt me.”
He looks confused. “I thought we used enough lube.”
“Not the point, Hell. We did. I was sore anyway. So I went to the doctor. Turns out my oestrogen levels are falling, it causes thinning of the vaginal tissues, well, that’s how the doctor explained it. She gave me a cream for it.”
His face falls. “You’re okay, now? If I took a blue pill…”
“I used the cream. For a time. But it seemed to cause migraines. And when you weren’t coming near me, it didn’t seem worth it anymore.”
His head bows. His shoulders shake. Just when I’m about to ask him what’s wrong, he looks up with his eyes shining with mirth. “The reason I haven’t taken a blue pill? They give me blinding headaches after.”
Now I’m giggling uncontrollably. Moments later I’m in his arms. He leans back against the bed, and I’m sitting on the floor on his lap. We probably look ridiculous, but who cares? For the first time in months I feel I’ve got my man back with me.
“Don’t care if we can’t get physical anymore,” he tells me softly. “I’ve got all I want in my arms right here.”
“Well, it seems we could. If we arrange a time and place carefully, and stock up with Advil.”
That gets us both roaring with laughter again.
“If I could take HRT, it might have been easier…”
His arms tighten. “Don’t want you even thinking about that shit. Don’t want you putting hormones in your body. I was so fuckin’ scared.”
“It’s over now.” I say, soothingly. It had been a few years back when I’d had a tiny cancerous lump removed from my breast. They got it early, got it all out. But until I’d received the all clear, Hellfire is right. He’d been scared out of his mind. I’d been frightened as well, but him? It was a demon he couldn’t face, couldn’t fight for me. He’d ended up feeling so useless.
I pat his cheek. “I’m fine,” I reassure him. “Fine.” I’d given up smoking, started eating better. It had given us both a scare.
He frowns, “This cream…”
“Is perfectly safe. The doctor assured me. But what about you?”
The lines on his forehead deepen. “Getting old, drinking too much. Smoking. Could be stress.” His mouth quirks. “Could be I wore the darn thing out satisfying my woman.”
Now that deserves, and gets, a bat on his arm.
He stands, managing to lift me onto my feet. “Now, come to bed, Mo. Let’s hold each other like we used to.”
That sounds nice. Even that’s been a very long time.
Chapter 16
Hellfire
I’m fifty-seven years old for fuck’s sake. That’s not old, just middle-aged. Yet as I hold my wife who I hadn’t lied to when I said I still find her attractive, unable to give her the loving she deserves, I feel past it. As if my life is as dead as my fucking cock.
Moira’s pretending to sleep, I can tell the difference. To be honest, I’m all talked out. It had been so tough admitting my problem to her. What man likes to feel he’s a failure? Yeah, I’d been to a doctor, knew that I was far from alone in suffering this problem. Truth is, Mo’s getting older, just like myself. Her skin, once smooth, now has wrinkles, she carries extra weight than she used to, and her stretch marks will never fade now. But she’s my wife, I love her, love the signs she’s given birth to my children, admire the way she’s aged with grace. She’s still the one my eyes first notice when I walk into a room, the younger women who’ve not lived a life like she has, somehow not having a fraction of the character that shows in her face. It’s her that I want. It always has been.
When I was twenty I would have viewed a woman of her age with disinterest, as I’ve grown older, my tastes have changed. It’s been hard to convince her that she’s the only woman for me, especially now I’m not able to physically demonstrate it.
The doctor had suggested things I can try. More exercise than just riding my bike, giving up smoking, cutting down on the drink. But fuck, I’m the president of an MC, responsible for keeping my crew in line and bringing in enough money from our businesses to keep everyone’s bellies filled. It used to not be so difficult, drug and gun running being easy money. But we’d lost enough brothers either at the end of a gun or to languish in a jail cell to go back to that.
Stress. Pressure. Yeah, the old days were hard enough, but earning money legit hasn’t brought any less of a burden. That’s my biggest problem. One that goes with being president of the club. Knowing how hard it is, how could I put that onto anyone else? I wonder if Demon’s considering my offer. He’d be a fool to take it on if I’m honest. As for myself? I’d made the offer rashly, despite everything, I know deep down I’m not ready to step down from my place at the head of the table.
These last couple of days have been fucked up. Christ knows where Demon’s head’s at, and as for myself and Mo, we’re forced to face up to issues we’d thought were lost in time. Pressure? Stress? Can’t see life getting much easier. Not in the short-term at least. My cock doesn’t look like it will have any life in it anytime soon, or not without artificial help. Maybe never. I can only hope I can hang onto my wife.
Eventually I can feel Mo’s actually sleeping. I ease my arm out from under her head and try to get comfortable. It’s a long time before I drop off myself.
I wake early. Slipping out of the bed I leave without waking her. There’s no need for her to get up, not yet. I’ll get coffee going, at this hour, no one else will be stirring. Or that’s what I believe until I encounter Slick in the kitchen. He’s already got a mug of coffee in his hand.
“Morning.” I push my bed-head hair back out of my eyes. My nostrils twitch at the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. “Enough there for me?”
“Yeah. Help yourself.” Slick grins sheepishly. “It’s your kitchen after all.”
I pour a coffee, and inhale its life-giving perfume. “Bed comfortable?” I’m wondering if it’s not. I didn’t expect him to be up this early.
“Bed’s great. Thanks for putting us up. Just worried, that’s all.”
Immediately I guess at the heart of his problem, his concerns forcing me to put mine aside. “Kid will be fine with us, Slick. Honestly, Mo will be glad of the company around here. She’s been at a bit of a loss since the kids left home.”
He nods slowly. “I’m sure you’ll look after her well. It’s just, ever since I’ve known her, we’ve had to watch out for her, you know? Her safety is so important. Kind of feels like I’m abdicating my duties leaving her with somebody else.”
“You’re still watching out for her. From what you’ve said, getting her out of the reach of the Herreras is the key to keeping her safe. You’re not abandoning her.”
Again, his head dips up and down.
I place my empty cup on the counter. “Now, what’s the score with Paladin?”
When he indicates a chair, I expect this to be a long conversation. I put more coffee on to brew, then sit opposite, elbows on the table, my head resting on my hands.
Slick doesn’t disappoint, starting immediately. “He got his handle as Jayden seemed to think the sun shone out of his ass, that he was her knight in shining armour. Saw his interest in her right from that time. Drummer and I read him the riot act, he’d risk his patch if he made one wrong move toward her.”
“Which, clearly, he hasn’t done.”
“Nah. I’ve got a lot of respect for the brother. He’s been her frie
nd, her protector. I don’t think his feelin’s have changed. Done nothing but show he’d wait for her.”
“And now?”
Slick shrugs. “In Arizona the age of consent is eighteen.”
“Here, it’s a year earlier.” Not that a designated age made much difference to most teens. “You want me to enforce your original boundary?” I hope he doesn’t, I’ve already got enough on my plate. Don’t want to include babysitting a horny teenager.
“Fuck, I don’t know.” Slick looks confused. “I’ve interfered in their lives about as much as I want to. They were still under my roof? Then, yes, what I said still goes. But I can’t put that on you. It’s not fair. Think Ella and I knew we might be pushin’ them together by lettin’ them both come here. But fuck, didn’t want to take away her lifeline.”
“You said his feelin’s haven’t changed. What about hers?”
Slick snorts. “No fuckin’ idea. Not something I’ve spoken about with her.”
“Ella?”
“Again, I don’t know. She hasn’t said anything. Guess it’s just as hard to talk about some things with your little sister. Can understand she wouldn’t want to poke the sleepin’ bear.”
“And risk wakin’ it.”
“You’ve got it.” Slick grins quickly, then his brow creases. “There was a kid back at the clubhouse. A stray adopted by Mouse. He’s a year or so younger than Jayden. Kids naturally drifted together. Made me wonder whether being cooped up with Paladin hasn’t been healthy, she hasn’t had any freedom to explore her options.”
I can see his point. “Demon’s suggested she gets some independence, learns to drive.”
“I know. Already agreed to buy her a car. Something she couldn’t have considered in Tucson. We’d never have let her out of our sight.”
I stare at him. “Seems she needs to have the ties loosened. Be allowed to make decisions and mistakes for herself.”
Slick gazes into the distance. “You’re right, Brother. Might not like it. But I think you’re right. If, in the end, it brings her back to Paladin, all well and good. If not, he’ll have to accept it.”
Glancing up at the clock, I startle. I hadn’t realised how long we’d been chewing the fat. I stand, pouring another cup of coffee. “I’ve got to get going, Slick. I’ll take this up to Moira, she’ll get you some breakfast.”
“Thanks, Hellfire. I need to go wake Ella myself. We’ve got to get a move on if we’re going to make our flight.”
“One of the prospects will be here to take you to the airport. I’d stay, but…”
“Yeah, no worries. You go and do your stuff. And, thank you, Brother.”
I wave off his gratitude, slap his back, tell him I’ll keep in touch, then we go to wake our respective wives.
Arriving at the clubhouse I find although it’s early, there are a number of members around, mainly in the big kitchen where Jeannie is directing two of the whores, Bella and Titsy, in making breakfast for the men who are eagerly waiting. Kicking out a chair, I take a seat, preparing to get a plate when food’s ready to be served.
“You stayed home last night?” Demon has taken the seat beside me. As he bends to sit, he speaks quietly into my ear.
“Yeah, had words with your mom,” I reply, my own voice mimicking his low tone. “Got things straight.”
“I’ll believe that when I see it,” he mumbles.
Yeah. He’s right to have doubts. I’d let the situation deteriorate for far too long, just because I hadn’t wanted to admit to my problem.
“Met the new brother, yet?” He changes the subject.
“Not yet, no. You?”
“Yeah.” Demon’s eyes flick around. “Hey, Paladin. Here.”
Responding more like a prospect, the new guy leaps into action, crossing the room fast. When he draws to a halt, I almost expect him to salute.
“Take a load off, Brother.” Using my foot under the table, I push out the chair opposite. When he takes it, I enquire. “How are you settlin’ in?”
“Good.” He nods. “Got everything I could want here.”
“It must be strange,” Demon commiserates with him. “But you’ll soon find your place. Got any skills we should know of?”
“Willing to go wherever there’s a need.”
“Strip club.” It takes me no more than a split second to make a decision, remembering my conversation with Slick. Yeah, let’s front him with naked women, see how long he resists temptation. Test the lad. His self-claimed girl’s going to be living under my roof, I need to see what he’s made of.
“Fine.” Paladin’s hard to read. He certainly doesn’t leap with excitement, but his pleased nod shows he’s happy to be given a job. A role. A place. Kid will be looking for that.
“Hey, Taser. Take Paladin here to Tits Up. Show him the ropes.”
“Sure boss.” Taser, who manages the place, is quick to reply. “Could use another hand.”
It’s not usual that I get personal service, but Jeannie’s crossing the room bearing two plates. When she places them in front of me and Demon, I thank her. Turning my head, I notice a frown on my VP’s face. She knows his story. She’s kept the secret so long, I’m confident she’ll never say anything, but it must be affecting him deep inside. Not every day you learn your father’s actually your brother. Fuck, I’ve no idea how I’d start to deal with that myself.
The bacon and eggs go down well. Finished, I stand, take my plate over to Jeannie who relieves me of it, then walk to my office. The day starts well. I manage to get a couple of hours’ work done before I have an interruption.
“Prez?”
“Cad. Come in. Everything okay?”
For an answer, he hands me a USB. I plug it into my laptop, pausing while it does its stuff. Before I press play, I ask. “What am I lookin’ at?”
“Footage from behind Tits Up. From last night.”
On my laptop appears a view of the rear of our strip club. Certainly looks like someone’s casing the joint to me. Whoever it is wears a hoodie pulled up over his head, his face virtually concealed by a bandana. In the dim light, it’s impossible to make out anything useful at all. But the fact he’s there is what’s got our security guy worried.
“Have you told Taser?”
“Yeah, warned him before him and the new brother headed out. Young Pal seems to have a good head on his shoulders. Offered to check it out when he gets there. Immediately asked what security is on the girls.”
“You think someone’s planning something?”
Cad shrugs. “Can’t rule it out. I’m going to go back over all the recordings, see if there’s anything I’ve missed before. Pal’s right. We need to keep an eye on the girls, and check nothing’s been tampered with.”
Could be someone planning a robbery, but whoever it is must have balls if they’re considering going up against the Satan’s Devils. “Let me know if you dig anything else up. We’ll discuss it at church later. Beef up the security in the meantime.”
Dismissed, Cad leaves my office, my eyes linger on the empty doorway, my nose twitching. I’ve learned to trust it. After a moment, I pull my laptop toward me, and go back to the spreadsheet I was looking at before.
But I’m not to have long to myself. Another knock, this time it’s Demon. As he enters, I close the lid of my laptop, my attention one hundred percent on my son, my brother. Fuck, I don’t know what to call him, how to treat him. This man I saw birthed, held his hand as he took his first steps, bought him his first bike and showed him how to ride it, taught him how to grow into a man. Yeah, he’s my son for all intents and purposes.
From the way his brow’s creased there’s something on his mind, whether personal or business I can’t be sure. “What’s up, VP?”
“Lizard says someone’s been messing around the shop.”
My eyes sharpen. Another of our businesses? This time, the tattoo parlour. I press my lips together. “Cad’s just been in here. Someone was at the back of the strip club last night.”
“Pyro said someone broke into the auto-shop last night. Only just found out. Not sure whether anything else was taken yet, but a few new spare parts that were on special order are definitely missin’. Parts that took an age to come in as well. He hasn’t yet found out where or how they got in.”
“Inside job?” Last thing I want to think about. We trust our employees, but there’s always a chance.
“He’s considering it, but fuck, Prez, he doesn’t want to go there. And linked with the other reports? Got to wonder whether there’s anyone fucking with us. Too much of a coincidence to be isolated attacks.”
My thoughts echoed from earlier.
“I’ll get over to the auto-shop, help Pyro see what’s what. Don’t like this, Prez.”
Me either. “Pyro said he thought shit might have been taken before.”
“Yeah. But Pyro said boxes had been torn open. No attempt to hide a theft. Not a chance this could be accidental.” Demon stands. “Oh, and what you suggested? If you’re thinkin’ of steppin’ down because you can’t take the heat any longer, if the brothers want me, I’m willin’ to take over. But if you think I’m seeing it as my right to sit in that chair, you couldn’t be more fuckin’ wrong, you hear me, old man?”
I pick up a piece of paper, wad it, and chuck it at him. “Less of the ol’ fuckin’ man, you hear me, son.”
The door closes on the sound of him chuckling. Do I take it that he’s bearing no grudge for me keeping that immense secret from him? Sounds like we might be finding a way forward. Doing what we do best, putting our heads together on club business seems to have removed the last of the awkwardness that had come between us.
Paladin's Hell Page 14
