by Emily N. Kay
I wince, hoping the librarian wouldn’t kick us all out of the library. But I didn’t see her on my way in, so maybe we’re safe.
Then I see Nick’s head lifting up from his laptop because of all the noises.
Jacob comes to my table. “Sorry for that, don’t mind them.” Then he says quietly to me. “What are you up to?”
“Calculus.” I exhale. “Have you finished yours?”
“This week’s homework?”
“Yeah.”
“Already done. You need help with anything?”
“Really? That would be great!” I say enthusiastically.
No one has ever offered to help me with my homework before. Jacob is really a sweetheart! And I just want to just shower him with rainbows and candies.
“Weiler! We ain’t got all day, man,” his loudest friend says across the table.
Jacob turns back to his friend and waves him off, annoyed. Then he turns back to me. “Sorry. I can help you later if you want? I gotta finish up this group presentation first.” He smiles to me apologetically.
“Oh, no problem!” I quickly shake my head. “Go finish your thing. I can try to do this on my own first. It will probably take me all day but I think I’m good.”
One of his friends walks over to us, his sturdy arm slings across Jacob’s more delicate shoulder. He smirks at me. “What are you two mingling about?”
“Nothing that concerns you,” Jacob says through gritted teeth. “This is Kai. I guess you should know in case you want to write him a death note later.”
“Hi, Alice,” says Kai. Then his eyes slide to my neck, and then he gasps––very dramatically. “Jacob, you fucking beast! I knew you didn’t just talk with her yesterday!”
“Huh?” I say, confused as to what he is saying and seeing.
Jacob’s brow furrows as he looks at my neck. His mouth hangs open, his face red. “Uh… That wasn’t… I didn’t…”
Fuck. I gasp as I realize what they are all seeing. The freaking marks from Sam last night! I forgot about it and put my hair up in a ponytail just before I come to the library. How could I be so ignorant! This could ruin me, exposing my secret for good.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
And of course, the rest of Jacob’s squad now join in our circle to see what Kai is talking about. They make some lame noises and say something about me and Jacob. I can’t hear their words. My ears are ringing, and my stomach turns to knots.
Now I’m sure the whole library is looking this way. Not that there are many people except us. And Nick. In which his eyes are now on us, no doubt very annoyed.
I consider my options. First option: I can lie and tell them that these are mosquito bites, or curling iron burns. But they are not idiots. Anyone who’s seen hickeys know what they look like. I can’t make myself even more of a fool than I already am!
Second option: I can pretend I have a boyfriend outside of school, but that would confirm how Jacob has thought of me––that I’m above the guys here. And he would feel hurt as to why I didn’t tell him about this boyfriend yesterday. As a result, all that I have achieved with Jacob would be ruined.
That leaves me with the third option: Go with the fucking flow.
Without thinking further, I say, “Jacob, I think we should…” I gulp, feeling very sorry toward him. “We should tell them the truth.”
I could have sworn all of Jacob’s friends are gaping, their eyes bulging. Now they look even more shocked than before.
“What?” Jacob exclaims.
“You two really… hooked up?” Kai says, his voice high. “Seriously?”
What? He was the one who––
Oh God… They were just joking around… Kai was just bluffing. They were messing with Jacob. And now I’ve made things worse. I was being paranoid, and I said something that I can’t take back. I’m such a moron! What is Jacob going to think of me now?
“What the hell is going on? Who hooked up with who?” Leo asks as he walks over to us, his eyes glinting with interest. Then he looks over me, at my neck, then to Jacob’s bewildered face. “Oh, damn.”
“Damn is right, man!” Jacob’s other friend exclaims excitedly. “Jacob Weiler and Alice Anderson… Damn!”
I look at Leo for some kind of help. An understanding crosses his face. He knows what’s really going on here. He must know that it’s because of a client, not Jacob. But Leo just lowers himself to the chair across from me, avoiding my gaze, and his face seems to tell me, sorry, I can’t get you out of this.
As if this is not the worse day of my life, Nick suddenly gets up and comes over with a frown on his face. “That’s enough. This is a library. Take your high school drama outside.” He looks at the guys first, then he briefly meets my eyes, his gaze lingering on the red marks across my neck. I look away and let down my hair. To say that I’m embarrassed and ashamed is the biggest understatement.
“Sorry, Mr. Chase. We’re just too excited for our friend here,” says Kai, bursting out laughing. “He’s finally gettin’ some!”
Nick stares at Jacob. “Just… keep it down.” He then turns his back to us and returns to his seat.
I frown after him. Does he know what’s really happening here? That I’m trying to keep my secret hidden. A secret that he’s a part of.
Jacob must have seen the horror in my face. Because he turns to me, all concerned. Of course, he doesn’t understand why I had to lie. He lowers his voice so only I can hear. “Alice, a word?”
We walk outside to the corridor. It is quiet on the highest floor of the building. The only sound I’m hearing is of my heart pounding against my chest.
“Jacob, listen. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I was nervous and I didn’t think clearly.”
Jacob looks at me quizzically. “Why did you have to lie in the first place? Is everything okay? If there’s something you don’t want us to know…”
I let out a shaky breath. “There is something I don’t want anyone to know. And I can’t tell you that either. I wish I could, but I just can’t.”
He looks at me with concern, searching for something in my face. “Is someone… hurting you in anyway––”
“No, no. It’s nothing like that, I swear.”
Then he nods. “Okay.”
I raise my eyebrows. “You’re not mad?”
“No. It’s obvious there’s a good reason you lied, and it’s none of my business. I wouldn’t want to press you on it.”
I sigh with relief. Jacob Weiler is a literal saint.
“You have no idea how much that means to me.” I give him a grateful smile. “But how can you be okay with this? Now your friends think you did this to me. Your reputation is going to be tainted.”
“Actually, I think this actually helps my reputation. I mean, I haven’t dated in a while. A long while, actually. And now they are saying that me and you––” He chuckles. “I mean, it’s you. If that’s not helping me, I don’t know what would.”
“Well I’m only good with my looks anyway. So, better put that to work, right?” I laugh drily. Why the hell did I just say that?
Jacob doesn’t seem to find this funny as his face falls. “Wait, I didn’t mean it like that––using you––I mean,” he stammers.
“No, no. I was just kidding,” I quickly say.
He doesn’t look convinced. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
“What?”
“I mean, you’re surely more than a beautiful face, Alice.”
I can’t help but smile. Though I doubt that it’s true. “Thank you.”
Jacob smiles back. “I have to ask you something though…”
“Anything.”
“Are you with this guy? The one who… gave you those.” He blushes.
“No, no, no. God, no.” I blink, shuddering. “I swear it was a one-time thing.”
His face lights up. “Oh, cool. I mean, not cool. Just––”
“I know what you mean.” I smile.
“Good.”
He exhales. “So… do I tell the guys that this thing between you and me was just a one-time thing as well?”
I take my time to consider this. I’ve been putting myself under the radar for so long. I’ve been careful. Because I’m concerned of what people at this school think of me. But what does that get me? People are going to judge me no matter what I do. Take Maria, for example––she hates me for no reasons. And I’m sick and tired of caring about what people think all the damn time.
“Tell them whatever you want,” I finally say. “It was me who got you into this mess after all. I owe you that much. I won’t tell if you won’t.”
He chuckles. “Wow. You’re very cool.”
“I guess I am,” I say, adding a quick laugh.
And I have to wonder if he would still think of me as “cool” once he learns of my secret…
Chapter 11
As expected, the stares at school are more intense than ever. Me, who’s never gone out with any guy at school before, apparently hooked up with Jacob, the class president who’s only gone out with one girl. So of course people are going to talk. Because that’s all they do.
Zoe practically screams at my face the minute she sees me. “What you did yesterday––it’s a smart move.” She gives me an approving nod.
I snort. “Smart move? I messed things up!”
“Don’t be dramatic. Your secret is still safe,” she says. Then she snaps her head to me, glaring. “Wait… you didn’t tell Jacob about it, right?”
“Of course not,” I reply. “I like how he sees me now.” Jacob thinks that I’m this perfect little angel, and frankly, I want to maintain that image for him.
“I think you two make a cute pair.” She shoots me a teasing grin.
I tense up. I didn’t tell Zoe about how Jacob basically said that he likes me and that he thinks I’m beautiful. And I don’t plan to tell her that as it will only encourage her.
But before I could retort, Nick breezes in the front door, carrying a stack of papers with him.
“Good job on the assignment, everyone. I didn’t fall asleep reading them like I thought I would.”
A small laughter erupts from the class.
He smiles as he hands us our paper back, one by one. I can see Maria beaming from here as she takes it from Nick.
Feeling nosy, I look over at her paper: A, excellent, exceptional piece of writing––and that’s all I can see from here. It’s so unfair. Maria Lopez is not only gorgeous, but she is a great writer too? Or maybe Nick just gives her an A because she’s hot and he likes her.
“Miss Anderson,” he calls, handing me my paper before moving on to the next row.
I look at my paper: B, good effort, but need improvement on developing certain details.
My shoulder drops. B? I mean, that’s not bad for my standard, but still, I can’t help comparing myself to Maria.
“How’d you do?” Zoe looks over my paper and nods. “Hmm.”
“What does hmm mean?” I narrow my eyes, a little offended. “What did you get?”
I glance over at her paper. She also gets an A.
Zoe shrugs, in an apologetic way. “I thought you would’ve gotten an A.”
I twist to see Leo’s paper. But he’s quick to cover it. “Hey! No peeking!” he says playfully.
I glower at him. “Whatever.”
Leo then leans over and whispers in my ear. “I got an A.”
What? Why is everyone getting an A?
I huff to myself, re-reading my paper again and again. Well, it’s not my best work to be honest… I was too distracted while writing it, and that’s all on Nick! He distracted me.
Nick goes on showing us essay samples, explaining each of their strengths and errors. I sigh, frustrated with myself for not being able to pay attention.
And before I know it, class is dismissed.
“Miss Anderson, can I talk to you for a minute?” Nick suddenly says as I’m about to walk out the door. Zoe and Leo exchange a curious look and tell me they’ll see me at lunch.
“Yes, Mr. Chase?” I walk back to him, darting my gaze around, suspicious of everything and everyone.
But everyone left, and I’m all alone with him.
He cocks his head as if I should know what to say to him.
I raise my brow at him questioningly. “What is it?” Then I realize that he must want to know whether I’ve told Jacob about him. “Oh, I didn’t tell him anything. Don’t worry about it.” I wave my hand dismissively.
“It’s not that,” he says sharply. He looks over my face, then my neck––which is now free of marks under the magic of my concealer––and his jaw set. “Everything alright? Are you… hurt? Did someone hurt you?”
I look at his worried face, a breath caught in my throat. “I’m fine,” I answer shortly. “Is there anything else you want to discuss with me? Like, I don’t know, school-related?”
Nick presses his lips together, looking increasingly irritated. Then he looks over at the door, making sure no one is coming, and he steps closer to me. I step back in surprise. He pauses, his piercing blue eyes meet mine––they are full of questions.
Time seems to stop as we look at each other, unsure of what to do or say.
Finally he says, “Are you free this evening?”
I stare back at him. This is not how a teacher is supposed to say to his student. “I––I don’t know. Maybe. Why?” I stutter.
He slowly nods. “I will see you then,” he quietly says. Backing away from me, he says louder, “That’ll be all, Miss Anderson.”
I have no idea what Nick means when he said that he will see me. I have been obsessing over what it could mean the whole day at school.
But now I know. Lacey just called to tell me that I have an appointment booked for today. And guess who? It’s Nick. Freaking. Chase.
I am to meet him in front of my own apartment building. Mine. What is he thinking? Hasn’t it occurred to him that my mom could see me with him, and that she could potentially recognize him as the same man at the Parent-Teacher Conference?
It’s still the biggest mystery as to why he’d want another appointment with me. He was the one insisting on us having no further inappropriate contact. What’s changed?
I don’t bother dressing up for him. I am still in my school clothes––a light pink sundress under an oversized denim jacket and white sneakers. He is not my client; he is my teacher. And he needs to know that.
The Mercedes is finally parked in front of me. Nick opens a window and waves me over to get in. I take a deep breath before I start making my way to the car.
I get in, closing the door in a loud thud.
“What is this?” I demand. “We can’t do this. You said so yourself!”
“I just need to talk to you in private, and we can’t really talk at school now, can we?”
“What, so you paid just to talk to me? I’m sorry, but are you insane?” I gawk at him. “What is it that’s so important you had to spend hundreds to have me here with you––”
“I will be your regular client,” he says before I could finish. “From now on, you’ll see me every Friday. For two hours.”
I freeze, my face numb. “What?” I whisper. “Why would you do that? You’re my teacher!”
Nick sighs. “Which is exactly why I’m doing this. Look, I want to help you.”
I shake my head in disbelief, my face burning hot. “Help me? I don’t need help, least of all from you. My well-being is none of your business. This––this is wrong. Really wrong.”
He exhales loudly. “I’m not going to do anything, Alice. I can promise you that. I won’t touch you…” he spits out the words, “like how that guy did to you.” His gaze hardens, and he asks coolly, “What else did he do to you?”
I recall the day I had with Sam, and I’m speechless. Because besides all the touching and sucking, Sam was just a weird-ass British guy with a weird-ass belief. Why? He told me about the “secret” of self-confidence. That it’s al
l about having self-control. He’d been practicing holding off his ejaculation for months now. And he found that it helped him feel in control. And powerful. Like he could do anything and the world is his. That’s why he made an urgent appointment before going on an important business trip––so that he could have a dose of confidence. It’s freaking weird, but fascinating at the same time. And I don’t know how I could ever begin to explain this to Nick. So I keep my mouth shut.
“Forget it,” Nick says when it’s apparent that I won’t answer. He looks away briefly before turning back to me. “I talked to your manager. She accepted my terms.”
“What terms?”
“That you can’t see other clients apart from me.”
I stare at him, speechless. “That’s ridiculous… Lacey would never agree to this. She won’t lose other clients in your favor,” I say breathily, suddenly feeling light-headed.
“Except I’ll double your paycheck when there is a client requesting you,” he plainly says.
I stop breathing. The amount of money he’s talking––it’s no joke. And he’s going to spend them on me?
“You’re crazy…” I breathe.
“I think of it as an investment.”
An investment? Is that what I am to him?
“But it’s my life…”
He pauses. “That’s why, as your teacher,” he says slowly, like he’s oh-so smart, “I can’t let you ruin it.”
What? Being an escort is not ruining my life. He is the one ruining it!
None of this makes any sense. What value could I have given him? He’s basically throwing his money away. I’m being controlled and I hate it. Even my mom doesn’t tell me what to do. Who the hell does he think he is?
“You’re just a sub teacher!” I snap, trying my best not to break down.
Nick doesn’t let that get to him as he shrugs. “Still a teacher,” he says, face blank.
I scoff. “You think you’re protecting me from those guys by booking me all to yourself?”
“Basically.”
My blood is boiling. I look at the man sitting beside me, acting like he did not just fuck up my life.
