by Emily N. Kay
“I’m aware of that fact, thank you,” I mutter, my mind a mess. “Hey, what do you mean they all wanted something from him?”
He presses his mouth shut as if he realizes he’s said too much. But he answers me anyway, “His money, basically.”
“Really?” I cock my head to the side. “Just how rich is he? I know his father owns a publishing company, but––”
Tyler immediately laughs, his head thrown back. “Exactly! A publishing company. And a bunch of others in California. It’s like a fucking corporation. That guy is a famous motherfucker. At least among the gold-diggers.” He snickers to himself before adding, “I should submit him for the Bachelor.”
“What…” I breathe. Nick is loaded, and he lied to me about it. What’s he afraid of? That I’m going to rip him off or something?
“You don’t know that?”
I shake my head.
“He didn’t tell you huh.”
“No. He doesn’t tell me a lot of things.” I rub my temples. This is too much information in one day.
“That’s good. Now I know you’re not one of the gold-diggers.” He lets out a chuckle.
“There’s so much about him that I don’t know…”
Then Tyler smiles at me, his face warm. “And yet, you still love him.”
I go rigid at the word, replaying it over and over in my head.
Love.
And yet, I might do.
Chapter 22
Days have passed, and Nick still hasn’t said a word to me, except “Good job” when he handed me back my last paper. Our eyes never met, not even in class. So I prepare myself for the worst. I’ll never talk to him again. At least not the way that I want him to.
That night when Tyler drove me home, he said he’d talk to Nick. But whatever Tyler had said to Nick, it’s not working. I was being hopeful. That Nick is at least willing to talk to me, to just look at me. He never did. Nick has already given up on me. And I need to move on from this. Just like how I did with my old stupid crushes.
Friday has never been so gloomy. I fill up the time I usually spend at Nick’s place with Zoe and Leo at our usual Starbucks. I pretend to be happy, to be the same Alice that my friends know, hiding the empty feeling inside me, trying not to think about him, missing him and his cooking…
I tell them that I quitted Vixens, and they are thrilled for me.
“Why’d you quit? Did you meet a bad guy? Did he hurt you?” Zoe asks breathlessly, too excited to contain herself.
I let out a laugh. “No. I just… don’t see the point anymore, I guess.”
“Well, that’s good to hear,” says Leo, looking at me like a proud dad. He’s always hold some grudges against escorting because Zoe was doing it once.
The three of us then talk for a while about random stuff––mostly about Maria Lopez’s increasing popularity among the guys in Leo’s team after she’s scored Carter Malone––but also school stuff.
“Alice, can I see your notes? I talked to Mr. Chase about my papers and he said that I need to pay more attention to what he teaches in class.” Zoe makes a face. “And my boyfriend here is never keen on taking notes either.”
Something stirs in me as the mention of his name. “Sure,” I say, rummaging through my clear folder to find some of the scrap notes I took in class. “Here.” I gather them up and hand them to Zoe.
Just then, something in the folder catches my eye. I’m looking at the back of my recent paper, there are small scribbles on the right corner.
It says: Lib after class.
I stare at the black letters in shock.
Nick wanted to meet me. He wanted to talk to me.
This paper was given back to me on Wednesday. Which means I’ve already missed it. Holy––it’s already been two days and I had no idea! All these times, I thought Nick doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore––that he completely ignores me because he doesn’t care. He must think the same way about me.
Wait, don’t get ahead of yourself, Alice. Nick might want to talk, but it might not be about what I think it’ll be. Maybe he wants to make sure that I stay away. To wrap up the loose ends. But whatever it is, I need to see him and set things straight.
“Alice? You okay? What are you looking at?” Leo asks, waving a hand over my face.
I blink. “Um… I just remember I need to do something.”
Before I know it, I am inside Nick’s apartment building. I try texting him, asking him to come down and talk to me. No replies. I try calling him, and it goes straight to voicemail. Gosh, am I living in a rom-com movie or something? Do I have to hold up a radio and blast some music for him to look out the window to see me? What kind of music is he into anyway? There’s still so much I have to learn about him. And I’m going to. I hope…
And it’s as if God can hear my prayer. Because there is an old guy, who is now using his key card to open the elevator door and walking in. I take this chance to slide in, smiling casually at him, as if he didn’t just do me the biggest favor ever. The man doesn’t seem to notice as he smiles back at me.
“Such a good day, isn’t it?” he says.
“It is,” I say back, and I mean it.
I ring a bell at Nick’s door, trying not to be agitated. What am I going to say to him? I didn’t think clearly before I rush over here. He might not even be home.
Before I break down in front of Nick’s apartment, the door opens, revealing a guy around Nick’s age with shoulder-length hair. I can hear some laughter and people talking loudly from inside the room.
Shit. He is having some people over, and it’s too damn late to turn back now.
I take a deep breath to calm myself down.
The guy looks at me quizzically. “Nick! Are you expecting a girl?” he shouts, not leaving me out of his sight. “A very beautiful girl,” he says it not in a flirty way, but more like stating a fact.
I cringe, but I give him a tiny smile.
“A girl?” I hear a faint voice raising from inside, and some mumbles and laughs along with it.
“I’m sorry, but who are you?” the guy asks.
I open my mouth to answer, but Nick shows himself just then, coming to stand beside the guy. Nick’s gaze falls to me, his blue eyes widening. And the world seems to stop spinning as I take in the sight of him––of the face that I’ve been missing. Butterflies fill my stomach.
“Hi,” I say breathily, my heart pounding. “Is this a bad time?”
Nick’s eyes dart back inside the room in alarm. He closes the door in that guy’s face before he faces me.
“What the fuck?” The guy bangs behind the closed door.
“I’ll get back in a moment,” Nick shouts back. He turns to stare at me, his chest heaving. “What are you doing here?”
“Who’s that?”
“I’m having some people over. Don’t mind them,” he replies shortly. “How did you come up here?”
“That’s not important.” I inhale deeply. “I just saw your message.”
Nick takes a long look at me before he says shortly, “Come.”
He brings me up to the rooftop. The sunset is unclouded up here. I would love to appreciate the view more if I’m not in this dreadful situation.
Is this the beginning of everything or is this the end? That’s the burning question I have right now.
We take a seat at the lone wooden bench against the wall, facing the sunset.
I cross my arms to hide that I’m trembling, and it has nothing to do with the cold weather.
“I thought you didn’t want to see me,” Nick finally speaks. “I waited for you.”
“You did?” I perk up, biting back my smile. “Well, it’s not totally my fault, you know. If you were going to give me a secret message, you should’ve done it right. No one is going to read the back of a graded paper expecting a memo, Mr. Chase.”
“Sorry. I never had anyone to teach me that before.” He allows a small grin that makes my heart skip a beat. “But you’re
here now.”
“I am.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, “for what I said. For everything. I was––I let my emotions get the better of me.”
The memory of what he said comes back to me. I exhale. “It’s fine, Nick. I’m over it. All I want is for you to be honest with me now.”
He nods. “I can do that.”
“Okay.” I turn to look at him. “You can tell me about your fiancé. Or ex-fiancé. I’m sure Tyler already told you that I found out.”
“You two really bonded, huh?” Nick takes a deep breath like he knows this question is coming.
“He also told me about your family business,” I say, holding his gaze. “But that’s for later.”
“Right… Sorry about that too.”
“It’s okay. So, your fiancé?” I look at him expectantly.
Nick draws an uneasy breath. “Since you already knew about my dad’s business, I can start by telling you that he wants me to be his successor. But I never want any part of it. All I’ve wanted is to have a quiet life, where I can just read, and write. I wanted to get away from this life, this––circle of people who only want something from me.” He lets out a sigh. “So I talked to him, and he suggested that if I don’t want the position, then I should get married to a daughter of some higher-up guy in the company that he trusts––”
“An arranged marriage? That still exists?” I interrupt, aghast. Nick blinks with an amused expression. “Sorry. Go on.”
“Anyway, I agreed. I thought it’s time to settle down, so why not? Then I met Hannah. We started dating, and I thought––why not her? She’s perfect.” He smiles sadly. “And at the time I just wanted to make my dad happy, more than anything else, so he’d let me do my own thing. So last spring, I made a huge mistake… of proposing to her.” He looks down, grimacing.
“Oh God…”
“I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess other than wanting to do what my dad suggested, I thought that I did love her.”
“But you didn’t?”
“I really thought I was,” he admits, “but as we planned the wedding, I started picturing myself with her, living with her––and I just couldn’t. That was when I called off the wedding. It’s the shittiest feeling, and I hated myself so much.” He grits his teeth.
“It’s not your fault…” I try to console him.
I can only imagine what it must feel like for him. I’ve never given much thought on marriage. Since my mom didn’t even have one, and we never really talk about it. But marriage is a big deal. To live with someone for the rest of your life. How much love does it require to do that? I can’t even get myself a long-term boyfriend, for God’s sake!
“Turns out,” he begins again, “I did the right thing by calling it off.”
My brow furrows with confusion.
“Because I overheard Hannah told her friend she’s more pissed about not getting a piece of my company than not being able to marry me,” he says bitterly, his jaw clenched.
I’m quiet for a moment. That’s why he’s always guarded when it comes to people knowing about his background. That’s why he didn’t want to tell me about how rich he is.
“Is that why you moved here? To get away from it all?” I ask gently.
He nods. “I couldn’t face anyone… especially my dad. I let him down. I’d feel better if he’d just… yell at me or something, you know. But he didn’t. He still blames himself for suggesting the marriage thing in the first place.” His eyes are so sad it kills me.
“You didn’t let him down, Nick. Your dad only wants you to be happy. And it’s a good thing you didn’t go through with the wedding. Otherwise you would have to live in a loveless marriage where your wife only wants you for your company,” I rush through the words, angry at this Hannah woman for hurting Nick. “No offense,” I add with a smile.
“None taken.” Nick offers me a smile in return, his eyes warm. “And you know what, you were right.”
“About what?”
“What you said––about being in a relationship based on a lie and making someone an experimental case––it struck something in me.” A corner of his mouth lifts. “You may be much younger than me, Alice, but you’ve taught me so much. With Hannah, I didn’t know how I was feeling until it’s too late,” he says. “I mean I know she wanted me for my money, yes. But still, I was the one who proposed when deep down I knew it wasn’t going to work out.”
I stare at him and shake my head. “No, Nick. I was wrong.”
He looks at me with confusion, his brow knitted together.
“I mean, I should have given Jacob a fair chance,” I tell him.
Something in his gaze hardens. “What…?” he utters.
I let out a tiny smile. “He’s everything I ever wanted in a guy, Nick.” I take in Nick’s growing disappointed face. “And I could see myself falling for him…” I pause.
Nick’s gaze is now fixing on the space between his legs, his head dropped.
My smile widens. “But I couldn’t do that… because I already had feelings for someone else.”
He slowly lifts up his head, stares at me, then lets out an incredulous sound. “Are you playing me right now?” One of his cheeks twitches, and he lets out a breathy laugh.
I answer him with a mischievous grin.
“I guess I deserved that for how I treated you.” He grins back, then he reaches out to grab my hand.
I flinch at the touch, startled at the unexpected gesture. It’s the first time he’s ever touched me since we met. The first time he’s ever let himself to. I look at his warm hand on mine, and then back to his face.
“I’m sorry it took me this long to understand my own feelings,” says Nick. “I had to see you kissing Luke Sutton and for Tyler to talk shit to me to realize it.” He smiles, his hold on my hand tightening. “I’ve tried. But I just can’t see you as my student. Maybe I never did. Ever since the first time we met…”
“The stairs.” I smile, recalling the incident that made me think of him as a pervert. It seems like centuries ago…
“That’s right.” He smiles back, and his eyes seem to smile with him. “There’s just something different about you. I mean, I did notice how… beautiful you look. You’re crazy beautiful,” he says with a laugh. “But there’s also something else. And it’s not until I met you that night as my escort… that I realized how special you are.”
“Special, really?” I laugh at his choice of word. “By special you mean problematic.”
He bursts out laughing. “No, of course not. You wouldn’t take a dime from me. Most people would take that much money without a second thought.”
“I’m not interested in your money, Nick. Or anyone’s.”
“I know that.”
“Is that why you… kind of like me?”
His smile begins to spread. “Kind of?”
“You know what I mean.” I roll my eyes, smiling.
Nick chuckles. “It’s everything about you,” he says with a dimpled-smile. “I just can’t seem to stay away…”
I blush. No compliments that I’ve received has made me feel this way before. They could tell me a thousand times how beautiful I am, it won’t compare to how he makes me feel right now.
“Tell me how you feel,” I urge him. “Ever since the beginning.”
“Well,” he begins, a smile hovering on his lips, “at first I was intrigued. I shouldn’t have let that night go on, but I did…” His thumb circles gently on my palm, lost in thought. “I guess I was too curious, and I didn’t want it to end there. And I forced you into this deal with me.” He pauses, his gaze never leaving me. “Because I was angry at the thought of other men touching you. So I took it upon myself to protect you. And you were right––it’s crazy. I basically bought you, blackmailing you to have you all to myself. And I’m sorry if that’s––”
“Don’t be,” I tell him. “What you did was crazy. But otherwise, we wouldn’t be here right now. So don’t feel sorry f
or making me––” I swallow, unable to finish my sentence, my face burning.
Nick stares at me with so many unreadable emotions going through his face. Then he moves his face closer to mine, his lips hovering above mine. My heart is pounding, and his breath is hot against my cheek. And without wasting another second, he kisses me.
This kiss––it’s different than any kisses I’ve ever experienced. It’s full of unspoken words, of all the things that he won’t say out loud. I can feel his hunger, his yearning for me––with this kiss.
I run my hand through his hair, and I kiss him back just as deeply. This is how I had imagined my first kiss would be, before Leo stole it. But who cares about first kisses. Because this––this is the only kiss that matters––the one that counts.
He doesn’t have to say a thing. Because I know––by this kiss––that he, too, feels the same.
“I’ve been wanting to do that,” Nick says with a smile when he finally brings himself to stop.
“I’m sure you have.” I let out a laugh. “At school…? Have you thought about kissing me in class?” I peer at him through my lashes, expecting his answer.
“You have no idea…”
“Oh my God!”
He kisses me again. “You have no idea how hard it is. Seeing you in my class… And all I could think about is how soft your lips would be…”
Okay, who is this man?
I giggle. “You clearly don’t hold back now.”
“No, not anymore. I told you, life is too short.” He smiles. Then he kisses me again.
We spend a lifetime talking and kissing. It’s not until the yellow sunset turns gray that we decide it’s time to go.
“Are you sure your friends won’t mind? It’s your place and they’re your guests, but you’re not there,” I say as I’m buckling up the seatbelt.
“Nah. Tyler just got here. He’ll take care of it.”
