by Kate L. Mary
When my gaze meets Father David’s, he smiles, but his eyes are like stone. He starts talking, but I don’t hear a word. The sounds coming out of his mouth make no sense, and I’m so lightheaded that my entire body is shaking.
David’s hand is still holding mine, and it’s white-hot, scorching me where his skin touches mine. He starts talking, and I blink when I look at him.
What’s he’s saying?
Nothing feels real.
Then he’s frowning at me, and I know I’m supposed to say something, but I can’t speak.
David squeezes my hand, crushing my fingers and making me gasp, and the words come to me out of nowhere. “I promise to submit to you in all things.”
He gives me a satisfied smile and loosens his grip.
His father keeps talking, and I try hard to follow along, but still nothing registers. My eyes stray to the people watching us, still searching. But I can’t find what I’m looking for because he isn’t here. The person who anchors me to the ground, who has been my salvation over the last few weeks is gone, and it’s my fault. My fault because I wouldn’t leave.
Then it’s over, and Father David’s words ring through the room, sharper than anything I’ve ever heard before. “I now pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”
My heart shatters, and my legs turn to mush.
David keeps me up as he starts walking, and I’m too broken to resist. My legs feel more useless with every step we take, and I stumble, but once again David stops me from falling. It doesn’t prevent it from happening again, though, and the third time my feet trip over each other, my husband puts his arm around my waist so he can pull me along.
We reach the back of the room, but he doesn’t lead me out the double doors. Instead, he turns right and heads toward the small elevator at the back of the worship hall.
The door slides open, and David pulls me inside, his eyes flashing when they look me over. I jerk away from him and back against the wall, but the instant the door’s shut, he’s on me. He pulls my veil aside and slams his lips against mine, and like a switch has been flipped, everything in me freezes. My blood roars in my ears, and my brain screams at me to do something, but I can’t move. Can’t fight. I can’t do anything but squeeze my eyes shut and try to leave my body.
I try desperately to block out the feeling of David’s hot lips on mine, his tongue in my mouth, his hands on my body.
He doesn’t pull away until the elevator doors open.
“Fix your veil.” David’s tone is different, harder.
I straighten my veil and glance at him out of the corner of my eye. He has his chest thrust out, and the smile lighting up his face is stiff. It’s such a significant change from the David I’ve grown used to over these past three years that it fills me with dread. I’ve always known he was capable of cruelty. His treatment of me when I was fifteen is proof of that, but now it’s evident in every inch of his body, oozing from his pores as he looks at me.
“Let’s get this over with,” he says, grabbing my arm and jerking me from the elevator.
The smell of food slams into me when he pulls me into the dining hall, and my stomach rumbles. David jerks me forward mercilessly as the men begin filing in, and the deep echo of voices fills the room, bouncing around in my head. Between the noise and my growling stomach, it’s impossible to think straight.
David takes a seat at the wedding table, but there’s only one chair, so I stand next to him awkwardly, unable to figure out what to do. The smell of food makes me sway. My stomach rumbles. David looks up at me with a raised eyebrow, tilting his head toward the back of the room, and it hits me what I’m supposed to do.
It’s customary for the bride to serve her husband at the wedding feast. She’s expected to stand behind his chair until he’s finished eating, and then clean his plate before she gets her own food. Until now, I’d forgotten all about it, and I have no clue how I’m going to get through it without passing out. The scent of food wafting through the air is torturous.
In the kitchen, I grab a plate and begin piling it with food. I have no idea how much David eats or what he likes, so I get a little of everything. My hands are shaking, and I watch in a daze as a piece of chicken falls off the plate and rolls down my dress, leaving a trail of gravy behind that goes from my waist all the way to the floor. I don’t even bother trying to wipe it away.
David smiles when I put the plate in front of him, but it isn’t kind. Not that I expected it to be. I stand behind him while he eats, watching each forkful of food disappear into his mouth. He has to be able to hear my stomach, but he takes slow, deliberate bites, drawing it out. I sway and have to grab onto his chair for support.
When he’s finally done, he motions to the plate without even glancing my way, then gets to his feet. I watch him walk over to another man who looks about his age and start talking. Hating him. Hating both of them.
I grab the plate and hurry into the kitchen to clean it, washing it off as fast as I can. I doubt I did a good job, but I don’t care. My stomach is screaming for food, and thankfully, there’s no line. Everyone else has already eaten, both the men and the women.
I pile more food on my plate than I would normally eat in a week, then hurry back to the wedding table. I shovel forkfuls into my mouth so fast I’m surprised I don’t choke, but each bite I manage to swallow makes it easier to think. Jared. That’s who I should be focusing on. They have to be keeping him in this building somewhere. If I can just sneak away, I might stand a chance.
I scan the room and find David still talking to the man, but he’s facing me, looking up every few seconds. When I glance away, my eyes meet George’s. He’s sitting next to my mother with his arms crossed over his chest, glaring at me. I have no idea where Father David is right now, but he’s no doubt watching me as well.
My heart sinks. There’s no way I’ll be able to sneak out of here. I’ll have to do it in the middle of the night, which means I’ll be in David’s bed very soon.
“If you’re looking for him, you’re out of luck.” David hisses in my ear as he jerks me to my feet.
“Where is he?”
David’s eyes are wild when his mouth turns up into an evil smile. “My father took care of him.”
Tears spring to my eyes, and the ache inside me grows bigger, spreading throughout my body. I try to back away, but David is gripping my arm too hard, and I can’t. He has to be lying. Jared is just being held somewhere like Father David told me he was. He isn’t dead. I’d know it if he were dead.
David jerks me forward, his fingers digging into my already bruised arm as he pulls me across the room. “It’s time for the marriage bed.”
He drags me toward the elevator, and I look back at the people still eating and talking, desperately searching for someone who can help me. There’s no one, though.
When I turn back, the elevator door is opening. David pulls me inside. He’s all over me before the doors have even shut.
“I’ve been waiting for this,” he growls, ripping the veil off my head and pushing his lips against mine, forcing them open, sticking his tongue in my mouth.
I gag and try to pull away, but all I end up doing is backing myself into a corner. David pushes me against the wall, and once again I’m frozen in fear. I close my eyes and try to block it all out. To think of something that will take me away from this moment.
Jared. I picture his face in my mind. His blond hair and his beautiful gray eyes with the little golden ring. The crooked smile that makes my heart want to leap out of my chest. The way it felt when his lips were on mine.
The door opens on the first floor, and the sound brings me back to reality. Jared’s face is still fresh in my mind, and despite the man mauling me, my body buzzes with adrenaline. David is too preoccupied to notice we’ve stopped, and the elevator door is still open. There isn’t much time.
I place both hands squarely on his chest and shove, putting all my weight into it. Davi
d stumbles back, his hands slipping from me. His back slams into the other side of the small elevator, and I take the opportunity to run.
I dash out of the elevator and through the worship hall, my sights set on the front door. My dress swirls around my legs, threatening to trip me, so I pull it up past my knees and pump my legs harder. When I throw my shoulder into the door, it flies open, slamming against the building with a bang that echoes through the silent evening. I run out into the darkness, and hope surges through me. The gate to the commune is directly in front of me. I’m almost there. Freedom is so close.
I run faster, pulling my skirt up to my thighs so I can take longer strides. David’s footsteps echo through the night, crunching on the gravel at my back and making me move faster.
He’s closing in on me. There isn’t much time.
I’m about twenty feet from the fence when my foot hits a rock. I feel myself falling, and I throw my hands out in front of me, hoping to brace my fall. When I hit, rocks dig into my palms. My body slams into the ground, but I’m only down for a second before I’m scrambling forward, trying to get up, my feet tangling in the fabric of my dress.
Before I can get to my feet, David is on me. His hand wraps around a chunk of hair and he pulls, forcing a scream out of me as I’m hauled to my feet.
“You are mine!” he yells, slapping me across the face.
I almost fall back down, but he stops me by hoisting me up and throwing me over his shoulder. I’m lightheaded and weak as David carries me toward the houses, and I’m afraid I might actually black out.
Only I don’t.
I’m very conscious when he opens the front door to our new house and carries me inside.
Chapter 20
When David tosses me onto the couch, my body bounces twice. He stands over me, glaring down with eyes full of lust and rage. I scoot as far away from him as I can, still trying to catch my breath. Fear grips me in its tight grasp and I want to scream, but I’m immobile under his gaze just like I always am. Always frozen. Always useless.
“God gave you to me!” he yells, taking a step closer. “You are mine. Every part of you belongs to me. No man will have you but me!”
His words bring images of Jared to mind. His blond hair, his gray eyes, and his crooked smile. The way he anchors me with just his presence. What if I never see him again? What if this is my future?
Sorrow squeezes my heart, but it isn’t alone. Rage is there, too, building inside me as I think about being with David for the rest of my life. He’s taken everything from me, but he can’t have my memories. So I block him out, and I cling to thoughts of Jared. Replaying our time together. The gentleness of his touch, the understanding and patience he showed me every moment we were together.
Somehow, just holding on to the memories makes me feel anchored, almost as if Jared is actually here, and when I find my footing, when I feel like I’m not being tossed around by an angry sea, I’m able to grab on to the rage burning inside me.
“You’re not the only man who’s ever touched me,” I spit at David, hoping to destroy him with my lies before he can destroy me. “I gave myself to Jared. You were too late when you found us together.”
David freezes, and his eyes narrow, searching mine as emotion moves through his body like electricity traveling up a wire. His legs spasm, then his torso and arms. The muscles in his neck flex, and his right eye twitches. Then, all at once, something in him snaps, and it’s like a bomb has been set off in him. He grabs the small table next to the couch and hurls it across the room, howling with rage until it feels like the walls are literally shaking.
I back away, crawling up the couch. He’s too distracted to notice I’m on the move until I’ve already thrown myself over the back and taken off toward the bathroom.
Behind me, David screams again, and my heart pounds until I’m sure it, too, will explode.
The bathroom is right in front of me, less then ten feet away. If I can get there, I can lock the door, buy myself a little time and figure out what my next move should be.
Pain shoots through my head when David grabs a handful of my hair, jerking me back. I scream and spin around to face him, swatting at air as I try to get away. My scalp stings, and David tosses a clump of red hair to the floor just before he slaps me across the face, sending me to the ground right along with my discarded locks. Every inch of my body hurts, and my head is spinning until I can’t figure out which way is up. But I hold on to my thoughts of Jared, knowing I can’t give in. I can’t let David have me. I will not let him win.
I pull myself forward, crawling toward the bathroom, but David grabs me by the waist and yanks me off the floor. He carries me down the hall with me kicking and fighting every step of the way.
When he steps through the doorway, the bed looms in front of us.
Sweat breaks out across my forehead, and I twist against the arms holding me. I kick at David, thrusting my feet back as hard as I can. My heel makes impact, and he grunts just before releasing me. I drop to the ground, landing on my feet, but stumble a little as I spin around to face him.
The rage flashing in David’s eyes is volatile enough to wipe even the memory of Jared’s face from my mind. My husband’s anger is the only thing I can focus on before I’m shoved toward the bed. I stumble back but regain my footing a second later. I try to run, but he grabs me and pushes me again.
My back slams into the dresser, and all the air rushes from my lungs. Sparkling pieces of glass rain down around me, but I can’t figure out where they came from as I gasp for air only to come up empty. Then David is in front of me. He has me cornered. I push my body against the furniture at my back, gripping it in fear as I’m finally able to take in a deep breath. I’m trembling when my husband takes a step closer, and he’s shaking as well. Only the tremors moving through his body are full of rage.
The rush of blood in my ears is deafening, and I try once again to back up, but the dresser refuses to give. Shards of glass break under my shoes, and I realize the mirror must have shattered. Briefly, I consider using the glass as a weapon, but then David is coming at me again and there’s no time. I can’t get away. There’s nowhere left to run.
He has me in a second, and I’m tossed on the bed. I scramble back, only making it to the headboard before he’s on me again, pinning my arms down with his knees. Tears stream down my face, and I want to close my eyes, to pretend I’m somewhere else, but I can’t make them close. All I can do is stare up at David. All I can do is focus on him and the fear pulsing through me, on the way I tremble in his presence, on the terror blinding me to everything else.
His eyes flash as he grabs my dress at the neckline and pulls, ripping the delicate lace. I sob as he pulls at it again, shredding the thing like it’s made of paper. I turn my face away from David and squeeze my eyes shut as I’m transported back in time. Sobs shake my body while I beg him to stop, just like I did before, and just like that night, he ignores me.
No one can hear my cries, and no one is coming to my rescue. Not my mother, not the other Children, not George or Father David. And Jared can’t save me because he’s locked away, but he can help me. He can help me get through this. I can wipe David from my mind by thinking of Jared.
Just like in the living room, I conjure up images of his face, and just like before it makes me stronger. At first I don’t know why it works because Jared isn’t really here, but then it hits me that it isn’t him as much as it is the knowledge that there is goodness in this world. No matter what I’ve been through in the past, there are people who care about one another, people who would love me and sacrifice everything for me.
Just like Jared will have to if I don’t get out of here and find him.
It’s up to me. The reality slams into me, and my eyes fly open. I am the only one who can stop this. I am the only one here.
I work to block out everything that’s happening as my gaze focuses on the bedside table, just inches from my head. The light from the lamp practically blinds me
, and I have the urge to shut my eyes so I can block it out. Instead, I find myself reaching for it. David, who paws at me while he tries to remove his own clothes, is oblivious to me stretching my arm out above my head, to my fingers closing around the lamp. To what is about to happen.
I take a deep breath, tightening my grip, and then yank the lamp forward. I’m swinging it around even as I turn to look at the man I just married.
His shirt hangs unbuttoned, and his eyes are wide with shock when the base of the lamp slams into his temple.
He grunts and staggers back a little, giving me room to sit up. David shakes his head as blood trails down the side of his face, but I’m already swinging the lamp again. This time I’m able to put more force behind it because I’m sitting up, and when it makes contact with his skull, the ceramic shatters.
David’s eyes roll back, and he drops to the floor with a thud. He isn’t out completely, though, because he lets out a moan. I scramble off the bed as he struggles to stand, but his movements are slow and unsteady. The remainder of the lamp is still clutched in my hand, but it’s too broken to hit him with it for a third time, so I toss it aside and search the room for something else I can use. My gaze lands on The Book of David, and I instinctively grab it. He hasn’t made it to his feet when I bring it down on his head, and the impact knocks him down even more.
He’s on his hands and knees with his head bobbing back and forth like it’s barely attached, and I swing again, and then again. After the fourth hit, he drops to his stomach and doesn’t move. I’m panting, still standing over him with the book in my hand, waiting to see if he’s really out or if he’ll try to get back up. He moans, but it’s soft, and he doesn’t move other than a twitch of one finger on his right hand.
