The Allseer Trilogy

by Kaitlyn Rouhier

  “I won’t,” he assured her.

  “Good. Now I’ve got work to do.” She gifted one last smile to Fenir before taking her leave. Fenir watched her go, eyes following her until she was out of sight.

  “Are we ready to try again?” Tomias asked, lips quirking at the way they perked up at the question.

  “We are,” Kirheen said. She scooted herself away from Garild, turning her body towards him so they were face to face. Fully alert and focused, her eyes glimmered with determination. Even Garild seemed eager to try again.

  Tomias retrieved the cards, shuffled the deck, and handed each of them a new card. “Remember what you learned from your last attempt and build on that knowledge. You may begin.”

  CHAPTER 11

  Kirheen did not hesitate when she’d been told to begin. She closed her eyes and focused on forming the link between her and Garild. It felt easier, the pressure building and snapping into place, an invisible rope between them pulled taut. She stood before the glowing threads of his mental wall, feeling confident in her powers. As long as she rationed her reserves of power carefully, she’d win.

  Before attacking, she took a moment to check her own mind, keeping on high alert for any sign of her opponent. She couldn’t feel him lurking outside her walls, and with her already planted firmly in his mind, she knew he’d switch to defense. His walls glowed brightly, stretching on forever in either direction.

  While the desire to break through his barriers was strong, it’d be pointless if she didn’t know where to look after she broke through. She needed to pin down the information first, to know where she was meant to strike before she used the full force of her powers. Reaching out, she touched her hands to the wall, the threads vibrating against her fingers, sending tremors up her arms.

  A low hum filled her ears, drowned out her thoughts. She pressed forward with her powers and, as she pushed, flashes of images fluttered through her mind. They were little more than a blur, a kaleidoscope of colors taking shape, only to melt together again before she could decipher their meaning. Focus on the card. He’s hiding it somewhere.

  She pushed harder, trying to find meaning in the meaningless. The threads vibrated faster, the hum filling her head with erratic noise. Just as she thought she might break, she saw it, a flash of white streaked with color. She smiled to herself, knowing victory would soon be within her grasp.

  A solitary thread burned bright, shooting off to her right, weaving in and out of the wall. She followed it for a time until she came upon a strange spot in the wall. Upon closer inspection, she could see the threads were closely coiled, knit tighter in that spot than in any other. Found you.

  Dipping deeper into her energy reserves, she struck at the wall, darkening the threads where she touched. The dying threads snapped loudly, sending a shower of blue sparks falling around her like stars. As she attacked, her energy began to drain, leeching out of her fingertips. She needed to hurry. She wouldn’t lose to Garild, couldn’t lose to him. Losing meant him being inside her mind, and she’d vowed not to never let that happen.

  A trill of fear shot up her spine and she diverted her focus, shifting her attention to her own mind. As she did, the connection to Garild’s wavered, threatening to collapse. With a gasp, she plunged back into his mind, a wave of fatigue washing over her as she used more of her power to strengthen the connection. There was no choice. If she tried to guard her mind while attacking, she’d wear herself out before she found the card.

  Gathering her strength, she attacked his barriers with a burst of power. His wall crumbled, leaving behind a hole big enough for her to squeeze through. As the sparks settled, she slipped further into his mind. She found the card right away, the image on its surface clear. “I found it!” she exclaimed. She felt giddy with excitement, her heart pounding wildly.

  “Tell me what it is,” Tomias said.

  “Two vertical green lines and yellow circle.”

  “Wrong.”

  The shock of his answer sent her hurdling back into her own mind. She stared at Tomias, not amused in the slightest. “Not funny! It’s right there. I see it. Two green lines and a yellow circle,” she repeated, no longer certain who she was trying to convince. She glanced to Garild, heart plummeting into her stomach.

  His eyes were still closed, head dipped low, hands clasped together tightly on his lap. Realization dawned like a bolt of lightning, and her wall crumbled before she could visualize what was happening inside her own head. Garild raised his head, smiling triumphantly. “Two blue triangles with a red line beneath them.”

  “No,” Kirheen whispered. “No, that’s not right. I already saw your card.”

  Tomias raised a brow, the corner of his mouth twitching as he suppressed a grin. “Was it his card? Maybe he let you see the card you wanted to see. Maybe he set it up that way to lure you away from what was real so you’d let your guard down.”

  Kirheen ground her teeth together, breathing deeply through her nose while she wrestled with her frustration. It bubbled beneath the surface, a toxic cloud billowing out of control. “How is that even possible? I saw his card!”

  “But it wasn’t his card,” Tomias said sharply. “You fell into a trap, Kirheen, and the sooner you admit to it, the sooner you can learn from your mistake. You went chasing after the first sign of victory and left yourself wide open.”

  She bit back a retort, knowing it was futile. Garild had bested her and, whether she was willing to admit it or not, it didn’t change the reality of the situation. “I just don’t understand. How did you set it up so fast? I attacked right away.”

  “I’ve been working on it since we stopped our last attempt. I wanted to see if I could throw you off the trail, to lead you away from the real answer. I’m sorry, Kirheen,” Garild said, withering under her glare.

  “Is that even fair?” she asked, shifting her gaze to Tomias.

  “It is if you want to win,” Tomias said, his words cold as ice. “Do you think everyone is going to play fair with you, Kir? Do you think everyone will follow the rules? Did Herzin? Will the Darkness?”

  Tears stung her eyes as he spoke, anger and shame at war deep within her soul. She bit her lip, hoping her tears wouldn’t spill over. “No, I didn’t say that. I just thought-”

  “- You thought you could bully your way into winning. You thought Garild would break before you and in your triumph, everyone would sing you praise. It doesn’t work that way, not here in training and not out in the world either. The Darkness will not just sit by and let you break it. It will find your every weakness and exploit it. Do you understand?”

  It dawned on her that she didn’t want her powers, that she’d never wanted them. “I don’t want this responsibility,” she choked, lips trembling as she forced out the words. “I don’t want to worry about my mind like this.” She rose from the steps. “I don’t want this.”

  “Kirheen.”

  Before Tomias could stop her, she darted past him, the fabric of her sleeve slipping through his grasping fingers. She wanted to run, wanted him to wrap her in his arms and tell her it’d be okay. She wanted to leave Sanctuary behind and let the Darkness swallow her whole, freeing her from the burden weighing so heavily on her heart. It was too much. It had always been too much. She wasn’t meant for such powers, and she raced towards the one person she thought might understand.

  She collapsed on the steps of a home nestled amongst the trees, the smell of herbs and wood smoke heavy in the air. The noise must have alerted Trista, for she was by her side a moment later, rocking her gently as she sobbed.

  Kirheen sat cross legged on the floor, watching the dancing blue flames of burning wraith wood. The warmth of the fire was rejuvenating, calming her nerves and settling her spirit. Trista bustled around somewhere behind her, mashing together some concoction she promised would help.

  Water bubbled loudly in a pot hanging over the fire, and Trista swooped in to retrieve it. Kirheen could hear the rush of water and then Trista was back pressin
g a warm mug into her trembling hands. “Drink it,” she urged. “It’ll help.”

  Kirheen took a tentative sip of the dark purple liquid, tongue delighted by the taste of berries and herbs. “Thank you,” she said, basking in the warmth filling her belly.

  “Of course.” Trista plopped down on the floor next to Kirheen, careful not to spill her own mug as she settled. She was quiet for a time, green eyes focused on the flames. When she’d downed her drink, she turned to Kirheen. “You want to tell me what this is all about? Are you okay?”

  Kirheen swallowed hard, tears springing to life at the question. The comfort of the drink and the fire had almost made her forget why’d she’d come in the first place. She set her mug to the side, stomach souring. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go.”

  Trista smiled. “I didn’t say it was a problem. I’m a healer, Kirheen, and if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the mind and body are strongly connected. Harm one, you harm the other. You’ve clearly got something on your mind, so start talking. Did something happen during training? I told Tomias to take it easy on you.”

  “No, it wasn’t his fault,” she explained. She couldn’t pin the blame on Tomias, no matter how easy it would be to do so. In truth, it wasn’t the training, or Tomias’ words, that had upset her. Even Garild winning hadn’t caused her outburst. There was something much deeper churning within, a realization that nothing would ever be the same for her.

  She was actually proud of Garild, of what he’d managed to accomplish. For being so timid, he’d done something incredibly bold, tricking her into thinking she’d won only to turn the game on its head. She’d underestimated him, and it was a valuable lesson not to do so ever again.

  With his victory came a deep, unsettling fear for Kirheen. He’d broken through her defenses, had slipped inside the inner reaches of her mind. Every thought, every secret, and every fear she tried so hard to hide had been his to see. She couldn’t bear the thought, of knowing that he’d seen so much.

  “He was in my mind, Trista. I knew it was a possibility and I tried to be ready for it. I thought I could handle it, but it was too much.” Tears sprang to life, unbidden, and she wiped at her eyes with her sleeves, trying to suck in a large enough breath to speak. “I can’t handle knowing that they can see right through me, that they know every thought and feeling I have. I don’t want them to know. I want those things to be mine.”

  Her voice cracked and she began to sob. Trista reached over and wrapped her arms around her tightly, rocking her while she wept. “Oh, Kirheen. This life you lead is hard, I know,” she said softly.

  “You don’t know. You don’t have these powers,” Kirheen retorted, but she regretted the words the moment they’d slipped past her lips. Trista tensed, her green eyes reflecting her sadness. “I’m sorry, Trista. I didn’t mean it like that.”

  Trista released Kirheen from her grip. She seemed to fold in on herself, as if the words Kirheen had thrown at her had physically wounded the healer. Trista smiled sadly. “Perhaps you’re right. I don’t have the powers that you all do, but this life isn’t without trials. It’s a lonely life to live being surrounded by people different from you. It may be simpler for me not having powers, but it isn’t easy. I have no bond mate, no one to share my deepest feelings with. I’m not even allowed such a thing. I don’t even have the power to protect my own mind. It is open for all that wish to see it, and I can’t keep them out even if I tried.”

  Kirheen winced. “I didn’t think your mind was just open like that. Without powers…”

  “How I wish it were so,” Trista sighed. “The mind still exists with or without powers, and as long as it’s there, people will seek to know it. It isn’t just our minds that hold our deepest truths though. Our eyes, our lips, our voice. The way we move, and speak, and act – those also show people who we truly are. Fenir and Tomias know me well, but it isn’t because they’ve been rifling through my mind. They know me because they’ve paid attention. It isn’t hard to get to know someone if you look closely and, even knowing everything about them, a person can still surprise you.”

  Kirheen contemplated her words, feeling foolish that she hadn’t realized how life might be for someone without powers, for someone unable to guard their mind at all. At the very least, her powers afforded her some protection from prying eyes. If she got stronger, if she learned to control it, maybe she could learn to live with her powers instead of fearing them. “I’m sorry, Trista.”

  “Don’t apologize for feeling the way you do. I didn’t tell you any of this to make you feel bad, but it might help you see things in a different light. The power that you wield is a burden, but it a burden with considerable benefits. You’re exploring those powers for the first time. It’s going to feel overwhelming but give it a chance.” She reached forward, plucking the empty mug from Kirheen. “Care for some more?”

  Kirheen nodded. She rubbed at her eyes with her sleeve, the skin tender to the touch, swollen from the tears she’d shed. As Trista rose from the floor, a knock at the door caught their attention. It creaked open and Tomias slinked into the room, head bowed, and shoulders hunched as if he fully expected Trista to hit him with a pan. Kirheen scooted herself away from the fire and into the shadows of the large central table, hoping he hadn’t already spotted her peering at him from around the corner.

  Trista set the mugs down on the table with a loud clank. “What are you doing here?” she asked, green eyes narrowing.

  “I’m looking for a certain runaway. She’s about this tall, hair the color of a wraith wood tree in winter, eyes the color of vengeance, mind as strong as-”

  Kirheen groaned. “Please tell me you aren’t describing me.”

  “My, this table is new. Where did you find one that talks?”

  Trista shot him a look while she poured more hot water into their empty mugs. The room was silent while she worked. When she’d finished, she handed one of the mugs to Kirheen and the other she passed to Tomias. Kirheen caught her eye and the healer gave her an apologetic smile. Stepping out of the way, she allowed Tomias to pass.

  He pointed to the space next to her. “May I sit?”

  She nodded and he plopped down on the floor next to her, reclining back against the table. Kirheen stared at the liquid in her mug, breathing deeply of the aromatic steam that rose in lazy tendrils. She couldn’t look at him, the shame she felt for running away still too strong a feeling to ignore.

  “I’m sorry for what I said,” Tomias apologized, words barely above a whisper. “I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings.”

  Kirheen shrugged, eyes still locked on her drink. She was afraid to look at him, afraid that he’d see right through to her hurt and her pain, the conflict raging in her soul. He was too good at reading her and it made her uncomfortable.

  “It’s easy to forget how great a burden this gift can be. I’ve been using these powers for so long, I forgot how overwhelming it is at first. I stepped out of line. I shouldn’t have said what I did and I’m sorry.” She could feel the weight of his gaze, the shame he projected her way. She allowed herself a brief glance, but that small glimpse brought a fresh wave of tears.

  With a huff, she set her cup down and wiped at her eyes. “Uff, why can’t I stop crying?”

  Trista chuckled. “Well, that’s because-”

  “- you’re a woman,” Tomias finished, hand already rising to block the bundle of herbs sailing towards his head. They bounced off his palm harmlessly and he glared across the room at Trista. She returned the glare, but her eyes shone with humor, her lips parting as she failed to hide her smile.

  “Is Garild doing okay?” Kirheen asked. She imagined he was quite pleased with his victory, as well earned as it was.

  “He’s fine, but it took Fenir blocking him to stop him from chasing after you. He was sulking when I left. I imagine he thinks it’s his fault you’re so upset.”

  “You don’t know for sure?” Kirheen asked.

  Tomias gav
e her a strange look. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean… aren’t you always reading our minds?”

  “Kir, it’s not like that. Just because I have powers doesn’t mean I have to use them all the time, or that I even want to,” he explained. “Yes, from time to time I check to see how you’re holding up, especially in training where a mistake could hurt you, but it is never meant to be invasive. This power comes with a lot of responsibility, and part of that responsibility is having respect for others. I don’t just go prancing around people’s minds at will. It would be rude and intrusive. There is plenty to learn about a person without resorting to intruding on their every thought and feeling.”

  “I didn’t realize that,” Kirheen replied. The fear that had coiled around her heart eased with his words. It’d take a lot more than that before she could fully trust him, but it was a start, the first step to conquering her fears.

  “That’s okay. There is a lot to this gift we have, and I don’t expect you to understand it all at once. I’ll do better and explain things more fully as we move forward with training. I care about how you feel. If things get overwhelming again, just tell me. I won’t judge you. Just don’t run off in the future. It hurts my feelings.” He pouted dramatically.

  Kirheen laughed. “Oh, I’m sure,” she said.

  Tomias stood, yawning as he stretched to his full height. He placed his mug on the table, then turned back towards her and extended his hand. His dark eyes locked with hers, gaze unwavering. There was no trace of his usual humor. “Will you promise to trust me?” he asked.

  His question caught her off guard. Could she trust him? Her natural tendency was to distrust those around her, but she felt safe with Tomias. She was even starting to like Fenir, gruffness and all. Trista had taken her in without question, had listened to her without judgement. Even Garild seemed to truly care, even knowing how she felt about being bonded to him. She was quickly growing attached to her small group, and despite her reservations, it was almost nice having those connections.