“Garild, no matter what she does, stay focused. None of this is real. Just hang on. Do not let her win.”
“I’ll do my best,” he replied, but as Vienna crept closer with a dagger in hand, his face paled. With a sharp flick of her arm, she swiped the dagger in a wide arc. Garild gasped, a jagged line cut through his robes, blood welling on pale skin beneath. Kirheen winced and looked away as she slashed again, and again.
“Kirheen, I’m slipping…”
“Don’t, don’t. Damn it, I have an idea. Garild, just stay focused. Cling onto her mind with everything you have and be ready to attack.”
As Vienna raised the bloodied dagger for another swipe, Kirheen yelled. “I’d have liked to do that to Daris. It would have been fun cutting him to ribbons. A beast like that deserves to be put down.”
The hand clenching the dagger came to a halt and fell to her side. She turned her head slowly, her eyes bright with anger. “What did you say?”
“He’s probably absolutely humiliated right now, don’t you think? He was probably hoping for another short match. In a way he got it, just not in the way he was expecting.”
Vienna was livid, her lips peeled back in a grimace. She whirled towards Kirheen, the dagger held in a white knuckle grip. She slashed forward, but before the dagger could connect, Kirheen smirked and broke her focus, taking herself out of the match.
She opened her eyes to reality and turned towards her bond mate. Garild was at her side, his head bowed forward, his chin resting on his chest. There were beads of sweat on his brow, his cheeks flushed.
“Forgive me for this,” she apologized. “And for the love of the Allseer, stay focused!”
Curling her fingers in tight, she flung her fist towards Garild and struck him in the side of the face with enough force to knock him to the floor.
Garild felt a sharp, physical pain as something hit him in the side of the face. He looked to Vienna, her back still turned, the residual energy of Kirheen still hovering in the air before her. The blow disoriented him and he struggled to sort reality from the illusion, to understand whether the blow he’d felt had been physical or in his mind. He reached up to touch his face where pain radiated across his jaw and froze. He stared at his own hand hovering in the air before him, not quite believing what he was seeing.
As Vienna began to turn back towards him, he gathered what energy remained to him and struck a ferocious blow, taking out her mental defenses. “Green dot, two yellow lines,” he shouted, and then broke his connection to her mind.
When he opened his eyes to reality, he was sprawled on the floor, his jaw on fire from whatever had struck him. He sat up slowly, holding his aching jaw, and glanced up at his opponents. Vienna and Daris stood silent and tense, their eyes looking anywhere but at him.
“Kirheen, Garild,” Nyson spoke. “Victory is yours.”
The other Bonded exploded with cheer, their shouts and excited screams reverberating off the walls. He looked to Kirheen, the full weight of Nyson’s words slowly settling into his mind. Kirheen smiled sheepishly, rubbing at her knuckles in slow, rhythmic movements. He touched his jaw, realized it had been her fist that had hit him, and broke into laughter.
“Is this real?” he asked. “Did we just win?”
Kirheen laughed too, the sound filling his heart with joy. “I think so!”
He was overcome with emotion. He rose and helped Kirheen to her feet, then pulled her into an embrace. They remained that way until they were swarmed by their friends and pulled in opposite directions. They mingled for a time, hovering in an intoxicating cloud of excitement and adrenaline, chatting about their victory with their friends. Vienna and Daris, humiliated by the turn of events, marched from the room, anger following in their wake like a trail of fire.
Tomias and Fenir fought their way through the crowd, and Tomias was beaming, his lips split in a wide grin. “By the Allseer, if that wasn’t the most exciting thing I’ve ever seen. I’m so proud of you both,” he said excitedly. Seeing him, Kirheen marched over, her expression troubled. “And you, Kir, how you managed to figure out how to break her power. That was incredible!”
Kirheen crossed her arms. “What’s incredible is you never told us about that power. That could have cost us the match!”
Tomias shifted uncomfortably, his dark eyes meeting hers. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t think… We’ll talk about it soon, just not here. For right now, just enjoy your victory and I promise I’ll explain it later.” He squeezed Kirheen’s arm and smiled apologetically before slipping back into the crowd. Kirheen watched him leave, her brows furrowed in frustration.
He was about to ask about their exchange when Burk came running towards him, a group of excited Bonded in tow. His question was drowned out, buried beneath a dozen voices wanting to talk about their miraculous victory.
“It’s very rare,” Tomias explained, his face outlined in blue from the fire roaring in the hearth. “We don’t talk about it because we never seen it manifest. To be honest, aside from Nyson, I don’t know of anyone else with that power.”
Kirheen sat in her favorite chair, knees tucked against her chest, and listened to Tomias explain what she’d encountered in the battle. It had been such a terrifying feeling. One moment she’d been in control of her body and mind, and the next she’d been unable to move, unable to use her powers. It had felt like someone had cut her mind off from her body. No matter how hard she focused on moving, her body wouldn’t respond. She never wanted to experience that sensation ever again.
“It was terrible to experience. And you say Nyson has this power too?”
“Yes, he does,” Tomias grunted. “He claims to not use it, but it’s a bit of a touchy subject. I don’t know anyone that is comfortable with the idea of it, of knowing that someone could control your mind and body like that.”
“Aside from punching your bond mate in the face, is there a way to defend against that?”
Garild sat to her left, his fingers idly massaging his jaw where she’d punched him. It was swollen and puffy, a patchwork of purple and yellow. “Please,” he pleaded. “I could do without her punching me ever again.”
Tomias sighed. “I…honestly don’t know. What you did in the battle was amazingly resourceful. Hitting him outside the illusion, it was almost like you allowed his mind to recognize what was happening to him so he could break free. But would that work every time? Would someone more experienced with that power be able to prevent you from breaking out of it? I don’t have those kinds of answers.”
Kirheen stared at the fire, mulling over his words as she watched the flames dance and twist. If Vienna were a different person, she could ask her about her powers, could learn from their battle, but such questioning would only be met with resistance. Knowing that such a power existed only made her feel vulnerable. There was so much she wanted to know, and until she had those answers, she wouldn’t be able to rest easy.
What other powers existed, lurking beyond her understanding, just waiting to consume her? It was a sobering thought, and she spent the rest of the evening in solemn silence, trying to figure out a puzzle missing too many pieces to make sense.
CHAPTER 21
The coming days brought a flurry of activity. Workers from the eastern villages bustled about, preparing for the festivities that would be taking place by the weeks end. The workers, men and woman found unfit to battle the Darkness, toiled with unwavering focus, their eyes never wandering from the task at hand.
Finally feeling well enough to leave her room, Kirheen meandered through Sanctuary, watching the silent workers and enjoying the fresh morning air. The battles had been rough, and they’d taken a great toll on her body and mind. She’d slept for days, slipping in and out of consciousness while her mind recovered. Despite the time wasted in bed, she couldn’t have been happier. Against all odds, they’d won the battles. They’d earned the respect of the Council, the other Bonded, the instructors, and even Nyson himself. It was invigorating, and she delighted i
n the sense of power that filled her knowing they were among the best.
The celebration was set to take place the following night. Food, and drink, and merriment had been promised until the wee hours of the morning and, though it surprised her, she actually looked forward to it.
She passed the next day quietly, lounging in bed while she flipped through a worn book Trista had given her. The creamy pages were cluttered with drawings and hastily scrawled words about the various plants in the region. She stared at a drawing of a short, dark blue mushroom covered in inky black spots, her eyes traveling over the words next to it. “Found in caves, especially if water present. Deadly if consumed,” she read out loud. With a sigh, she set the book aside. While it was interesting, the information was of little use to her.
With time to spare, Kirheen made her way to the little house Trista called home. The healer had promised to help her tidy up for the festival, and Kirheen looked forward to being around someone other than Garild and Tomias. She also looked forward to the haircut she’d been offered. Most days she wore her hair pulled back in a loose tail, but it had grown long and unruly, and she found it harder to care for, the wispy strands tangling and knotting despite her efforts.
Kirheen knocked and Trista yelled from inside. “Come on in!”
She stepped into a room that felt completely foreign, so devoid of vials, and bottles, and burnt plant matter that she almost didn’t recognize it. Everything had been tucked away, leaving a room you could step through without fear of breaking your neck. The smell of cinnamon filled the small space, creating a sense of warmth that comforted Kirheen.
“What’s all this?” she asked the healer, gesturing to the unsoiled table. “Expecting company?”
Trista blushed, her pale cheeks turning red as rose petals. “Ah, is it that obvious?”
“There wouldn’t happen to be a certain white haired man paying you a visit later?”
Her emerald eyes widened, lips parting in shock. “Excuse me! I-he.. I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said hastily.
“Oh please, Trista,” Kirheen chided. “I’m not blind, or stupid for that matter.”
It had become obvious to Kirheen that Fenir and Trista had feelings for each other, and though unable to communicate in the traditional sense, they shared a bond not so unlike the one seen in the Bonded around them. Kirheen had suspected their relationship went beyond the casual flirting and the lingering stares, but Trista’s reaction only confirmed her suspicions. She imagined such a relationship was greatly frowned upon, especially since Trista wasn’t supposed to have a bond mate at all, but their relationship wasn’t hurting anyone, and they seemed to care for each other a great deal. Kirheen saw no reason why that should stop.
“I never said you were blind or stupid, Kirheen, I just…”
Kirheen grinned. “It’s okay. You don’t need to explain it to me. I’m just teasing you.”
Trista huffed, hands on her hips, her lips sagging. She grabbed a chair from the far corner of the room and arranged it in front of her bed, then motioned for Kirheen to take a seat. “Just keep that knowledge to yourself, all right? I don’t think I need to point out that it isn’t exactly allowed for either of us.”
Kirheen locked eyes with the healer. “I would never ruin that for you. You deserve to be happy, despite what the Council might think.”
Trista smiled sadly. “Thank you. Now take a seat so we can fix that hair of yours.”
Her hair was a tangled mess, knotted so badly in spots she figured it would take a miracle to brush through it all. Trista ran her hands over the ashen strands, clucking her tongue against her teeth in disapproval. “How did you manage this? You know what, I don’t want to know. It’ll just frustrate me. We can’t have you looking like this at the festival tonight. We’ll start with a bath.”
Kirheen grinned sheepishly. “I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to keep it tidy, but it’s getting harder to care for now that it’s so long.”
“Well, don’t worry about that. With those knots, I might just have to cut it all off. Come on, off to the hot springs with us.”
They left the cozy hut behind, weaving through the trees towards the hot springs that bubbled to life not far from the village, nestled in a craggy nook. There were multiple springs, partitioned with crude fencing for some small measure of privacy. It wasn’t much, but it did the job.
At the edge of the pool, Kirheen stripped out of her robe, feeling self-conscious in front of Trista. The healer was tall and lean, her skin pale, and freckled, and smooth. She was self-assured, comfortable in her skin in a way Kirheen was not. Trista slipped out of her clothes and strode into the steaming water, her red hair spreading out around her like a fan. She reclined against the rocks, tilted her head back, and closed her eyes. Kirheen shimmied out of her undergarments and quickly wrapped her arms over her breasts, wishing desperately she could hide more of herself. Even though Trista wasn’t looking, the fear of it was there, and she rushed into the water, sucking in a breath as the heat of the water kissed her bare skin. It took a few moments to adjust to the intense heat of the pool, but her muscles began to relax, and she melted into the water, the stress of the past week dissipating, carried away on swirls of steam.
They soaked for a time in silence, eyes closed and ears open, listening to the sounds of the wilderness pressing in all around them. After a time, Trista raised her head. “You did incredibly well in the battles. Your bond with Garild has really grown strong.”
“Thank you. I suppose it has. We work well together,” she replied. She sat up, letting the water swirl around her shoulders, and looked to Trista. She was watching Kirheen with a guarded expression that made her nervous.
“You do. I used to get the feeling you didn’t like him very much, but that’s changed, hasn’t it?”
Kirheen winced. “Yeah, it has. He’s my friend.”
“Your friend… Would you permit me a personal question?”
“I suppose,” Kirheen said cautiously, fearing the question before it could even be asked.
“Do you love Garild? Not just as your friend, but as something more?”
Kirheen fell silent, her thoughts colliding together to fall tangled in a confusing heap. Garild was her friend. They’d grown closer over the winter months, finding comfort and strength in each other’s presence. The harsh training had forced her to learn how to trust him, to willingly and openly share her thoughts and her feelings with him. Physical and mental growth had brought out a sort of charm in Garild that had been lacking before, and it hadn’t gone entirely unnoticed.
Even though that little whisper of attraction existed, even though she cared about him and trusted him with her thoughts and feelings, Kirheen couldn’t see him as anything more than her friend. It was confusing, and dredged up a deep feeling of shame, even though she knew in her heart he wasn’t what she desired, wasn’t who she desired.
Relationships were an oddity in Sanctuary, and love was something Kirheen knew so very little about. How much of it was taught? How much just existed? She knew they bonded young men and women together for a purpose. She’d known from a young age that eventually she’d be expected to bear a child with her bond mate, though what that entailed remained a mystery to her. They were matched in all aspects, from their powers to their personalities, the intent clearly being for them to fall in love. How could a bond get any stronger than that? Wouldn’t you fight to protect the things you loved, no matter the cost?
Even knowing so little, she knew enough to know that she did not love Garild, not in the way they meant for her to. It was hard to even imagine what that might feel like with him. It was hard to imagine her heart fluttering at the sight of him, a deep longing tingling through her, setting her skin on fire, the way it did when she saw Ian. She tried so hard to hide those feelings, to keep them secret. It made her feel ashamed knowing that Ian made her feel that way, that she shared that connection with him, and that she’d never have that with her bond mate,
that she never wanted to have those feelings for him.
“You’ve been quiet a long time, Kirheen,” Trista said softly. Kirheen peeled her eyes away from the swirling waters and looked to Trista, feeling the sting of tears, the tangled misery of her own feelings. “For all we teach you, the whims of the heart remain a mystery. You are Bonded and they expect you to know what that means, to feel as they desire you to feel, but it’s never as easy as that. You don’t love him, do you?”
Kirheen struggled to speak, to spill the truth out into the world, to make it real. “I…”
“Speak freely. There is no judgement here and this stays between us.”
She trusted Trista, trusted her to hold her secret tight. The words came rushing out, a burden she hadn’t known she’d been carrying. “I don’t love him. I never have. I care about him, I trust him, but I don’t love him. Sometimes I think what it might feel like to hold his hand, to stare into his eyes, but I feel…nothing. Just emptiness, a hollow where that feeling should be.”
Oh Allseer, what must she think of me?
Kirheen burned with shame. Trista was staring at her, green eyes dulled by sadness, and Kirheen wanted desperately to take back her words, to hide them back in the depths of her soul. She was supposed to be happy about her bond. Love was just something that was meant to happen to them. It would reach in and grab her heart and make her see something in Garild that she was missing. But it hadn’t happened, it wasn’t happening, and Kirheen feared it never would. Was she expected to pretend? It felt like a betrayal, that the act of pretending would kill something inside of her she’d been trying so hard to protect.
“Kirheen, I’m so sorry. I wish there were words that would make this easier. I wish I could take away your pain. It is all so very, very complicated and I want you to know that I do not judge you for how you feel. I wish it could be different, but this world we live in, this reality we face, it demands everything from us. What we want and what we desire are not always achievable. You have been Bonded, and you are expected to fulfill that bond. You’ve been set on a path and you must walk it until the end, you understand that, right?”
The Allseer Trilogy Page 17
