by Elle Thorpe
She patted my arm absently. “I know. You aren’t a little boy anymore. But it’s still hard for me to flip that switch sometimes, from being your mom, who you needed constantly, to…” She smiled. “Whatever we are now. More of a friend, I guess.”
I put my arm around her and kissed the top of her head. “I’m not your friend. And I still need you. You’re always my mom. But that doesn’t mean you can’t cry in front of me.”
She sniffled back a little laugh. “Okay. I’ll try to remember that.”
The trip to the hospital at Jackson Hole was thankfully short. Nerves racked me as we walked through the automatic glass doors and into the air-conditioning. Mom spoke to the woman behind the desk, nodded a few times, and then led us to the surgery waiting rooms.
Theo and Spencer both glanced up from their phones when we entered. Theo’s face flushed with relief, and he stood, grabbing Mom and wrapping her smaller frame in a bear hug. Spencer grabbed me, and his embrace was tighter than I remembered it.
“Thank fuck you’re home,” he murmured. His voice cracked.
It was only then that I realized how much strain the two of them had been under, being the only ones here when it had all happened. I was their elder brother. They were used to me being the one to take on any responsibility that needed shouldering.
I hadn’t been here.
I thumped him on the back and held him that little bit closer. “You’re good. I got this.”
He nodded into my shoulder and sniffed.
The four of us sat down, and Mom and I quizzed the two of them endlessly, on everything from what he’d looked like when he went into surgery, to what the doctors had said when they’d come to update them.
The answer at the end of the day was that there was nothing to be done but to sit and wait. Theo and Spencer went back to aimlessly scrolling on their phones. Mom stared at the wall, lost in a world of her own. I fished out my phone, charged up on the plane, and texted Summer to let her know I was here. I asked for an update on the bulls, but there wasn’t one. So I unfurled the crossword puzzle book that Summer had bought during our stakeout and pretended like I was doing it. When really, I just read the same line over and over, too tired to even read the clues properly. The sun rose outside the hospital windows, and still, there was no news about my dad.
Just after seven, when I was slumped uncomfortably in a hard, plastic chair, sleep about to pull me under, a doctor pushed through the set of double doors and cast an eye over an exhausted West clan.
His gaze landed on my mother. “Mrs. West?”
She’d been dozing, but at her name, she jumped up, smoothing back her hair. “Yes? How is he?”
The doctor gave her a nod. “There were some complications.”
I reached over and took my mother’s hand. “What sort of complications? He’ll be okay, though?”
Theo sucked in a sharp breath at my question. I knew how he felt. It was as if the air had suddenly punched from the room and I was having trouble breathing.
The doctor didn’t smile, but he did give a curt nod. “Yes, we expect he’ll make a full recovery.”
Mom burst into tears.
Those tears wiped out any feeling I might have had on my own. Theo, Spencer, and I all swooped in on her, crowding her into the middle of a group hug, the four of us laughing through our tears of relief.
“I knew he’d be fine,” Spencer said. “Never a doubt in my mind.”
I shoved his shoulder, and he grinned at me.
Theo clipped him across the back of the head. “You cried like a baby.”
“Shut up, dickhead. He looked dead when I found him. You would have cried, too, if you hadn’t been locked in your bedroom with Jessica Aruid.”
“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Mom said, disentangling herself from her pack. She turned back to the doctor. “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “Don’t be. It’s nice to see a family as connected as yours is.”
I swallowed hard. I wondered if he’d still think the same if he knew I’d only just returned after completely bailing on them months ago.
“We’re going to have him in intensive care for a little bit, so I suggest all but one of you goes home and gets some rest. He can only have one visitor up there. Once he’s moved to the cardiac floor, in a day or two, he can see you all.”
“Mom, you stay,” I said immediately. “If you aren’t too tired, that is.”
Theo and Spencer nodded.
Mom kissed my cheek. “Thank you. I couldn’t sleep without seeing him anyway.”
“One more thing,” the doctor interrupted. “This was a very serious heart attack for a man his age. I suspect there is a genetic component, and it might be worth you boys getting tested.”
My gut twisted. I already knew that wouldn’t apply to me.
“He’s also going to need to take it easy for a while. No driving, no heavy lifting. Light exercise and rest is what he needs for the next few months.”
My eyes widened. “Months?”
The doctor nodded. “It will probably be at least six months before he’s even close to where he was.”
Mom nodded and shook the doctor’s hand. “Of course. That’s fine. We’ll get him back on his feet. Can I see him now?”
The doctor agreed.
Mom gathered up her bag before hugging each of us goodbye. “I’ll call you as soon as he can have visitors.”
I hugged her tight, then followed my brothers out to Theo’s car. The two of them chatted happily in the front seats the whole way home, their laughter and jokes fueled by lack of sleep and pure relief. But I was quiet. I rested my head on the window, my body begging to just switch off and let sleep take me, but my brain wouldn’t allow it. It whirred a million miles an hour, desperately trying to sort through everything that had happened in the last two days.
When we turned into the long driveway of the home I’d grown up in, I sat up a little straighter. I put one hand to the window and peered out. “What the fuck, guys?”
Theo bristled with annoyance. “I knew you were going to be like this.”
I snapped my head around and stared at the back of his head, wishing he weren’t driving so I could see his face. “What does that mean?”
Spencer sighed. “We see what you see, you know, Dom.”
“Oh good, because I see a ranch that’s full of jobs that need doing. There’s a whole section of fence down over there. And that herd should have been moved down to the back pasture at least a week ago.”
“One of the four-wheelers is also broken,” Theo added in a monotone drone. “And nobody ordered hay at the start of the month so we’re down to our last bale. Yeah, we get it, Dom. It’s all good for you, running off to another state. But you left us shorthanded. When Dad got sick, it left the lot on me and Spencer. Two men, for four men’s jobs, means shit doesn’t get done. We’ve been trying, but I can’t magically make there be more hours in the day. Dad wouldn’t let us hire anyone. He kept hoping you were coming back.”
I stared at my middle brother, my observations about the things that needed doing dying on my tongue. I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Fuck, Theo. Sorry. I’m tired and being an ass. I know you’ve been doing your best. I just had no idea what was going on.”
He gave a curt nod and pulled the truck up outside the main house. When we got out, and he twisted to face me, it was like another kick in the gut. All I’d really noticed at the hospital was his worry. But on closer inspection, there were dark circles under his eyes, and he’d lost weight since I’d seen him last. His cheeks verged on gaunt. The guy wasn’t just tired from the last twenty-four hours. He was tired because of the load he’d taken on.
It was too much. I could see that now. And the part of me that still saw Theo as my baby brother kicked in. I slung an arm around his shoulders. “I’ll fix this,” I promised him.
Theo focused down at the ground. “I never wanted this job, Dom. I don’t live and breathe ranch life like you do. Ge
tting up at four every morning and getting snorted on by asshole bulls doesn’t do anything for me. This is a paycheck. But I don’t want to run this place. I’m shit at it—”
“You’re not, you just got thrown in the deep end.”
But Theo held a hand up. “No, I’m not looking for a pep talk. This isn’t my passion. Fuck, man. I don’t even know if I want to work here. Not in the long run. There are other things I want to do and try. I don’t want to get stuck managing this place and never get to do any of them.”
This was all news to me. “And you?” I asked Spencer.
He shrugged. “I’m doing online college classes. There’s more to life than bulls and rodeo, Dom.”
“You are? Shit. That’s awesome.” I nodded slowly, really seeing my brothers for the first time. I’d always just thought they were lazy and slightly spoiled.
Now I saw their late starts and low enthusiasm for what they really were.
Ranching wasn’t in their soul the way it was in our dad’s. The way it was in mine. For me, bulls and rodeo were all that were important. Bulls, rodeo, and Summer.
I toed at the dirt. “Well, this is eye-opening. And kinda fucked up.”
Theo grimaced. “I didn’t mean to just dump it all on you the minute you got home. I was going to tell Dad, but then he got sick, and well, then that escalated into where we are now.”
“Yeah, I get it. Don’t worry, I’ll work something out.”
He eyed me. “You gonna stay?”
I bit my lip. I had no idea.
33
SUMMER
My heartache was the only thing that kept me awake on the drive home from the airport. Every mile that rolled past took me farther and farther away from the man I loved. I missed him already. We’d lived in each other’s pockets for weeks, so not having him in the passenger seat beside me just felt wrong. Everything about being here without him felt wrong. I wanted to turn around, go back to the airport, and put myself on a plane. I wanted to be there in the hospital with him. I didn’t want him to do this alone.
But I also knew if I did that, he’d put me on a plane and send me right back home. Sure, there were bulls at his place that I could have practiced on. But his ranch was set up for breeding, not for riding. As much as I wanted to think I knew everything there was to know about bull riding, I couldn’t pull my own gates, and act as my own spotter, and coach myself. I needed my dad for that. And the crew at our ranch, who were all trained in those areas. Dom would be busy with his dad and his family. He couldn’t be trying to coach me on top of all that. It was too much.
I deserved this shot at the pros. And Dom needed to be with his family. It sucked that those things were on opposite sides of the country, but I consoled myself with the knowledge that he loved me. We’d make this work long distance, for as long as we had to, if that’s what it came down to.
When I finally drove beneath the heavy wooden Hunts’ Bull Riding School sign, indecision stopped me in the middle of the driveway. I’d slept in Dom’s cabin every night since we’d been together. The thought of going back to my little bedroom in the main house was completely unappealing. I just couldn’t do it. I was tired and sad.
I’d ask his permission later, whenever he called to update me on his dad, but for now, I dragged my weary body up the stairs of Dom’s cabin, pushed open the door, and collapsed onto his bed, not even bothering to take off my clothes. I pressed my face into his pillow, inhaling the familiar scent of him. And let sleep take me hard.
When I woke up, it was to the banging of someone’s fist on the cabin door.
“Summer! You dead?”
I blinked sleep from my eyes, groggily sitting up. Peering through the window, I realized it was dark outside. What the hell? I stumbled to the door and yanked it open. Hallie was on the other side, huge grin on her face. “Oh good, not dead. You were asleep so long I wasn’t entirely sure.”
“What time is it?”
“Past the time that I’m employed to work, but your dad asked me to stick around and help with the bulls.”
Was she making no sense or was I still half asleep? “The bulls we no longer have?”
Hallie grabbed my boots from the front porch and tossed them at me. “The bulls you got back. The truck just pulled in. Come on, we got work to do. It’s all hands on deck.”
That shocked me back into action. I hopped on one foot, trying to shove my boot over my sock. “We got them back? When? How?”
“The sheriff called not all that long after you got back from the airport, but we didn’t want to wake you. They found all the bulls in the back pasture, just like you’d reported. It took a few hours to get trucks out there to bring them home.”
A wide grin spread across my face. “All of them? They’re okay?” I got my other boot on finally, and Hallie and I took off on foot, down the road that led to the bull pens and the training arena.
“See for yourself.”
The truck was backing up, and everyone had come out to see the bulls safely returned. Preston and the other guys cheered as the first bull ran down the ramp.
Hallie put her arm around my shoulder and grinned. “Good to see them home.”
Grave Digger thumped the back of the truck with his hooves before he ran out, making everyone laugh.
I shook my head. “I see someone’s mood hasn’t improved any for his little adventure.”
My dad closed the back end of the truck, letting it slam shut with a bang. “He just needs a good ride. An outlet for all that aggression. You up for it, Sum?”
I blinked. “What, now? What time is it?”
Dad shrugged. “You missed a whole day of training. And you have a lot of work to do in a very small amount of time if you’re going to nail your ride next weekend.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “Who told you about that?”
In a rare display, my dad cracked a massive smile. His relief at having his bulls back was evident in his almost jovial mood. It was very un-Frost-like. “I don’t know if you recall, but I won several WBRA titles.”
Preston sniggered. “Like, thirty years ago.”
Dad shot him a look. “I still know people there.” He turned back to me. “Brad called me. He said he’d spoken to you.”
“He did.”
“This is pretty big, him giving you the green light. You up for it?” He already knew what my answer would be. If I wasn’t up for it, I would have been in Wyoming right now with Dom. If I wasn’t up for it, I would have taken any excuse to get out of this rodeo. The pride in my father’s eyes made me remember that this was his dream, too. We’d been a team, ever since I could remember. And I wanted to win for him, almost as much as I wanted to win for myself.
Almost. But just a little bit more for myself. The old man did have his own titles after all.
I pressed up on my toes and kissed his cheek. “I’m up for it. Get me a bull.”
I rode for hours that night. Then got up the next morning and did it all again. Dad took over the trainees, giving me Preston and Hallie to work with. And work we did. The three of us were filthy, covered in dirt and sweat, and every muscle in my body ached by the time a beat-up white truck rolled down the driveway. I didn’t pay it much attention, too busy preparing for another ride.
“Who’s that?” Preston called, gate rope wrapped around his hand. He shielded his eyes from the midday sun and squinted at the truck kicking up a dust storm around its tires.
“No idea. Pay attention,” I griped at him.
He mock saluted me, and I flipped him the bird.
He sniggered but put both hands on the ropes. When I nodded, he yanked it hard, releasing Grave Digger into the ring with me on his back.
When the eight-second buzzer rang, I jumped off, excitement flushing through my body.
Preston let out a whoop of excitement. “Nice ride!”
I opened my mouth to answer him when clapping from across the ring drew my attention. I frowned when I realized who it was. “Take
five,” I told Hallie and Preston. “Get a drink or something. I need a minute.”
They both took off for the office and the mini refrigerator we kept inside, while I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and walked across the ring to stand in front of Felix.
I eyed him, taking in his jeans, T-shirt, and baseball cap. “You’re a surprise. Thought you would have fled the country by now.”
A tiny smile curved the corner of his mouth, but then it fell away. “Got arrested.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Not much of a thief, are you? I warned you.”
“I know. But it just didn’t feel right. When the sheriff got there, I turned myself in. Told them everything I knew.”
“And you didn’t get put away?”
He lifted a shoulder. “Frank and the others did. There was video footage of them stealing your bulls, and I suspect they’ll find more, once they put cases together from other counties.”
“But you’re not on them?”
“No, ma’am. I’m not. What I told you out there the other night is the truth. I suspected. But I never knew for sure. I’m going to testify when their cases go to trial.”
I blew out a long breath. “Shit, Felix. Against your grandmother’s brother?”
He snorted. “Especially against him. That bastard held a gun on my brother. And on you. Actually, that’s why I’m here.”
I cocked my head to one side. “You didn’t just come to admire my bull riding?”
He smiled at that. “No. But wow, I had no idea you could ride like that. You’re amazing. I’m gonna be watching you on the WBRA next year, no doubt about that.”
I flapped a hand around, brushing off the compliment. “Don’t try to distract me with your flattery. Why are you here?”
He sobered. “To say I’m sorry. And I guess to tell you the sheriff let me go. I kind of hoped that might mean you would believe me.”
I studied his deep brown eyes. They were so like Dom’s. The emotion behind them seemed genuine.
