His mouth snaps open. “I…I…” For now, he’s just shocked. Soon, he’ll be repelled by me.
I did what I came here to do—made sure Blaze will never come near me again. What I didn’t anticipate was how much it would hurt to lose him. “Goodbye, Blaze.” I walk—maybe I run—before I have to endure his fear.
“Nisha,” he yells after me.
I don’t stop. I flee from Blaze. From myself.
I run past Rumsey Monument, into the woods, to the Potomac River. Every breath I take hurts. I push through the sharp pain. A mile between Blaze and me isn’t enough. No distance ever will be. He knows who I am. Though, he didn’t—or couldn’t—say it, he thinks I’m a freak. A disease. A plague. Everyone does. Why should he be different? Why do I care he isn’t? I mean, what did I expect when I decided to take him to the cemetery? There was no possible scenario in which he could have accepted my deadliness. Even suicidal people stay away from me.
The raging water echoes through the trees. Blaze isn’t the only one haunting my thoughts. I see the faces of each of my victims. The look in their eyes when they took their last breaths. The fear of what’s waiting for them afterward. I’m responsible for the agony of a dozen families. Mothers lost their children. Siblings were separated. Relationships divorced in the court of death. It’s all on me. I’m no angel, but I sure as heck am the closest thing to the personification of a reaper there is.
I keep moving until my feet succumb to exhaustion. Until I drop to my knees, gasping for air. The mad greenish river is within a finger’s reach. Some people come here to pray. I’m drawn to it because I hope it can wash out the pain. Erase the guilt employing my every hour. Turn off the self-loathing intoxicating my veins. But hope and prayers have one thing in common—both are useless. Just because you want something desperately enough to beg a higher power for it doesn’t mean it’ll happen. Look at my parents. I wanted nothing more than for them to return, to wake up one day realizing it was all just a nightmare. They’re still buried, aren’t they?
The Heathers were right. I should pack up my stuff and get out of Shepherdstown for good. Where am I supposed to go? Another town? To take death and misery to their doorstep? I can’t do that. I won’t endanger more innocent people.
I pick up a flat stone and throw it. It jumps over the water’s surface, drawing circles. Then, it sinks to the ground, sleeping in the river of unanswered prayers and lost hopes. I could do the same—sleep all my demons away. End this madness once and for all by drowning the ghost of guilt.
The water is icy and wild. I dip in a finger and shiver uncontrollably. It’d be fast, the twisted voice in the back of my mind assures me. The chilling temperature will slow down your heart rate. You won’t put up much of a fight. A little kicking and struggling. Then, you’ll float. The raging water will claim you. And you’ll sleep. Yeah, I’d sleep, and no one else would ever get hurt.
I get on my feet and move. My shoes fill with water. The jeans Aunt V bought me last week are soaked up to my knees. I’m freezing. Instinct urges me to get back, to go home. The faces of my parents, Joseph, Kitty, Toby, Reena, and all the others cross my mind. I can’t resurrect them. What I can do is make sure no one else gets hurt.
I take another step. The vicious current twists around my ankles. Like a ghostly hand, it tries to pull me down, to wash me away. I struggle to keep my balance. But why? I want it to be over, don’t I?
“No you don’t, my love.” My frozen muscles stiffen. I know this voice. It has occupied my dreams forever.
I look over my shoulder, to my left, to my right, trying to locate him. The conqueror. The man from the desert. The merciless ruler I’m drawn to. He’s not there. He’s just a hallucination. A figment of my broken mind, urging me to hold on to life. I don’t want to hold on. I want to let go of all the torment and wretchedness. I want the people I love to be safe.
“Stop,” he yells as I move farther into the cold grave. “You have to stop. Please.”
I lift my chin. He’s right in front of me, his garnet eyes glowing like a firestorm. I drink him in. Apart from Blaze, he’s the most stunning guy I’ve ever seen—skin the color of autumn, a distinct jawline, high cheekbones, full rosy lips, and hair as black as a starless night. The perfect hallucination. “You’re not real,” I whisper, convincing myself.
He walks over the water’s surface as if it were paved. “I am as real as you are, my love.” He brushes my cheek, kicking my heart into high gear. “And I can’t let you do this.”
I’m done fighting tears. “Why not?” I ask, gazing into his flaming eyes. “I’m a burden. A curse. An abomination.”
A smile tugs at the edges of his lips. “You are so much more than that.” He leans in, his fiery breath beating against the tip of my nose. “You must remember. Remember what you once promised me, love.”
“What are you talking about?” I bark, teeth chattering. “I don’t even know you.”
His garnet eyes pierce through mine. “Yes, you do.” He presses his index finger between my eyebrows. “Remember,” he whispers, and just like that, the river and everything else vanishes.
Horses and camels gallop over steaming sand. Somewhere behind me, I hear drums. They play a well-loved rhythm. One I’ve listened to a million times. The riders are fighting the merciless heat of the sun while I’m sitting inside a shaded carriage made of pure gold. It’s not fair.
I look up. A pair of blue eyes—the color of the sky—is gazing back at me. They belong to a woman with long black hair and the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. “Don’t worry, my child. We will be back in time for your sister’s celebration.”
I care for her, but I’m also mad at her. “I don’t want to train with them,” I say, not sure who they are, or why I don’t want to go anywhere near them.
She shifts closer and pulls me against her chest. “I know, my little princess, but it is your duty to protect your people, and they will teach you how to achieve that goal.”
I move away from her. “Why is it my duty?” I just want to be normal.
“Enough,” the man across from me barks. His eyes are brown—the color of earth—and while he appears scary, I know he’s not. “You are who you are, my child. And there is nothing you can do about it.”
“If you say so, Father.” I lean against the door of the carriage and gaze at the flickering sand. That’s when I spot him. A boy, sitting in the midst of nowhere, all alone. “Stop,” I scream.
The woman and the man—my parents—stare at me. “What is it?” she asks.
I point at the boy. “Look.”
They both gaze out. “What in the name of Ra is he doing there?” my father asks.
I meet his gaze, ready to beg if I have to. “Please, stop the carriage.”
He looks to my mother, and when she nods, he tells the soldier steering the carriage to hold the horses.
Seconds later, I run over the brutally hot sand toward the boy. He holds something in his palms. It’s the blossom of a desert rose. “What are you doing here all by yourself?”
His amber eyes meet mine. “I wait to join my parents in the afterlife,” he says, smiling at me.
A heavy sadness settles over my chest. He’s hurting so bad, I can’t breathe. I plummet down next to him. “Why did they go without you?”
The boy stares at his rose. “They had no choice. The desert demons took them. They didn’t want me. Now, I’m all alone, praying for the gods to show mercy.”
“Your prayers have been answered.” I rest my hand on his shoulder. “You’re not alone anymore. You have me.”
Tears fill his eyes. “Do you promise never to leave me?” he asks, his eyes searching mine.
My lips curve up. “I promise.”
“I’m Seth.” He lays the desert rose in my hand. “This belonged to my mother. Now, it’s yours.”
I have no right to take it. It’s the only thing he has left of her. “I can’t—”
“Please,” he begs. “It’ll al
ways remind you of me. That way, you’ll never forget your promise.”
I take the flower, but I know I don’t need it to remember him. The kindness and love in his eyes is something I would never be able to forget. “Come with me,” I say, holding out my hand. “From now on, you will never be alone.”
The sun doesn’t shine as bright as Seth’s smile as we walk to my parents’ carriage.
The desert fades. The icy water beats against my hip. “Now do you see why you can’t leave?” he says, garnet eyes locked on mine.
My head swims. I’m seasick and cold. “What just happened?”
He takes my hand and smiles. It’s the same smile Seth had when I—or the girl—walked him to the carriage. “You swore to never leave me. Don’t break your promise again, love.”
“Again?” What does he mean? And how can a hallucination be so real? Is it possible I’m already drowning? Does my mind conjure up these stories to forget about the pain as the greenish water fills my lungs?
The conqueror, or Seth, or whatever his name is, kisses my forehead. “Remember. You have to remember.”
The war chant of Seth’s army echoes through the narrow corridor. It’s fierce enough to rattle the flames of the torches illuminating the darkness. I tighten my grip on the Book of Souls. There’s no going back now. I have to finish what I started before he releases Chaos and destroys everything—even himself.
I face the stone gate, engraved with ancient spells and powerful wards. It’s the only thing standing between me and the Hall of Eternal Life. The only thing between life and death. My hands are shaking as I shove the golden key, shaped like an ankh—the symbol for eternal life—into the narrow opening.
“What are you doing?” Just the sound of his voice makes my heart beat faster, but I can’t allow myself to feel. Too much is at stake.
Slowly, I turn around. A dozen of his best soldiers are standing behind him, raging for blood. My blood. Amongst them is Blaze, dressed in a simple white loincloth, the black markings on his skin clearly visible.
“Love, what are you doing here?” Seth demands to know.
“I can’t stand by and watch as you bring Chaos upon the world.” I swore an oath to protect my people, and I have turned a blind eye to his cruelty for too long. No more.
“What are you saying, love?”
“It will end. Today.” I turn the ankh to the left and watch as the heavy stone gate shifts to the side.
“Are you insane?” he yells. It’s the first time I hear fear in his voice. The man who walked through the underworld to battle sixty-four demons so he can be with me is petrified.
Even his soldiers stumble backward. They fear no demon, no sword, no death, but they’d be insane not to fear my grandmother. She is, and always has been, the most merciless ruler of all. When humanity rebelled against her husband, my grandfather, she was the one who punished them. All of Egypt remembers that day, and no one in his right mind would ever dare disobey her rules. Which is what I am doing right now. Entering the Hall of Eternal Life is forbidden. A mortal would die a cruel death should he step foot inside.
“Please,” Seth begs. “Please, don’t do this. Did you forget your promise?”
I take a deep breath. “I will always love you, but sometimes love isn’t enough.” That said, I move toward the stone altar in the center of the chamber.
Seth approaches the threshold and stops. “Please,” he pleads with me. “Don’t do this. We both know there’s only one way to stop me.”
He’s right, and while I hate it, I have no choice left. I open the golden book on the page with the spell. Then, I approach the glass box; it holds the snake every immortal fears. The snake created by Chaos himself. Its poison is lethal to every descendant of the primeval waters. It once bit my grandfather. He only survived because all of his children performed a cleansing ritual.
“You will die,” Seth says, tears in his garnet eyes. The same eyes that used to be the most stunning shade of amber anyone had ever seen.
For a fraction of a second, I see the boy I once loved. The kind and loving man who stood by me every step of the way. I know he is still in there somewhere, but hate has corrupted him, and I can’t risk another chance on him. “Hush nakha sunam ankh.” The spell opens the glass box and frees the snake.
“No,” Seth screams, stepping into the Hall.
He still loves me. He always will.
I have to hurry. There are still a few more things that need to be done. One: I need to send the Book of Souls back to the City of Souls before Seth can use it to capture the snake. “Ren ba aka shut.” Light streams out of the book. Then, it disappears.
Two: I need to slow the snake down so I can milk her poison. I use a spell my sister once taught me. “Ashtum. Mey maat. Ashtum. Mey tuum.” It slows the snake just long enough for me to press her toxin onto the dagger I’d brought.
Seth circles my free wrist. “Stop this, now!” He aims to drag me out of the chamber, but Blaze—Seth’s soldier—comes to my aid. Blaze and I have plotted this for weeks. I would perform the ritual. He would make sure Seth knew about it. But I never wanted him to enter the Hall and lose his life.
Blaze’s betrayal hits Seth hard. “What are you doing?”
Blaze’s skin is already decaying from the curse my grandmother has put on the hall. “I’m sorry, my friend.” He looks at me and nods. “But she is right. You must be stopped.”
I read the last spell. “To take his life, I sacrifice mine.” I slice the dagger through my palm. The poison instantly weakens me.
Terror settles in Seth’s eyes. “What have you done?” He catches me before I fall, holding me against his chest.
I lie in his arms as my body succumbs to the lethal toxin. “I’ve cursed us both,” I say as a dying Blaze pierces the dagger through Seth’s back and into his heart.
“We belong together,” Seth whispers, exhaling his last breath. “I will find you again, love.”
The world vaporizes. Or maybe I’m the one turning to dust. I can’t tell, because darkness claims me.
I yank my eyes open. There’s no river, no Seth, no desert, no Hall of Eternal Life, no Blaze. I’m in my bed, covered with dozens of blankets. It was just a dream. Another nightmare. One so real, I have a hard time believing I’m in my room rather than drowning in the river, or dying in some creepy hall.
How did I even get here, in bed? One minute, I was at the cemetery with Blaze. The next, I ran to the river. Or didn’t I? Maybe I should listen to Aunt V and go back to my therapy sessions. It’s not normal to lose a whole day to night terrors or hallucinations.
I rub my eyes and switch the lamp on my nightstand on. Despite all the blankets, I’m freezing. I need a warm shower. I throw the sheets to the side. What I see freezes the blood in my veins.
My mouth snaps open and I think I scream. No, I know I scream, because Aunt V, Rob, and Izzy storm into my room.
“Nisha?” My aunt is terrified. “What is it?”
I stare at my soaking wet jeans and sneakers, unable to speak. “Holy Ganesha,” Rob mutters. “How did this happen?”
Izzy inspects the sheets. “It looks as if someone poured a bucket full of ice water on your bed.” She pulls me up from the wet mattress. “C’mon, we need to dry you up before you catch a cold.”
A cold is the last thing I worry about. My cousin shoves me toward the bathroom when Aunt V stops us. “Nisha?” I look over my shoulder. “Have you been in your dad’s office?”
I still can’t speak. So I shake my head.
She walks to the windowsill. “Then how did this get here?” she asks, holding up a crystalized desert rose. The similarity to the one the boy had in my—vision? dream? hallucination?—is beyond creepy.
“We can talk about this later,” Izzy says, hauling me away from the nightmare called reality.
Am I insane? I guess it all depends on the definition. According to the renowned Oxford Dictionary, insanity is “a state of mind which prevents normal perceptio
n, behavior, or social interaction, seriously mentally ill.” So, let’s dissect this, shall we? “A state of mind which prevents normal perception”—like hallucinating ancient Egyptian gods, or being unable to differentiate between fiction and reality? Check. “A state of mind which prevents normal behavior, or social interaction”—like taking someone to the cemetery to show off your victims? Double check. And last but not least, “seriously mentally ill”—let’s face it, if the previous statements are true, you obviously are. Conclusion: I am insane.
The news shouldn’t be a shocker. I knew I was broken, my mind not quite right. Yet I’ve always been able to tell what’s real and what’s not. Whenever Anubis appeared, the rational part of my brain—the one still functioning—assured me he wasn’t really there. Gee, even when Blaze turned into an Egyptian warrior, or the walls around me changed into pure gold, I could tell I was in the middle of another manic episode. Yesterday, the tables turned. The lines between reality and illusion are blurred to a point where I can’t tell if I’m actually lying in my cousin’s bed, or if this is just another fantasy conjured up by my deranged brain. Maybe Aunt V and Rob didn’t insist I stay home. Maybe I’m at school, sitting in my English class, daydreaming I’m in Izzy’s bed. Or maybe I am strapped to a bed with a straitjacket, vegging out in Shepherdstown’s psych ward. At this point, all of the above are valid possibilities. Only problem: I can’t tell which one is true and which one isn’t.
I throw the blanket over my head, tossing and turning like I did all night. My head reels with questions I don’t have answers to. Did I try to kill myself in the Potomac River? Was I saved by Seth, the god my mom used to tell me stories about, the king who’s been haunting my dreams forever and a day? Why was Blaze in that vision? What’s with me and ancient Egypt? Why would my mind show me that kind of stuff while I was trying to end my life? Had I really been at the river, or did I run home after the cemetery? Was any of it real, or was it all just a dream? Assuming it wasn’t real, then how did my bed get all wet, and why were my clothes soaked? And how did the desert rose from Dad’s office get on my windowsill? None of it makes a lick of sense. But does madness ever? The only thing I’m certain of right now is that my shrink was wrong. Time won’t heal me. It has shattered my already corrupted brain into a million useless pieces, and I don’t think there’s enough superglue in the world to put it back together. Like ever.
Book of Souls (Gods of Egypt 1) Page 13
