by D. E. White
‘I don’t know. We’re still waiting to find out,’ Holly told him. ‘Do you want another sandwich?’
‘I’ve already had three!’ It was a tiny spark of the old Milo, and she laughed with him. ‘Lydia’s coming over later, isn’t she? Do you think she’ll bring ice-cream?’
‘Sorry, I’m trying to feed you up, sweetie, and yes, Lydia said she’ll stop off and get some chocolate chip ice-cream and fish and chips for all of us.’
Satisfied, and diverted from the topic of Ethan, he went back to watching the cartoons on TV until the doorbell made him jump. ‘Muuum!’
‘It’s okay, love, it’ll be Dev.’ Holly hugged him, but he insisted on coming to the door with her.
Dev came round most days, sitting in the kitchen with his coffee and his laptop, just chatting as she and Milo pottered around. His big story on the Nicholls might have failed to materialise but he had plenty of other work coming in. Occasionally he mentioned Bailey and the fire flashed back into his face.
She opened the door now, smiling, and it seemed natural to welcome him with a kiss. It had become familiar, a ritual, and she tried not to think about the future.
‘Hi, Holly. Hey, Milo! What are you watching, mate?’
‘Lego Ninjago.’
‘Cool. Want to play football later if the rain stops?’
‘Yeah, maybe …’ Milo went back to the sofa, and snuggled deeper into his blanket cocoon, but the smile he gave Dev was genuine and warm, and the fear had gone from his eyes.
The adults went into the kitchen, leaving the door open so that Milo could keep a wary eye on Holly. She sat where he could see her through the open door, and spoke in a low voice. ‘Karen phoned earlier, and she said that Ethan wants to see me.’
‘Shit. Why?’ Devril opened the fridge, frowning at the contents. ‘No beer.’
‘I don’t drink beer. He won’t say why, which is the reason I need to see him,’ Holly said. ‘He’s lost his dad, even though from what we’ve now heard, Jayden was struggling to take care of him, so he hasn’t had a great childhood so far.’
‘Okay. When are you going?’
‘Tomorrow. After everything that’s happened, I owe it to Jayden and Larissa as well. From what Karen has said, Jayden brought his son up with a constant reminder that their sole purpose in life was to get revenge for Larissa’s murder. He took him to shooting ranges so they could both practise, and made plans to take out Alexi and Roman with the kid. Apparently, Ethan was always in trouble for skipping school, but they think now that it was Jayden training him as a little boy solider. In between times, Jay was an alcoholic. When they hooked up with Noah it got worse, because Jay probably wouldn’t have ever gone through with his plans, but Noah had the brains and the contacts to do just that.’
‘But George Harper said Jayden seemed so determined to look after Ethan. I wonder what went wrong.’
‘He couldn’t put Larissa’s death behind him, according to what Karen’s told me. He became so obsessed with his mission he forgot that his son was just a kid, and of course the more Ethan cut ties with his schools and the more they moved around, the more he became sucked into Jayden’s obsession. It was all building up to killing the three Balintas, and after Niko was released he knew he had a shot at it, but he couldn’t see how he was going to get at Alexi and Roman in prison. Jay left his laptop and phone in the van, so they pulled all his files and contacts. Sounds like it made scary reading, but in his mind, the end game was obvious.’
‘Until Noah pitched up with the perfect contacts.’ Dev shook his head. ‘One hell of a player to pull that off.’
‘Yeah. I still can’t get over him being Gareth Nicholls’ kid. So he was basically on the same mission as Jayden, but he had one extra person to take out. I can’t believe Jay fell for it. But, shit, Noah was fucking good. I believed his story, and he had a good enough fake ID to go through the criminal record checks for the ambulance service. If he hadn’t got obsessed with Larissa he’d still be out on the streets, rounding up schoolgirls for his dad.’
‘It was a pretty extreme way to get close to you, working in the same place, but I suppose he felt it was the only way, and he certainly wasn’t stupid. I’m sorry that it had to end like that. I mean, I can’t really feel anything when I think about Noah and Niko dead, but Jayden – he had a chance to start again, didn’t he?’
Holly sighed. ‘But he didn’t take it. Karen said he was set up in Glasgow with his new ID, he was working as a freelance web designer, and he had the chance to bring his kid up and have a good life but he was just eaten up with the idea of getting revenge.’
‘Like Noah.’
‘Right. I wish I’d known Larissa. I think she must have been pretty special. Oh, Donnie and Lydia are coming over later if you want to stay. Donnie’s been talking to Mason about a business partnership. Jesus, he never gives up, but at least he’s got it into his head I’m not going back.’
Dev asked the same question as Milo. ‘Have they said what’s going to happen to Ethan?’
‘Well, I said I’d have him with me and Milo, but Lydia offered to take him on, and Donnie, and of course, DI Harper, who’s retiring any minute. They all have a claim, but what would be best for the boy? He needs to get away from here, away from the Seaview, maybe even away from us all for a while, but it’ll be up to social services, I suppose. I want him to be happy, if he can be. I want to see him; on top of everything else, I owe it to him for looking after Milo when they were in the van. And I heard from Tom’s solicitor again today. Tom’s in rehab.’
‘That’s good, right?’
‘Yeah. Milo is going to decide for himself if he wants any contact with his dad when Tom gets clean,’ Holly said firmly. Her expression changed. ‘I sent flowers to Beth. She texted me her parents’ address and said how glad she was Milo was found. We had a quick conversation … It was sort of on my mind but she swears the crash was a genuine accident and she was just tying up loose ends round here when it happened.’
‘Will you keep in touch with her?’
‘No. It would be too weird, but I’m glad she’s okay, and the baby too …’
***
‘Hi, Ethan.’
He looked at her, dark eyes expressionless, his jaw clenched.
‘I’m really sorry about your dad.’
Still nothing.
‘Milo said to say “Hi”.’
That got a small smile. ‘He’s a good kid.’ His voice was soft, but when he spoke his eyes darted around the room, like he thought he was doing the wrong thing.
‘So why did you want to see me?’
‘I’ve got something for you,’ Ethan said suddenly, his words tumbling over one another. ‘It’s something that I drew, and I’d like Milo to have it.’
‘Oh. Well, that’s nice of you,’ Holly said warily. She still felt protective of him, would still offer him a home in a heartbeat, but she was torn. Should they keep him in Westbourne?
Ethan looked over at the social worker in the corner and she nodded, smiling encouragingly at him. He pulled a tattered book from his pocket and slid it across the table. ‘It’s just some drawings I did, and I did some for Milo when we were in the van. I won’t need it now.’
Holly opened the red book, gently turning the pages. There were pencil sketches, and line drawings of people, of buildings, and most frequent of all, drawings of Larissa. Jayden must have shown him photos. The poignancy made her blink back tears. The boy was very talented, and the drawings had an almost photographic quality.
‘These were for Milo.’ Ethan pointed to pages of dragons, and fantasy worlds. ‘Is he okay?’
‘Yes. He’s fine. Ethan, would you like me to visit you again tomorrow?’ Holly asked suddenly, impulsively.
His cheeks flushed an ugly red, and he licked his lips nervously before he answered, ‘Yeah, I suppose that would be cool.’
‘I will then, and I’ll bring Milo too if you like?’
‘I would like that, yeah.’ He bl
inked hard and then smiled at her. A sweet, gap-toothed smile that popped out Jaden’s dimples, and made Larissa’s eyes glow. But the expression was all his own.
***
Donnie dropped by unexpectedly one night, alone. Holly let him in, offered tea. He still wasn’t touching alcohol.
‘I thought I’d see how you were,’ he said, smiling, exposing yellow teeth.
‘We’re fine. And you know that because I spoke to you yesterday. What do you want, Donnie?’ She and her dad had managed to get back to some sort of relationship, but they were never going to be hearts and flowers. That wasn’t the Hughes way.
‘Well, I’ve got money coming in now Mason and I are back dealing. We’ve got a nice little supply line set up …’
‘Donnie!’
‘Okay, you don’t want to know. I want you to have some money. It isn’t dirty money, I promise, but there’s enough to buy a house – this one or another one – and set yourself up. If you do move away, then you could always set up some new contacts for me …’
Holly started to tell him where to go and was silenced by his rough bark of laughter. ‘No strings, girl. And as for the kids, Milo and Ethan, well, they know they’re always welcome no matter what happens. We’re family.’
‘Thanks. I’ll think about it,’ was all she could say.
‘Do that. I’ll see myself out,’ Donnie told her.
***
Back at work, but part-time, Holly took things slowly. Her developing relationship with Dev, Milo’s rehabilitation, and dealing with the legal stress of the divorce all took its toll. Luckily her wounds had needed stitches but not surgery. Physically, she had been lucky. Cath too, although she was still very quiet, jumping at shadows, anxious for her kids all the time, and insisting one of her sisters or Holly stay over as much as possible.
Holly’d already decided to put the house on the market. Milo had been taken from this house, and it reeked of pain and angst. They needed a fresh start. She kind of fancied a different city, but with the same job. Surely that wouldn’t be too hard? Now Donnie’s offer had come just at the right time, but could she take money from him, despite his promises?
The pain and shock of losing Milo and then the sheer relief of having him back safe, had taken its toll along with the other traumatic events: finding her brother and losing him again so quickly. But the real Jay had been dead since Larissa’s murder. The defeated man in the warehouse had been the ghost he was reduced to. He might have stabbed himself but he was only finishing what Roman and Alexi had started. Jay had been keeping himself going for revenge and for his son, until finally, it just wasn’t enough. Noah’s identity, and Niko’s death, remained in the background. She could see that in time she would lose the numbness, have to expose herself to the pain and process each thing that had happened, each loss.
She was also getting used to the positive things that had come from recent events too, forcing herself to be optimistic about the untangled past. It had freed her in a way, and she and Dev had found each other again. With various members of the Nicholls family alluding to her mum’s death, she assumed, and had discussed with Karen, the fact that either Joey or Gareth had been driving the car involved in the hit and run.
Most of all, she had her son. Her beautiful little boy.
***
Two days later she woke to the sound of Milo making dragon noises in his room. She squinted at the clock. Six-thirty.
Dev, lying next to her, opened his eyes. ‘Sounds like a war going on in there. Do you think the dragons are winning?’
She smiled at him, enjoying their easy intimacy. She had a good feeling about this new/old relationship. ‘No, he’s fine.’
He blinked at the windows, covered in white blinds and already letting the spring sunlight through. ‘We could take him down the beach this morning? Meet up with Cath, maybe?’
Holly nodded slowly, wriggling back under the duvet. ‘You know, Lydia says she’s going to Spain now I’m sorted. She said that even if Ethan goes to George, they’ll still keep in touch. If it wasn’t totally weird, I’d almost say there was something going on between those two the way she talks about him.’
Devril rolled over in bed, tangled in the sheets, one hand behind his head. He was about to answer when Milo charged into the room and flung himself between them.
‘I thought you were having a lie-in.’ Holly pulled her son close, inhaling his sweetness, kissing his forehead.
‘Naaaah. I wanted to show Dev this book about dragons …’ Milo shoved a large hardback book into Dev’s face and he fended the boy off, laughing.
When Milo had stomped downstairs in search of food, Holly leant over towards Dev. ‘So where will you go now? What will you do?’
He grinned. ‘I can write stories from anywhere, so I guess I might tag along with you. If I’m invited, of course …’
‘Well, I don’t know. You are a total pain in the arse, but who else am I going to train with?’
‘There is still that one story I need to tie up …’ His expression was serious now.
‘I know. You still need to take down the Nicholls,’ she told him. ‘And believe me, I’m right there with you on that, but that’s going to be a slow burn, isn’t it?’
He stood up, stretching, the sunlight flooding through the windows, highlighting the angles of his face, the glint in his eyes. ‘I got a call from Sanita – you know, Bailey’s wife – yesterday. She said she’d had a parcel delivered. It was from Bailey.’
‘What was inside?’
Dev smiled. ‘A memory stick with a whole stack of photos and videos on. And a note addressed to me. The boy done good.’
Epilogue
Dear Mum and Dad,
I hope you both got what you wanted in the end. It feels so weird not to have you around, Dad, and not to sit for hours in front of your wall, Mum.
It felt like everything stopped – time, my heart and my breathing – when I saw Dad’s blood gush out across the dirty floor. I really did think that Niko had stabbed him, which is why I pulled the trigger. But he didn’t, did he? Dad killed himself. I can see now that he wanted to do it for a long time, but he felt he couldn’t because of me. Is that right, Dad?
But I didn’t realise, and then when Dad’s friend jumped for his gun, I knew he would kill all of us. I’d been listening on the stairs for a while and he had gone crazy. He said some really shit stuff about you, Mum. I did try and tell Dad he was a bit weird, but he told me I was the one who was nuts and made me sit for two hours in front of the wall.
I know Noah stole keys from Milo’s mum, that he broke into her house and took Milo from his own bed. I know he gave us both drugs to keep us quiet, and you never came to rescue us, Dad. I’ll try not to blame you for that.
So what now? Are you both watching me, waiting to see if I mess up or if I turn out good?
You can watch all you like, because I won’t mess this up. I’ll be just fine, because I’ve got family and I’ve got a plan.
I love you, Mum & Dad xx
If you couldn’t put Holly’s story down, you won’t want to miss Remember Me, another gripping psychological thriller from D. E. White! Eight people were there when Ellen Smith went missing, but who can remember the truth? Available now!
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Acknowledgements
So many people helped and supported me whilst I was writing this novel, so huge thanks to following:
The team at my wonderful publishers HQ Digital, HarperCollins, including Belinda, Dom, Gen and Abi, who are an absolute pleasure to work with.
To my lovely agent, Lina Langlee at the Kate Nash Literary Agency, and to Kate herself for her excellent advice last year!
Thank you to Brian Smith, Samantha
Crowther, and Sophie Kelly for championing my early works, and to The Crazies, and The Kick Ass Girls for your literary naughtiness and genuine encouragement.
Just before I sent my first book out on submission, I visited The Author School, run by Helen Lewis and Abiola Bello, and their continued enthusiastic support and friendship has been invaluable. Thank you to my fellow authors – I have met so many wonderful writers over the years, and your advice and support is something I cherish.
Thank you also to Eric and Dee at Singularis for sharing their knowledge and experience of police work, and for reining in my imagination when I went too far!
My single mum friends, especially Sanita, and Gillian, you are a total inspiration and I am in awe of you.
Love and inspo also due to my ex-colleagues in the ambulance service, including but not limited to: Emily, Leanna, Gaye-Ann, Carol, Charlotte, Sarah, Dan, Lucy and Joe, who all kept me sane between calls.
Huge thanks to the wonderful bloggers, the readers, retailers and librarians, whose support is so vital. Thank you for buying my books, for reading, recommending and reviewing. I couldn’t do it without any of you. Special mention to Jill B, who does all of the above and more!
Last but not least, I owe huge thanks to my wonderful family. My gorgeous boys, James and Ollie, who give me unfailing support and encouragement. My lovely husband, who is always happy to discuss the best ways to murder someone, and get away with it. To my parents, who are such an inspiration, and have never, ever told me to give up writing and get a proper job!
Read on for a sneak preview of D. E. White’s Remember Me!
Chapter 1
I’d give everything to be back at the first square on the board, with all still to play for …
In the beginning, I was just another kid, with just another unlucky family. I used that bad luck, as I used my good looks and confidence. Nobody knew I’d already killed once. In the games I play, I have always used the charm I was born with – along with various other, less admirable, skills I have had to acquire along the way.
