by J. K. Holt
Gowan turned slowly to face her. “Sorry?”
“You took me in. You’ve kept my secret. You watched out for me, even before you knew the truth about me. And you didn’t turn me in once I told you. You’re my family. Or the closest thing I have now.” Tess felt exposed at the admission, but resisted the urge to minimize it with a joke.
Gowan cleared his throat. When Tess looked up, he was smiling. “Aye. That might be the way of it.”
She grinned back, buoyed by his acknowledgement. “You were right about your warning to them. But they’ve lost too much- they can’t turn back now, not without feeling like they’re betraying the memory of those they’ve lost. And I respect that, but…but if I go down that road with them, I’m not just risking myself. I’m risking you, too. And that’s not fair.”
Gowan frowned, mulling over her words. “I’m pleased that you’re hesitant to become involved in this newest scheme, but I wish you were more concerned about your own safety rather than mine. I mean, you’re out all hours of the night, half the time walking on your own. I wouldn’t have questioned it before… well, before everything happened. But now, it’s different. Snails, I’ve even wondered if you’re being followed.”
Tess tilted her head at the last bit. “Followed? Why?”
“I’m probably just being paranoid,” Gowan said. He glanced out the window. “There have been a few men I haven’t seen before walking by the shop a fair amount. One stranger, I might not think anything of, but several… and sometimes I think one of them might be standing across the alley, in the shadows, but by the time I walk out to investigate, they’re on their way, or no longer there.” He chuckled wryly. “As I said, likely just paranoid. Life was easier for me before I had you to look out for, you know?”
He squeezed Tess’s shoulder as he walked past, a rare gesture, but she was nearly too absorbed in her own thoughts to notice. Before she could make heads or tails of it, the front bell jingled, the door opening, and Gowan was slipping back to the front again to deal with a customer.
∞ ∞ ∞
The blizzard overtook the town with little warning. Clouds appeared to the east, thickening into tumbling gray fortresses in the sky, and the flakes began to fall, thick and wet, increasing in frequency until a swirl of white was all that met the eyes if you stepped outside. And then, the thunder. It seemed so unnatural at first that Tess tilted her head from where she sat at the window, where she had been watching the people tumble past, anxious for home, and wondered what could have made the sound. Then the sky lit from above and Tess’s mouth dropped. She shrieked and grabbed a thick cloak, ducking outside in time to hear the following boom.
Thundersnow. She was awe-struck. She tilted her head back to let the snow dissolve on her tongue, breathing in the smell of it. Few people ran by now, most already inside, and the quiet all around her was deafening.
Tess had loved snow storms growing up, greeting them with all the mystical wonder and reverence that every child did. Snow meant homemade chili, hours spent digging out forts, cold noses and hot chocolate. So many things that had brought such joy to Tess as a child had felt tainted by the loss of Maggie, but not this. This was still pure. She allowed herself a long moment to revel in it, grinning wildly, before turning to another task at hand.
In the camouflage of the storm, Tess could more openly inspect the person across the street, stooping beneath a low awning along the side alley. She knew he couldn’t see her through the thickness of the snow, but she could see him; from here, the area surrounding him looked like a back-lit snow globe as the light from his aura captured the swirls surrounding him.
Tess hadn’t noticed him before the snow had started, but now she found herself wondering what would keep someone out during this weather for long. If he was meeting someone, he could easily duck inside the Spilling Inn, or the Muddy Gull, come to think of it.
She stood, one hand on the handle to the shop, cautious of venturing closer to the man but overcome by curiosity. Certainly, if the lampreys had wanted to take her again, they’d had plenty of opportunities in the last few weeks to do so. As Gowan had pointed out, she often walked alone at night. So if Gowan’s paranoid musings were right, they’d been watching her but were not prepared to do anything else.
Another bolt of lightning lit the sky, and Tess laughed out loud at the sight. The noise caused the figure in the alley to shift, pushing away from the wall and walking closer. Tess recoiled, but forced herself to stand her ground. He couldn’t see her yet.
She shifted her face so that he was in her periphery, pretending to watch the storm. Closer still he came, until finally his figure emerged, dark clothes bundled around his large body. No sooner had he become visible when he increased his gait and sped past her, looking all the part of just another villager anxious to escape the storm. But he stopped twenty feet further on, once he thought he was hidden from view, and began to double back until he was again slouching in an alley, this time just to Tess’s right.
Nice try, punk. Tess yanked open the door and stepped back inside to the warmth and safety of the shop. But I know your game now.
Gowan was right.
∞ ∞ ∞
The storm provided the cover Tess needed. Once bundled accordingly, she opened the door slowly, so as not to creak the hinges. Tinker darted between her legs to the safety of the shop, mewing and sopping wet. She left him to his own devices and slipped to the left, away from the man still standing watch, shrouded by the snow. She darted down a back alley, cut across a main street, and then cut through a narrow walkway between buildings. She was careful to count the streets and keep a map in her head- it would be too easy to get lost on an evening like this.
No one seemed to be watching the bakery when she arrived, but to be safe, she decided to enter the back way, only to be surprised to find the door locked. She rapped on it gently, then louder. Finally, she could hear the lock turning, and then Ashe’s mop of dark curls greeted her. “Oy, Tess! Leave it to you to be out on a night like this. Come in, then.” He pushed the door open further and she entered, careful to pull off the outerwear that was now soaked through. She left it in a pile beside the door while Ashe chuckled at her, good-natured as ever. “You know, we have coat hangers.”
“I don’t want to carry all this through the shop- it’ll drip.” Tess said.
Ashe shrugged. “Suit yourself. Emme’s through the front. As it happens, mum and Dray are out. They left before the snow started to make some pick-ups for the bakery. I expect they were stuck while there and decided to wait it out.”
They passed the back rooms to find Emme wiping down the glass display cases. “Tess! What’ll it be, scone or muffin? No, never mind! I’ll get you one of each.”
She made a plate and brought it out to the table for them, settling in close to Tess as Ashe dropped his gangly frame across from them. He reached forward for a scone and then seemed to think better of it, glancing expectantly at Emme as if waiting for permission. Emme waved a hand dismissively at him, and he took one. Tess frowned- their dynamic was different lately. Tess had once wondered if they were romantically inclined, but now it seemed like Emme was placing distance between them. She wondered at the reason.
Emme pulled out the ribbons in her hair, untangling the two braids that ran down her shoulders, leaving silky waves in their place. She was lovely in an unassuming way, understated in her beauty. If she hadn’t been such a kind soul, Tess might have felt intimidated, but it seemed impossible to feel anything other than love for Emme. It was irritating how loveable she was. Tess realized the contradiction and accepted it.
It had only been two days since their meeting at the Spilling Inn, but Tess was desperate for updates. She needed to know which direction the wind was heading before she could craft her own plans. She decided to cut to the chase. “What’s been going on since I last saw you? Is Loren…”
“Still alive?” Ashe finished. “Unfortunately, yes. He’s still in that room, but we can’t keep it u
p much longer. I caught him close to untangling himself yesterday. And we’re barely feeding him, for fear he’ll get too strong to be kept tied up, but starving him feels wrong as well.”
“Our gathering broke up soon after you left, Tess,” Emme said. “Tulla seemed to think it might be best to let us all sleep on it. But Rosie hasn’t wanted to talk since that day, Fish has been hard to find, and well… we weren’t sure if you wanted to remain involved with us. It’s been driving Dray-”
“Emme,” Ashe said. “Don’t.”
Emme rolled her eyes. “Anyways. We’re glad to see you, and the others will be happy to know you came by.”
Tess selected a muffin, dark and smelling strongly of spices. “What do you think you’ll do?”
“I suspect there’s only one thing to do,” Ashe said. “At least, about the immediate problem of Loren.”
Tess didn’t have to ask his meaning. “And then?”
Ashe shook his head. “Who’s to know? We’ll probably feel so stuck that we do nothing, until something else is done to us. Isn’t that the way it happens? Then we’ll react again. And the whole process will start anew.” A look of disgust crossed his handsome face, but quickly faded. “Sorry, Tess. I’m sure you didn’t come by here to see me pout.”
“It’s fine,” Tess assured. “You’re cute when you pout,” she added- anything to lighten his mood.
He grinned. “I’ll just pop back in to check on Loren,” he said, rising. “As we talk about him, I get less comfortable knowing he’s on the other side of that door by himself.” He ducked behind the swinging doors to the back as the girls watched him go.
“Is he alright?” Tess asked Emme.
Emme’s smile was brittle. “I’d like to think so, but I’m not sure, truth be told.” Her gaze lingered outside the window, where the snow continued to fall. Drifts were starting to gather along the buildings, deep from where the wind had blown it. “Everything he cares about is here, and I’d imagine he feels nothing is within his control anymore. Which is probably why he’s back in that room, staring down a person he once thought of as his friend. It gives him something to do, something he feels he still has the ability to get right.”
Her aura flickered, faded somewhat as she talked, and Tess felt sudden despair at the thought. “Are you just talking about Ashe, Emme, or yourself too?”
Emme seemed to grow smaller, curling into herself like a sun that has exhausted its light. She shook her head as Tess began to speak, but accepted Tess’s outstretched hand. “You don’t understand, Tess. My history with the Reeds, it’s-” she cleared her throat and started again. “My da died when I was eight, and my mum… well, she just became a stranger to me overnight. She couldn’t look at me head-on anymore, only sideways. I reminded her too much of him, I think.”
“My da was great friends with Silas Reed, Ashe and Dray’s father. He’d bring me over here all the time with him, and leave me here to play with the boys while he and Silas would go fishing. After he died, and Tulla and Silas saw what was happening with my mum and me, they took me in. Every moment that I had, I spent here. Tulla took me on as an apprentice; she taught me everything. Of course, that was when both the boys still wanted to be fishermen like Silas was, rather than bakers. Although I always thought there was something of the artist in Ashe…” Her eyes had taken on a far-off look as she spoke.
Tess shifted her chair closer to Emme, drawing her other hand in to close over Emme’s. “What’s happened with Ashe, Emme? Something’s wrong, I can see it. You can tell me.”
A tear slid down Emme’s cheek, but she made no move to release Tess’s hands to wipe it. “I love the Reeds. But Ashe...I’ve always loved him differently. And I was never sure if he felt the same way. I suppose you could say I was too scared to rock the boat.”
“What’s changed?” Tess asked.
“Oh, not much. I just realized that he wouldn’t be able to put me first, even if he wanted to. He can’t. Not as long as any of this is going on. And once I saw that, I saw that any chance at something more could never happen, because a part of me knows that this nightmare will never end. I suppose I’ve been grieving it a bit, and taking it out on him. I know it’s unfair.”
“But,” Tess said, “does he know how you feel?”
“I don’t think it matters, really. It wouldn’t change any of the fundamentals. But I’ll be right again soon enough. No worries.” She finally released her hold on Tess, reaching for a cloth napkin on the table and wiping her nose. When she sat back, it was clear she was finished with the subject.
“Now, are you hungry for any more scones? I’ve just made them this morning, and with this storm, any still left will go to waste. That would be a shame.”
Chapter Five
Some choices in life we make without realizing it, guided down the path by loved ones, or overindulged emotions. Less of a choice and more of a nudge, something that seems pre-destined, or obvious, that pushes us down a path perpendicular to where we might have ended up if we’d taken the other route instead. Less an option of free will than a natural conclusion to circumstance. How many people lived their entire lives this way, following a set of foregone conclusions until they ended up at the end of their life, believing their life was predestined to occur exactly as it had?
Up until this point, it was how Tess had led hers. She reacted to what life had given her, playing the defense in the situation, attempting to make the best decisions with the cards that had been dealt. And since her mother had died, she’d been attempting to hear Maggie’s voice in her head, relying on some vague channeling of her mother in the afterlife to inform her emotions, decisions, and ultimately, her path.
Now, there were still a dozen voices in her head, opinions of others, trying to inform her, guide her, but they contradicted each other, cancelling each other out, competing for her attention. They all meant well, these people around her, but they were also guided by their own motives, twisting their motivations for her so that it made them feel more comfortable with their hopes and desires.
Gowan was the least affected by external motivation, but he had a powerful motive as well- to protect Tess. This was the purest, simplest relationship Tess had managed to form during her time in Wharfton, but it was not without its own blind spots. For, in his care for Tess, Gowan was less able to consider himself, to think in terms of his own protection.
Tess needed to do that for him.
There was no perfect answer, no way to balance neatly the needs of those around her and come up with a solution that fixed it all. And Tess found that once she acknowledged this, it freed her from many of the constraints that had held her- shame, fear, and guilt. She was human, and she was doing her best. That would have to be enough.
She wished she had more time to come up with a plan, but time was incredibly limited. So, she made the best plan she could, and then went about enlisting the few people she would need to support her in carrying it out.
Rosie was last on her list. The reason was pure cowardice- Tess was terrified of her. But, too soon, all other plans had been made and Rosie remained the only undetermined player. Eventually, Tess stopped avoiding the inevitable and did what she had to do.
The snow from two days previously had been trodden upon, muddied from use and reduced to gray mush. A sudden warm spell during the day had melted much of it, so that when Tess stepped outside in the late hours of the afternoon, it sloshed over her boots, attempting to soak into the sturdy leather. Tess kicked it off and picked up her step. She hadn’t far to go, and she cared not whether she was followed. She didn’t even bother to look over her shoulder, or glance down the alleys. The street was busy, and she knew by now that no one would try to take her- not now, during the bustling hours of the day.
Emme had sent word ahead, and Rosie was waiting as promised, behind the bar at the Spilling Inn. She nodded curtly with her head, indicating the door behind the dining area, and Tess took her cue and ducked inside. Rosie followed quickly, turning up
a steep and narrow staircase that led to the living quarters for her family.
Tess kept her head low to avoid hitting the beams that jutted from the ceiling, following the light emitted by Rosie’s aura. They took a sharp left at the top, stopping at the first door- a small bedroom. Rosie’s, from the looks of the clothes strewn about and the simple but girly decoration of the afghan thrown upon the bed. Rosie motioned Tess to a small armchair and seated herself on the bed, perching at the edge. She crossed her arms and waited until Tess had been seated, and then wasted no time.
“What’s this about, then?” she said. She seemed guarded, but not overly hostile. Her rowdy red hair tumbled around her shoulders as if left unkempt, and Tess wondered if the slightly sour smell in the room was Rosie or the furniture. Tess wouldn’t blame Rosie for a current lack of interest in personal hygiene at the moment- loss of a twin was bound to do that to a person.
No time like the present. “Erm, well, I wanted to talk with you about a plan I have- more of an idea really. You remember the meeting we had here the other day, obviously.”
“Aye.” Rosie frowned. “What of it?”
Tess licked her lips, leaning forward in what she hoped was an open gesture. “I’ve had the chance to look over a map in more detail since then, and actually, there are fewer towns and villages called Green Springs scattered about Alitura than we’d originally thought. Twelve, to be exact. Out of those, seven are south of the Misty Mountains. Three of the five that are left are to the west, which would mean it would make more sense to take the road through the pass than to go over the mountains. And one of them is so far north that it would take more than a month to get to, so though it doesn’t eliminate it, it’s not likely that it’s the one Loren was referencing. I think there’s a good chance that we can guess which Green Springs it is.”
Rosie crossed her arms, shrugging. “Fine. But what does that change?”
