by Amy Vastine
“They were okay. A little bit overcompetitive, if you ask me.”
She bit her tongue and nodded. He was hilarious. “Well, I think I got asked out on a date.”
Blake stopped in his tracks. “What?”
“Logan asked me to go out for breakfast.”
He started walking again, and this time much faster. Amanda had to jog to catch up. “Why would he try to date someone who is just here visiting?”
Amanda wasn’t sure why he’d do that, either. He might have been swayed by her sister. “I can only guess that Lily put him up to it.”
Blake rubbed the back of his neck. “Why would your sister tell him to ask you out on a date?”
“It’s silly, but I think she’s trying to convince me to move out here with her.”
He came to a dead stop, causing Amanda to run into him. “Are you kidding me?”
CHAPTER TWELVE
LILY WANTED AMANDA to stay in Montana? Blake loved Lily, but if that was true, she was forgetting that Amanda belonged in San Diego. “You’re not moving to Montana.”
“Wow. Okay, Dad.” Amanda laughed. “Any other rules I should know about? Am I allowed to stay up past ten on weekdays? Do I need permission to talk to boys?”
Blake didn’t mean to come off as controlling, but he also couldn’t have her even consider moving away. “I meant you wouldn’t want to move to Montana, right? It’s silly that your sister thought it.”
“So you were asking me, not telling me?”
“I’m asking you because I know you have no interest in being here.”
“And if I did?”
“You don’t.” The way she stared at him gave him the chills. “Do you?”
She marched ahead of him without answering. Blake chased after her. “You know I would never tell you what to do. I respect you and your decisions because you have excellent judgment.”
Amanda slowed. “You say that but don’t always show it.”
“What? I ask for your advice all the time. You’re my person.”
She let out a sharp laugh. “Right. Except for the important stuff, like should you ask someone to marry you? You didn’t seek my advice on that one.”
Blake had no idea where that came from. Since when was she mad at him about proposing? He had told her it had been spontaneous and he had thought she understood. Wasn’t she happy for him?
Amanda climbed the steps to their cabin and unlocked the door. He didn’t want to fight with her. She had to understand that all he meant by what he’d said was he absolutely did not want her to move to Montana.
“I should have said, please don’t move to Montana. Obviously, it would be your decision. I just want you to know that having you around matters to me. Even though I get caught up in my emotions and do things like propose to my girlfriend without talking to you first.”
“I have to take Clancy out,” she said, grabbing his leash.
“I’ll come with you.” He held the door open for her.
She brushed past him. “You don’t have to.”
“I want to because I hate when you’re mad at me. Can you stop being mad at me?”
“I’m not mad. I just think that maybe I’ve spent too much of my life worrying about what you and my sister want. And for what? You’re both getting married. Neither one of you bothered to tell me you were thinking about getting engaged before you did so. You both don’t really care where I’m going to fit in your lives once you get married. And, honestly, I’m not sure I fit anywhere anymore.”
“What are you talking about? You fit exactly where you have always fit in my life. That’s why I don’t want you to move here. Just because Lily decided to uproot her life doesn’t mean she should bring you with her. That’s not fair.”
“Not fair to who? Me? Or you?” she asked, head cocked ever so slightly.
Honestly, the desperation he felt meant he was taking it more personally than he should. He couldn’t admit that, though. “To you. Why should you give up everything you have in San Diego to move here? Your life is in California. I feel like she forgot that.”
“What do I have in San Diego, really? I could do my work for Sit, Stay, Play wherever. My family is all gone except maybe my dad, who is off trying to find my other dad. Who knows how long that will take.”
Blake was sure he was having a heart attack. His chest was tight and it was hard to breathe. “You have me. What about our monthly visits to the packing facility? You can’t do that from wherever.”
“Come on, Clancy.” She tugged on his leash to get his attention away from the bush he was currently sniffing. “We both know that the ‘we’ you want me to hold on to isn’t going to exist after you get married. It’s changing already.”
“How is it changing? I’m here, aren’t I? When you need me, I’m always there.” His pain began to turn into anger. The only one acting like she wasn’t going to be the friend she’d always been was her. “Are you planning on not being there for me?”
Her shoulders fell and she started back toward the cabin. “You act like you’re going to need me. Nadia is going to be your person, Blake. She has to be.”
Blake’s breaths were heavy, as if he had taken Clancy for a run instead of a quick bathroom break. He wanted to shout that he didn’t want Nadia to be his person. Amanda would always be his person. If she would give him a chance, he would be her husband. Again, the only one who wanted to keep them from being together forever was her.
She went back inside with the dog. He stayed outside, needing to pull himself together. If he told her how he really felt, she would probably move to Montana to get away from him. It felt a bit like a no-win situation. If he married Nadia, she would leave because there would always be another person in their relationship. If he didn’t marry Nadia because he was in love with Amanda, she would leave because she didn’t want to be a couple.
They were both going to have to accept less than they wanted. That was the way it had to be if she didn’t want more than friendship. What did she want from him? How was he supposed to make her happy? Not get married? Ever. She knew how important it was to him to have a family. Wasn’t she planning to get married someday?
He kicked at the dirt, sending a rock skittering across the walking path in front of the cabin. Given the way he felt tonight simply watching her flirt with someone else, he would most definitely spend his entire life jealous of whoever married Amanda. It was the way he had felt about all of her boyfriends, which was thankfully not many men. Amanda spent more time rescuing animals than she did searching dating apps for a boyfriend.
The sound of the cabin door closing got his attention. Amanda stood on the porch with her arms wrapped around herself. “Are you going to stay out here all night?”
Blake sighed and climbed up the steps. They’d had such a nice day together. They had laughed harder and been playful with each other in a way they hadn’t since he’d started dating Nadia. It made the way it ended more of a bummer.
The desire to tell her how he really felt and to let the chips fall as they may was strong. The fear of losing her forever was stronger.
“I’m sorry you feel like things are changing. I guess I believe that our friendship will survive any of life’s changes. I mean, it survived high school and college. We stuck together through all the good times and the bad. Why would the next phase of life be any different?”
She gripped the railing and stared out into the starry night. “I don’t know. It feels different.”
Blake wished there was a way to reassure her. “Can we try something?” he asked, coming up beside her.
“What?”
“Can we pretend while we’re here that nothing is going to change? We aren’t going to talk about my wedding. We aren’t going to think about whether or not you should move to Montana. Let’s just be us. We can deal with everything else when we get bac
k to San Diego.”
Amanda turned to face him. “And when Nadia calls and wants you to come back ASAP?”
“I’ll tell her that there’s no way for me to get to Bozeman.”
Those blue eyes of hers got wide. “You would lie to Nadia in order to spend time with me?”
Lying was probably not the right thing to do. If he was going to marry Nadia, he should be nothing but honest. But if he wanted to figure out a way to fix things between him and Amanda, he needed to have this time with her.
“I’m willing to do what I have to so we can have a little bit of drama-free friendship.”
Amanda bit down on her bottom lip. She was trying to decide if this was a good idea or a bad one. Clearly, she was going to say it was a terrible idea, because she had better judgment than he did.
“Fine,” she said, stepping away from the railing. “Just you and me until we get back to San Diego.”
Blake didn’t move right away. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea. Maybe this was what they needed to keep their friendship intact after all the changes came their way.
* * *
“ONE PICNIC LUNCH.” Tyler handed Blake the bag of food. “There are two turkey avocado club sandwiches, a container of some fresh fruit, two bags of potato chips—one barbecue and one salt and vinegar, two fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies, and two bottles of water in there. If there’s anything else you need, just text me.”
“I think I’ve got everything else. You drew me a map, let me borrow your ATV and had someone make us lunch. I really appreciate it.”
“Well, Grandma Dot said you guys should picnic by the pond, so I needed to make that happen. She and I have the same love of this land. The pond is one of my favorite spots. It’s where Hadley and I tied the knot, actually.”
“You have weddings out there?”
“One wedding. Just me. It’s my special spot. We built this arched bridge across one of the inlets. It was a beautiful ceremony. If you guys weren’t family, you would never know it existed. If you tell anyone else about it, I’ll have to ban you from the property permanently.”
Blake waited for him to say he was kidding, but he got the sense he wasn’t when Tyler just stood there with his hands on his hips.
“We will take this location to our graves. You have my word.”
“Great.” Tyler punched him on the shoulder. “Have fun.”
Blake could only hope. The plan was to enjoy the day with his best friend. They had gone back to The Maple Bear Bakery and got a half-dozen Chocolate Junkies to share. They went shopping in the little downtown area. Amanda bought a pair of boots she swore she would wear back home. Blake would bet a million dollars she wouldn’t. He found himself a cowboy hat that he most likely would never wear again except maybe as part of a Halloween costume. It didn’t matter, though, because Amanda had been smiling all day.
The next stop was to have a picnic by the pond and relax with nature. Blake jumped onto the borrowed ATV and headed back to the cabin to pick up Amanda. She sat on the bench on their front porch, wearing his new cowboy hat and her new boots.
“You look like a real cowgirl,” he said, stopping in front of the cabin.
Dressed in jeans and a dark purple sweater, she stood up, smiling from ear to ear. Purple was a good color on her. It made her blue eyes look violet. She grabbed a blanket off the bench and came down the steps. “I would hope so considering how much I paid for these things. Thank goodness you got us a ride, because I’m pretty sure if I walk around in these I am going to have the worst blisters.”
“I think you and I were made for flip-flops. Get in.”
“We’re going to have to take Clancy on a long walk later to make up for leaving him behind,” she said, taking a seat.
“We’ll make it up to him. Tyler said there was no way we could walk there. He only goes by horse. I am finally able to sit without cringing, so there was no way we were going any way other than by ATV. Either way, Clancy couldn’t come along on this particular adventure.”
The ride to the pond was filled with beautiful sights. There were horses grazing in the fields and towering pine trees peppering the hills that bordered the property. The sky was bright blue with a few clouds drifting by in slow motion. Blake almost regretted bringing Amanda out here because scenery like this could tempt her to stay.
Blake took the turn off the trail where Tyler had marked it on the map. Another mile or so and they arrived. Tyler had drawn the pond in the shape of a splat with three fingerlike inlets. Blake noticed the bridge on the east side right away. The sky made the water look turquoise blue. It was smooth as glass. The trees and mountains around it were also reflected on its surface.
“I can see why this is his favorite spot on the property,” Amanda said, shaking out the blanket.
“It’s not La Jolla Beach and the ocean, but it’s nice.” That was their favorite place to go and the best beach to catch some waves back home. He didn’t want her to forget everything she loved about California.
Amanda sat down on the blanket and patted her belly. “Feed me.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He set the picnic bag down in front of her before taking his own seat. “I got your favorite sandwich and salt-and-vinegar chips.”
She dug in and handed him his sandwich. “It’s surprising that I can eat after that breakfast, which truly should have put us both in a sugar coma. If I stay here any longer, I’m going to weigh a ton.”
Blake shouldn’t have encouraged going back to that bakery. It was another lure for her to stay here, but he liked that she saw the positive as a potential negative. He could work with that. “I feel like they’ve challenged us to find a better doughnut back home. I will not rest until I find one that can compete.”
Amanda’s laugh made him want to kiss her until she promised to never leave his side. That was wholly inappropriate, so he took a bite of his sandwich instead. Anything to keep his mouth occupied.
“I don’t think we will ever find anything that tastes as good. Who would have thought Falcon Creek, Montana, would be home of the best doughnut? This place hasn’t been anything like I thought it would be,” she said.
“What did you think it was going to be like?” Blake took a bite of his sandwich. Of course it was delicious. Were these people bad at anything?
“I don’t know. I couldn’t figure out how Lily could fit in here so quickly. I assumed the cowboy lifestyle was the complete opposite of ours in California. But Lily doesn’t seem out of place even a little bit. It’s so annoying.”
She made him smile so hard his face hurt. “I know what you mean.”
“Fitting in has never been very hard for her, though. She didn’t have the same hang-ups that I did. It was always confusing to me that people could say it was so freaky that we looked so alike, but at the same time she was always considered the pretty one.”
“No, she wasn’t. What are you talking about?”
“Oh, come on. Tell me you didn’t think Lily was prettier than me and Georgie, especially when we were in high school.”
Blake fell back, pretending to faint at the absurdity of that question. “All three of you are pretty. You’ve always been pretty.”
“But I have always been a little quieter, a little more reserved. Lily, on the other hand, has always seemed fearless. Stronger. Funnier. And all of that made her stand out. She’s someone people want to be around.”
He sat back up. “People want to be around you.” He wanted to be around her all the time. She didn’t need to be bigger than life to be important and so beautiful.
She pulled a piece of crust off her sandwich. “I think that’s why I love animals so much. They love, and all they ask for in return is to be loved back. So easy.”
So easy. Hearing her say that was like she had stabbed him in the heart. He loved her and all he wanted was for her to love him back, but she
wouldn’t do it. Even though it would be so easy.
“You don’t even realize that you make it so hard.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Maybe this wasn’t the best time, or maybe she needed to hear this. It was a complete toss-up. He was in the barrel of the wave and he needed to ride it until the end. He’d either kick out without a problem or he’d wipe out. There was no telling.
He stared her right in those ocean-blue eyes. “You are the most loving person I know. You love to love those you love. You take care of the ones you love. You put those you love before yourself.”
She shook her head and let out a soft huff. “Are we still talking about animals?”
“I’m talking about your family and your friends. When it comes to the people in your life, you do not let everybody love you back the same way. You put up...roadblocks.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. Like when you lie to your sisters about how you feel about things if you think your feelings will make them feel bad. You like to do things for others, but sometimes you refuse to let them return the favor. You’re so easy to love and impossible to love at the same time.”
Her lips fell in a straight line and her expression was hard to read. Blake wasn’t sure if he was going to be swallowing a bunch of salt water or celebrating a perfect ten.
“So you’re telling me that my sisters don’t love me?”
Wipeout. “No, your sisters adore you, but you don’t always let them be there. You don’t give them the chance to put you first sometimes.”
“Put me first? I would never feel right about asking them to do that. They’re busy. They have other—”
“What about me?”
“What about you?” She never did see it. No matter how obvious he tried to be.
“Why don’t you let me? What’s my fatal flaw that makes me unworthy?”
“You are the only one who picks me up when I fall. You’re the only one I let see me cry. For the last dozen years, you’ve always put me first.” Her face fell. “I think that’s why I’m having a hard time with your impending wedding.”
