by Amy Vastine
“Conner’s your best friend,” Blake said. “I’m sure you’re like Amanda and a little skeptical that your friend could fall in love with the right person after only knowing her for a few days.”
“Ten. They knew each other ten days and he wanted to marry her.”
“I thought she was being completely reckless,” Amanda said. “I didn’t think there was any way she could have met such a great guy. I was sure he was hiding some demons.”
“Conner is completely demon-free. She’s not going to find a better man than him. He’s got a heart of gold. Always has.”
“I believe you. He’s done nothing but impress me, and trust me, I have been searching for a flaw.”
“He’s not perfect, but he’s a good man and I don’t want him to get hurt by someone who is trying to escape a bad relationship or a troubled past.”
Amanda put her elbows on the table. “Lily is not a troubled soul. She is a good person. She stayed here because of Conner. Because of what he unlocked inside of her. Not because she’s hiding from something.”
“Thank you for your honesty. It’s nice to know that you care about your sister as much as I care about Conner. The fact that someone like you cares about her says a lot,” Logan said.
Blake picked up on how that sounded a bit more flirtatious than the rest of the conversation. Just when he was starting to like the guy...
“You didn’t do Amanda,” Nadia said.
Everyone at the table swung their head in her direction. It was the first time she had said a word during the entire breakfast.
“What?” Amanda asked. She nervously glanced around the table, hoping everyone else was confused. She wasn’t wrong. Blake didn’t understand what Nadia meant, either.
“Blake didn’t describe you. He talked about all of your sisters, but he didn’t say what your special trait was. I’m curious. Logan thinks she’s a good person. I’m curious what her best friend thinks.”
It was a challenge. He could hear it in her tone. Blake wasn’t going to censor what he thought about Amanda, though. He had left her out on purpose because he knew if he told everyone what he thought about her, they would know how he felt about her.
“Amanda. That’s easy. Amanda is love. Amanda loves hard and she loves freely. She takes care of the people she loves. She protects the people she loves. She empowers the people she loves. Her heart is so big and it never stops giving. She makes it impossible not to love her back.”
Amanda swallowed hard and her eyes were wet. Blake meant all of it. That was what she was. It didn’t change the fact that she wasn’t in love with him. Being loved by her was enough. It had to be.
“I’m ready to go back to the cabin.” Nadia pushed her chair back and stood up. “I have work to do.”
Blake got to his feet. “Have a good one,” he said to Logan. “See you back at the ranch, Harrison.”
Nadia didn’t even bother to say goodbye as she stormed out the door and to the car.
“I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
“I’m not mad.” She got in the car and slammed the door shut. Right, not mad.
“You asked me to talk about her. I didn’t the first time so as not to upset you. It shouldn’t upset you, though. Amanda loves me, but she’s not in love with me. You have nothing to worry about.”
Nadia laughed and shook her head. “I can see why you think that. When I came here, I was worried that your best friend was in love with you and would try to steal you away from me. I was so focused on Amanda’s feelings and motives, I totally missed it.”
“Missed what?”
“You’re clearly in love with her, Blake.”
“Nadia—”
“Don’t try to tell me you love her, but you’re in love with me. I definitely feel like if I asked you to choose right now—me or her—you would choose her.”
“Let’s not do this.” Blake started the car. “I’m not going to do this.”
“Exactly, because you would choose her.” Her flippancy was frustrating.
“You’re asking me to choose between two things that aren’t going head-to-head with each other. It’s like saying choose between your car and your favorite book. A car and a book don’t serve the same purpose. Why would I need to give up my car to have a book or vice versa?” He needed her to see how absurd this was.
“That’s not true, and you know it. I want to go back to the cabin to pack. I’m going back to San Diego. You need to choose. You can come with me and we’ll get married and live happily ever after, or you can stay and be loved by the amazing Amanda, who isn’t in love with you, and live miserably ever after.”
“You’re serious? You’re really going to give me an ultimatum?” She wasn’t the first to do that. The last girlfriend to do that was shown the door. Amanda didn’t belong on the chopping block.
The difference between the last girlfriend who’d tried it and Nadia was that he had made a commitment to Nadia. He had made a promise to her by asking her to marry him, by giving her a ring. He had already told her once that he chose her above all others. He just hadn’t thought she would ask him to give up Amanda in the process.
Nadia refused to even look at him. She stared down at her phone. “You love me or you don’t. You’re in love with me or you’re not. We already know where you stand with Amanda. Either you want someone who’s in love with you, too, or you don’t.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“I FEEL LIKE I need to apologize,” Logan said when he dropped Amanda off at the ranch. “Believe me, if you didn’t have plans to go back to San Diego, I may have worked harder to get to know about you instead of your sister.”
Amanda stuck out her hand for a shake. “Never apologize for being a good friend. Conner is lucky to have you.”
Logan’s smile was slow and easy. He shook her hand. “He’s like a brother. I knew you’d understand. I hope things work out for you.”
“Work out for me?”
“I’m fairly certain we saw an engagement come to an end this morning. That guy is one hundred percent in love with you. I don’t know if you wanted that to happen or not, so I’m just going to wish you luck and hope everything works out the way you want it to.”
Amanda could have sat there and explained that Blake was just being Blake. Surely, he had convinced Nadia that what he’d said didn’t mean he didn’t want to marry her. His sweet words didn’t change what could or could not happen between him and Amanda.
Blake had basically said the same thing the day she almost drowned. He was kind enough to leave out the part about how he felt she made it impossible for other people to show her love this time.
Whatever had happened after they left the bakery would come out eventually. She glanced at Blake’s cabin before going into Lily’s. There were no signs of life. If they were fighting in there, they were doing it quietly enough not to disturb the rest of the ranch.
Lily was still in bed when Amanda got back, so Amanda climbed under the covers with her sister.
“Did you have a good date?” Lily mumbled, half-asleep.
“It was a good breakfast. Not so much a date, though.”
Lily forced her eyes open. “What happened?”
“Logan asked me out so he could find out more about you. He was still on the fence about giving his blessing.”
Wide-awake, Lily sat up in bed. “He was on the fence about me? I thought all of Conner’s friends liked me. Are there other people out there who think he shouldn’t marry me?”
“You had to expect that his family and friends were going to question the speediness of this engagement. There hasn’t been much time for them to get to know you. I think what’s nice is that you know he has friends who really care about him and his happiness. They want to make sure no one is going to break his heart.”
“Did he think I was going to do that? They
think because I came here as a runaway bride, I was bad news. Didn’t they?”
“Your runaway-bride status did not help your case, but you can also thank Blake for having your back this morning.”
“Blake? How did he get involved in this?”
“He showed up at the bakery and crashed my breakfast with Logan. He said some really nice things about you, and I think what he said carried real weight with Logan.”
Lily lay back down. “Wow. Blake Collins had nice things to say about me. Wonders never cease.”
Amanda gave Lily a playful shake. “Can you get up and get ready so we can go eat some cake?”
Her sister groaned and rolled away from her. “Conner will be here in an hour to meet us. Are Blake and Nadia coming?”
The decision to leave Lily out of what had happened with Blake and Nadia this morning was completely to protect Blake’s privacy and feelings.
“I have no idea. We didn’t talk about it at breakfast.”
Lily got out of bed and stretched her arms above her head. “Can you find out?”
“Sure.” Amanda also got out of bed and texted Blake about the tasting. He didn’t reply, which wasn’t like him. He and Nadia must be having a very intense conversation. Too intense to take a second to reply to Amanda’s text. She hoped he was okay. As much as she had wanted to ask him to postpone his engagement yesterday, she didn’t want his feelings for her to be the reason he did it.
She slipped outside onto the porch and sat on the bench to do a little spying. The cabin next door was still super quiet. From the outside there was no way to tell if there was anyone inside. Another text and no reply.
Tyler drove up on his ATV. “Good morning.”
It wasn’t unusual for Tyler to be out and about on the property. It was the first time he had driven out to the cabins. Amanda’s stomach was already in knots, and seeing him made it worse. She knew she’d have to see him again after telling him all of her secrets, but she didn’t realize how awkward that would feel.
“Morning. What brings you out this way?”
Tyler got off the ATV and glanced around like he wanted to make sure they were alone. “I felt like I needed to say something after everything that happened yesterday.”
A sinking feeling told her there was more to it than that. “You told Hadley.”
“Only Hadley,” he said as he joined her on the porch. “She’s my wife. I have a hard time keeping things from her, and she could tell something was weighing heavy on my mind.”
Amanda rested her elbows on the railing and held her head in her hands. She really didn’t want to hear Hadley’s take on what she had told Tyler, but she knew that was why he was there. “Please don’t worry about me. Pretend we never had that conversation yesterday. Wipe it from your memory.”
“Trust me, I know you told me because you hoped that because we don’t really know each other very well that I would pretend it didn’t happen.”
That was exactly what she had been hoping.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. I’m not here to make things worse, though. I just wanted to say that I think you should talk to Blake. It’s not really fair to not let him know all the facts.”
“He doesn’t need all the facts. I already know what my news will do to him. You know how you feel? How bad you feel for me? Multiply that by a thousand. That’s how he’ll feel. He’ll feel so bad for me that it will change our relationship. Everything about it. I don’t want to do that. I like how we are.”
“He is going to feel bad, but he also kind of deserves to know how you feel about him. He might be in love with you, too,” he whispered.
Amanda’s anxiety had her shaking. She turned around and leaned against the railing so she could watch the front door. She didn’t want Lily to make a surprise appearance and overhear any of this. “He might, but I can’t be what he needs me to be. Telling him would trap him into something that would rob him of what he wants most of all.”
“Hadley pointed out that there are lots of ways to get that. Not to mention we’re concerned that you’re going to have surgery and not have anyone be there for you when it’s over. You need to let someone in your life know what’s happening.”
“I really appreciate your concern. I promise that I will let someone know what’s happening when I have to go in for surgery.” And by someone, she meant someone who was not Blake and who would think they were driving her home after getting a mole removed.
Tyler took off his hat and stared down at it as he spoke. “Hadley and I know better than anyone what happens when you don’t tell the truth because you’re afraid of what being honest will lead to. It almost always backfires. The truth comes out eventually, and then the people you weren’t honest with aren’t just dealing with the truth but the lie, as well.”
“I appreciate the advice. I know what I’m doing. Sometimes it’s better to keep things to ourselves. Sometimes saying everything that’s on our minds is hurtful. I don’t want to hurt Blake. I also don’t want him or Lily to worry about me, so it’s better they don’t know.”
“It’s better that I don’t know what?”
Amanda felt all the blood drain from her face. She spun around and saw Blake standing between the two cabins.
“It’s better I don’t know what?” he repeated, coming closer.
Tyler put his hat back on and grimaced. “I’m sorry, Amanda. I didn’t mean to—’’
Force her hand? Because that was what he had unintentionally done. She stalled, knowing there was no way she was going to fast-talk her way out of this.
“Good morning, Tyler.” Lily came out onto the porch. She had a cup of coffee in her hand and a smile on her face.
“Hey, Lily.”
“What don’t you want me or Lily to know, Harrison?” Blake joined them on the porch. He moved slow like he did when they encountered sick or injured animals. Like he didn’t want to spook her.
“What’s going on out here?” Lily asked.
“I’m going to head back to the lodge. I’ll see y’all later.” Tyler backed away toward the steps, but Blake stopped him.
“Could you stay, instead? So that we know whatever Amanda says next is really what she needs to tell me and Lily.”
Lily’s brows scrunched together. “You need to tell us something?”
Amanda gripped the railing as it began to feel like the ground was moving under her feet and she was about to lose her balance.
Blake moved closer, and with each step Amanda was sure he could hear how fast and hard her heart was beating. “After breakfast, my fiancée decided that I am in love with you, but I told her it really doesn’t matter how I feel about you because you have always been very clear that you are not in love with me. I’ve been mulling that over a lot since we got here. I’ve been trying to figure out what it is that keeps you from loving me the way that I love you. What is wrong with me that makes me not worthy? I’ve been obsessing over it. And the more I think about it, the more it doesn’t make sense. The more I know I’m missing something.”
He stood in front of her, his jaw ticking as he paused. His eyes were full of nothing but hurt and pain, and it tore a hole in Amanda’s heart. This was what all the lies were supposed to protect him from, and instead it had made things worse.
“I think you are in love with me. I think you have been in love with me as long as I have been in love with you. I think there’s a reason you won’t let me love you, though. I think whatever it is is so bad that you think it would crush me.”
Amanda’s cheeks were wet. The tears flowed without permission like they had yesterday.
“Are you dying?” he asked, his voice cracking with emotion. Tears welled in his eyes. “You have cancer, don’t you? The thing on your back is cancer, and you didn’t want us to know because it’s bad. Is that it? You have to tell us because we deserve to know the
truth, Amanda. You aren’t softening the blow by not telling us.”
“You have cancer?” Lily gasped.
This had spiraled out of control. The horror on Lily’s face was devastating. She couldn’t let her sister think the worst. She went to Lily and grabbed her by both hands. “I do not have cancer. I am not dying. I would not keep something like that from you. I am not dying.”
“You swear? You swear on Mom’s grave?”
“I swear on Mom’s grave that I am not dying and I do not have cancer. I swear.”
Lily and Blake both looked to Tyler. Their distrust was another blow to her nerves. “Did she tell you she had cancer?” Blake asked him.
Tyler shook his head. “There was no mention of dying or cancer. I don’t know anything about that at all. I really feel like y’all need to talk about this as a family and I should go. I don’t think she’s going to keep any more secrets. I think she’s learned that secrets and lies only make things worse.” He backed down the steps, got on his ATV and drove off.
Blake pressed his back to the railing and slid down to the ground. He pulled on the front of his hair. “What is it, then? Can you tell us what it is because I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.”
Lily was breathing normally again now that the fear her sister was dying had passed. Amanda let go of her and went over to Blake. Sitting next to him, she placed a hand on his knee.
“This is going to sound so ridiculous now that you got yourself worked up that I was dying.”
“Harrison, what is going on?”
“I have endometriosis. According to my doctor, I have the worst case she’s ever seen. It’s so bad that when we get back to San Diego, I have to have a hysterectomy.”
“Oh, Amanda!” Lily sat down on the other side of her and hugged her tight. “How did I not know about this?”
“I didn’t tell anyone except Mom. She’s the one who told me to go to the doctor when things started to get really bad. She came with me to appointments. Would take care of me when the pain was so bad I couldn’t do anything.”
