‘What does that mean?’
‘When I say something’s untidy, I mean it.’
‘Well, so do I. I have certain standards, same as in the restaurant. If I say it’s untidy, it doesn’t suit those standards.’ Her gaze sharpened. ‘I’ve never been to yours. Are you saying you keep a sloppy house?’
‘Of course not,’ he said, offended. ‘I have high standards, too.’ But he winced. ‘That doesn’t necessarily translate to my room.’
‘So what you’re saying is you live in a pigsty.’
‘I would not say that.’
‘Let me see it, then.’ She folded her arms, baiting him.
Damn her.
‘I’d rather not. Did my mother send you here?’ he asked without waiting to hear her reply. ‘I was barely gone for a minute.’
‘No. I asked to use the bathroom. What with this situation happening...’ She gestured to her stomach.
‘You told her?’
‘That I needed to go to the bathroom because I’m pregnant?’ She pulled a face. ‘Of course not. Why would I?’
‘Oh.’ He winced. ‘I’m sorry. That was an overreaction.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘The bathroom?’
‘That one.’ He pointed to the room across the hallway.
‘Thank you,’ Alexa said, and walked into it.
Benjamin stood there for a beat, feeling foolish as his heart rate went back to normal. He shook his head. He needed to put this lie behind him. It was making him skittish. But when he went back to the living room to do just that, his mother was sitting with her hands interlocked over her stomach. Her eyes were closed, and to someone who didn’t know her, it would seem as if she was napping. To someone who did know her...
‘Mom,’ he said, lowering himself in front of her. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well?’
She opened her eyes, the tight lines of pain in the creases around them confirming his suspicion. ‘I’m fine. Stop fussing.’
‘Do we have to do this every time? It’s been decades.’
‘Exactly. Decades and I still have to tell you I’m fine.’
‘But you’re not fine. You’re in pain.’
‘Just a little, from the excitement of the day.’
‘Mom...’ He trailed off, sighed. ‘I wish you’d told me. We could have cancelled. You could have got some rest and not put so much pressure on yourself.’
‘And miss the chance to meet Alexa?’
‘Mom, Alexa’s not—’ He broke off. Mostly because he couldn’t tell her the truth when she was like this. ‘Alexa’s not going anywhere,’ he finished lamely. ‘I’d have brought her the moment you felt better.’
‘Would you have?’ his mother asked, her eyes tired but sharp. ‘I didn’t even know about her until yesterday. You never tell us about your dating life. I assumed she’s your first proper girlfriend, but I don’t even know if that’s true.’
‘It’s because—’
‘I had to force you to bring her here,’ she interrupted him. Her eyes were flashing now, pain mingled in with the anger. ‘And she’s pregnant, Benny. Pregnant. You hid that from us.’
‘What? Oh, no, Mom. She’s not—’
‘Your bedroom isn’t that far away, Benjamin.’
She’d heard them. Damn it. Why hadn’t he thought about that?
‘We can talk about it when you feel better. Let me help you to bed now.’
‘No.’ Nina straightened, though he could see she was doing her best not to wince. ‘I want to have dinner with you and get to know that woman who’s going to be in our lives from now on.’
‘She’s not...’
He broke off, his mind spinning with how to tell her the truth. Through it, he heard the memory of Alexa’s voice asking him why he hadn’t told his mother when she’d first overheard him. He should have. But he was caught by that excitement on her face, and he couldn’t bear to disappoint her.
He was as much to blame for the situation they were in as Alexa was, he realised. At least this situation. And now, his mother was in pain because of him. Because of his lies.
He exhaled. ‘Mom, Alexa’s baby... It’s not mine.’
* * *
She was intruding. She’d known it the moment she’d seen Benjamin crouching in front of his mother. When she’d heard them talk, the conversation so personal she’d had to rest a hand on her chest because her heart felt as if it was breaking, she told herself to walk away. Except she couldn’t. She was too riveted by this tender side of a man she’d once called a demon.
She’d felt that tenderness during their kiss. It was what had turned the moment from a purely physical one into something emotional. So she shouldn’t have been surprised that he had the capacity to be tender. But seeing it up close and personal, especially after feeling it up close and personal? It felt as if someone had walked into her body, gathered her emotions together and tossed them in the air like confetti at a wedding.
She was scrambling to get them back together again when his mother had told him she knew about the baby. Then he confessed it wasn’t his, and said nothing about their fake relationship. She’d given him a moment to continue, to tell his mother why the baby wasn’t his. He hadn’t. He merely watched his mother gasp, lift a hand to her mouth, his face crumbling.
So Alexa threw the emotions she had just collected to the ground, and stomped over them to help Benjamin.
‘Ben,’ she said softly. He looked at her, his eyes ravaged with sadness. ‘Let me.’
‘We need to—’
‘No, I need to.’ She sent him one look to tell him to shut up, then looked at his mother. ‘Benjamin isn’t the father of my baby. He’s just a decent man who...is decent.’ She offered him a smile before sitting on the sofa opposite Nina.
‘Mrs Foster... Aunty Nina... I found out I was pregnant pretty quickly. After about two weeks. Benjamin and I hadn’t started dating yet, and, well... I got myself into a situation.’
She was keeping as far to the truth as possible. The fertility treatments meant she had found out she was pregnant early. When she had, she’d refused to come in to monitor the pregnancy as her specialist had advised. She wanted to have a normal pregnancy as far as possible. Since it had started out in an unusual way, monitoring things had overwhelmed her.
She also hadn’t been fake dating Benjamin then.
‘I didn’t want to tell him when he asked me out because he seemed like a good guy. For once, I wanted a good guy in my life. I didn’t tell him for the longest time. It was wrong, and selfish, and it hurt both you and him. For that, I will never forgive myself.’
She swallowed when her eyes began to prickle. Pressed a hand to her stomach because she felt alone in this deeply personal and strangely true tale she was telling Benjamin’s mother. It comforted her, which sent another wave of prickling over her eyes, and she took her time before she continued.
‘He hasn’t known I’m pregnant very long. I think he was still deciding what to do when you found out about me. It put him in an impossible situation. He didn’t want you to be disappointed, but bringing me here tonight makes it seem like he wants me and the baby, and he isn’t there yet. He didn’t tell you about me because he didn’t want that, for either of us,’ she said with a lift of her hand.
There was a long silence. Alexa didn’t know if someone was waiting for her to speak, or if she was waiting for someone to speak. Eventually, Nina broke the silence.
‘Knowing all this, you’re still here?’
‘It’s an impossible situation,’ she said with a small smile. ‘But it’s our normal. So...normally... I thought meeting his mother was important.’
There was another long silence. This time, Benjamin broke it.
‘I’m sorry, Mom. It was never my intention to...to disappoint you.’
His mother h
eaved out a sigh. ‘You haven’t disappointed me. In fact, your behaviour with Alexa... I’d like to think I raised you to be someone who doesn’t judge people by actions you don’t agree with.’
‘If it were really you,’ Benjamin said slyly, ‘you wouldn’t judge me for my recent actions.’
Alexa bit her lip, but stopped trying to hide her smile when Nina laughed.
‘You’re too charming for your own good, boy.’
‘I’ve always thought so, too,’ Alexa agreed.
‘Thank you,’ Benjamin replied with a grin.
Nina gave them an amused look. Then she sobered. ‘My son clearly cares about you, Alexa. That’s enough for me.’
Alexa nodded, pressure she didn’t realise was there releasing inside her. ‘Thank you.’
Nina shook her head. ‘I’m actually rooting for this to work out. Because at this pace, that baby of yours might be my only chance at a grandchild.’
They didn’t have time to reply, as a tall man with a shock of grey hair walked into the room.
‘Benjie, boy.’ In the man’s grin, Alexa saw Benjamin.
‘Hi, Dad.’
Benjamin’s father looked at their faces, frowned. ‘What did I miss?’
Chapter 8
‘This isn’t my place,’ Alexa said, as if only now noticing he hadn’t taken her back to her flat. Which was surprising, as they hadn’t spoken since they’d left his house, so she hadn’t been distracted. In fact, she’d been staring out of the window the entire time.
‘No, it’s not.’
He didn’t say anything else as he drove along the gravel road that led into the quarry. Handy, because if he had, he wouldn’t have heard her small gasp when he parked. He couldn’t deny that part of why he’d brought her was the wow factor. The quarry was spectacular at night; on a summer’s night, even more so. There was no cool breeze to chill them, no dew glazing the grass that stretched out in front of the car park. The sky was clear, the full moon illuminating things enough that he didn’t have to get out his phone’s torch to guide them to the water.
And really, it was the water that was the star of the quarry. It was nestled in the hollow of the rocks, stretching out in inky darkness. The moon was reflected in it, the stars, too, and it made him wonder if perhaps this was all a little too romantic. But he wanted quiet, and the quarry was quiet. He went to the back of his car, and got out the camping chairs he kept there.
‘You prepared for this?’ she asked when she got out of the car. ‘Were you intending on bringing me here?’
‘No.’ He carried the chairs to his usual spot beneath the tree at the edge of the water. When he heard her behind him he said, ‘I keep these in my car.’
‘For this reason?’
‘Exactly.’
‘You bring ladies out here a lot, then?’ She gave him a sly look as she lowered herself into the chair. Then she frowned. ‘You’d better be prepared to help me out of this chair. It’s low, and being pregnant means I have zero control over my balance.’
‘So what you’re saying is that I could leave you here and you’d have to stay in the chair for ever?’
‘Yes,’ she replied, voice dry as a badly made cake. ‘That’s exactly what I’m saying.’
‘Good to know.’ He paused. ‘Better watch your attitude.’
‘You know what? I don’t even need your help. The grass looks pretty soft. I can tilt to the side, break my fall with my hand, and figure it out from there.’
‘The grass is lower than the chair.’
‘I said I’d figure it out.’
He couldn’t help his laugh, though he tried to be respectful and kept it quick and low—until she joined in, which he hadn’t expected. It was strange to be laughing with her, but he suspected they were relieving the tension of the night. There’d been an undercurrent during the entire meal. He didn’t blame his mother for being reserved—both Alexa’s news and her pain had probably occupied her mind and her body—but it meant that he’d overcompensated. The result was a strained meal where everyone pretended nothing was wrong and it was...draining.
When they stopped laughing, they lapsed into an easy silence; another surprise. But honestly, he was grateful for it. It gave him a moment to gather his thoughts, prepare his words.
‘Thank you.’
‘For what?’
‘What you had to do with my mom. You made a difficult situation easier.’
She sighed. ‘I lied.’
‘Did you?’
She frowned. ‘You mean, besides the fact that I kept our fake relationship going?’
‘Yes, actually.’
It took some time for her to understand.
‘Oh, you want to know if the stuff I said about the father of the baby’s true.’
He did. But now that she said it, he felt as if he was asking too much. Maybe if he was honest with her, too...
‘Look, I know I said the lies had to end. But...’ He trailed off, sighed. ‘At some point tonight I realised it worked for me to be in a fake relationship, too. It made my mother happy. Maybe I knew it would and that’s why I let her think we were together in the first place.’ It was something he’d have to think about. ‘Your pregnancy complicated things, and I got scared. But your explanation made sense. Hell, it somehow made both of us look good.’
She looked at the water. ‘I wouldn’t say that.’
‘I would.’ He let it sit for a moment. ‘I realised tonight the only people whose opinions I care about are my parents. So, we can keep this going for as long as we both want to.’
‘You’re not afraid of disappointing your mother when it ends?’
He heaved out a breath. ‘I can’t see an outcome that won’t hurt her. I’d rather she think I tried and it didn’t work out than know I lied to her.’
‘Sneaky,’ she commented.
‘You’re one to talk.’
She laughed. ‘Touché.’ There was a beat. ‘Thank you.’
‘This isn’t only for you.’
For once, he believed it. He wasn’t doing this only to help her. It helped him and his family, too. It might have been strained at dinner this evening, but there’d also been light. That light had been because of Alexa. Because of what she represented to his parents.
A future that didn’t only involve taking care of them.
He’d sacrifice his reputation for his parents’ peace of mind.
‘I know,’ she said softly. ‘Still. Thank you.’ Silence danced between them for a few minutes. ‘To answer your earlier question, I don’t know what kind of guy got me pregnant.’
His brain took a moment to shift gears. ‘You don’t know...if he’s a good guy?’
‘I don’t know who he is.’
‘Oh.’
Sure. That was fine. She was allowed her sexual freedom. If she didn’t know who she’d slept with, that was her business. Except...
No, no exceptions. He wouldn’t be a judgemental jerk.
‘I was waiting,’ she said into the silence, ‘for some kind of bigoted statement about my sex life.’
‘I wouldn’t dare.’
She laughed lightly. ‘You were basically biting your tongue.’
‘It isn’t my business.’
‘No, it’s not.’ Her laughter faded. ‘Which makes why I’m telling you I was artificially inseminated by donor sperm puzzling.’
‘You were artificially inseminated?’ he repeated dumbly.
‘Yep.’ She unclasped the hands that had been locked around her knee. ‘I wanted to have a baby and the available men were... Well, I suppose there were none. Whom I trusted anyway.’
‘You have no male friends?’
‘I don’t have any...’ She broke off. ‘I don’t have that many friends. Besides, could you imagine me asking a friend to be the father of my ch
ild?’ She shuddered. ‘That would be asking for trouble. Involvement. People don’t tend to keep their word, so the promise that they would never encroach on the way I raised a child would be gone pretty quickly, I bet. Especially if the baby looked like the friend.’
He thought about it. ‘Alternatively, you could have gone through this with someone. You wouldn’t have to make decisions alone. You’d have support.’
‘Spoken like a man who’s had support his entire life.’
‘Is that a criticism?’
‘Not a criticism. An observation.’
‘In return, then, I observe that you don’t trust people.’
‘An accurate observation. Trusting people isn’t worth a damn.’
He tried to formulate an answer, but found himself at a loss for words. Not emotion though. He felt sorry that she’d lived a life that encouraged her to think this way. There was some rage, too, because it seemed completely unfair that he’d had parents who’d loved him and taught him the value of leaning on family and she hadn’t. Or maybe it wasn’t so much rage as it was guilt, because he had something she didn’t.
‘Don’t feel sorry for me.’
‘I’m not.’
‘Your mother wouldn’t like you lying to me.’
His face twisted. ‘Are you really using my mother to make me feel guilty about this?’
‘Yes. I am a smart woman who uses the tools at her disposal.’
He chuckled softly. ‘Can’t argue with that.’
‘Finally, you learn.’
She settled back in the chair, resting her hands on her belly. It had the same protective tint as the way she’d rubbed her stomach that night in her flat. Now he knew she’d done it because she was pregnant. What he didn’t know was why he’d done it. Why, when they’d kissed, he’d grazed her stomach and felt a rush of protectiveness he didn’t know existed inside him. Need had joined so quickly and intensely that he’d had to pull back from their kiss to deal with it. To try and deny it, as he’d done the first time he’d felt that need.
‘I don’t feel sorry,’ he said slowly, ‘I feel sad.’
She didn’t answer, tilting her head from side to side.
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