by Amanda LeMay
“Not going to worry about that right now.” He kissed me sweetly again. “I just want to take you home. And, I’m sorry, but I want to scrub that stink from your body with my own two hands.”
I giggled a little. I couldn’t help it. My nerves were frayed. “And burn the dress?”
“Damn.” Dain closed his eyes and nodded slowly. “I really love this dress on you.” His fingers ran across the hem at my thigh.
“It’s just a dress. Easily replaced.”
Another nod, and then suddenly, every muscle in Dain’s body went rigid. He lifted me from his lap and set me back on the bench. He stood slowly and faced the entrance of the sheriff’s station. A truck door slammed and running footfalls rushed to the glass double doors. Dain stepped to the side, positioning his body in front of me, blocking my view of the entrance. Someone pushed through the doors and when I tried to peek around Dain’s body, he put his hand down as a warning and waved me back. I sat back, wiped the few stray tears from my face, and sniffled, trying to catch the scent of whoever was coming in.
Chuck Sanders. Bobby’s brother.
The footsteps stopped abruptly in front of Dain. I stared up at Dain’s broad back, trying to judge how tense the situation was, but he seemed relaxed, for now.
“Dain...man. I am so damn sorry.” It was a heartfelt whisper. “Jessy...is she...okay? Are you okay?” Chuck’s throat seemed to go tight.
“Yeah, we’re both okay.”
Two masculine arms suddenly came into view across Dain’s back as Chuck bear-hugged him. Then he let go and sniffled. Dain stepped back and took his seat beside me again.
“The sheriff called and told Daddy what I already knew.” Chuck looked down at me, closed his eyes, and shook his head. “Jessy.” He crouched down, but didn’t reach out to touch me, so I made the move and grabbed his hand. Dain’s big arm came around my shoulders once again. “Dain called...said Bobby had you. I didn’t have a clue where he’d take you. I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am.” Chuck whispered, his eyes shiny with tears.
“I’m sorry too. Your brother...” I closed my eyes and thanked whatever ancient gods there might be that Chuck would never have to identify his brother’s shredded body.
“Jessy, don’t you ever, for one second, feel bad about that sick fuck being my brother. All my life, Dain here has been more of a brother to me than my own flesh and blood. Hell, if I hadn’t fallen in love and gotten married, I’d probably be living out at your ranch right now.”
Down the hall, the door to the interview room opened and three sets of footsteps walked toward us. My dad kept his arm around Maygan’s shoulders as silent tears streamed down her face.
“Chuck.” Ralph shook Chuck’s hand firmly. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“I appreciate you saying so, but even though Bobby shared my blood, I can’t mourn that son of a bitch. My brother disappeared years ago.” Chuck nodded once.
“How’s your dad taking this?”
“Not sure. He didn’t say much...just that Bobby was dead.”
“You won’t need you to identify the body. Everybody in town knows your brother, and a wolf attack is not a pretty sight.”
“Thanks. I can imagine it isn’t.”
Ralph nodded, looked squarely at Dain and back again at Chuck. He closed his eyes and his shoulders seemed to droop for only a moment, like he was so tired. I couldn’t blame him. It was Christmas Eve. All of us should be home with our families, not here talking about death.
He looked back at Dain and asked, “You ready, son?”
Dain squeezed my shoulder and locked his gaze on me. If he had to, he’d do it all again—kill anyone who tried to get between us. And I felt exactly the same about him.
I watched him walk away, that long, silky ponytail of his splitting his broad shoulders and lean waist as it swayed back and forth with each purposeful step.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I ESCAPED INTO THE shower the minute we got home from the sheriff’s office, not bothering to remove my red dress beforehand. Once inside, with the spray beating down on me, I peeled the fabric off and handed it to Dain, soaking wet, through the glass door. And though I didn’t want Dain to leave my side, once the hot, running water started relaxing my tense muscles, I was grateful he had disappeared—tossing my dress into the trash, most likely.
It was the first time I had been alone for hours. As I squeezed the shampoo bottle, the white, pearlescent liquid made strange ‘Z’ shaped patterns on the palm of my hand as the bottle shook back and forth. I stared at it, fascinated, until the wet bottle fell from my grasp and landed on the tile next to my feet. The shampoo oozed across my palm and spilled out between my shaking fingers. Everything went wavy as I tried to breathe in the steamy air. A deep, strangled sob rose up and poured out of my mouth, echoing around the bathroom as I dropped to my knees.
If I believed I had bawled like a baby at the sheriff’s office, I was mistaken. I wasn’t even close to being cried out yet.
Why am I crying? Why?
And instead of holding it in or rationalizing the reasons, I let the tears pour while I scrubbed the stench of Bobby Sanders from my skin.
I had managed to catch my breath by the time I turned off the water and stepped out. I ran the blow dryer over my hair and pulled a T-shirt over my head. My normally bright, golden eyes were puffy and bloodshot, and my nose hot pink and swollen.
Sweet heavens. I was a mess.
Luckily, Dain wasn’t there to see me in all my weepy, female glory.
I crawled into my bed and pulled the soft, heavy quilts over me. Sheer exhaustion settled over every muscle in my body. Sleep would come fast.
But it didn’t.
I laid there—warm, comfortable, safe. Each time I’d slip under, I’d see red splatters of blood against my eyelids and feel the ghost of Bobby’s hand in my hair as it jerked me awake again, leaving me feeling as though I were on the edge of sleep forever.
“Shhh.” Dain’s voice rumbled deeply right next to me. “I’m here.” The bed dipped as his body lay down against the length of mine, on top of the quilts.
I reached around to pull him closer to me and found he was still fully dressed.
“Hold me.” I pressed my eyelids together. No more tears. “Just, please...”
His teeth nipped my neck and I shuddered, but not from any horrible memory of how Bobby had enjoyed using his teeth on my skin. No, Dain’s loving bite sent electricity sizzling throughout my body, giving me more reassurance than any words ever could that I was still his.
Still wanted.
Still loved.
Dain’s lips kissed their way up to my ear and he whispered, “I need you, too.” He folded around me, crushing me into the bed. I was safe. Safer than I had ever been in my life and finally—finally, I slept.
THE SOUNDS OF THE RANCH coming alive drifted in and out of my ears without really stirring me to move—the crazy broken rooster, the cows, a large truck of some kind lumbering onto the property and with it, unfamiliar male voices that spoke in low, solemn tones as something mechanical worked in the background. I rolled over and blocked it all out. I wasn’t ready to face the day and with the blood of humans still haunting my partially waking dreams, I slept again.
“JESSY? SWEETHEART?”
Sweetheart. In all the days I’d been in Comfort, Dain had called me only by my name, mistakenly believing endearments were something I wouldn’t tolerate. And I didn’t, not from assholes, but from those I loved, it was a different story.
Sweetheart.
That one little word from his lips sounded like a thousand I love yous. I smiled and found comfort in the male scent that changed my life from the first moment I’d caught it in the air and tasted it on my tongue—clean skin, soft, cotton blankets, and sweet alfalfa.
Dain was there, under the blankets with me. I curled myself around him and found he was still fully clothed in jeans and a T-shirt and at that moment, it didn’t bother me. He was t
here, with me, as nonthreatening and unassuming as he could possibly be and still be by my side. I refused to allow those silly voices in my head start up a debate about the other reasons why he would lay in bed with me, dressed, ready to escape my grasping, clutching, pleading hands.
“Jessy?” His voice was deep and soft and sweet.
Keep it safe.
I pulled the heavy quilts off my head. The aroma of cooked meat, eggs, and potatoes suddenly hit me, causing my stomach to growl. “I smell...ham.” It was the only safe thing I could think of.
“Mom usually goes all out on Christmas, but...she’s not really into it this morning.”
“I can totally relate to that,” I mumbled. “Still, even considering all that happened to me, this isn’t the worst Christmas I’ve ever had.” Dain shifted in the bed, laid on his back, and pulled me into his arms.
“You’re kidding?”
“Nope.” And I wasn’t. “My last two Christmases were much worse.”
Dain’s arm squeezed me tighter, every muscle in his body tense.
A deep, menacing growl preceded Dain’s question, “Someone hurt you before?”
Okay...my one-time somewhat willing experiment into some male’s twisted interpretation of BDSM was the farthest thing from my mind. And by his reaction, sharing my deepest, darkest secret was going to be a long way in the future. If ever. Possibly getting a stupid city wolf thrashed within an inch of his life because my mate couldn’t stand the thought I’d been hurt, was not going to happen.
“No, Dain.” I tucked my hand under his hip and pulled myself still closer to him. “What happened had nothing at all to do with anyone else. It was all my fault. I woke up Christmas morning alone, thinking nobody loved me, which was plain idiotic since Dad sent me a truckload of gifts that I shoved in a closet and ignored. I was too stubborn to call him and apologize. I laid on the couch and watched the Twilight Zone marathon on Sci Fi all day and just cried.”
He rubbed a hand across his forehead. “I don’t see how—”
“I don’t know how to explain it,” I interrupted him. “But the pain in my heart really was worse than what I feel right now. I guess it was because I did it to myself—I had full control of the situation and I did nothing. I don’t ever want to feel that alone again. What happened to me last night had nothing to do with me. I had no control. Bad things happened, but it wasn’t my fault. And even though it was horrible, I woke up today and I know I am loved. Do you understand?”
Dain’s hand stroked up and down my back as a low, rumbling growl moved through his torso. “A little.”
We cuddled there for a while, not speaking. I listened as his heartbeat took on a slower rhythm and his tense muscles slowly unclenched.
“I heard a big truck out there.”
His stroking hand slowed for a second. “Yeah, it was nothing you needed to see.”
They took the horses.
Fucking Bobby Sanders.
I wanted to kill him all over again.
All those beautiful horses. Why? Just to be mean? He must have felt some small amount of compassion to leave DJ’s colt unharmed, or did he think shooting Lucky would have pushed DJ too far? Was he afraid he would lose his whipping boy? Or that DJ might go to the sheriff and turn them all in? Or, had he killed all those horses to prove some ridiculous, crazy-ass psycho point that normal people would never figure out in a thousand years?
Didn’t matter. It was done and no one would ever know why.
“I’m so sorry.” I sucked back tears of frustration. No. More. Crying. Without opening my eyes, I stretched out my hand, groping for him. My fingers clutched at his clothing. I grabbed his shirt in my fist and rolled him toward me until his lips touched mine. “I’m so sorry.”
“Shhhh...” His forehead gently pressed against mine.
I couldn’t look him in the eye. Not yet. I used my fingers to trace his face, his neck, his strong jaw, his nose and mouth. I knew his face as well as I knew my own. Behind my eyelids I saw his face—the Breeder face when he took me hard and fast, claiming me with his body, and the wolf face that protected me, killed for me, and burned with the same fierce love.
I rolled onto my back. Laying my forearm over my closed eyes, I opened my mind up for a moment. What happened the night before rushed back in with the tang of semen, the sounds of laughter, the grunts of sexual satisfaction, my cries for help, and then high-pitched screams of agonizing pain. Behind my eyelids, I caught glimpses of teeth, torn flesh, flowing blood, and shattered bones.
And death.
And justice.
“Sweetheart.” He caressed my cheek with his calloused fingers. “You’re killing me here.”
I opened my eyes to the dim morning-after light that lit Dain’s handsome face and sparkled in his eyes. His mouth slowly spread into an affectionate smile, complete with dimples and I melted, just as I had the first time he’d smiled at me.
“I’m okay. Well, I will be, once you kiss me.” My stomach made its needs known again and growled even louder than before.
“I think you’ll feel much better after you get some food in you.”
“Kiss now. Food later,” I insisted, and he obliged nicely. Sweetly. Tenderly. If even a little cautiously.
At least, until my dad knocked on the door and called out, “Breakfast is on the table if you’re up to it. Even if you’re not, come on and be with your family.”
“We’re on our way,” I called back.
I heard him walk away as Dain rolled out of the bed and held out his hand to me.
“Did you ever open your gifts? The ones your dad sent?”
“Yep. About six months ago.” He pulled me from the bed. I shoved my feet into my slippers as he handed me my robe. “I cried the whole time. He’d sent me a small photo album your mom put together for me.” I thought back to the night I’d opened that little gift. “There is one picture of you. You’re standing in front of the railing in jeans and chaps and a hat. No shirt. Freaking sexy as hell. You’re holding a saddle by the horn against your leg, looking down at the ground. The sunlight made your skin shine, and I swear, I wanted to lick the sweat right off you. I put that picture of you to good use. It’s the best present I ever got.”
Dain’s head tilted to the left as a grin crossed his face and his cheeks burned bright red.
“What? Was that too much information?” I giggled as I looked up at him.
He shook his head back and forth, his eyes sparkling. “It’s not that.” Embarrassed, he smoothed a hand over his mouth and chuckled. “It’s just...” He cleared his throat. “I have a picture of you I also put to good use.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
MY DAD CLEARED HIS throat as he set down his cup of coffee. “Given where we all are emotionally, why don’t we wait a few days to exchange gifts?”
Dain mumbled a low “sounds good”, while Maygan and I nodded, agreeing in silence.
Collectively, we all needed time to come to terms with what had happened.
Maygan stood and pushed her chair back from the big dining table as she reached for our still half-full plates.
I caught her hand and offered her a small smile. “Let me do this for you.”
She returned her own sad smile, her eyes still brimming with tears she’d kept from falling throughout our solemn meal.
“Honey.” My dad pushed away from the table and wrapped his arms around his mate. “Dain and I can handle the horses.”
“I want to. I need to.” Dad led her from the kitchen, but I caught the last of her reply. “I need to focus on something else for a while.”
I stacked the plates and moved to the sink. Dain’s arms came around from behind, his lips on my neck.
“You gonna be okay here alone?”
To work the ranch, they needed to round up a few of the many horses they had out running around on their own. Since I had no training on how to survive a horse round-up in my wolf form—“survive” being the key word—we all agreed it best I s
tay behind.
“Yeah. Being alone doesn’t scare me, Dain.”
I wasn’t scared. I was safe. Even the internal debate of how much worse things could’ve been had finally stopped ping-ponging around inside my head. I was well and safe, without a scratch or bruise left as evidence of what I’d suffered through the night before.
I turned, wrapped my arms around Dain’s broad back, and hugged him tight. His heartbeat thudded slow and steady in my ear. I wanted to sink into the gentle, caring vibes he threw off, let his clean scent soothe away my worries and doubts on where we were as a couple.
“I need to do...stuff.” Only a week ago, doing “stuff” meant grabbing an iPad or phone and connecting to the outside world via www.whatever.com. After unplugging for so many days, going online was the last thing I wanted to do. “Just stuff, you know? Like wash up these dishes, dry them, and put them away.” I sighed and gazed up into his eyes. “I think I’ll do a few other mindless chores, too. I need to get back into some kind of normal routine.”
I also missed what I had hoped to become my newest routine: waking up naked, wrapped in Dain’s arms, his body hard and ready to greet me good morning.
He wants to give me time.
I knew that.
He loves me.
And I knew that, too.
However, there were certain painful memories from the night before only the feel of Dain’s body inside mine would erase. With the full moon on the rise tonight, my wait would be short.Making new memories would last all night long, and the rest of my life.
His lips touched mine, soft and sweet.
“Sweetheart, we’re gonna get through this.” His fingers sifted lightly through my hair. “I feel that hollow ache inside you. I want to fill it up, if you’ll let me.”
“And I will absolutely let you fill me up every way you can.”
His mouth was on mine again, his tongue slowly sliding against mine like he was savoring my flavor. I moaned, wanted more, needed more. His arms wound around me, one around my waist, the other twisting me to the side to deepen the kiss.
