“There. That shows how you understand. See! That’s what draws me. That’s why, when I saw you through the window, I had to follow you. It wasn’t only your lovely eyes and your curtains of eyelashes and because you are a sort of rose. It is you—you! Whatsoever you said, I should know the meaning of, and what I say you will always understand. It’s as if we answered each other. That’s why I never forgot you. It’s why I waked up so when I saw you at the Duchess’.” He tried to laugh, but did not quite succeed. “Do you know I have never had a moment’s real rest since that night—because I haven’t seen you.”
“I—” faltered Robin, “have wondered and wondered—where you were.”
All the forces of nature drew him a little nearer to her—though the gardener who clumped past them dully at the moment only saw a particularly good-looking young soldier, apparently engaged in agreeable conversation with a pretty girl who was not a nursemaid.
“Did you come here because of that?” he asked with frank anxiety. “Do you come here often and was it just chance? Or did you come because you were wondering?”
“I didn’t exactly know—at first. But I know now. I have not been here since I went to live in Eaton Square,” she gave back to him. Oh! How good and beautiful his asking eyes were! It was as he drew even a little nearer that he saw for the first time the pricked lilac leaves lying on the bench beside her.
“Did you do those?” he said suddenly quite low. “Did you?”
“Yes,” as low and quite sweetly unashamed. “You taught me—when we played together.”
The quick emotion in his flushing face could scarcely be described.
“How lovely—how lovely you are!” he exclaimed, almost under his breath. “I—I don’t know how to say what I feel—about your remembering. You little—little thing!” This last because he somehow strangely saw her five years old again.
It was a boy’s unspoiled, first love making—the charming outburst of young passion untrained by familiar use to phrases. It was like the rising of a Spring freshet and had the same irresistible power.
“May I have them? Will you give them to me with your own little hand?”
The happy glow of her smiling, as she picked them up and laid them, one by one, on his open extended palm, was as the glow of the smiling of young Eve. The dimples playing round her mouth and the quiver of her lashes, as she lifted them to laugh into his eyes, were an actual peril.
“Must I give you the pin too?” she said.
“Yes—everything,” he answered in a sort of helpless joy. “I would carry the wooden bench away with me if I could. But they would stop me at the gate.” They were obliged to treat something a little lightly because everything seemed tensely tremulous.
“Here is the pin,” she said, taking it from under the lapel of her coat. “It is quite a long one.” She looked at it a moment and then ended in a whisper. “I must have known why I was coming here—because, you see, I brought the pin.” And her eyelashes lifted themselves and made their circling shadows again.
“Then I must have the pin. And it will be a talisman. I shall have a little flat case made for the leaves and the sacred pin shall hold it together. When I go into battle it will keep me safe. Bullets and bayonets will glance aside.” He said it, as he laid the treasure away in his purse, and he did not see her face as he spoke of bullets and bayonets.
“I am a Highlander,” he said next and for the moment he looked as if he saw things far away. “In the Highlands we believe more than most people do. Perhaps that’s why I feel as if we two are not quite like other people,—as if we had been something—I don’t know what—to each other from the beginning of time—since the ‘morning stars first sang together.’ I don’t know exactly what that means, or how stars sing—but I like the sound of it. It seems to mean something I mean though I don’t know how to say it.” He was not in the least portentous or solemn, but he was the most strongly feeling and real creature she had ever heard speaking to her and he swept her along with him, as if he had indeed been the Spring freshet and she a leaf. “I believe,” here he began to speak slowly as if he were thinking it out, “that there was something—that meant something—in the way we two were happy together and could not bear to be parted—years ago when we were nothing but children. Do you know that, little chap as I was, I never stopped thinking of you day and night when we were not playing together. I couldn’t!”
“Neither could I stop thinking,” said Robin. “I had dreams about seeing your eyes looking at me. They were blue like clear water in summer. They were always laughing. I always wanted them to look at me! They—they are the same eyes now,” in a little rush of words.
Their blueness was on hers—in the very deeps of their uplifted liquidity.
“God! I’m glad!” his voice was on a hushed note.
There has never been a limner through all the ages who has pictured—at such a moment—two pairs of eyes reaching, melting into, lost in each other in their human search for the longing soul drawing together human things. Hand and brush and colour cannot touch That which Is and Must Be—in its yearning search for the spirit which is its life on earth. Yet a boy and girl were yearning towards it as they sat in mere mortal form on a bench in a London square. And neither of them knew more than that they wondered at and adored the beauty in each other’s eyes.
“I didn’t know what a little chap I was,” he said next. “I’d had a splendid life for a youngster and I was big for my age and ramping with health and strength and happiness. You seemed almost a baby to me, but—it was the way you looked at me, I think—I wanted to talk to you, and please you and make you laugh. You had a red little mouth with deep dimples that came and went near the corners. I liked to see them twinkle.”
“You told me,” she laughed, remembering. “You put the point of your finger in them. But you didn’t hurt me,” in quick lovely reassuring. “You were not a rough little boy.”
“I wouldn’t have hurt you for worlds. I didn’t even know I was cheeky. The dimples were so deep that it seemed quite natural to poke at them—like a sort of game.”
“We laughed and laughed. It was a sort of game. I sat quite still and let you make little darts at them,” Robin assisted him. “We laughed like small crazy things. We almost had child hysterics.”
The dimples showed themselves now and he held himself in leash.
“You did everything I wanted you to do,” he said, “and I suppose that made me feel bigger and bigger.”
“I thought you were big. And I had never seen anything so wonderful before. You knew everything in the world and I knew nothing. Don’t you remember,” with hesitation—as if she were almost reluctant to recall the memory of a shadow into the brightness of the moment—“I told you that I had nothing—and nobody?”
All rushed back to him in a warm flow.
“That was it,” he said. “When you said that I felt as if some one had insulted and wronged something of my own. I remember I felt hot and furious. I wanted to give you things and fight for you. I—caught you in my arms and squeezed you.”
“Yes,” Robin answered.
“It was because of—that time when the morning stars first sang together,” he answered smiling, but still as real as before. “It wasn’t a stranger child I wanted to take care of. It was some one I had—belonged to—long—long and long. I’m a Highlander and I know it’s true. And there’s another thing I know,” with a sudden change almost to boyish fierceness, “you are one of the things I’m going to face cannon and bayonets for. If there were nothing else and no one else in England, I should stand on the shore and fight until I dropped dead and the whole Hun mass surged over me before they should reach you.”
“Yes,” whispered Robin, “I know.”
They both realised that the time had come when they must part, and when he lifted again the hand nearest to him, it was with the gesture of one who had reached the moment of farewell.
“It’s our garden,” he said. “It’s the
same garden. Just because there is no time—may I see you here again? I can’t go away without knowing that.”
“I will come,” she answered, “whenever the Duchess does not need me. You see I belong to nobody but myself.”
“I belong to people,” he said, “but I belong to myself too.” He paused a second or so and a strange half puzzled expression settled in his eyes. “It’s only fair that a man who’s looking the end of things straight in the face should have something for himself—to himself. If it’s only a heavenly hour now and then. Before things stop. There’s such a lot of life—and such a lot to live for—forever if one could. And a smash—or a crash—or a thrust—and it’s over! Sometimes I can hardly get hold of it.”
He shook his head as he rose and stood upright, drawing his splendid young body erect.
“It’s only fair,” he said. “A chap’s so strong and—and ready for living. Everything’s surging through one’s mind and body. One can’t go out without having something—of one’s own. You’ll come, won’t you—just because there’s no time? I—I want to keep looking into your eyes.”
“I want you to look into them,” said Robin. “I’ll come.”
He stood still a moment looking at her just as she wanted him to look. Then after a few more words he bent low and kissed her hands and then stood straight again and saluted and went away.
Chapter 4
There was one facet of the great stone of War upon which many strange things were written. They were not the things most discussed or considered. They were results—not causes. But for the stress of mental, spiritual and physical tempest-of-being the colossal background of storm created, many of them might never have happened; but the consequences of their occurrence were to touch close, search deep, and reach far into the unknown picture of the World the great War might leave in fragments which could only be readjusted by centuries of time.
The interested habit of observation of, and reflection on, her kind which knew no indifferences, in the mind of the Duchess of Darte, awakened by stages to the existence of this facet and to the moment of the writings thereupon.
“It would seem almost as if Nature—Fate—had meant to give a new impulse to the race—to rouse human creatures to new moods, to thrust them into places where they see new things. Men and women are being dragged out of their self-absorbed corners and stirred up and shaken. Emotions are being roused in people who haven’t known what a real emotion was. Middle-aged husbands and wives who had sunk into comfortable acceptance of each other and their boys and girls are being dragged out of bed, as it were, and wakened up and made to stand on their feet and face unbelievable possibilities. If you have boys old enough to be soldiers and girls old enough to be victims—your life makes a sort of volte face and everyday, worldly comforts and successes or little failures drop out of your line of sight, and change their values. Mothers are beginning to clutch at their sons; and even self-centred fathers and selfish pretty sisters look at their male relatives with questioning, with a hint of respect or even awe in it. Perhaps the women feel it more than the men. Good-looking, light-minded, love-making George has assumed a new aspect to his mother and to Kathryn. They’re secretly yearning over him. He has assumed a new aspect to me. I yearn over him myself. He has changed—he has suddenly grown up. Boys are doing it on every hand.”
“The youngest youngster vibrates with the shock of cannon firing, even though the sound may not be near enough to be heard,” answered Coombe. “We’re all vibrating unconsciously. We are shuddering consciously at the things we hear and are mad to put a stop to, before they go further.”
“Innocent little villages full of homes torn and trampled under foot and burned!” the Duchess almost cried out. “And worse things than that—worse things! And the whole monstrosity growing more huge and throwing out new and more awful tentacles every day.”
“Every hour. No imagination has yet conceived what it may be.”
“That is why the poor human things are clutching at each other, and finding values and attractions where they did not see them before. Colonel Marion and his wife were here yesterday. He is a stout man over fifty and has a red face and prominent eyes. His wife has been so occupied with herself and her children that she had almost forgotten he existed. She looked at and listened to him as if she were a bride.”
“I have seen changes of that sort myself,” said Coombe. “ He is more alive himself. He has begun to be of importance. And men like him have been killed already—though the young ones go first.”
“The young ones know that, and they clutch the most frantically. That is what I am seeing in young eyes everywhere. Mere instinct makes it so—mere uncontrollable instinct which takes the form of a sort of desperateness at facing the thousand chances of death before they have lived. They don’t know it isn’t actual fear of bullets and shrapnel. Sometimes they’re afraid it’s fear and it makes them sick at themselves and determined to grin and hide it. But it isn’t fear—it’s furious Nature protesting.”
“There are hasty bridals and good-bye marriages being made in all ranks,” Coombe put in. “They are inevitable.”
“God help the young things—those of them who never meet again—and perhaps, also, some of those who do. The nation ought to take care of the children. If there is a nation left, God knows they will be needed,” the Duchess said. “One of my footmen who ‘joined up’ has revealed an unsuspected passion for a housemaid he used to quarrel with, and who seemed to detest him. I have three women in my household who have soldier lovers in haste to marry them. I shall give them my blessing and take care of the wives when they are left behind. One can be served by old men and married women—and one can turn cottages into small orphanages if the worst happens.”
There was a new vigour in her splendid old face and body.
“There is a reason now why I am the Dowager Duchess of Darte,” she went on, “and why I have money and houses and lands. There is a reason why I have lived when it sometimes seemed as if my usefulness was over. There are uses for my money—for my places—for myself. Lately I have found myself saying, as Mordecai said to Esther, ‘Who knowest whether thou art not come to the kingdom for such a time as this.’ A change is taking place in me too. I can do more because there is so much more to do. I can even use my hands better. Look at them.”
She held them out that he might see them—her beautiful old-ivory fingers, so long stiffened by rheumatism. She slowly opened and shut them.
“I can move them more—I have been exercising them and having them rubbed. I want to be able to knit and sew and wait on myself and perhaps on other people. Because I have been a rich, luxurious old woman it has not occurred to me that there were rheumatic old women who were forced to do things because they were poor—the things I never tried to do. I have begun to try.”
She let her hands fall on her lap and sat gazing up at him with a rather strange expression.
“Do you know what I have been doing?” she said. “ I have been praying to God—for a sort of miracle. In their terror people are beginning to ask their Deity for things as they have never done it before. We are most of us like children waking in horror of the black night and shrieking for some one to come—some one—any one! Each creature cries out to his own Deity—the God his own need has made. Most of us are doing it in secret—half ashamed to let it be known. We are abject things. Mothers and fathers are doing it—young lovers and husbands and wives.”
“What miracle are you asking for?”
“For power to do things I have not done for years. I want to walk—to stand—to work. If under the stress of necessity I begin to do all three, my doctors will say that mental exaltation and will power have caused the change. It may be true, but mental exaltation and will power are things of the soul not of the body. Anguish is actually forcing me into a sort of practical belief. I am trying to ‘have faith even as a grain of mustard seed’ so that I may say unto my mountain, ‘Remove hence to yonder place and it shall be remove
d.’”
“‘The things which I do, ye shall do also and even greater things than these shall ye do.’” Coombe repeated the words deliberately. “ I heard an earnest middle-aged dissenter preach a sermon on that text a few days ago.”
“What?”—his old friend leaned forward. “Are you going to hear sermons?”
“I am one of the children, I suppose. Though I do not shriek aloud, probably something shrieks within me. I was passing a small chapel and heard a singular voice. I don’t know exactly why I went into the place, but when I sat down inside I felt the tension of the atmosphere at once. Every one looked anxious or terrified. There were pale faces and stony or wild eyes. It did not seem to be an ordinary service and voices kept breaking out with spasmodic appeals, ‘Almighty God, look down on us!’ ‘Oh, Christ, have mercy!’ ‘Oh, God, save us!’ One woman in black was rocking backwards and forwards and sobbing over and over again, ‘Oh, Jesus! Jesus! Oh, Lord Jesus!’”
“Part of her body and soul was lying done to death in some field—or by some roadside,” said the Duchess. “She could not pray—she could only cry out. I can hear her, ‘Oh, Lord Jesus!’”
Later came the morning when the changed George came to say good-bye. He was wonderfully good-looking in his khaki and seemed taller and more square of jaw. He made a few of the usual young jokes which were intended to make things cheerful and to treat affectionate fears lightly, but his good-natured blue eye held a certain deadly quiet in its depths.
His mother and Kathryn were with him, and it was while they were absorbed in anxious talk with the Duchess that he walked over to where Robin sat and stood before her.
“Will you come into the library and let me say something to you? I don’t want to go away without saying it,” he put it to her.
The library was the adjoining room and Robin rose and went with him without any comment or question. Already the time had come when formalities had dropped away and people did not ask for trivial explanations. The pace of events had become too rapid.
Robin Page 5
